You can't control how you react in a state of panic.

Once you lose respect for someone, it's difficult to get it back. You may find yourself resenting her in the future. Sit down and speak with her about it, in an open way, explain how it made you feel and why. Ask her why she reacted the way she did. Perhaps there is a past trauma, that caused such a reaction. Try counselling. If all else fails, call it quits. Hopefully you can both find better matching partners.

You know on some other threads the word c u n t is sometimes used in a friendly way, but sometimes is the strongest swearword imaginable? This is one of those latter occasions.

Man, people are hilarious. Everyone's all, "I would be calm and rational and wouldn't panic because I'm such a better person." Get the f**k out of there with that. The truth is, you have no idea how you'd react. Just because you've been calm in other situations, doesn't mean you'd be calm in this one. This girl had a HUMAN response. She was woken from a dead sleep and told she was in a fire. So, not only is she in danger but she's probably not fully coherent. You know what, most people are going to panic in some way. I'd argue that OP and his sister are the idiots. I was always taught you get out ASAP. You don't take time to get towels and try to contain the fire. Anyway, anyone criticizing this woman for being human is a git.

I know people all react differently in times of emergency (even when trained for it), but I'd be reconsidering my future with this person too. I would make her go to first aid classes and other emergency preparation courses with me as a regular (every couple years when the certificate expires) thing at the very least.

I'm surprised at how so many people are harsh with the guy. I'm a woman, I have good / constructive stress response and I do also get upset at people making themselves useless in a crisis situation. Maybe we're too sheltered these days and don't get to practice enough. It's not just that the fiancee didn't help, it's also that she might have died if on her own. As a partner or friend, I might have just rolled my eyes at her, but as a parent, I get cold sweat. My daughter (and sons) need to be able to face stressful situations and immediate danger if only to save themselves! Maybe it's something you learn. In any case, it would be a strong cause for concerns too. I wouldn't break up for that reason alone but I would want to work on it with her because indeed, what happens when there's a situation like this again?

It wasn't pretty the way she reacted, but this is just how some people react to danger. Loads of people do the same. Maybe doing an escape plan with her would be the next step. Or just break up, it's really pathetic that he lost respect for her for fearing for her life.

I usually am the one who's calm and collected in case of emergency. However, my kid accidentally cut herself recently and I just froze. Couldn't even do the most basic thing like stop the bleeding. I went total idiot. There's a great movie about a guy who leaves his family behind when an avalanche hits: "Force Majeure". Sometimes people panic, sometimes the same people are awesome. You never know what you're gonna do, so don't judge too fast.

Dude I'm totally fine but an emergency would trip me out.

@dameglitterelephant is awesome!

As a 4 year military veteran and 14 year first responder, I can honestly tell OP that he is the jerk. Step 1 is to get everyone to safety before worrying about trying to be a hero, and that includes yourself. Your job in a panic situation is not to fight the fire first, but to make sure that everyone is safely out of the situation.

Now imagine if they had children and she behaved this way in an emergency. Kids would not be safe with her. Instead of calling for an ambulance, she'd be running around screaming. NTA

He wakes up and yells for his fiancee and sister to wake up and tells them We Need to Get Out. He then starts with His sister "trying to contain the fire as we were trying to figure out how to escape." So the fire was BAD enough for them to have to try work out How to get out!! "She started crying and screaming that we were going to die and that we were trapped." Gods, I wonder what gave her That idea that you were Trapped and had no obvious way of the Fire which for that statement, has to be extremely bad. "she was just panicking too much and she was just not acting rationally." Well yeah mate, she's trapped in a fire with two f*****g Morons. "My sister pulled her to safety and called 911. Once I got the fire under control enough to safely leave, I joined them outside." Because he wasn't Capable of getting her out?? And he being a Complete Prick and going against Everything the fire brigade tell you Not to do, thought he could handle it. Man, you could have killed your fiancee!!!

so... let me get this straight: a fire happens in the middle of the night, the 3 of you get woken up, and you now think your fiancee was the only one in the wrong because she panicked? you and your sister did everything wrong from the start, with the exception of your sister putting a wet towel over her face and getting your fiancee out. of course your fiancee is going to freak, when instead of doing the right thing by calling 911 while getting the hell out, you instead STAY, don't call 911, and try and fight a fire first. yes, that IS how people get trapped and die, doing stupid things. your sister then returns? no, you and your sister are the idiots that should have no respect. by your actions you could have made things far worse for the firefighters. idiots...

Our son choked on food two times and my husband froze while I was able to do the Heimlich both times. I don’t look down on my husband at all. He’s reacted differently in other emergency situations, and I know that sometimes people panic and lose all focus. That it’s something that can’t be controlled. I’m usually able to hyperfocus during an emergency but there could come a time I freeze. Fear is a hell of mental state to deal with.

My husband was usually around when one of our toddlers got seriously injured, so I tended to panic slightly. Except when alone with my 6 month old son and he found a penny to choke on. I immediately tipped him over and whacked his back forcing that penny to fly out of his mouth. I can not stand to see someone bleeding! Physically I become extremely squeamish, I also feel faint and it hurts. My daughter sliced her foot opened, she wanted me with her while getting stitches. Then I went to call her father and passed out in the reception area!

What would she do in a crisis if you had children together and you weren't there? They're are ways to learn how to manage in emergent situations.

I wouldn't spend my life with someone who can't delay the fall apart reaction of a panic attack until it's safe. If you've don't that little work on yourself, if you've never taught yourself to deal with stress safely and kindly (no punching walls or hurling abuse), you aren't really ready for being in a relationship, let alone things like driving a car or caring for children.

YTA, and your sister is a C**t.

YTA, big time. Did it ever occur to you that this might be something she's been through, and it triggered something? Or maybe she needs a plan so she knows what to do? Have you made a survival plan? Car accident, fire, choking, a break in, etc etc.? What have YOU done to plan for emergencies so there's no panic? Nothing? But you want to throw a good person away because she didn't know what to do? Why don't you try helping her? Or are you lying when you say you love her?

Dude, you are a complete, total, utter a*****e. The biggest a*****e I've heard of in a very long time. Some people panic in an emergency. They can't control it and they don't do it on purpose. That's why in many countries there are frequent emergency drills for "expected" disasters, so that people learn what to do automatically and don't have to stop and think... because PEOPLE PANIC and don't think. Some people may even be dealing with the trauma of previous catastrophes, where they they were injured or lost their loved ones. AND THEY F*****G PANIC. Your fiancée obviously needs to learn to deal with emergencies, but I do think you must break up. Now. She needs a person that helps her deal with whatever may happen, not an a*****e like you who would dump her because she doesn't fulfill your expectations. You are looking for an excuse to dump her, really. You don't care about her in the least. You are a pathetic human being.

It sounds like she might have an actual fire phobia as well.

OP should definitely marry his sister. But it's not about the fiancee being bad in a crisis. It's about her actively making the situation WORSE. You don't know how you'll react until you're in the situation, and freezing, fauning, fleeing is all good but FIGHTING the people trying to save you and sabotaging them isn't. And yes, that's what she did by yelling "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE" while other people were dealing with the situation. She couldn't even get herself out. I'd be disappointed too.

We haven't all faced fire, but we've all been in dangerous situations. This girl didn't need a moment to pull herself together, she just gave up and didn't help the group survive. Not the kind of person I would trust.

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What an a*s. And the way he mentioned what if we had kids. I would absolutely panic and freeze if it were just me. But believe if my kids were in a house fire, nothing would come between me and getting them out.

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If you want kids, definitely break up. If you don't, it's up to you if you want someone who has conditioned herself to behave this way. Reacting in an emergency is much less about any innate bravery/determination, and almost completely what you've trained yourself to do. Every time you face an urgent situation, even a small one, you reinforce the reaction. She's been building this for years. I wouldn't want someone like that to raise children, because not only are there definitely going to be urgent situations with kids, but also if they cue off her, they will be the same, Una le to take care of themselves and others. Reacting to emergencies is just down to whatever you've trained yourself to do over the years. She's trained herself to scream and take no responsibility for her situation. It's very telling.