Another situation where NO one would be saying "ESH" or stuff like "grow up!" if it were a woman/female who posted this instead of a man/male. Misandry is just as disgusting as misogyny. It's just as horrible and awful for a woman to pick open a locked bathroom door to "catch" their partner doing something as it would be for a man to do it to their partner. I'm female, and I HATE misandry as much as I hate misogyny. I also loathe when I see people screaming blame at men for being self-conscious about their appearance, or their body hair (OP's reason for being somewhat secretive about his long showers) when they would DEFEND a woman who was self-conscious about their appearance, or secretive about shaving their excessive body hair. Should OP just have been honest from the get-go? Yes, but that's not always an easy thing to do when you've been harassed/bullied about something before. tl;dr misandry is just as "wrong" and "bad" as misogyny, and just as damaging.

Hope OP runs far and fast. She invaded his privacy because she expected to find him up to something with the plan to yell at HIM. She's full of sh*t about the water, and then plays the victim, locking herself in the bedroom, crying violence and abuse?! Guarantee she already had her lies to smear his name worked out in full detail, because she knows she was in the wrong. Hope he follows the advice I learned way too late: believe people when they show you who they are. She is doing just that. I'm disgusted how this would look if the tables were turned, but something tells me OP wouldn't be breaking into a locked door in the first place. This will only get worse. She's already manipulating him. The only thing she is scared of is the truth of her own mistake, distrust, disrespect, violation of privacy and manipulation being exposed. Guarantee she has plenty of friends to enable her nasty behavior. GTFO.

OP is definitely NTA. That woman is psychotic, no doubt about it. "Wasting water," my a*s; she was hoping to catch him in "the act." As soon as possible, OP should run fast, run far, and NEVER have any contact with her ever again. The way she doubled down when her invasive tactics backfired tells me that she is capable of anything, including filing false charges of SA against OP. When he returns to the apartment to gather his belongings, he should be accompanied by at least two people, one of them being a woman, and one of them recording it. That way, Psycho Lady can't accuse him of anything. He should quickly and quietly collect his things, without engaging in conversation. I wouldn't trust her not to take anything OP might say out of context.

What did she think she was going to catch him at? And who bursts into on someone else's shower and is surprised when they yell? This woman is trying hard to create problems, and she has succeeded. Better off without her. Behaviour like this will only escalate. She already thinks what her bf does in the shower is hers to dictate.

As far as I'm concerned the only mistake he made was leaving when she locked herself in the bedroom and told him to. "I live here too. You're the one who apparently wants to break up, so you can leave." This may be influenced by something that happened about 45 years ago. My mother told my father that she thought they should separate, and she wanted him to move out. He told her he wasn't going anywhere, and if she thought they should split up she was free to go.

Honestly, wtf. All of this could have been avoided with a simple conversation. Why on earth didn't she just ask him why he took so long in the shower? How did she make the leap from a sensible conversation to breaking into the bathroom, violating his privacy, and freaking the hell out? I feel sorry for this guy.

It seems odd he locks the door when he showers. Maybe this is more insecurity, but it seems like maybe she's tried this c**p in the past or has seriously infringed on his privacy in other contexts. If you can't trust your partner to knock, hear 'don't come in, I'll find you when I'm done' and leave it at that, the relationship is not worth keeping.

The ESH comments are wild. He wasn't obligated to disclose that to her and especially not feeling ready to! I agree that people in relationships should be honest, but this just wasn't relevant to reveal. What she did was wrong. As a woman I agree that folks would have been more outraged had he done this to her. I'd have freaked out too.

Woah! Who does that?! It was so psychotic and what a gaslighter! 1. The effort to unlock a locked shower door when you were not in any kind of trouble or emergency 2. Obvious distrust taken to another level that she had to catch you and then what? Humiliate you? 3. Uses a lame excuse like you wasting water when she was obviously mistaken in her hunch You got mad and yelled at her which is probably an acceptable reaction given that surprising/shocking situation 3. Her crying and blaming you for your outburst and not willing to discuss it like a civilized person? So immature. It will be impossible to sustain a lasting relationship with her and you’d only be burdened and left feeling at fault all the time. She is a great gaslighter I will not trust anyone who does that to me. Good riddance. Not a loss but a good reason to leave.

Omg! She is mentally unstable! Who the hell literally breaks into the bathroom while their partner is in the shower? He had every right to yell at her. She blatantly disrespected his privacy.

She was thinking you were whacking off and wanted to catch you at it for whatever reason. BTW electrolysis can remove excess hair.

OP is fully correct. But like... Shaving with the water running uses SOOOO much water.

Her sudden, unannounced violation of his privacy is unacceptable. To worsen it by trying to blame him for an obvious “fight or flight” reaction (yelling loudly) by blaming him and forcing an ultimatum using the old feminist trope of male toxicity is highly manipulative and shows a lack of feeling for him. She needs to grow up and to seek therapy, or embrace her political programming and exclude all men from her life. He did absolutely nothing wrong, and was violated by her. (Btw, I’m a woman, think for myself, and don’t follow popular a$$hattery)

She was definitely in the wrong and her actions after were a definite signal that she is a controller. This will only get worse. Being mad at you and not willing to talk about it is a woman's way to get her way and it's been going on forever. It's a design to wear you down. Don't fall for it. As a woman myself who has been married to a controller (to put it nicely), get out of the relationship as fast as possible.

She is DARVOing him. She violated his privacy because she felt entitled to answers (she likely thought she'd 'catch' him masterbating and was planning on yelling at him/ confronting him over it) She trapped him in a vulnerable state that ensured he couldn't leave while she berated him about something as dumb as wasting water and didn't go when asked. She then threw a tantrum when called on her behavior.

If anyone is interest, he posted an update and updated the update in the comments. The gf got a restraining order and op was served at work. Op couldn't believe it and texted her. Op was arrested, later on, in his office. His parents got him a lawyer and bailed him out. Some witnesses say they heard loud shouting and some bangs from the apt. Supposedly the gf has pictures with bruising. Op still has their job.

She was definitely wrong in invading your space. She is lucky you didn't try to defend yourself. Break up with her. Next girl be upfront maybe she can help you shave. It could be fun for both of you.

You know, c**p like she pulled really makes me angry. Basically, it's crying "wolf". She instigated the argument and then she's the victim. Good Lord, I hope she never finds out what actual abuse, of any sort is. People need to be honest about serious accusations.

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Women always want to be treated like men, until you treat them like men. She can't handle being righteously yelled at.

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Yikes. Another situation where I think that everyone is overreacting a ton. The "we've never really had a fight before" is suuuuuper telling. This is kinda what fights look like? Relationships are messy. She messed up for sure invading his space, but it really isn't such a betrayal of trust that they need to break up either. She obviously has some deep-rooted trust issues that they need to get to the bottom of. He's got some as well since he couldn't talk about his shaving. Sometimes it's from the fights that you actually think to wade through the muck of life and get all the s**t cleaned up. When things are all good, why would you bring up hurt from the past? If they want to, they could use this opportunity to bear their souls, help each other through the pain of life, and grow the relationship. If they want to. Reddit never wants to do that though so good luck.