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“He Seems So Normal Otherwise?”: Woman Unsure If BF’s Hobby Is A Dealbreaker
We’ve probably all got that one dealbreaker that would mean our relationship is toast. For many people, it’s lack of trust and honesty, at least according to The Knot’s 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study. For other people, however, strange hobbies and habits may come first.
For this woman, stuffed animals seem to be the dealbreaker, since she started to seriously consider breaking up with her BF after finding out he sleeps with a stuffed toy dragon. As he was basically an angel in any other regard, she felt it would be unfair to break up over this. But, unable to shake her gut feeling that this is very weird, she decided to ask for some opinions online.
RELATED:
This woman couldn’t get over her BF’s weird sleeping habit and even considered breaking up over it
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Him sleeping with a stuffed toy was just too weird for her to handle, but she asked others to weigh in
Image credits: Marilyn Paige / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Victoria Romulo / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Edward Cisneros / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DeliciousDonuts
Many adults still own, cuddle, or sleep with some kind of stuffed animal
Image credits: GeorgeRudy / Envato (not the actual photo)
Owning and sleeping with a stuffed animal might seem childish for an adult. We associate stuffed animals with toys, and toys are for children, not grownups. However, you’d probably be surprised to find out just how many adults still own and find comfort in their stuffed toys.
A survey by Build-A-Bear shows that 40% of Americans sleep with a stuffed animal. If you think they might be biased, here’s another stat for you: a 2017 poll by Best Mattress Brand polled 2,000 Americans and found that 14% of people still sleep with a doll, a stuffed animal, or a teddy bear.
Another study by OnePoll and Life Storage proved that 43% of people don’t stop cuddling their toys even when they’re adults. Perhaps surprisingly, 84% of men still have at least one stuffed animal compared to 77% of women.
Psychologists don’t really see a problem with adults keeping stuffed animals. As licensed therapist Robert Ryan explained to Vice, it simply satisfies some kind of need. “If you’re alone in life and you have a big stuffed animal, there’s somebody in bed with you. Sometimes it’s very comforting to cuddle a pillow, and it might not be anything more than that.”
The girlfriend in this story might’ve even made a mistake by bringing this up to her boyfriend and asking him to relinquish the toy dragon. As licensed therapist Maddy Ellberger explained to The New York Times, it might cause more problems rather than a solution.
“Being given an ultimatum is kind of a problem. If your partner is like, ‘This is so dumb,’ that’s going to be a bigger problem than the actual bear.”
Stuffed animals can help people to de-stress and comfort themselves
Image credits: TatyanaOt / Envato (not the actual photo)
The girlfriend in this story was worried that her boyfriend might not be right in the head because he still sleeps with a plushie. But there’s nothing pathologically wrong with having your own stuffed toy well into adulthood.
Just like children, adults may need help regulating stress and emotions, especially when coping with separation anxiety. Stuffed animals can come in handy in such scenarios. In 1951, pediatrician and psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott called such items “transitional objects”. Although he was referring to the stage when infants use these objects to handle separation from the mother, experts say that adults might rely on stuffies for stress regulation, too.
For example, a 2016 study observed college students during therapy sessions and found that holding stuffed animals helped the students to comfort themselves better.
Play therapist Mark Brenner explains that we might need stuffed toys even in adulthood because they’re “sacred keepsakes”. They remind us and pull us back to “a place and time of great solace and memory.” What’s more, they can even help us sleep better. As we associate stuffies with childhood bedtime rituals, they might bring us comfort.
Some adults might shame others for deriving comfort from a plushie, but science shows that it can really help us de-stress, similar to how breathing exercises do. In the meantime, I’m going to go cuddle with my giant Winnie the Pooh plushie, Pandas. And I’ll feel no shame about it whatsoever.
Most people didn’t see anything wrong with the BF’s habit: “Everyone has their quirks”
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What do you think ?
Hidalgo 9 months ago
Show him this post. That’ll eliminate a worry - he’ll be gone in 5 minutes
Paul C 9 months ago
You missed the chance to say "gone in 60 seconds". But you are right, he should head for the hills, based on how imbalanced their relationship is. From what she says herself!
Load More Replies...
Lyone Fein 9 months ago
Um, let’s see……..he’s emotionally intelligent and you’re whining over something he does when you’re not around that doesn’t impact your relationship at all.
Romy Rösli 9 months ago
So basically he is emotionally intelligent but she is not.
Load More Replies... Romy Rösli 9 months ago
Yeah, dump him and find yourself a toxic bf since you can’t recognize a good one. Leave this gem to us women who know what‘s important in a healthy relationship. My 45 yo bf sometimes sleeps with a stuffed owl when I‘m not there.
Paul C 9 months ago
This isn't about a stuffed dragon, but an immature or selfish woman. I'm with the commenters who say she's the one with the problem, being all take in the relationship, where he seems to be all give. Normally I'd say "what about the other person's view?" but she's making his case so he doesn't need to say anything.
Beak Hookage 9 months ago
I'm pushing 40 and sleep surrounded by stuffed animals every night. This guy sounds amazing and his thing with the dragon plushie sounds adorable. Girl needs to get over herself.
CG 9 months ago
Turning 30 in a few weeks. I got a stuffed 2 foot long corgi plushie that's on my bed every night. If the only "issue" with the guy is that he sleeps with a plushie, I think she needs to do more self reflection, because that's not an issue with the guy, but more so an issue with the girl.
Load More Replies...
Sue Denham 9 months ago
He sounds like an amazing considerate boyfriend. If he only sleeps with the dragon while she's not there I don't see a problem. Actually I wouldn't mind a 20 foot cuddly dragon.
oldandafraid 9 months ago
YTA, you have a loving and attentive partner, who happens to have a stuffed toy for comfort when you're not there. I hope he finds someone that accepts all of him for who he is.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
I don't see the issue with the dragon. He doesn't insist OP sleep with it, he seems like a good guy. Is she really upset that he sleeps with it when she's *not* there? I think he can do better than this woman who's just looking for things to control/change about him. Hopefully he gets out.
Romy Rösli 9 months ago
And he makes the dragon himself! I mean how cool is this.
Load More Replies...
Emilu 9 months ago
He builds a new one? Now I’m intrigued to know exactly what it is because that sounds super cool. This dude sounds far too awesome for this woman (girl, judging by her behaviour). I’m in my thirties and I have a Pokémon plush friend that sleeps with me (Clodsire, for Pokémon fans) and is my hospital support buddy. As far as I’ve heard that doesn’t make me a shadow-lurking weirdo. Frankly, the only think that would concern me about the BF is if we were talking about a twenty-inch underage s*x doll, then I would be raising my eyebrows at least a little. Girl, dump him so he can get a more mature GF.
Louise Clarke 9 months ago
I'm 32 and I sleep with stuffies and my baby blanket.(When I'm alone). I'm on the spectrum and they're comforting. And when I'm with a guy I have one animal that sits between my b***s to support them. Unless his hand is there lol
Goth Mouse (he/they) 9 months ago
A 20 ft dragon sounds amazing, I want one! 🤩 I actually have a 4 ft dragon, my dog passed away and I couldn’t bear him not not being there at night so i got a weighted plushie. This person is mean, a lot of adults still have stuffed animals my parents still have their two old teddies sitting on their pillows its cute
PenguinEmp 9 months ago (edited)
I sleep with a bear. I'm male. Over 40. It makes me feel comfortable when my anxiety kicks in or when I want to hold something and my wife is either not there or stone cold asleep. Sometimes I just use the blanket. Who cares. Let him go he will be so much happier without you
Parmeisan 9 months ago (edited)
I have a lot of trouble falling asleep. Always have. Visual sleep aids (like counting sheep or picturing yourself in a field of flowers) don't work for me, as I have mild aphantasia. But I'm deeply tactile, and I've discovered that if I'm holding something, my brain can focus on that just enough to stop thinking about a million other things and fall asleep - not instant, not even easily, but faster than otherwise. Not all objects work for this... it has to fit nicely against my palm in some indescribable but instantly felt way. Most objects that work, get lost easily during the night. I have several things that I use that don't get lost - one of them a small teddy that I bought as a souvenir last year. Personally I don't think you should judge him even if there was no reason at all, but also: it's possible that something like this is going on, even if it's partially subconscious. Is that just a very long way to say it's comforting? Maybe. But more like a long way to say, don't judge.
Parmeisan 9 months ago
But also also, it sounds like you haven't asked him why he does it? Just asked him not to? If that's the case, this is good practice in communication. A critical relationship skill. Try finding out WHY he likes to sleep with the dragon. Not to judge, not to stop it, but to understand. Perhaps if you understand it, it will bother you less.
Load More Replies...
Magenta Blu 9 months ago
What a ridiculous non issue. And i wonder why and how girls like that have boyfriends...
Undercover 9 months ago
Jeez, my bf and I have an entire family of stuffed animals that take turns sleeping with us. Some are for physical comfort, too. Some are just super cute. Everybody has a name and it's own personality and history. It makes us happy, connects with our inner child and harms nobody. 😍
Petra brown 8 months ago
Let him go ... you are not a good fit. He is way more nature than you are. You gmhave some growing up to do.
Dirk Daring 9 months ago
Honestly, this guy sounds awesome. She had already decided to drop him, the stuffed toy was finally the one thing she could point at to justify the breakup. I'm 49M, and I have a stuffed toy that I sleep with. It helps just a little bit with those moments between when I wake up and when I remember that my dog is not alive anymore.
Rathoren 9 months ago
that boy is a keeper!!! she can hightail it out, she doesnt deserve him!! its all about her her her in this post *gag* my current (and hopefully last!) boyfriend buys me little plastic toy dinosaurs whener he finds them at thrifts, hes also bought me stuffies !♡♡ and we are both mid 30s btw
Shelley Colleen 9 months ago
It seems to me that most readers missed the part where she explains that his "bedtime stuffy dragon" is FIFTEEN TO TWENTY FEET LONG. My longtime partner and I sleep with a couple of support pillows each because we are over fifty and get "old people aches." This dude is twenty-three and buildiing himsellf a brand-spanking-new bedtime stuffy every year. It's not a beloved childhood toy or a support apparatus for his aches and pains. He just has a harmless f****h (plushophilia). His girlfriend is young, inexperienced, and definitely not trying to hurt him. She is right, however, to suspect that there are things about him she needs to try to understand.
Joe Russo 9 months ago
When asked if I sleep with one pillow or two, I start laughing. I have a body pillow plus four large normal pillows. With allergies and asthma, and never having breathed through both sides of my nose as I sleep... getting myself supported into the best breathing position seriously matters. If I was artsy and crafty...a dragon would be much cooler.
Hoi-Polloi 9 months ago
I really don't get where homegirl is coming from here. Even if you're a dude-bro manly man, odds are you're going to think that a gigantic dragon is frikkin awesome. Because it is. There are so many unwholesome habits a fella can get into -- d***s, gambling, self butt-scratching, etc etc -- this dragon thing is small potatoes.
nicholas nolan 9 months ago
Thank god, I thought it was going to be something weird, like 40k. I would know, as a Black Templar/Sisters of Battle player/collector.
Kim Shannon 9 months ago
When I'm away from home my hubby hugs my pillow tight. He says it helps him sleep. Totally fine with that.
JayWantsACat 9 months ago
I have one pillow that I started hugging while sleeping because it helps with my back. Replace that pillow with a stuffed animal and there's literally zero difference. Look, people are allowed to have their icks and if this bothers OP, then it bothers OP. But if they broke up I think she'd find out very quickly who good she had it.
KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
My stuffed giraffe is a hill I would die on as Groot has been through more with me than anyone else in my life and was certainly cheaper than the therapists.
Chippy Chap 9 months ago
Why is no one else focusing on the fact that this "stuffed animal" is 15 to 20 feet long? That is huge! If the thing was less than 4 feet tall, I would thing was strange but I'd get used to it. This thing is ginormous. - I would talk to him more about it. How did the dragon start, what does it provide emotionally for him, and that sort of thing. I would also be curious if he was on the fringes of the Furry community. Overall, I would just want to really wrap my head around the why and the enormous size of this thing.
Hidalgo 9 months ago
Show him this post. That’ll eliminate a worry - he’ll be gone in 5 minutes
Paul C 9 months ago
You missed the chance to say "gone in 60 seconds". But you are right, he should head for the hills, based on how imbalanced their relationship is. From what she says herself!
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 9 months ago
Um, let’s see……..he’s emotionally intelligent and you’re whining over something he does when you’re not around that doesn’t impact your relationship at all.
Romy Rösli 9 months ago
So basically he is emotionally intelligent but she is not.
Load More Replies... Romy Rösli 9 months ago
Yeah, dump him and find yourself a toxic bf since you can’t recognize a good one. Leave this gem to us women who know what‘s important in a healthy relationship. My 45 yo bf sometimes sleeps with a stuffed owl when I‘m not there.
Paul C 9 months ago
This isn't about a stuffed dragon, but an immature or selfish woman. I'm with the commenters who say she's the one with the problem, being all take in the relationship, where he seems to be all give. Normally I'd say "what about the other person's view?" but she's making his case so he doesn't need to say anything.
Beak Hookage 9 months ago
I'm pushing 40 and sleep surrounded by stuffed animals every night. This guy sounds amazing and his thing with the dragon plushie sounds adorable. Girl needs to get over herself.
CG 9 months ago
Turning 30 in a few weeks. I got a stuffed 2 foot long corgi plushie that's on my bed every night. If the only "issue" with the guy is that he sleeps with a plushie, I think she needs to do more self reflection, because that's not an issue with the guy, but more so an issue with the girl.
Load More Replies... Sue Denham 9 months ago
He sounds like an amazing considerate boyfriend. If he only sleeps with the dragon while she's not there I don't see a problem. Actually I wouldn't mind a 20 foot cuddly dragon.
oldandafraid 9 months ago
YTA, you have a loving and attentive partner, who happens to have a stuffed toy for comfort when you're not there. I hope he finds someone that accepts all of him for who he is.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
I don't see the issue with the dragon. He doesn't insist OP sleep with it, he seems like a good guy. Is she really upset that he sleeps with it when she's *not* there? I think he can do better than this woman who's just looking for things to control/change about him. Hopefully he gets out.
Romy Rösli 9 months ago
And he makes the dragon himself! I mean how cool is this.
Load More Replies... Emilu 9 months ago
He builds a new one? Now I’m intrigued to know exactly what it is because that sounds super cool. This dude sounds far too awesome for this woman (girl, judging by her behaviour). I’m in my thirties and I have a Pokémon plush friend that sleeps with me (Clodsire, for Pokémon fans) and is my hospital support buddy. As far as I’ve heard that doesn’t make me a shadow-lurking weirdo. Frankly, the only think that would concern me about the BF is if we were talking about a twenty-inch underage s*x doll, then I would be raising my eyebrows at least a little. Girl, dump him so he can get a more mature GF.
Louise Clarke 9 months ago
I'm 32 and I sleep with stuffies and my baby blanket.(When I'm alone). I'm on the spectrum and they're comforting. And when I'm with a guy I have one animal that sits between my b***s to support them. Unless his hand is there lol
Goth Mouse (he/they) 9 months ago
A 20 ft dragon sounds amazing, I want one! 🤩 I actually have a 4 ft dragon, my dog passed away and I couldn’t bear him not not being there at night so i got a weighted plushie. This person is mean, a lot of adults still have stuffed animals my parents still have their two old teddies sitting on their pillows its cute
PenguinEmp 9 months ago (edited)
I sleep with a bear. I'm male. Over 40. It makes me feel comfortable when my anxiety kicks in or when I want to hold something and my wife is either not there or stone cold asleep. Sometimes I just use the blanket. Who cares. Let him go he will be so much happier without you
Parmeisan 9 months ago (edited)
I have a lot of trouble falling asleep. Always have. Visual sleep aids (like counting sheep or picturing yourself in a field of flowers) don't work for me, as I have mild aphantasia. But I'm deeply tactile, and I've discovered that if I'm holding something, my brain can focus on that just enough to stop thinking about a million other things and fall asleep - not instant, not even easily, but faster than otherwise. Not all objects work for this... it has to fit nicely against my palm in some indescribable but instantly felt way. Most objects that work, get lost easily during the night. I have several things that I use that don't get lost - one of them a small teddy that I bought as a souvenir last year. Personally I don't think you should judge him even if there was no reason at all, but also: it's possible that something like this is going on, even if it's partially subconscious. Is that just a very long way to say it's comforting? Maybe. But more like a long way to say, don't judge.
Parmeisan 9 months ago
But also also, it sounds like you haven't asked him why he does it? Just asked him not to? If that's the case, this is good practice in communication. A critical relationship skill. Try finding out WHY he likes to sleep with the dragon. Not to judge, not to stop it, but to understand. Perhaps if you understand it, it will bother you less.
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 9 months ago
What a ridiculous non issue. And i wonder why and how girls like that have boyfriends...
Undercover 9 months ago
Jeez, my bf and I have an entire family of stuffed animals that take turns sleeping with us. Some are for physical comfort, too. Some are just super cute. Everybody has a name and it's own personality and history. It makes us happy, connects with our inner child and harms nobody. 😍
Petra brown 8 months ago
Let him go ... you are not a good fit. He is way more nature than you are. You gmhave some growing up to do.
Dirk Daring 9 months ago
Honestly, this guy sounds awesome. She had already decided to drop him, the stuffed toy was finally the one thing she could point at to justify the breakup. I'm 49M, and I have a stuffed toy that I sleep with. It helps just a little bit with those moments between when I wake up and when I remember that my dog is not alive anymore.
Rathoren 9 months ago
that boy is a keeper!!! she can hightail it out, she doesnt deserve him!! its all about her her her in this post *gag* my current (and hopefully last!) boyfriend buys me little plastic toy dinosaurs whener he finds them at thrifts, hes also bought me stuffies !♡♡ and we are both mid 30s btw
Shelley Colleen 9 months ago
It seems to me that most readers missed the part where she explains that his "bedtime stuffy dragon" is FIFTEEN TO TWENTY FEET LONG. My longtime partner and I sleep with a couple of support pillows each because we are over fifty and get "old people aches." This dude is twenty-three and buildiing himsellf a brand-spanking-new bedtime stuffy every year. It's not a beloved childhood toy or a support apparatus for his aches and pains. He just has a harmless f****h (plushophilia). His girlfriend is young, inexperienced, and definitely not trying to hurt him. She is right, however, to suspect that there are things about him she needs to try to understand.
Joe Russo 9 months ago
When asked if I sleep with one pillow or two, I start laughing. I have a body pillow plus four large normal pillows. With allergies and asthma, and never having breathed through both sides of my nose as I sleep... getting myself supported into the best breathing position seriously matters. If I was artsy and crafty...a dragon would be much cooler.
Hoi-Polloi 9 months ago
I really don't get where homegirl is coming from here. Even if you're a dude-bro manly man, odds are you're going to think that a gigantic dragon is frikkin awesome. Because it is. There are so many unwholesome habits a fella can get into -- d***s, gambling, self butt-scratching, etc etc -- this dragon thing is small potatoes.
nicholas nolan 9 months ago
Thank god, I thought it was going to be something weird, like 40k. I would know, as a Black Templar/Sisters of Battle player/collector.
Kim Shannon 9 months ago
When I'm away from home my hubby hugs my pillow tight. He says it helps him sleep. Totally fine with that.
JayWantsACat 9 months ago
I have one pillow that I started hugging while sleeping because it helps with my back. Replace that pillow with a stuffed animal and there's literally zero difference. Look, people are allowed to have their icks and if this bothers OP, then it bothers OP. But if they broke up I think she'd find out very quickly who good she had it.
KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
My stuffed giraffe is a hill I would die on as Groot has been through more with me than anyone else in my life and was certainly cheaper than the therapists.
Chippy Chap 9 months ago
Why is no one else focusing on the fact that this "stuffed animal" is 15 to 20 feet long? That is huge! If the thing was less than 4 feet tall, I would thing was strange but I'd get used to it. This thing is ginormous. - I would talk to him more about it. How did the dragon start, what does it provide emotionally for him, and that sort of thing. I would also be curious if he was on the fringes of the Furry community. Overall, I would just want to really wrap my head around the why and the enormous size of this thing.
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