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“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A Jerk
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“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A Jerk

“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A JerkMom Gets Called Out By Her In-Laws For Nursing Her Baby In A 'Family Space,' Ends Up Leaving Their HouseNew Mom Gets Blasted By Her In-Laws For Breastfeeding Her Son In FIL's Presence, Ends Up Leaving Their HouseWoman Leaves Her In-Laws' House After Getting Yelled At For Breastfeeding Her Baby In A 'Family Space'New Mom Storms Out Of Her In-Laws' House After Getting Called Out For Breastfeeding Baby Son In A 'Family Space'“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A Jerk“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A Jerk“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A Jerk
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It just so happens that Christmas is a perfect “supplier” of not only romantic and funny tales, but also various stories in the family drama genre. Of course, this is actually easy to explain, because since Christmas is a family holiday, very often relatives representing different generations, different beliefs and values, and different points of view on even the simplest things gather under the same roof. And where there are differences, there, alas, are always confrontations.

How many stories have we heard when spouses’ parents, believing themselves to be more experienced in the field of raising children, tried to “instruct” the new mom and dad, while actually imposing their own point of view on them? Very often, this does not lead to anything good, and here is another fairly clear example.

This story recently appeared on the AITA Reddit community, and the post, written by user u/aitabffilb, has around 4.4K upvotes and over 1.6K comments as of today. And although we are talking here about a violation of the almost unshakable yet unspoken law “my house – my rules”, most commenters sided with the “violator”. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

More info: Reddit

The author of the post and her husband usually spend time before Christmas with the man’s parents as the in-laws don’t celebrate this holiday

Image credits: faungg’s photos (not the actual image)

So, the author of the original post and her husband usually spend time visiting their parents at the end of the year. They always spend Christmas with the Original Poster’s parents, and before that, they visit her in-laws. The thing is, the OP’s husband’s parents don’t celebrate Christmas out of principle. However, here they certainly have every right to do as they wish.

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Image credits: u/aitabbfilb

As the author gave birth to her son in August, her in-laws started giving her lots of unsolicited advice on parenting

But this year, the situation has become more complicated. Moreover, as the author of the post says, it became so due to the birth of their son in August. The OP claims that her in-laws are people who are not only very principled, but also very pushy with their ideas. We all probably know this type of person – they always say that, for example, when they raised their own children, they were talking and crawling at literally three months old, and if other kids do not, it is only because their parents are doing something wrong.

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Image credits: u/aitabbfilb

Moreover, after the birth of her son, the OP had a small confrontation with her FIL about feeding the baby. The child has had formula occasionally due to supply issues and the new mom tries to be very careful about feeding. As for the father-in-law, he decided – since the child has eaten the formula several times, why not switch to it all the time?

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Image credits: u/aitabbfilb

Before the spouses’ arrival, the in-laws claimed that the new mom may not breastfeed the baby in ‘family spaces’ of their house

In any case, the author of the post defended her right to breastfeed her son, but this time, when they went to visit her in-laws, she was confronted with the fact that in their house she could not breastfeed the child in any ‘family spaces’, because it supposedly would make her husband’s parents ‘uncomfortable’. However, what could she do – the new mom agreed to that, as she just didn’t want the judgment.

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Image credits: Dave Clubb (not the actual photo)

So, when the couple arrived at the in-laws’ house, the new mom again had to endure a flurry of questions, such as why she ‘bothered to breastfeed’ when the baby ‘obviously likes formula’. The OP, of course, was upset by such questions, but, gritting her teeth, she forced herself to calm down. The husband, seeing that his wife was uncomfortable, decided to talk to his parents. However, the worst was yet to come…

Image credits: u/aitabbfilb

One day the new mom decided to breastfeed the hungry baby in the empty living room, and then her FIL came in…

At one point, the child got hungry and burst into tears. The new mom was tired of constantly going upstairs to the bedroom, so she decided to seize the moment – after all, the husband and his mother were smoking outside, and the father-in-law was cleaning up the kitchen. The OP decided that while no one was watching her, she could breastfeed the baby straight in the living room. And at that very moment the homeowner returned to the room…

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Image credits: u/aitabbfilb

The MIL dubbed the author ‘selfish’ and stated that she ‘violated their house rules’

The OP’s FIL literally groaned and asked in a tragic voice what she was doing. Then the mother-in-law came in and yelled at the woman for ‘breaking the house rules’ and doing something that she knew would make other people ‘uncomfortable’. In the heat of the quarrel, the mother-in-law called the OP selfish and even asked – how would she feel if she and her husband started walking around naked?

Image credits:  Barney Moss (not the actual image)

More accusations followed, but the OP didn’t care. She called her mother in tears, leaving her husband to bicker with his own parents. Hearing what happened, the mother offered to immediately buy tickets for her daughter and the baby, yet refused to pay for her husband’s flight, because she decided that he did not protect his wife enough. However, the husband took what happened with understanding, and did not throw an extra fit.

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The author and the baby flew to her parents seeking support, yet her own dad told her that she was wrong in that case

If you think this is the end of the plot, then you are definitely wrong. It turns out that our heroine did not find complete understanding even among her own parents, and while her mother completely took her side, her father said that since she was told the rules of conduct in other people’s house, she was obliged to obey them. However, his own wife immediately interrupted the man’s ranting, asking him ‘to quit playing devil’s advocate’. However, the man nevertheless planted a seed of doubt in his daughter’s head…

However, most people in the comments sided with the new mom, labelling her in-laws rude and judgemental people

And yet, the commenters tried to dispel all the OP’s doubts in this situation. According to people in the comments, feeding her baby is way more important than catering to her FIL’s delicate sensibilities. Moreover, some commenters are generally disgusted that the baby’s own grandparents make his mom feel this way. Furthermore, the husband of the OP, according to people in the comments, should be more active in defending his spouse’s rights.

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Yes, on the one hand, some commenters admit, the OP’s in-laws have the right to make their own rules in their own house. But these rules look completely stupid, and the homeowners themselves behaved rudely and look like judgmental people. On the other hand, perhaps the OP should have simply disagreed with these stupid rules in advance – since her husband was understanding enough to take her side in a confrontation with his own parents.

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We do believe that in this situation your point of view can also be useful, so please feel free to express it in the comments. And, as always, if you have ever faced or witnessed any similar case, please tell us your own story and how it all ended for both sides of the confrontation. And we do hope every story will have a happy ending.

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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Got Myself 4 Pandas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never fails to amaze me how people make breastfeeding a baby about themselves - here's the reality, the only peoples comfort that matter is that of the mother and child, no one else is involved and it effects you in zero way. Folk need to grow the f**k up

Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she accepted the rules of the house before she went there, and then decided that she changed her mind and had zero respect for her hosts. What entitled nonsense do we teach people these days? If she didn't like the rules then she didn't have to go - easy peasy.

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Monika
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don't wanna see a breastfeeding boob because it makes you "uncomfortable", don't look. Clearly this FIL was being a creep and staring at OP's chest. Also, breasts are baby food. Nothing sexual. Society has just made them sexual. Edit: Adding on, lots of people try to justify feeling umcomfortable like "Well then how come I'm not allowed to walk around naked? Yall can just not look". Well, breastfeeding is IMPORTANT AND NEEDED FOR THE BABY. I don't know what reason people have to walk around naked.

Exotic Butters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt he's a creepy perv. He's from a different generation where public breastfeeding wasn't done. Bet my dad would feel weird about it and he was a great guy!!

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zak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless she has an unconventional way of nursing her baby (for example: pulling a boob out and spraying milk across the room towards the baby, while yelling "KOBE!"), she's not really an AH. However, she did agree to their rules beforehand, but then didn't adhere to them, so she's SLIGHTLY an AH. But only slightly.

Zohar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your father in-law is uncomfortable seeing his grandchild, being fed, then he can hold off on seeing his grandchild, until his grandchild reaches a stage of feeding that does not bother the grandfather. I think the American Academy of pediatrics recently suggested that children, ideally, should breast-feed until age two. That could be a good time to meet up again.

Helena
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll equate this to the wearing shoes in the house scenario. If I am invited to someone's house (family or not) and they're strictly no-shoes-in-house, I won't go. Their house, their rules. Are these in-laws total stick-up-butt, yes they are. Still their house, their rules. You knew it going in. I come from a giant family where half the women have a boob out at family get together's feeding babies. No one has an issue with it. The other side of the family, however, total pearl clutchers. A baby doesn't give you carte blanche to ignore the known rules of someone else's house that isn't causing physical or psychological harm. Please don't downvote and get me banned. I just think everyone is at fault here, and babies aren't a get-out-of-rules card.

StrangeOne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex's family was like that. It felt so lonely and alienating being holed up in a dark guest room to nurse my daughter. Yes, they actually turned the light off on me when I sat on the bed. Listening to the merry sounds of laughter in the other room, smelling the food while sitting, alone with my baby content just eating for 30 minutes or so. Breastfeeding babies have to be fed longer and more often than formula fed babies. I was told every 2 hours for 45 minutes for the first couple months until she could eat pablum. So, I completely understand where this mom is coming from. In malls and restaurants, even on hot days, I had to make sure me and my baby was covered entirely. I was more covered up than the models in the posters at Garage clothing and overheated a few times. It was that or risk security kicking us out. There should be protection rights in place for breastfeeding mothers just like the disabled have.

KittyGotClaws
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feeding the baby trumps everything else. I'm sick and tired of people making rules and obstacles for nursing mothers. Don't go over to people's houses who make a big deal and try to make you feel bad about feeding your baby. It's harassment. As for FIL trying to force you to bottle feed your child, tell him to mix up the formula and stick it up his a*s.

Kat Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is such a siple solution to this issue: LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE if you think that a tiny human being being fed is such an abnormal and aweful thing to look at. It's really easy - just slightly turn your head and move your eyes in that same direction. Done. NTA and I would never ever set foot into the place of the inlaws again.

PattyK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their house, their rules. You agreed to the rule, but then broke it, broke your word, and violated a boundary. Why should they treat your rules and your boundaries any differently. Do unto others …

Goth Mouse (he/they)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just as bad as the post about someone throwing a fit about seeing tampons, it’s completely natural i dunno whats wrong with people 😩 babies need milk, whether its humans or a mama cat feeding her kittens its just nature and comforts the babies and makes them feel safe

kath morgan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t make people breastfeed somewhere you wouldn’t eat a meal (ie: not in a bathroom for fûcks sake).

Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a "boomer" I kind of understand. for the longest time I was even " go to the bathroom, or NOT in public" Then LOGIC hit me Men are only uncomfortable because they associate a womans breast with sex. Ask FIL if seeing it makes him want to suckle and that is why he is uncomfortable? is he that much of a pervert?. Any discomfort I feel is put there by MALE society... and honestly they can go f themselves. (NOT ALL MEN)

Adrienne DeLoatche
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I'ma get a lot of hate for this but I well...this has to stop somewhere like frfr. Yes the baby needs to eat but they asked you not to breastfeed n family rooms n you should have done that period. It would be different if fil was at your home but he wasn't so yeah YTA people need to respect one another's boundaries regardless if they understand them or not. N on top of it you left n made them feel worse n put your hubby in the middle! Shame on you. You are not a child! I breastfeed too but in public and around people I make sure I bring pumped milk n bottle feed.

Tyke
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Good for you. Not everyone can express... not everyone is you.

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Zenozenobee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I breastfed my kids. If there were a "go breastfeed in the bathroom" rule on one of our relatives house, I would have put a stop here. "Sorry, if I have to miss half of the party hiding in the bathroom, I better miss the whole party and be confortable somewhere else."

Shirley Barry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obviously OP is young and naive as it was pretty clear FIL has issues with breastfeeding as being sexualized more than anything. She agreed to tgw house rules and broke them. Her father is 100 percent correct. To run in tears to her mom GEESH. Ok hormones are still rampant but please get over yourself and grow up. Be respectful. Yes you are feeding your child but if there are people uncomfortable seeing skin use judgement and go to a quiet space. Babies can cry a bit until you settle. Nowhere does it say you have to feed them on the second they start to cry.

El MasChingon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

just place a blanket over yourself problem solved this isn't big deal the baby is hungry, and you fed him BFD I can't stand these type of people

Tam StaR
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. This is why you stay at hotels. Not that the time spent visiting prevents this entire issue, but you need a safe haven at times. AND these people are smokers? I know OP said outside, but still. At this young, they should be visiting you and you can dictate your own house rules. You shouldn't even have to deal with travelling with a baby to see unsupportive in-laws. Also, your husband should always be on your side. 100000%. Especially when it comes to the comfort of his wife and the mother of his child.

Junebugjump!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mistake was taking the baby after hearing the rules. The ILs are a*******. You're new parents but you'll see there are years when folks come to you, not stay with you, mind. Because you're children are children. They'll whine, cry, tantrum, yell, and not mind the ILs. If your in-laws believe that children need spanking or whatever else, they'll consistently be in your face. I'd avoid all of this and them.

mmverdigris43
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she may breastfeed wherever she likes, inlaws notwithstanding. if the utter one sound, leave immediately.

Jennifer Muller
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell them,when they come to visit that clothing is optional. Go naked and watch them run!

Mamma4boys
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My MIL who is now passed told me I was crazy to breastfeed (oldest born in 1999) told me he'd lose his will to live because he wouldn't get enough nourishment. Had no idea how I'd know if he got enough to eat. I breastfeed him in front of her every chance I got! By the way, he's 6'5" and 200 pounds now lol. I think we both did ok.

S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the response that says, since you agreed to a dumb rule and didn't follow it, apologize for breaking their rule. Then never visit again. 'Since we disagree on what is appropriate in regards to my providing nutrition to my child in a reasonable manner, it appears we will not be able to be effectively hosted in your home'

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like I'm the only one with this opinion, so here it goes: 1. Baby shouldn't be near smokers 2. OP might have to reevaluate her relationship with her hubby 3. OP's in laws suck. OP's father is no better That's just my 2 cents

Littlemiss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Breastfeeding a baby, it's not like she took a dump on the floor and used a cushion to wipe. Husband needs to grow up, parents in law need to get a life or they won't be seeing their grandchild.

Tyke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would, with a dead straight expression, ask all the adults why they feel the need to sexualise what is a natural process and what is ultimately a baby feeding. Then just keep repeating it until you get a response. Their dirty minds are not your problem.

Stacey Rae
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is always an option to cover with a baby blanket while feeding. Then the pervy fil won't have to resist from looking at his son's wife's breast

Jane Reid
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depending on the baby and how hot it is, that isn't actually always an option. Some babies won't feed if they are covered. If it is too hot, it can be dangerous. I know this story takes place in winter, and it isn't likely to be too hot, but this idea that you can always cover up isn't true and can be harmful.

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Linda Mermaid
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The entire US is so hung up on boobs. Men can go around with huge moobs (man-boobs) and no shirt, and nobody even blinks. But a woman is feeding her baby, they lose their minds.

Cara G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was in a private residence. Would you eat dinner in the bathroom? Or a dark isolated guest bedroom? Would you like being away from your spouse and family for 30 minutes every 2 hours, alone with your infant, listening to everyone else talk, laugh, and enjoy themselves, smelling the food they are eating, going hungry yourself, all because of a man who is "uncomfortable" with the way his own grandson is being fed? FIL is not being forced to stare at OP's breasts. But this ridiculous "house rule" was designed to force OP to bottle feed her baby according to what her in-laws want.

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Kennedy Kargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think people who are "offended" by breastfeeding are the dumbest people.... sexualizing a woman feeding her child & using her body as it is intended is the most natural thing a person, well a woman can do... so I don't agree with the parents at all. But it's their house. Their rules. Period. They're a******s 100000% but so is OP... if someone came into your house & broke a rule they found to be stupid... that would p**s you off. Doesn't matter what that rule is. It's their house. Their rules. You agreed to their rules verbally by saying "yeah I understand" & then when you actually stepped foot in the house. You agreed to them just by being there. So you have no right to then say "well, no one's around so I'm going to break the rules!" ..... girl. Cmon!? Especially when you know what will happen & you know drama will ensue. Sounds to me like you wanted drama to start & you were ready for a fight. IMO. ESH. A bunch of children. Grow up.

Kennedy Kargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

It's your** house & your** rules. Not their house their rules. Whoops.

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ZeroCapacity
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell ya what you don't come to my house and kick my dog. That is my rule and since it's my house follow it. If I ask you not to nurse in front of me then don't do it. If you do feel the need to do it then feel free to leave. Nursing is a natural thing but that doesn't mean I want to watch it or that I have to bite the bullet in my own home. I didn't have the crotch fruit and I don't have to have anything in my own home ai do not want. So that being said she went when she knew the rules. She broke them and she doesn't get a pass because of a child. Her Mom is an enabler and her Dad is correct. Their house their rules don't like it don't attend.

ginny weasley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is the stupidest analogy. Kicking a dog is malicious and harmful. The FIL is not harmed in anyway seeing a baby eat

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N D
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yeah she's in the wrong. Not using a bottle like a civilized human is totally uncalled for ESPECIALLY when it's not your own house. Most likely she wasn't taught manners so it's really not her fault I guess. Wonder if she showers with the door open too?

Got Myself 4 Pandas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never fails to amaze me how people make breastfeeding a baby about themselves - here's the reality, the only peoples comfort that matter is that of the mother and child, no one else is involved and it effects you in zero way. Folk need to grow the f**k up

Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she accepted the rules of the house before she went there, and then decided that she changed her mind and had zero respect for her hosts. What entitled nonsense do we teach people these days? If she didn't like the rules then she didn't have to go - easy peasy.

Load More Replies...
Monika
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don't wanna see a breastfeeding boob because it makes you "uncomfortable", don't look. Clearly this FIL was being a creep and staring at OP's chest. Also, breasts are baby food. Nothing sexual. Society has just made them sexual. Edit: Adding on, lots of people try to justify feeling umcomfortable like "Well then how come I'm not allowed to walk around naked? Yall can just not look". Well, breastfeeding is IMPORTANT AND NEEDED FOR THE BABY. I don't know what reason people have to walk around naked.

Exotic Butters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt he's a creepy perv. He's from a different generation where public breastfeeding wasn't done. Bet my dad would feel weird about it and he was a great guy!!

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zak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless she has an unconventional way of nursing her baby (for example: pulling a boob out and spraying milk across the room towards the baby, while yelling "KOBE!"), she's not really an AH. However, she did agree to their rules beforehand, but then didn't adhere to them, so she's SLIGHTLY an AH. But only slightly.

Zohar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your father in-law is uncomfortable seeing his grandchild, being fed, then he can hold off on seeing his grandchild, until his grandchild reaches a stage of feeding that does not bother the grandfather. I think the American Academy of pediatrics recently suggested that children, ideally, should breast-feed until age two. That could be a good time to meet up again.

Helena
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll equate this to the wearing shoes in the house scenario. If I am invited to someone's house (family or not) and they're strictly no-shoes-in-house, I won't go. Their house, their rules. Are these in-laws total stick-up-butt, yes they are. Still their house, their rules. You knew it going in. I come from a giant family where half the women have a boob out at family get together's feeding babies. No one has an issue with it. The other side of the family, however, total pearl clutchers. A baby doesn't give you carte blanche to ignore the known rules of someone else's house that isn't causing physical or psychological harm. Please don't downvote and get me banned. I just think everyone is at fault here, and babies aren't a get-out-of-rules card.

StrangeOne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex's family was like that. It felt so lonely and alienating being holed up in a dark guest room to nurse my daughter. Yes, they actually turned the light off on me when I sat on the bed. Listening to the merry sounds of laughter in the other room, smelling the food while sitting, alone with my baby content just eating for 30 minutes or so. Breastfeeding babies have to be fed longer and more often than formula fed babies. I was told every 2 hours for 45 minutes for the first couple months until she could eat pablum. So, I completely understand where this mom is coming from. In malls and restaurants, even on hot days, I had to make sure me and my baby was covered entirely. I was more covered up than the models in the posters at Garage clothing and overheated a few times. It was that or risk security kicking us out. There should be protection rights in place for breastfeeding mothers just like the disabled have.

KittyGotClaws
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feeding the baby trumps everything else. I'm sick and tired of people making rules and obstacles for nursing mothers. Don't go over to people's houses who make a big deal and try to make you feel bad about feeding your baby. It's harassment. As for FIL trying to force you to bottle feed your child, tell him to mix up the formula and stick it up his a*s.

Kat Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is such a siple solution to this issue: LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE if you think that a tiny human being being fed is such an abnormal and aweful thing to look at. It's really easy - just slightly turn your head and move your eyes in that same direction. Done. NTA and I would never ever set foot into the place of the inlaws again.

PattyK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their house, their rules. You agreed to the rule, but then broke it, broke your word, and violated a boundary. Why should they treat your rules and your boundaries any differently. Do unto others …

Goth Mouse (he/they)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just as bad as the post about someone throwing a fit about seeing tampons, it’s completely natural i dunno whats wrong with people 😩 babies need milk, whether its humans or a mama cat feeding her kittens its just nature and comforts the babies and makes them feel safe

kath morgan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t make people breastfeed somewhere you wouldn’t eat a meal (ie: not in a bathroom for fûcks sake).

Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a "boomer" I kind of understand. for the longest time I was even " go to the bathroom, or NOT in public" Then LOGIC hit me Men are only uncomfortable because they associate a womans breast with sex. Ask FIL if seeing it makes him want to suckle and that is why he is uncomfortable? is he that much of a pervert?. Any discomfort I feel is put there by MALE society... and honestly they can go f themselves. (NOT ALL MEN)

Adrienne DeLoatche
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I'ma get a lot of hate for this but I well...this has to stop somewhere like frfr. Yes the baby needs to eat but they asked you not to breastfeed n family rooms n you should have done that period. It would be different if fil was at your home but he wasn't so yeah YTA people need to respect one another's boundaries regardless if they understand them or not. N on top of it you left n made them feel worse n put your hubby in the middle! Shame on you. You are not a child! I breastfeed too but in public and around people I make sure I bring pumped milk n bottle feed.

Tyke
Community Member
1 year ago

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Good for you. Not everyone can express... not everyone is you.

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Zenozenobee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I breastfed my kids. If there were a "go breastfeed in the bathroom" rule on one of our relatives house, I would have put a stop here. "Sorry, if I have to miss half of the party hiding in the bathroom, I better miss the whole party and be confortable somewhere else."

Shirley Barry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obviously OP is young and naive as it was pretty clear FIL has issues with breastfeeding as being sexualized more than anything. She agreed to tgw house rules and broke them. Her father is 100 percent correct. To run in tears to her mom GEESH. Ok hormones are still rampant but please get over yourself and grow up. Be respectful. Yes you are feeding your child but if there are people uncomfortable seeing skin use judgement and go to a quiet space. Babies can cry a bit until you settle. Nowhere does it say you have to feed them on the second they start to cry.

El MasChingon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

just place a blanket over yourself problem solved this isn't big deal the baby is hungry, and you fed him BFD I can't stand these type of people

Tam StaR
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. This is why you stay at hotels. Not that the time spent visiting prevents this entire issue, but you need a safe haven at times. AND these people are smokers? I know OP said outside, but still. At this young, they should be visiting you and you can dictate your own house rules. You shouldn't even have to deal with travelling with a baby to see unsupportive in-laws. Also, your husband should always be on your side. 100000%. Especially when it comes to the comfort of his wife and the mother of his child.

Junebugjump!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mistake was taking the baby after hearing the rules. The ILs are a*******. You're new parents but you'll see there are years when folks come to you, not stay with you, mind. Because you're children are children. They'll whine, cry, tantrum, yell, and not mind the ILs. If your in-laws believe that children need spanking or whatever else, they'll consistently be in your face. I'd avoid all of this and them.

mmverdigris43
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she may breastfeed wherever she likes, inlaws notwithstanding. if the utter one sound, leave immediately.

Jennifer Muller
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell them,when they come to visit that clothing is optional. Go naked and watch them run!

Mamma4boys
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My MIL who is now passed told me I was crazy to breastfeed (oldest born in 1999) told me he'd lose his will to live because he wouldn't get enough nourishment. Had no idea how I'd know if he got enough to eat. I breastfeed him in front of her every chance I got! By the way, he's 6'5" and 200 pounds now lol. I think we both did ok.

S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the response that says, since you agreed to a dumb rule and didn't follow it, apologize for breaking their rule. Then never visit again. 'Since we disagree on what is appropriate in regards to my providing nutrition to my child in a reasonable manner, it appears we will not be able to be effectively hosted in your home'

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like I'm the only one with this opinion, so here it goes: 1. Baby shouldn't be near smokers 2. OP might have to reevaluate her relationship with her hubby 3. OP's in laws suck. OP's father is no better That's just my 2 cents

Littlemiss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Breastfeeding a baby, it's not like she took a dump on the floor and used a cushion to wipe. Husband needs to grow up, parents in law need to get a life or they won't be seeing their grandchild.

Tyke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would, with a dead straight expression, ask all the adults why they feel the need to sexualise what is a natural process and what is ultimately a baby feeding. Then just keep repeating it until you get a response. Their dirty minds are not your problem.

Stacey Rae
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is always an option to cover with a baby blanket while feeding. Then the pervy fil won't have to resist from looking at his son's wife's breast

Jane Reid
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depending on the baby and how hot it is, that isn't actually always an option. Some babies won't feed if they are covered. If it is too hot, it can be dangerous. I know this story takes place in winter, and it isn't likely to be too hot, but this idea that you can always cover up isn't true and can be harmful.

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Linda Mermaid
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The entire US is so hung up on boobs. Men can go around with huge moobs (man-boobs) and no shirt, and nobody even blinks. But a woman is feeding her baby, they lose their minds.

Cara G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was in a private residence. Would you eat dinner in the bathroom? Or a dark isolated guest bedroom? Would you like being away from your spouse and family for 30 minutes every 2 hours, alone with your infant, listening to everyone else talk, laugh, and enjoy themselves, smelling the food they are eating, going hungry yourself, all because of a man who is "uncomfortable" with the way his own grandson is being fed? FIL is not being forced to stare at OP's breasts. But this ridiculous "house rule" was designed to force OP to bottle feed her baby according to what her in-laws want.

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Kennedy Kargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think people who are "offended" by breastfeeding are the dumbest people.... sexualizing a woman feeding her child & using her body as it is intended is the most natural thing a person, well a woman can do... so I don't agree with the parents at all. But it's their house. Their rules. Period. They're a******s 100000% but so is OP... if someone came into your house & broke a rule they found to be stupid... that would p**s you off. Doesn't matter what that rule is. It's their house. Their rules. You agreed to their rules verbally by saying "yeah I understand" & then when you actually stepped foot in the house. You agreed to them just by being there. So you have no right to then say "well, no one's around so I'm going to break the rules!" ..... girl. Cmon!? Especially when you know what will happen & you know drama will ensue. Sounds to me like you wanted drama to start & you were ready for a fight. IMO. ESH. A bunch of children. Grow up.

Kennedy Kargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago

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It's your** house & your** rules. Not their house their rules. Whoops.

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ZeroCapacity
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell ya what you don't come to my house and kick my dog. That is my rule and since it's my house follow it. If I ask you not to nurse in front of me then don't do it. If you do feel the need to do it then feel free to leave. Nursing is a natural thing but that doesn't mean I want to watch it or that I have to bite the bullet in my own home. I didn't have the crotch fruit and I don't have to have anything in my own home ai do not want. So that being said she went when she knew the rules. She broke them and she doesn't get a pass because of a child. Her Mom is an enabler and her Dad is correct. Their house their rules don't like it don't attend.

ginny weasley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is the stupidest analogy. Kicking a dog is malicious and harmful. The FIL is not harmed in anyway seeing a baby eat

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N D
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yeah she's in the wrong. Not using a bottle like a civilized human is totally uncalled for ESPECIALLY when it's not your own house. Most likely she wasn't taught manners so it's really not her fault I guess. Wonder if she showers with the door open too?

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