Join the Fun!

#2

We’ll Keep Ye Plump As A Partridge

Final score:

711points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

My metabolism is confused about the weather. It is convinced that winter is coming, and I must be prepared with internal fuel.

224points

As soon as we put originality and language in the same equation, I can't help but think about the infinite monkey theorem. It states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost certainly type any given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.

In fact, we can make it even more extreme: the monkey would almost surely type every possible finite text an infinite number of times. But the probability that monkeys filling the entire observable universe would type a single complete work, such as Shakespeare's Hamlet, is so tiny that the chance of it occurring during a period of time hundreds of thousands of orders of magnitude longer than the age of the universe is extremely low. Technically, however, it is not zero.

#3

Griefcase

Final score:

705points

POST

Virgil Blue 3 years ago

I wil start using this

146points

#4

I Do Not Vibe With This Soil

Final score:

689points

POST

Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago

I planted seeds in a flower bed... They did not grow, except I the alley.

130points

#5

Soak It In Olive Oil

Final score:

681points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

Sad thing is that they will never get to the olive oil part.

31points

r/BrandNewSentence has a lot of sentences that strike the perfect balance between poetry and logic. In other words, they're vivid and they make sense. They're memorable. Like a good slogan. Or a song chorus that gets stuck in your head. But personally, I think the best brand new sentence came even before the Internet.

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn." The story goes that this particular quote is a testament to Ernest Hemingway's extraordinary talent. Allegedly, these six words were a result of a $10 bet among Hemingway and several writers at a lunch spiced with wordplay

#6

He’s My Biological Dog

Final score:

635points

POST

denzoren 3 years ago

I'm gonna use this with my cat. Lol

131points

#7

Brad And His Cloud Of Lies

Final score:

634points

POST

IFXO 3 years ago

Brad! I is disappointed in you...

114points

#8

Marked Slices Of Tree

Final score:

629points

POST

I want cake 3 years ago

I definitely don't 'hallucinate' when I read. I love reading but have little to no visual imagination. I just love language and the associations the right combination of words can create, and when I read, I'm super focused on the use of language and the cadence of the writing. I will on occasion reread a section multiple times just because it was written so ridiculously well it makes me giddy.

99points

People say Hemingway asked each of his colleagues to place a $10 wager, and in return, he would match it. His task was to create this shortest of stories.

The only problem is, Hemingway may have never written it. Or if he did, the story wasn't entirely his invention. Similar "ads" have been recorded years earlier. But no matter who came up with it, I believe this piece of flash fiction would get a lot of upvotes on r/BrandNewSentence.

#9

No No, He's Got A Point

Final score:

627points

POST

Friday 3 years ago

Sex offenders should never be released.

304points

#10

Is America The Rest Of The World's Florida?

Final score:

620points

POST

Satirical Duchess 3 years ago

yes

396points

#11

Lesbians To The Rescue

Final score:

616points

POST

K Witmer 3 years ago

Lesbians to the rescue. I'd watch that show

285points

#12

We Drove Out The Lubrication

Final score:

591points

POST

Apachebathmat 3 years ago

For some, it’s the same thing

193points

#13

How Else Would You Name Dinosaurs?

Final score:

584points

POST

KJ 3 years ago

Bitey McBiteface.

363points

#14

Happens To The Best Of Us

Final score:

567points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

they get cold feet

508points

#15

Illegal Underground Grandma Karaoke Bars

Final score:

563points

POST

Johnny Rodriguez 3 years ago

Sing Easy..

103points

#16

“I Was So Insulted I Woke Up”

Final score:

555points

POST

qwerty 3 years ago

Why...why can I relate?

116points

#17

Those Are The Holes Poked In The Container So We Can Breathe

Final score:

545points

POST

Friday 3 years ago

Whoa

154points

#18

A Brain The Size Of A Chocolate Chip

Final score:

536points

POST

A B C 3 years ago

At what point in time this self-deprecation has become mainstream in the internet, and why?

41points

#19

Spare Me The Itch Juice, Thank You

Final score:

536points

POST

Gandalf the Pink 3 years ago

The itch juice is their saliva 💦💦 your body's immune system reacts to it with histamine making the area itch. They actually need to spit in the hole they made because their saliva works as an anticoagulant, meaning that your blood doesn't immediately clot and repair the hole, so they can drink until they're full.

192points

#20

The Future Is Meaningless But The Pasta Is Now

Final score:

517points

POST

Alex the awful German 3 years ago

I hate to be the "smartass": But this is how our mind actually works. It is really interesting, and there is scientific proof. Some of you might have read "the chimp paradox" by Prof. Steve Peters. There you will find the details about it.

23points

#21

“Festering...”

Final score:

512points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

yep that's republicans

103points

Carmen Sandiego 3 years ago

No, that's insulting to weasels.

19points

Beth Porter 3 years ago

How many times can I like this?

1point

Tim Hancock 3 years ago

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righttoopinion 3 years ago

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Elizabeth Tunney 3 years ago

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J. F. 3 years ago

I remember when politics where about what's best for the country, and not just a s*** throwing competition. Goes for every party

20points

LazyPanda 3 years ago

When? I recently read an article on America's first parties and they were still throwing the poos. Just didn't have social media to blow it up so fast and plummet the IQ so easily. But I suppose maybe politicians were still more poised and less shameless than these, even if the tactics aren't new

11points

John Baker 3 years ago

Mud slinging has been part of politics American style for as long as I can remember, and I'll be 69 in December.

4points

Logic and Reason 3 years ago

Yes yes we get it, you’re an enlightened centrist. Want a medal?

-1point

Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago

J. F., this is the balanced reasoning I'd love to see come back.. Thank's for expressing it so well!

-3points

SumGai1986 3 years ago

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Sharon Ingram 3 years ago

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Truth Monster 3 years ago

treason weasels lol

18points

Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago

So do I. Believe it or not, both Nixon and Reagan would be considered liberals today. Hitler and Stalin, on the other hand, would be welcomed as bros.

17points

Louloubelle 3 years ago

Yeah, I'm not sure about Reagan there. He was the one that got us into the whole trickle down economics debacle.

18points

Helen Haley 3 years ago

This is fantastic turn of phrase

16points

Marcia Cash 3 years ago

Back in the 60's, Republicans and Democrats switched names when Kennedy stood up for civil rights. I was there. It was scary.

11points

Sharon Ingram 3 years ago

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Bill 3 years ago

This one is unfortunately true. I changed my party to unaffiliated when I registered my truck last week. What has the party of Abe, Ike Teddy and Ronald turned into?

9points

Full Name 3 years ago

Ronald was pushing trickle down economics, the war on drugs, gay marriage was illegal, he fired the air traffic controllers on masse because of the strike, and they were censoring everything and talking about "the moral majority". So you'd rather have that than any Republican now?

5points

_𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕔𝕠_𝕝𝕠𝕔𝕠_ 3 years ago

Festering fucktangle of seditious democracy-hating treason-weasles ❤

7points

Debra Robinson 3 years ago

Reminds me of this, found on iFunny... 3b3b90e148...72b491.jpg

5points

Hannah M 3 years ago

I'm so old I can remember when tolerance meant accepting people despite their different opinions instead of demonising, dehumanising, intentionally misrepresenting, and coming up with strings of insults for them.

5points

John Baker 3 years ago

I've never been tolerant enough to accept traitors who try to overthrow my legally elected government. Sorry.

15points

Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago

Are you talking about Donald Trump? Friend to Putin who incited the attack on the capital? Who lied every day? Denied Covid? Refused to come up with a vaccination plan even though he himself had it? Locked up children in cages? And that's just the tip of the iceberg! There's name calling and then there's this guy and the lackeys who put him in power.

11points

Elaine Mattingly 3 years ago

Amen. Thank you Hanna M.

-1point

Jenny Pugh 3 years ago

Same for the UK Conservatives.

5points

John Baker 3 years ago

Conservatives in general are a waste of space and oxygen.

5points

Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago

F**cktangle. Beautiful.

4points

Glynna Bowood 3 years ago

Treason weasels!!

3points

Randy Klefbeck 3 years ago

And think that their ideology is somehow superior too. That is what is really scary.

2points

Karen Lyon 3 years ago

I am that old too, and it describes the McConnell/Nunez/Cruz, et. al. contingent perfectly. Particularly the f***tangle thing.

2points

Nothanks L. Walk 3 years ago

My latin's not what it was, I fear... How many sides does a fucktangle have again?

2points

Vicki Perizzolo 3 years ago

that was before they all became brain-washed cultists following the American Hitler -in-Orange...

2points

Katherine Boag 3 years ago

Fuctangle tho

2points

okpkpkp 3 years ago

Oh, you mean like Barry Goldwater and Pat Buchannan?

1point

Lynn Morello 3 years ago

that's one way of looking at it. I can't get over that Americans will look on a once friend who votes for a different party as an enemy.

1point

Lantana Howell 3 years ago

What a beautiful description!

1point

Mark Morey 3 years ago

UH huh

1point

Sad Panda 3 years ago

I love every word in this sentence.

1point

Suzanne Haigh 3 years ago

Politian's over the last 20 - 30 years have changed form doing their job to letting everyone know how god they are (untrue) and posing, which ever country you live in

1point

Elaine Mattingly 3 years ago

Politics , a word thet seems to convince people to behave like degenerates.

1point

CharChar Binx 3 years ago (edited)

I watched my family go from basically reasonable and open minded people with conservative views on economics to Trump supporters who despise liberals and act as if they are evil. It’s so disheartening. They still wore their masks though and got vaccinated thank god.

1point

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

I realized I am old, thanks to this. Off to apply for my AARP card.

1point

Laurie 3 years ago

The Trumpy's are Not Republicans.

1point

John Baker 3 years ago

And no true Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge.

0points

Mazer 3 years ago

I believe a Hallmark card apologizing to the mustelid family is in order

1point

Julie C Rose 3 years ago

I didn’t even know what “seditious” meant until they started that bullshit.

1point

Full Name 3 years ago

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Margaret Weaver 1 year ago

How many seditions does a fucktangle have, anyway? I've been trying to draw one but the vertices don't meet up.

0points

Jill Bussey 3 years ago

That's ALL politicians. In EVERY country. Throughout history. Am I a cynic? No, a realist.

0points

Sue Knerl 3 years ago

Treason Weasels , Love it.

0points

Kirk Mckeever 3 years ago

Check out the Republican Party Platform for the '50's Presidential elections.....very reasonable, and thoughtful---Ike would be kicking SOOoooo many asses today......Eisenhower was possibly the best President ever.....

0points

Sharon Heim 3 years ago (edited)

Yes, I agree whole-heartedly!

0points

Paul Quigley 3 years ago

If that’s what you think then you might be the hating treason weasels!!

0points

Joyce Deering 3 years ago

Yup. I agree.

0points

Mike Weber 3 years ago

🙄

0points

Susan Williams 3 years ago

Led by the worst excuse for a human being, ever.

0points

TheBoredPanda 3 years ago

fu*ktangle. My new favorite word.

0points

Judith Agogliati 3 years ago

Festering f**ktangle ! Love it!

0points

EJN 3 years ago

Spot on!

0points

Mónica Elisabeth Sacco 3 years ago

So to Say...

0points

Cory Kent 3 years ago

That's a prejudice view if I ever seen one.

0points

Mickie Shea 3 years ago

Yea! me too. Now, they are an infestation.

0points

Susan Mercurio 3 years ago

Totally convinced that their version of the sky-king is the best one

0points

Billy Maguire 3 years ago

GREAT thinking, considering that's how Hillary lost 2016 and got us in this mess in the first place.

0points

Sarah Grape 3 years ago

.....wouldn't this time have been back when lincoln invented the group?

0points

Erick Blood 3 years ago

I do too. That was when I was one. Not anymore.

0points

Vermillion Ace #443 3 years ago

👍 Sums up things nicely.

0points

Christopher Royce 3 years ago

This should be a bumper sticker

0points

Louloubelle 3 years ago

This is lovely. I wish I had the mental capacity to remember it.

0points

Thomas Ewing 3 years ago

Sounds like demoncrats to me!

-1point

John Baker 3 years ago

Sounds like you're a typical conservative whose emotional and intellectual development stopped somewhere around second or third grade.

1point

Ruth Beaty 3 years ago

You could say the same about Democrats, frankly.

-1point

John Baker 2 years ago

You could say it, yes, but like everything else that comes out of a Republican's mouth, it would be a lie.

0points

Cassia Winters 3 years ago

Not all republicans are like that. Just Trump supporters. Trump sets a terrible example for republicans

-1point

John Baker 3 years ago

If the behavior of our Republican Congress critters is any indication, it would appear that 95% of Republicans are Trump supporters.

1point

Easily Excitable Panda 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-1point

Fritz Baumeister 3 years ago

Sadly, the converse is also true.

-2points

CCTheVampire 3 years ago

Democrats*

-2points

Tim Hancock 3 years ago

Wow Jeff , this sounds like a modern day liberal socialist Democrat.

-2points

bill marsano 3 years ago

I'm so old I remember when mainstram democrats were basically reason able people with differing views view on economics and not a festering tangle of tanx-and-spendthrift democracy-haters with a strong streak of fascism.

-2points

Berry Muhl 3 years ago

It ain't a democracy. It's a republic. So...democrats are intrinsically wrong, and Republicans intrinsically right. :)

-3points

John Baker 3 years ago

Republicans haven't been right since Eisenhower.

1point

Tim Hancock 3 years ago

Wow Jeff, a good description of today's liberal socialist Democrats.

-3points

John Baker 3 years ago

Perhaps on Bizarro World. On Earth, it's definitely Republicans.

1point

Mary Hilton 3 years ago

But Democrats endorse human trafficking, so I guess they're okay...?

-3points

John Baker 3 years ago

Is being a lying sack of s**t and a deluded moron a prerequisite for being a Republican? Certainly seems that way.

2points

Nachman Braunfeld 3 years ago

both partys suck...😊 okay? ik whoever owns this site is a Democrat but both partys are hypocrites fyi

-3points

Anita Pickle 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago

I remember when Republicans didn't constantly accuse Democrats of their own sins. If Democrats are "full of hate", it's only in response to the hate we receive.

4points

Tumo Nakadashi 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago

No, he isn't a Republican.

1point

Tumo Nakadashi 3 years ago

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Tres D 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago

Psychologists have a word for this: projection.

5points

Debra Robinson 3 years ago (edited)

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Marie Stanford 3 years ago

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Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago

You damn right!!!! And PROUD of it!!!!!

4points

Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago (edited)

I have never agreed with Republicans, but I never hated them until Fox "News" and right-wing hate radio turned them into rabid, spittle-spewing, hate-filled howler monkeys incapable of thinking or believing anything other than the bullshit and propaganda they're spoon fed by the likes of Donald Trump, Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson. As for the Democrats, their biggest fault is lacking the balls to stand up and tell the Republicans to go f**k themselves.

6points

Cyndi Gilson-Paciullo 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago

A more classic case of projection would be hard to find.

10points

Sharon Ingram 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago

Republicans also believe Obama is a Muslim, Hillary Clinton eats babies and Bill Gates is microchipping Covid vaccines. Did you have a point, other than the one under your hat?

13points

Logic and Reason 3 years ago (edited)

That’s a lot of words when “I am a dumbass” would have done just fine.

6points

K.J. Heidebrecht 3 years ago

I think you mean the seditious Trumpists. Republicans sans common sense. (And who was it who staged and lit the fuse of the insurrection on 1/6/21?

5points

Nevits Yibble 3 years ago (edited)

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John Baker 3 years ago

Bothsiderism at its most insipid. I have some news for you. Today's Republicans *are* pure evil.

5points

Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago

Sir, do the world a favor and jump into a lake

3points

Nikole 3 years ago

Greatly disagree. Republicans changed after the Tea Party got involved. They were never great, but it's been all downhill from there.

3points

Stephanie Keith 3 years ago

I agree but there are still way more level headed democrats than republicans. Both sides are all about themselves and making sure they live large and have what they need. While we foot the bill for all of them and aren't even allowed to have the same lifestyle. Or even basic needs met. It's a s*h*i*t show that both sides run.

2points

Logic and Reason 3 years ago

Yet another enlightened centrist. Shut it with your false equivalencies.

0points

Holes2Heaven 3 years ago

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Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago

People like you are the downfall, sweetie

5points

Holes2Heaven 3 years ago

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Andy Acceber 3 years ago

You know democracies is a style of government, right? If you live in the U.S., you live in a democracy. Google it.

5points

Don Quixote 3 years ago

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John Baker 3 years ago

Yeah, Republicans did too. Lincoln only freed the slaves because he saw it as a necessity. In his own words: "If I could have preserved the Union without freeing a single slave, I would have done so."

8points

Jarrod Nichols 3 years ago

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Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago

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Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago

Same goes for you, sweetie❤❤

5points

Melvin Dragvelk 3 years ago

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Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago

Yeah...you...

5points

Zillyboy 3 years ago

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Lillukka79 3 years ago

When the different idea is treson, the name is accurate.

19points

Full Name 3 years ago

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Christopher Walkies 3 years ago

Logic & Reason? Great. Explain Trump.

10points

Full Name 3 years ago

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Essex Eagle 3 years ago

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bryguy 3 years ago

"How To Spot The Embittered Republican"

24points

Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago

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#22

I Am Chorizo

Final score:

512points

POST

witchling 3 years ago

I actually choked on my own spit laughing at this one.

211points

#23

Be The Inexplicable Phenomena You Wish To See In The World

Final score:

503points

POST

Orillion 3 years ago

Oh. I'll have to remember that one.

84points

#24

Floppy Discs

Final score:

495points

POST

Auntriarch 3 years ago

Never mind the computers, how about the printers that were so noisy they had their own room. Bit like my brother really

209points

#25

World Changer

Final score:

491points

POST

A B C 3 years ago

It's kinda the same with car rides, except for the windows.

87points

#26

“Gays Are Using Windmills To Waft Homosexual Mists Into Your Home”

Final score:

488points

POST

River Webb 3 years ago

ugh, Dave the snitch

174points

#27

Crotch Fruit Employees

Final score:

486points

POST

bryguy 3 years ago

y'all gots some kids y'all can use to gets y'all some stuffs whens y'alls wants some stuffs?!?!?! ...like really. I can't stand reading that s**t.

13points

#28

Have We Checked All Food To See If Exploding Them Makes Them Into Something Better, Or Did We Just Stop With Corn?

Final score:

483points

POST

I I 3 years ago

no ive blown many types of bean up in the microwave by accident , if you're after a big mess go with beans

130points

#29

“Are Millennials Killing The Serial Killer Industry?”

Final score:

469points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

Yes, yes they are.

107points

#30

Stay Fresh Cheese Bags!

Final score:

464points

POST

Mark Stewart 3 years ago

It's the new "smell ya later".

114points

#31

Classic Jesus Or Republican Jesus?

Final score:

453points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

See also: Normal Feminism or Circe wearing Groucho Glasses?

84points

#32

Expensive Potato That Barks At The Wind

Final score:

440points

POST

River Webb 3 years ago

but its a cute potato

150points

#33

Cotton Eye Joe Has Been Terminated

Final score:

437points

POST

Mazer 3 years ago (edited)

Awww, spidey boi be the best room mates. Gets rid of bugs and adorns the place with lacey goodness

12points

#34

Two Mini Hellpanthers

Final score:

431points

POST

Cath Homer 3 years ago

They suck you in, those furry wee bastards. Masters of manipulation.

173points

#35

The Eyebrow Spectrum

Final score:

431points

POST

River Webb 3 years ago

how are your eyebrows?

145points

#36

Smoked Myself Back To Segregation

Final score:

426points

POST

Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)

Thought you had some powerful, time machine weed. Oh, would that there was such magic in the world. But I dream.

73points

#37

Julius In The Coolius

Final score:

418points

POST

Dhukath 3 years ago

Nero under zero!

355points

#38

You Are One Of My Sims

Final score:

405points

POST

Johnny Rodriguez 3 years ago

DON'T USE THE POOL!!

130points

#39

Wiggles Concert

Final score:

390points

POST

elStiJneriNO 3 years ago (edited)

why not take your progeny to italy? they only like spaghetti anyway

92points

#40

Whatever Works

Final score:

381points

POST

River Webb 3 years ago

isn't that the way to eat steak?

103points

#41

Funniest Sh*t I've Seen All Week

Final score:

377points

POST

Bill 3 years ago

This Generation's Robber Barrons

52points

#42

Anon Knows The English Language

Final score:

346points

POST

troufaki13 3 years ago

There's definitely a chance..

95points

#43

Cyberbullied And Entire Studio

Final score:

341points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

Seriously, what where they thinking before?

119points

#44

LEGO Ass Of A Fictional Bipedal Animal

Final score:

332points

POST

River Webb 3 years ago

on the other hand, Chewbacca is thicc

142points

#45

Cool Sport Rush

Final score:

329points

POST

Bobert Robertson 3 years ago

Reminds me of the lady from a few months ago that didn't want to smell like lavender, and instead wanted to smell like Eagle Claw Mountain or something

151points

#46

One Nice Way To Feel Better About Yourself Is To Imagine What Steve Irwin Would Say About You If You Were A Little Snake He Found In The Desert

Final score:

318points

POST

Friday 3 years ago

Crikey! Have a look at this little ripper, isn’t she a beaut?! You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it’ll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it’s not even funny. Give her plenty of space and she’ll be right.

258points

#47

Dress For The Jockey You Want, Not The Jockey You Have

Final score:

313points

POST

Alex the awful German 3 years ago

I have the vision of an old fashioned british cottage, where there is a house with a polished brass sign saying "HORSE TAYLOR"

52points

#48

Life Pro Tip

Final score:

309points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

PFWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PFWHEEEEEEEE PFWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PFWHEEEEEEEEEEEEE PFWHEEEEEE PFWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PFWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

187points

#49

Life Is A Tornado And I’m Just A Cow Being Spun Around For Cinematic Value

Final score:

304points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

I'm the generic farm in the background where the tornado starts.

91points

#50

Snarrot

Final score:

251points

POST

Peppermallow 3 years ago

No, a cake

130points

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#51

Florida Going To Feel This One For A While

Final score:

92points

POST

Erizzle 3 years ago

This needs to be higher. 🤣

19points

#52

If You Don't Find Waldo He's Gonna Stab You

Final score:

91points

POST

the child 3 years ago

I LITERALLY SNORTED

25points

#53

Huh?

Final score:

89points

POST

Bill 3 years ago

If the Feds could do this w beer America would already be at 100%

53points

#54

Not A Squirrel

Final score:

88points

POST

LAWLAWLAW 3 years ago

Or for shits and giggles just yell "SQUIRREL"

57points

#55

Oil Execs Dip Their Hands In Big Barrels Of Dinosaur Juice To Lube Up Every Time They Have A Wank

Final score:

86points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

*china laughs in coal power*

21points

#56

"Babies Are Absolutely Biodegradable"

Final score:

85points

POST

Orillion 3 years ago (edited)

He's not wrong.

38points

#57

American Horse Pirates

Final score:

84points

POST

Cath Homer 3 years ago

I'm calling them this from now on. Rebranding!

26points

#58

“Somehow Managed To Sire Both Beavis And Also Butthead”

Final score:

80points

POST

Marianne 3 years ago

The seed is strong.

25points

#59

Let Go Off The Plastic You Gargoyle

Final score:

80points

POST

troufaki13 3 years ago

I've said all those in one breath

27points

#60

Some Day

Final score:

76points

POST

kristy sickles 3 years ago

I hate how much I can relate to this...

28points

#61

Birds

Final score:

76points

POST

surprised pikachu 3 years ago

gay ostriches

14points

#62

Cursed Kebab

Final score:

74points

POST

Clandestine 3 years ago

scoliosis? My sister has some for scoliosis.

15points

#63

Magic Skeleton

Final score:

72points

POST

the child 3 years ago

didn't expect motivation among the wondrous gobbledegook in this article but thank you

24points

#64

I Love Biology Facts

Final score:

72points

POST

Marianne 3 years ago

This rule is only true for land predators. Most fish and birds have eyes facing to the sides, because they have to navigate through a 3 dimensional medium.

20points

#65

Translation Please

Final score:

72points

POST

Ben Stubbs 3 years ago

Good moaning x

3points

#66

The Wet World Is A Bad Place

Final score:

72points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

After the shower: damn this sucks

31points

#67

He Should At Least Be Vibing

Final score:

71points

POST

LAWLAWLAW 3 years ago

tru dat

13points

#68

A Guy Ate A Bat And Now I Am Unemployed

Final score:

71points

POST

Laura Mende (Human) 3 years ago

😂😂😂

7points

#69

Steve Irwin’s Wario

Final score:

70points

POST

the child 3 years ago

you can't describe them better than that

23points

#70

Mainstream Consonants Ugh

Final score:

70points

POST

the child 3 years ago

somehow i understand this

41points

#71

Escape Proof Wiener Bun

Final score:

69points

POST

Michelle Brandt 3 years ago

Can you imagine this little cutie running off to grab his hotdog bun because he knows he needs it to go outside? Middle of the night "Mom I gotta potty!" *drops costume on your face* OMG that's adorable!

27points

#72

Millennial Culture Is Knowing That Frankenstein Is The Scientist

Final score:

67points

POST

Marianne 3 years ago

Millennial culture is also knowing that the scientist is the monster.

75points

#73

When Youre This Cute Money does Grow On Trees

When Youre This Cute Money *does* Grow On Trees

Final score:

67points

POST

Deborah B 3 years ago

You realise that this makes just as much sense as the human version of capitalism.

25points

#74

We'll Assume That Darth Maul Has Not Seen Any Of The Film's In The Home Alone Franchise

Final score:

65points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

...Link?

17points

#75

Great, Whimsical Little Flying Blisters Of Plague

Final score:

65points

POST

Apachebathmat 3 years ago

Ahhh bacteria baubles

18points

#76

Perks Of Being An Immortal Being

Final score:

65points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

This is the ending earth deserves.

32points

#77

“Enough Leg To Throw Their Mouth At Food”

Final score:

64points

POST

WeirdNerdGirl 3 years ago

Their legs be looooong tho

11points

#78

It's Quick, It's Easy And It's Free: Pouring River Water In Your Socks

Final score:

63points

POST

Lillukka79 3 years ago

It's not quick, easy or free when the closest river is 5km away.

3points

#79

Gay Insider Trading

Final score:

63points

POST

Aroace tiger 3 years ago

I was thinking about this exact tweet yesterday 😂

12points

#80

Every Step We Take Brings Us Closer To The Gummy Beyond All Things

Final score:

62points

POST

Jo Johannsen 3 years ago

Your burgeoning existential crisis has moved me. Go forth and meltify.

36points

#81

"Dont Waste Yr Time On This Earth Live Your Life Slap Some Rice"

Final score:

62points

POST

Artoonist Corine 3 years ago

Why am I trying to sing this?

3points

#82

I'm Sort Of A Chicken Magnet

Final score:

60points

POST

Autumn 3 years ago

Love me (chicken) tender.... love me sweet

12points

#83

Nude, Gay, Ghostly Brad Pitt

Final score:

59points

POST

Elin Noller 3 years ago

That movie already excist. Interview with the Vampire

3points

#84

In The History Of Children

Final score:

57points

POST

Annamagelic 3 years ago

And yet it turns out children have been about 10000% better at following the rules and minimizing the spread of covid than adults.

39points

#85

“A Loose Cannon Eventually Points Your Way”

Final score:

56points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

Let's immortalize this, boys.

21points

#86

Road Rage About To Be Like A Cod Lobby

Final score:

55points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

Prepare for the first Drive-By Rickroll.

6points

#87

Jenga Tower Of Blood

Final score:

55points

POST

Adam 3 years ago

But if you fall you don't explode in a mass of flesh and bone

16points

#88

Virtual Cowboy

Final score:

54points

POST

ThatGuv 3 years ago

My horse is named Swamp Donkey

27points

#89

Scared Horse. I Am Shooketh

Final score:

54points

POST

Marianne 3 years ago

I laughed way too hard at this!

17points

#90

Dog Villains

Final score:

53points

POST

Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago

The one in purple is the meanest one, and she is the big sister of the other one who is less evil but who obeys because he is wary of her.

13points

#91

Kinda True, It Is Meat With Electricity?

Final score:

53points

POST

Deborah B 3 years ago

This just became the explanation for all my bad choices.

21points

#92

Spring Rolls Are Unpredictable

Final score:

52points

POST

kristy sickles 3 years ago

I worked at a restaurant and DMX came in one day and bought a Heineken and a burger I personally cooked for him and he ordered another one to go and gave me a hug so I guess he liked it lol. He was very nice and yes I kept that beer bottle! RIP my friend!

19points

#93

Bare-Chested Man With Two Dead Raccoons

Final score:

51points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

he looks like he drives the hillbilly mothership

35points

#94

That Good Ol Southern Drawl

Final score:

50points

POST

Orillion 3 years ago

I'm not gonna lie: that took a few re-reads.

26points

#95

My Fart Is On The Floor

Final score:

50points

POST

Tiny3000 3 years ago

Ok ok, HOW can u have a fart on the floor?

5points

#96

A Slap In The Face Of The Pez Community

Final score:

49points

POST

K Witmer 3 years ago

I have Elvis pez dispensers in unopened boxes that are 33 years old. Someone offered 800$ for them. I have 3. I did not know there was a pez community but now I must be a member

21points

#97

Snarling Ambulatory Carpets Of Death

Final score:

48points

POST

Laugh or not 3 years ago

And then you have the honey badger - mostly in Africa - who scares lions.

35points

#98

Very Specific

Final score:

48points

POST

Mac 3 years ago

This is so f*****g funny oh my god the last part😂

15points

#99

How Are All Your Thoughts In Comic Sans

Final score:

48points

POST

the child 3 years ago

"Your thoughts are in comic sans" is lowkey a good burn

25points

#100

Horseback Jesus

Final score:

47points

POST

A B C 3 years ago

Haha yeah, in my hometown in the early 2ks, that was the "a*sf**k guy". It was a hobo, probably with some sort of mental deficit, just rambling around town yelling stuff about a*sf**king all day long.

15points

#101

Primitive Urges

Final score:

47points

POST

Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago (edited)

I have a pond with tadpoles in my backyard... I am having weird urges right now...

24points

#102

Yogurt

Final score:

47points

POST

qwerty 3 years ago

George Bush during and after presidency.

24points

#103

"The Little Mouse Who Lives In My Frontal Lobe Is My Only Source Of Income"

Final score:

46points

POST

#104

I’m An Asparagus

Final score:

46points

POST

Gay_Forg 3 years ago

Same

7points

#105

Hmmm Yes

Final score:

45points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

To be fair, when you leave the house it gets awfully peopley.

42points

#106

Mr Mime Has A Humiliation Fetish And Ash’s Mom Totally Doms Him

Final score:

44points

POST

Janus Sanders 3 years ago

that went in a different direction than i thought it would

13points

#107

The Vegans Of Gaming

Final score:

43points

POST

Bill 3 years ago

I want to see his gaming pc then.

1point

#108

My Elementary School Locker Combination

Final score:

43points

POST

Shelp 3 years ago

What is adderall and what does it do?

6points

#109

Wrestling With A Bobcat

Final score:

42points

POST

Charity Amante 3 years ago

Like having to pee when you've been swimming- pulling up the ole one piece is torture

7points

#110

Emergency Hotdog

Final score:

42points

POST

the child 3 years ago

not a bad idea tbh

13points

#111

It’s Time To Kill Space

Final score:

42points

POST

Bacony Cakes 3 years ago

*sad space sphere sounds*

17points

#112

He Ain't Wrong

Final score:

41points

POST

Shelp 3 years ago

I never understood why the Americans started using "daddy" in a sexual way. That's beyond me

26points

#113

If Cat Not Enjoy Being Held,why Baby Sized?

Final score:

41points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

Thats how they bait the trap for murder mittens and bitey teeth.

29points

#114

Moon’s Haunted

Final score:

40points

POST

A B C 3 years ago

Yeah, that seems to be the US way of solving things. Just bring guns.

27points

#115

Hottie Hot Take

Final score:

40points

POST

Rita Shapiro 3 years ago

Where do the multitaskers go? I suppose if we adopted your new system they could commandeer the specially-marked mandatory trans bathrooms in Alabama, but that's too far to drive for most of us.

11points