Ask any relationship professional about what’s important in a good relationship and no doubt at some point in their litany of things, they will mention communication. Good communication, open communication, honest communication—it all solves the achiest relationship problems just like that.

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So why isn’t everyone around us in a perfect fairytale relationship? That is because good communication is hard. It requires openness, vulnerability, and a desire to hear and understand your partner, and managing it all can be tough.

The woman in this story found herself in a situation where the relationship she’s in wasn’t in a great spot due to poor communication. Mostly on the side of her partner, that is. Scroll down below to see what made her realize that, what actions she took to deal with the situation, and how Reddit’s True Off My Chest community reacted to it.

Birthday gifts can be quite tricky to get right. You wish to give the person something that they will enjoy and appreciate, but also don’t want to gift them something they already have

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

The guy in this story really missed the mark on his girlfriend’s birthday gift. To the point that she was willing to break up with him

Image credits: midiman (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Image source: Helpful-Minimum8496

After a few days, the author posted an update on the situation

Image credits: Sonyachny (not the actual photo)

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Image source: Helpful-Minimum8496

Listening is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship

Image credits: Edmond Dantès (not the actual photo)

This sad situation is another confirmation of how important it is to listen to your partner. In everyday interactions, noting the details of their preferences and their exciting inner life, as well as the more serious conversations about the future of your relationship. The woman noted that she has raised her concerns a few times over the years and even then her partner didn’t hear her, which is an awful situation to be put in.

If you wish to be a better listener, a good place to start is by trying out a mirroring technique. In it, when you’re talking about your feelings and emotions, you listen to what your partner says and then repeat it back to them how you understood it. This gives your partner a chance to clarify any misunderstandings and misconstructions.

Knowing how to present your feelings is also very important

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When trying to sort out issues with your partner, it is important not to start the conversation with animosity. Many of us like to jump straight to the issue and start accusing and blaming as if our partner is doing everything wrong. This is understandable as we are trying to vent our frustrations and jump to generalizations, but it’s not a good move.

Instead, you have to try to keep your cool. When talking about feelings, you have to keep in mind that what you’re feeling is your perspective and there are other factors at play you might not be aware of. So, starting with statements like “I feel,” “I think,” is the best way to manage a tricky situation. For example, if you also feel like your desires are being ignored, you could say “I feel unvalued and unloved when you dismiss my wishes in preference to yours.” That’s, of course, not the whole conversation but a good start.

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Either way, if you see a behavior that upsets you, bring it up. Then, if it doesn’t change and becomes a pattern, don’t be afraid to walk away, just like the woman in this story did. You deserve better.

The author got overwhelming support from commentators

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