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Woman Is Lost After Her Older BF Gives Her A Misogynist Book To Read, Posts Update 8 Years Later

Woman Is Lost After Her Older BF Gives Her A Misogynist Book To Read, Posts Update 8 Years Later

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If you enjoy reading, chances are you’ve come across your fair share of bad books. It can be a book that you pick yourself or something someone recommends to you. Sometimes, a recommendation is so off that you start looking at the person who suggested it differently. 

That’s exactly what happened to today’s OP. Her boyfriend suggested a book he loved, but on the second page, she started doubting his judgment – the book was overly sexist and misogynistic. Let’s just say that after this recommendation, their relationship didn’t last very long.

More info: Reddit

Sometimes a recommended book is so bad, you start looking at the person who made the suggestion in a whole different light

Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

A man gifted his girlfriend a book he loved for her to read while she was spending time away

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Image credits: GunnarLong2000 / Reddit (not the actual photo)

It was a book called “A Spell for Chameleon,” and it terrified the woman from its first pages

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Image credits: Aaaand_Dead / Reddit (not the actual photo)

The storyline of the book wasn’t scary, but what terrified her was how sexist, misogynistic, and poorly written it was

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Image credits: lazychickbum

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

She couldn’t believe that her educated and respectful boyfriend liked such a book

Image credits: Rhamely / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

When she asked him about it, he explained that he’d read it over a decade earlier and hadn’t remembered the details of its sexism, which calmed her down a bit

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Image credits: lazychickbum

Image credits: teksomolika / Freepik (not the actual photo)

8 years later, the woman posted an update about it turns out the relationship wasn’t a good fit and they broke up around a month after the original post

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Image credits: lazychickbum

Now, she is happily married to someone, who likely doesn’t idealize sexist books

The OP met her boyfriend, who was 12 years older, while they were each studying for their master’s degree. At first, they were friends, then slowly they became more than that, and before the woman left the state for a summer internship, they were a couple.

Before the original poster left for the internship, the boyfriend gave her a book. It was “A Spell for Chameleon” by Piers Anthony. This book is a fantasy novel published in 1977 and is the first book of the “Xanth.” In 1978, it won the best novel of the year at the August Derleth Awards. 

The OP would full-heartedly disagree with such an award. In her eyes, this book is an abomination. Her disgust with it started two pages in, as she thought the writing was ridiculous, especially when it was about women. 

She tried explaining her doubts to her boyfriend, but he made a deal that if she read it, he would read the Harry Potter books she loved so much. So, she agreed and gave “A Spell for Chameleon” a second chance

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Yet, she still hated it. In fact, she called it one of the most sexist and misogynistic texts she had ever read. Overall, the book was poorly written – with spoon-fed, obvious symbolism; fantasy creatures and concepts that add nothing to the plot; an unlikeable protagonist; and so on. 

Despite the award for best novel from over 40 years ago, the original poster isn’t the only one who sees this book as an atrocity. There are quite a few like-minded people in the Goodreads review section. Here, this one calls out the same literary sins as the OP did – poor writing, sexism, and misogyny. Even the author Jason Heller once described this book as “the sad, misogynistic fantasy of Xanth.” Doesn’t sound appealing, does it? 

Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)

That’s why the OP kept wondering how she should break the news to her boyfriend that she couldn’t stand this book – and even his promise to read Harry Potter was not going to help it. She didn’t want to upset him, as apparently it was a work he enjoyed, which she couldn’t wrap her head around.

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This man was respectful, educated, and identified as a feminist, but loved such a book. She didn’t want to hurt him but wanted him to understand why the book was problematic. 

Both the OP and people in the comments wondered if it had been a while since the man had read the book and therefore maybe he didn’t remember its sexism. After all, the human brain is wired to forget certain things that it consumes, to “save space.” And it turned out to be true for this case – it had been at least a decade since he had read the book and he wasn’t able to remember the small details, which calmed the woman down. 

But the story doesn’t end here. 8 years later, the OP posted another update, explaining how the story ended. Naturally, since so much time has passed, she is in a whole chapter of her life – happily married, but not to the guy mentioned before. 

That relationship crumbled after around a month after the post appeared on Reddit. She received an opportunity to live and study abroad, and since it was clear he didn’t want anything too serious, she called the relationship off. And then suddenly he wanted it to work – he kept contacting her for over a year after the breakup, viewed her profile on LinkedIn, and so on. 

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As the woman said – online folks’ intuition about him not being the right fit for her came true. Thankfully, she dodged a bullet in time. Writing an update gave her a chance to take a trip down memory lane, helping her to appreciate just how valuable the happy relationship she has now is.

Have you read “A Spell for Chameleon”? What were your thoughts on it?

People in the comments shared their experiences with the same book how they read it during childhood and didn’t notice how bad it was until they read it as adults

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Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

Read less »
Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

Read less »

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

In hindsight, was breaking up the best decision for the OP?
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arthbach
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Piers Antony has sold many books, and has won many awards, but his writing is incredibly formulaic, misogynistic and sexist. When he started writing, his views would not have been considered too unusual, but he has spectacularly failed to keep abreast of a changing understanding of women's place in society. My suggestion is to avoid his books. If you read them in the past, and enjoyed them, keep hold of the memory. If you haven't read them, don't you will not enjoy.

iseefractals
Community Member
3 days ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

No...he didn't. Because he's not writing about society, is he? He's writing sci-fi/fantasy FICTION. It's got nothing to do with the real world, and every bit of fictitious entertainment isn't required to pander to the fervor of the perpetually offended. That you dislike something, doesn't mean it's bad, or that there's something wrong with it. It simply means that it's not for you, and that's fine. Everything isn't for everyone. Unfortunately, the last few years have been spent churning out the same pandering, heavy handed formulaic trash that hinges on pushing some message, rather than entertainment....because the perpetually offended think that everything that is for them, should be the only thing that anyone else should be allowed to consume.

Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up reading Piers Anthony. I have every single Xanth book (up to Well-Tempered Clavicle), every Phaze/Apprentice Adept book in that series, and every book in the Incarnations of Immortality series. I especially loved Harpy Thyme. But they ARE cringy if re-read now - yes, they've got some fairly misogynistic attitudes and themes that are typical for when they were written - disgusting attitudes/themes, but not surprising ones. It's the same with a lot of Heinlein's books (one of my favorite authors), especially the older ones. A lot of manly, chest-thumping men and buxom, giggly female characters. But that's how fantasy/sci-fi was written back then. I'm not excusing it - but we have to understand WHY it's that way. And if anyone's favorite book NOWADAYS is one of those books - perhaps it's good to raise an eyebrow.

JB
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favourite Heinlein book is Friday. Stranger in a strange land is epic but Friday focuses on a woman who is true to herself. Even when others try to treat her as lesser.

Load More Replies...
Nin Han
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's been years since I read any, but I loved Xanth growing up. Read them as a teen (girl) and I loved the series. Quarter horse is one I always remember. c:

Luke Branwen
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just find it kinda funny that she was outraged by a misogynist book / author, and yet she's obsessed with Harry Potter (and the post was made three months ago, so she had a lot of time to learn about Rowling's Big Reveal).

zovjraar me
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i read peirs anthony as a preteen and liked them a lot. that being said, i'm not 12 anymore lol. i doubt i would find them as entertaining as i used to. i remember being really confused why the guys would go crazy seeing a lady's panties, but them being totally nude would have no effect. just... what? lol

Debbie
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kept pushing my son (10) to read a book with a "golden griffel" I had liked as a child. Mattijs Mooimuziek - Hans Werner. To entice him, I started reading aloud to him. But it wasn't as good as I remembered. "the cook didn't get married because the food in palace was always great / he ate there" (something along those lines). The Royal Orchestra (very very very highly regarded) were all male, at least it seemed to from the description of their clothing and some desribed more precisely. The ceiling of the music hall was made of ivory. The chair that was brought in for the king was made of ivory. The king had a mink mantle. And oooh there's an important woman introduced now. But she likes to complain, moan, and nag. She's a witch and doesn't like happiness... Ofcourse, kids don't see it as I do now. I do hope he sees it the way I saw it, as a wonderfull fantasy novel. Gender didn't matter for me when I read it. I read the book in 1988ish. I just saw it was written in 1967...

Scotira
Community Member
4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I made the mistake to rewatch one of my most loved childhood animes " Captain Future". 🤣🤣🤣 I only managed the first few episodes and then I had to stop. The memories are so much better than the truth. 🙈 My husband and I made a pact to never try such a thing again. 🤣 We keep our happy childhood memories... 😇😁 Edit: and before anyone comes at me with: "but it has cult status" Some things just didn't age all that well and are better left in the past 😁

Jamie Mayfield
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read a ton of classic sci-fi and it is full of sexism that I just ignore because different time different views. I just have a deep love of classic sci-fi ideas, same with classic horror. Both are full of sexism and racism but I recognize it as being a bit of a time capsule of the time, even though you can find authors that are from that same time and managed not to be offensive. I do disclose to people I recommend these books to about problematic parts and highlight why I enjoyed it. I guess since I read a good amount of things I don't agree with or find offensive, I don't see this as being a red flag. They broke up anyway so guess it doesn't matter.

Din Morsa
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a fan of Piers Anthony, but the irony of hating sexism but being good with racism, transphobia and fatphobia is too much. OOP is as much of a red flag as the ex.

BarfyCat
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh man, I loved the Incarnations series when I was a kid. Now I know not to revisit it. Is David Eddings just as bad? He was my favorite in middle school!

Paula Glasscoe
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The writing of Eddings isn’t actually that bad, it’s a separate the art from the artist thing rather than a badly written/aged badly thing.

Load More Replies...
SheamusFanFrom1987
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't make too many demands from whoever I date, but please tell me you've at least read something from Stephen King or R. L. Stine once in your life. I'm very much partial to Goosebumps FYI XP If not, let me introduce you to the horrors that await in every page XD

Papa
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read King's Green Mile series not long ago, and liked it very much, but that was only after my son's urging. I read the one about the woman who held the author hostage decades ago, and disliked it so much that I didn't plan to ever read anything of his again.

Load More Replies...
arthbach
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Piers Antony has sold many books, and has won many awards, but his writing is incredibly formulaic, misogynistic and sexist. When he started writing, his views would not have been considered too unusual, but he has spectacularly failed to keep abreast of a changing understanding of women's place in society. My suggestion is to avoid his books. If you read them in the past, and enjoyed them, keep hold of the memory. If you haven't read them, don't you will not enjoy.

iseefractals
Community Member
3 days ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

No...he didn't. Because he's not writing about society, is he? He's writing sci-fi/fantasy FICTION. It's got nothing to do with the real world, and every bit of fictitious entertainment isn't required to pander to the fervor of the perpetually offended. That you dislike something, doesn't mean it's bad, or that there's something wrong with it. It simply means that it's not for you, and that's fine. Everything isn't for everyone. Unfortunately, the last few years have been spent churning out the same pandering, heavy handed formulaic trash that hinges on pushing some message, rather than entertainment....because the perpetually offended think that everything that is for them, should be the only thing that anyone else should be allowed to consume.

Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up reading Piers Anthony. I have every single Xanth book (up to Well-Tempered Clavicle), every Phaze/Apprentice Adept book in that series, and every book in the Incarnations of Immortality series. I especially loved Harpy Thyme. But they ARE cringy if re-read now - yes, they've got some fairly misogynistic attitudes and themes that are typical for when they were written - disgusting attitudes/themes, but not surprising ones. It's the same with a lot of Heinlein's books (one of my favorite authors), especially the older ones. A lot of manly, chest-thumping men and buxom, giggly female characters. But that's how fantasy/sci-fi was written back then. I'm not excusing it - but we have to understand WHY it's that way. And if anyone's favorite book NOWADAYS is one of those books - perhaps it's good to raise an eyebrow.

JB
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favourite Heinlein book is Friday. Stranger in a strange land is epic but Friday focuses on a woman who is true to herself. Even when others try to treat her as lesser.

Load More Replies...
Nin Han
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's been years since I read any, but I loved Xanth growing up. Read them as a teen (girl) and I loved the series. Quarter horse is one I always remember. c:

Luke Branwen
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just find it kinda funny that she was outraged by a misogynist book / author, and yet she's obsessed with Harry Potter (and the post was made three months ago, so she had a lot of time to learn about Rowling's Big Reveal).

zovjraar me
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i read peirs anthony as a preteen and liked them a lot. that being said, i'm not 12 anymore lol. i doubt i would find them as entertaining as i used to. i remember being really confused why the guys would go crazy seeing a lady's panties, but them being totally nude would have no effect. just... what? lol

Debbie
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kept pushing my son (10) to read a book with a "golden griffel" I had liked as a child. Mattijs Mooimuziek - Hans Werner. To entice him, I started reading aloud to him. But it wasn't as good as I remembered. "the cook didn't get married because the food in palace was always great / he ate there" (something along those lines). The Royal Orchestra (very very very highly regarded) were all male, at least it seemed to from the description of their clothing and some desribed more precisely. The ceiling of the music hall was made of ivory. The chair that was brought in for the king was made of ivory. The king had a mink mantle. And oooh there's an important woman introduced now. But she likes to complain, moan, and nag. She's a witch and doesn't like happiness... Ofcourse, kids don't see it as I do now. I do hope he sees it the way I saw it, as a wonderfull fantasy novel. Gender didn't matter for me when I read it. I read the book in 1988ish. I just saw it was written in 1967...

Scotira
Community Member
4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I made the mistake to rewatch one of my most loved childhood animes " Captain Future". 🤣🤣🤣 I only managed the first few episodes and then I had to stop. The memories are so much better than the truth. 🙈 My husband and I made a pact to never try such a thing again. 🤣 We keep our happy childhood memories... 😇😁 Edit: and before anyone comes at me with: "but it has cult status" Some things just didn't age all that well and are better left in the past 😁

Jamie Mayfield
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read a ton of classic sci-fi and it is full of sexism that I just ignore because different time different views. I just have a deep love of classic sci-fi ideas, same with classic horror. Both are full of sexism and racism but I recognize it as being a bit of a time capsule of the time, even though you can find authors that are from that same time and managed not to be offensive. I do disclose to people I recommend these books to about problematic parts and highlight why I enjoyed it. I guess since I read a good amount of things I don't agree with or find offensive, I don't see this as being a red flag. They broke up anyway so guess it doesn't matter.

Din Morsa
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a fan of Piers Anthony, but the irony of hating sexism but being good with racism, transphobia and fatphobia is too much. OOP is as much of a red flag as the ex.

BarfyCat
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh man, I loved the Incarnations series when I was a kid. Now I know not to revisit it. Is David Eddings just as bad? He was my favorite in middle school!

Paula Glasscoe
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The writing of Eddings isn’t actually that bad, it’s a separate the art from the artist thing rather than a badly written/aged badly thing.

Load More Replies...
SheamusFanFrom1987
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't make too many demands from whoever I date, but please tell me you've at least read something from Stephen King or R. L. Stine once in your life. I'm very much partial to Goosebumps FYI XP If not, let me introduce you to the horrors that await in every page XD

Papa
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read King's Green Mile series not long ago, and liked it very much, but that was only after my son's urging. I read the one about the woman who held the author hostage decades ago, and disliked it so much that I didn't plan to ever read anything of his again.

Load More Replies...
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