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What truly matters in a relationship is that there’s open and honest communication. So long as both partners are on the same page and respect one another, you’ve got a solid and healthy foundation for the future. On the flip side, if your partner constantly ignores your perspective and tramples over your boundaries, you’re standing on shaky ground.
Unfortunately, some men decide to listen to the tips they hear on alpha male podcasts without considering how this might affect their relationship. Redditor u/canican turned to the internet for advice after sharing how her boyfriend suddenly decided that he wanted to establish traditional gender roles after they got married. You’ll find the full story, including a very important update, as you read on. Bored Panda has reached out to u/canican via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
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It can be quite unnerving to see your partner radically change their values very suddenly
Image credits: OlhaRomaniuk (not the actual photo)
A woman turned to the internet for advice after her boyfriend started watching alpha male podcasts and following their tips
Image credits: romankosolapov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: canican
The boyfriend’s behavior took a very sudden change for the worse
The author shared how her long-term boyfriend’s behavior radically changed after he started binge-watching so-called alpha male podcasts, which often promote toxic rather than healthy masculinity. Suddenly, he decided that he wanted to be the man of the house and to make all of the decisions at home, once he and the OP got married.
On top of that, he suddenly became quite aggressive and pushy—something that was completely at odds with how he used to behave. All of these changes made redditor u/canican feel that she no longer wanted to be with her boyfriend.
“I was disgusted. I fell out of love that instant,” she shared how she felt after a particularly nasty incident where her bf pressured her for intimacy. The author later dumped him in a public place, with her friends nearby, just in case. It was then that he begged that he be taken back.
Though the OP knows that she made the right decision breaking things off, she still felt heartbroken. This is a natural reaction: any long-term relationship that ends, whether romantic or platonic, is going to impact us in a massive way. According to the author, the r/relationship_advice community really helped her out in her time of need. “You all helped me in finding courage and strength in my time of need,” she thanked her fellow redditors.
If neither partner respects each other’s opinions, there might not be much of a future in store for them
Whether a couple decides that a more traditional or modern approach to gender roles suits them best will depend entirely on their situation and values. The vital thing here is that both partners feel like their opinions are taken into account. However, even in equal marriages, in the West, women still tend to bear the lion’s share of the childcare and housework.
When one partner suddenly decides to drastically change their values and wants to ‘dominate’ the other, you’re likely to end up with a lot of hurt feelings. For one, your partner will be confused about the sudden change. Additionally, if they no longer feel that you respect their boundaries, they may lose respect for you, in turn.
If someone suddenly changes their behavior, there might be a deep-seated reason why they’re doing so. They might no longer feel happy with where the relationship is at, so they decided that change is necessary. However, it’s far healthier to speak about these issues out in the open.
Open and honest communication, as well as active listening are essential for healthy and happy relationships
Nobody can read minds, so if there are serious issues with your relationship, you need to bring the problems out in the open. At the end of the day, you have to remember that you’re a team and (if there’s anything left of the relationship to salvage), you should look for some sort of compromise.
It’s also absolutely vital that you take the time to actively listen to your partner’s take on things. Even if you think you’re in the right, hearing someone else’s perspective is an invaluable skill to have. When someone feels like they’re heard, they’re more open to debate and change. Any arguments that you have should be based on constructive listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak.
Naturally, if your partner no longer takes your opinion into account and continues to trample all over your boundaries, they need to know that this sort of behavior won’t fly. If open and honest discussions don’t help, you may want to go to couples therapy… or it may be time to go your separate ways if you no longer have anything in common.
Here’s what some readers told the author that she might want to consider doing
The woman later shared an update on what she decided to do about the relationship
Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: canican
Many people had some additional advice to share with her
What do you think ?
Michelle Hasenkamp 1 year ago
You thought you were a team. He has the men vs women mentality and he wants to be the team that wins. Us versus them. Gotta be in more areas of his life.
Jared Robinson 1 year ago
Pretty sure I read it here off bored panda don't remember for sure though I just know this s**t ain't my quote but it's so good and perfect I wrote it down, so here goes. " Relationships are supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be two individuals, maintaining their individuality while loving one another and enjoying life together." No where in that does it say Ugghhhh I man, woman do what man says. F*****g Neanderthal. Good for you for leaving keep your chin up and find you an actual good partner.
Tyke 1 year ago
No-one should use the word "traditional" when discussing that gender role dynamic - antiquated, out-dated, archaic, etc would be better
CP 1 year ago
Some women do want a traditional marriage. I have no problem with that. Personally I don't like it, but who am I to tell them what to do.
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Michelle Hasenkamp 1 year ago
You thought you were a team. He has the men vs women mentality and he wants to be the team that wins. Us versus them. Gotta be in more areas of his life.
Jared Robinson 1 year ago
Pretty sure I read it here off bored panda don't remember for sure though I just know this s**t ain't my quote but it's so good and perfect I wrote it down, so here goes. " Relationships are supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be two individuals, maintaining their individuality while loving one another and enjoying life together." No where in that does it say Ugghhhh I man, woman do what man says. F*****g Neanderthal. Good for you for leaving keep your chin up and find you an actual good partner.
Tyke 1 year ago
No-one should use the word "traditional" when discussing that gender role dynamic - antiquated, out-dated, archaic, etc would be better
CP 1 year ago
Some women do want a traditional marriage. I have no problem with that. Personally I don't like it, but who am I to tell them what to do.
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