Mutual respect is a cornerstone of any proper relationship. If you plan on making things work in the long run, you need to show your partner that you’re always in their corner. For some people, the line between playfulness and meanness can be hard to grasp.

Reddit user u/foodgoose773 faced a lot of criticism from the AITA online community after sharing how he taught his (now ex) girlfriend a ‘lesson.’ The author felt embarrassed that she was driving him to work while wearing her pajamas, so he wanted to humiliate her. Scroll down to see how the internet reacted to the story. Bored Panda reached out to the author via Reddit for comment.

Couples need to find a way to be on the same page. If they’re constantly facing off against each other, the relationship is going to suffer

Image credits:  FabrikaPhoto/Envato elements (not the actual photo)

One guy got a lot of flak online after sharing how he insulted his girlfriend who was driving him to work in her pajamas

The author answered a few questions and shared some updates on what happened next

Image credits: sergign/Envato elements (not the actual photo)

Image credits: foodgoose773

Anyone who constantly works against their partner needs to rethink how they approach their relationship

Image credits: peus80/Envato elements (not the actual photo)

It’s one thing to gently poke fun at your partner. Lightly teasing someone, being playful, and embracing humor all help keep the spark alive in long-term committed relationships.

However, it’s a whole different ball game if there’s some malicious intent behind your actions. For example, if your goal is to humiliate your partner or if you insult them, then there’s something wrong with the relationship.

You should be on the same team, not playing against each other. If you catch yourself being mean and hurtful for no good reason, it might be time to slow down and spend some time working on yourself.

If you can, try to figure out the reasons why you want to punish your partner instead of accepting them ‘as they are.’ If you feel like you can’t talk about these sensitive issues openly with them, you could always try seeing a therapist. They’re trained professionals, so they might offer you some insights into your behavior and how to move past it.

But make no mistake—therapy doesn’t involve someone waving a magic wand to make all of your problems go away. It’s guidance that requires you to put in the hard, emotionally uncomfortable work.

Nobody is ‘perfect.’ Everyone has their own flaws. Learning to accept that about ourselves, as well as our partners, is a mark of maturity. That being said, we should also be willing to work on our weaknesses and improve as individuals. Not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones, too. That takes self-awareness, humility, and the desire to grow.

It helps if you keep an eye out for potential relationship red flags

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato elements (not the actual photo)

Psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, M.D., notes that irresponsibility, immaturity, and unpredictability are some of the main red flags in relationships.

“Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills—taking care of themselves, managing their finances and personal space, holding onto a job, and making plans for their life and future,” she explains.

From her perspective, these people are often unreliable and are surrounded by small crises that can sap your time and energy.

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Some other major indicators that someone might be troublesome to date include an unwillingness to communicate, a lack of trust, and controlling behavior. Meanwhile, if you find that many of the people in your social circle dislike your partner, they might be seeing something that you’re blind to.

If your partner is overly secretive about their past, constantly blames others for their problems, has a lot of insecurities, and reacts to situations with lots of anger, you have your work cut out for you.

Of course, red flags don’t definitively mean that the relationship won’t work out. They’re indicators that there are going to be difficulties ahead and that your needs might suffer at the expense of your partner.

Many of us have at least some small behavioral red flags. What matters is the willingness to work on oneself, to admit it when we’re wrong, and to take responsibility to communicate openly, without lashing out in frustration in weird ways.

What did you think of the author’s story, Pandas? What would you have done if you were in his or his (ex) girlfriend’s shoes? How do you find the line between playfulness and meanness? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

The author was almost universally criticized on the internet. Here’s what some readers told him

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The guy later shared how he wanted to move back in with his girlfriend, who dumped, him

The internet wasn’t in the mood to feel overly supportive of the author

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