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Woman’s Bathroom Break-In Leaves Her In Tears, Man Asks If He Overreacted
Interview With Expert
Many people are insecure about their looks. They might not like how their bodies look, or they might just be unhappy with a feature or two, like their nose or legs. Surveys show that 20% of adults feel ashamed of their bodies. Although other people might not even see it, we can always find something we don’t like about ourselves.
For this person, it was his body hair. Because he opted to regularly shave it, he usually took a long time in the shower. His GF grew suspicious of what he might be doing in there, so she decided to pick the bathroom lock and see. Panic and shouting ensued, and after a fight, the guy was confused about whether his reaction to this invasion of privacy was appropriate or if his GF was right to get mad.
We reached out to the Founder of Man For Himself, Robin James. He is an expert on male grooming, hair, and fragrance, and he has kindly agreed to tell Bored Panda more about the reasons why some men choose to shave and how important privacy is for these kinds of things.
We also asked Researcher Michael Kehler to weigh in on the broader topic of men’s body image issues. Kehler is an associate professor at the Faculty of Education at the University of Calgary and a researcher in Masculinities. He told us more about the psychological impact of body hair on men and why awareness about men’s body image issues is so important.
More info: Man For Himself | Instagram | YouTube | TikTok
RELATED:
A guy found himself in a relationship dilemma because his showers took too long
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual image)
After his GF violated his privacy, he decided to ask people whether his reaction was inappropriate
Image credits: ADDICTIVE_STOCK (not the actual image)
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual image)
Image credits: Fogged_Mirror_1192
Men’s grooming habits are becoming more and more accepted by the public
A researcher in the field of Masculinities, Michael Kehler, tells Bored Panda that men have been paying increasingly more attention to their body hair and grooming habits with the rise of men’s care products. “With a shift in attitudes linking men’s appearance and grooming to homophobic discourses, there has been a greater openness and public acceptance.”
“From lumbersexuals to spornosexuals and metrosexuals, the attention [on] how men actively intentionally architect masculinity has received increased public acceptance.” Kehler says that beauty and hair products for men have become mainstream. The same goes for shaving tools, whether they’re for facial, chest, or pubic hair. If only swimmers and athletes removed their body hair back in the day, today, it’s been increasingly normalized.
“Digitally mediated male bodies and online dating apps reveal a growing trend among men to purposefully and intentionally pose and sculpt the body to express and project various forms of masculinity,” Kehler explains. “While men have historically appeared aloof to appearance concerns, shifting attitudes and a more public invitation to gaze upon men’s bodies has provided a greater license for men to invest in their own bodily appearances.”
“Ironically, male body hair was once connected to manliness and outward evidence of reaching puberty,” he adds. “Facial hair, including mustaches and beards, were seen as early signs of puberty. In the current climate, we are witnessing more men engaging in what is referred to as ‘manscaping.’ The art of shaping, defining, and carefully trimming and sculpting men’s hair is a growing appearance industry.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
People’s understanding of masculinity is becoming more fluid
Researcher Michael Kehler says that a fixed idea of how a man should look still persists in society. “Men’s bodies remain emblematic of masculinity in its most rigid and limited forms. Musculature, virility, and strength remain deeply connected to manliness and messages of dominance and power and highly valorized manhood.”
“Gazing upon men’s bodies has only emerged as particular fashion designers have created [a] public license for men to look upon their own bodies,” the researcher notes. Because of the restrictive model of masculinity, people have found a way to express it in more gender-fluid ways.
“The increased awareness and public engagement with men around specific health concerns such as mental health and suicide, for example, has allowed for greater openness that has historically been limited due to stereotypes of stoicism that left numerous men’s health issues largely unspoken,” Kehler points out.
“Limited and limiting views of masculinity relied on silence [and] dominance,” he adds. “Outward projections of toughness are increasingly challenged by broadening views of gender and masculinity as more fluid in particular.”
Some men shave for athletic reasons, some for hygienic reasons, and for others, it’s a styling choice
Robin James, male grooming industry expert, tells us that grooming is a personal journey. “There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and what works for one person might not work for another. It’s important for men to experiment and find what makes them feel most confident and comfortable.”
If a man chooses to shave his body hair, the reasons can be various. “Some do it for athletic purposes—swimmers and cyclists, for instance, shave to reduce drag and enhance performance,” James tells Bored Panda.
“Others might do it for aesthetic reasons, preferring the clean, smooth look that aligns with their personal style.”
Robin says that shaving the hair off increases body definition, so shaving to enhance the appearance of muscles is also a thing.
The third possible reason is simple cleanliness. “There are also those who find it more comfortable or hygienic, especially in warmer climates or for those with particularly thick body hair,” Robin points out. “It’s all about personal preference and comfort.”
Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual image)
A loving partner would support their loved one’s grooming decisions
Nobody likes it when other people are picking on their insecurities. We’re self-conscious about our perceived flaws as is, so when someone doesn’t respect our privacy, it hurts our ego even more. “Privacy in personal grooming is important, especially for men who might feel self-conscious about their body,” James says.
“Creating a safe and private environment allows men to explore and establish their grooming routines without judgment. It’s important for men to feel comfortable and confident in their own skin, and privacy can provide the necessary space for this,” the grooming expert says.
It can be hard to confront someone over their comments or ridicule about your grooming habits. But Robin says that the best way is to openly talk about it. “My advice is to have an open and honest conversation about how these comments make you feel.”
“Explain that grooming is a personal choice that helps you feel your best. Mutual respect is key in any relationship, and your partner should understand and support your grooming decisions just as you would support theirs. If your partner can’t get on board with your personal choices, it could be that they’re not the right person for you!”
Manscaping is a personal choice; some choose to do it, and others don’t. There’s no shame in doing it or letting your hair grow out naturally. “Remember, grooming should be about enhancing your own sense of well-being and confidence, not about adhering to external pressures or standards,” Robin James emphasizes.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual image)
The guy defended his reaction in the comments
Many people thought the girlfriend’s behavior was beyond strange
Others thought that both parties needed to grow up and that they were both at fault
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago (edited)
Another situation where NO one would be saying "ESH" or stuff like "grow up!" if it were a woman/female who posted this instead of a man/male. Misandry is just as disgusting as misogyny. It's just as horrible and awful for a woman to pick open a locked bathroom door to "catch" their partner doing something as it would be for a man to do it to their partner. I'm female, and I HATE misandry as much as I hate misogyny. I also loathe when I see people screaming blame at men for being self-conscious about their appearance, or their body hair (OP's reason for being somewhat secretive about his long showers) when they would DEFEND a woman who was self-conscious about their appearance, or secretive about shaving their excessive body hair. Should OP just have been honest from the get-go? Yes, but that's not always an easy thing to do when you've been harassed/bullied about something before. tl;dr misandry is just as "wrong" and "bad" as misogyny, and just as damaging.
Mike m 6 months ago
I commend wanting to save water but there's a time and a place to have the conversation and it's not when you just broke into his personal space.
Load More Replies...
Tobias Reaper 6 months ago (edited)
what basically happened she was so sure he was up to something bad that she assumed once she opened the door she could have a go at him shout at him and her doing that wouldn't matter. So when she forced open the door and saw it was nothing instead of backing down and apologising she doubled down and tried to make it about wasting water. And for everyone saying ESH imagine situation reversed guy forces open the locked door when his GF in there and she shouted at him not a single person would say ESH it would all be NTA he is abusive leave him or red flags but somehow its kind of acceptable this way.
Mike m 6 months ago
What could he be doing that would be so bad in the bathroom by himself
Load More Replies...
Annabelle 6 months ago
Hope OP runs far and fast. She invaded his privacy because she expected to find him up to something with the plan to yell at HIM. She's full of sh*t about the water, and then plays the victim, locking herself in the bedroom, crying violence and abuse?! Guarantee she already had her lies to smear his name worked out in full detail, because she knows she was in the wrong. Hope he follows the advice I learned way too late: believe people when they show you who they are. She is doing just that. I'm disgusted how this would look if the tables were turned, but something tells me OP wouldn't be breaking into a locked door in the first place. This will only get worse. She's already manipulating him. The only thing she is scared of is the truth of her own mistake, distrust, disrespect, violation of privacy and manipulation being exposed. Guarantee she has plenty of friends to enable her nasty behavior. GTFO.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago (edited)
Another situation where NO one would be saying "ESH" or stuff like "grow up!" if it were a woman/female who posted this instead of a man/male. Misandry is just as disgusting as misogyny. It's just as horrible and awful for a woman to pick open a locked bathroom door to "catch" their partner doing something as it would be for a man to do it to their partner. I'm female, and I HATE misandry as much as I hate misogyny. I also loathe when I see people screaming blame at men for being self-conscious about their appearance, or their body hair (OP's reason for being somewhat secretive about his long showers) when they would DEFEND a woman who was self-conscious about their appearance, or secretive about shaving their excessive body hair. Should OP just have been honest from the get-go? Yes, but that's not always an easy thing to do when you've been harassed/bullied about something before. tl;dr misandry is just as "wrong" and "bad" as misogyny, and just as damaging.
Mike m 6 months ago
I commend wanting to save water but there's a time and a place to have the conversation and it's not when you just broke into his personal space.
Load More Replies... Tobias Reaper 6 months ago (edited)
what basically happened she was so sure he was up to something bad that she assumed once she opened the door she could have a go at him shout at him and her doing that wouldn't matter. So when she forced open the door and saw it was nothing instead of backing down and apologising she doubled down and tried to make it about wasting water. And for everyone saying ESH imagine situation reversed guy forces open the locked door when his GF in there and she shouted at him not a single person would say ESH it would all be NTA he is abusive leave him or red flags but somehow its kind of acceptable this way.
Mike m 6 months ago
What could he be doing that would be so bad in the bathroom by himself
Load More Replies... Annabelle 6 months ago
Hope OP runs far and fast. She invaded his privacy because she expected to find him up to something with the plan to yell at HIM. She's full of sh*t about the water, and then plays the victim, locking herself in the bedroom, crying violence and abuse?! Guarantee she already had her lies to smear his name worked out in full detail, because she knows she was in the wrong. Hope he follows the advice I learned way too late: believe people when they show you who they are. She is doing just that. I'm disgusted how this would look if the tables were turned, but something tells me OP wouldn't be breaking into a locked door in the first place. This will only get worse. She's already manipulating him. The only thing she is scared of is the truth of her own mistake, distrust, disrespect, violation of privacy and manipulation being exposed. Guarantee she has plenty of friends to enable her nasty behavior. GTFO.
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