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Boyfriend Accuses Partner In Chronic Pain Of Bringing Him Down, She Asks For Advice

Boyfriend Accuses Partner In Chronic Pain Of Bringing Him Down, She Asks For Advice

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Struggling with your mental health, constantly feeling stressed, and being in chronic pain is a very difficult situation to be in. Something that can add to the anxiety is feeling as though you’re ‘inconveniencing’ your loved ones. Things that can help you in the fight against these issues are serious lifestyle changes, regular exercise, a healthy diet, proper sleep, seeing medical professionals, going to therapy, spending time in nature, meditation, and fostering authentic relationships.

However, if you don’t commit to making these positive changes, there are bound to be moments when even the most supportive and patient people around you can snap. Empathy burnout is a real thing. An anonymous person, who has been struggling with serious issues for years, turned to the Mumsnet online community for advice after her boyfriend called her out for “dragging him down” all the time and being chronically unhappy. She felt like she had to instantly overhaul her life. Scroll down for the full story and the tips the internet gave the author.

It can feel overwhelming when you’re dealing with multiple issues, from chronic stress and pain to mental health problems

Image credits: Valeriia Miller / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

A woman turned to the net for advice after her boyfriend called her out for not making changes in her life to be happier and healthier

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Image credits: Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Cooky1998

Image credits: Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Regular physical activity reduces the risk of depression, is good for your health, and improves your self-esteem

To be very blunt, everyone needs to get in the habit of exercising on a regular basis. What you do specifically—whether that’s jogging, yoga, tennis, hiking, pilates, basketball, weightlifting, etc.—isn’t as important as the fact that you move in a way that’s enjoyable to you. You need to listen to your body. What works for one person might not work for you due to your build, traumas, and lifestyle.

The advice is very similar for healthy adults, seniors, as well as individuals with chronic conditions or disabilities. The CDC recommends that men and women between the ages of 18 and 64 do at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity per week. Brisk walking fits the bill here. On top of that, you should have at least 2 days every week where you focus on activities that strengthen your muscles.

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Adults who are 65 years and older should do the same but also spend some additional time on activities that improve their balance: for instance, standing on one foot.

Meanwhile, the CDC urges adults with chronic conditions or disabilities to have similar physical health goals. They should get at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic physical activity a week, for instance, moving for 30 minutes 5 days a week. They should also spend 2 days per week strengthening their major muscle groups.

Of course, if you’re in chronic pain, you should speak to your doctor about what types of exercise might be best for you. Broadly speaking, getting any movement is better than getting none.

Exercise, when done habitually, improves many aspects of your life. The NHS explains that people who do regular physical activity have a lower risk of depression, dementia, type 2 diabetes, bowel cancer, breast cancer, osteoarthritis, hip fracture, and early death.

Furthermore, exercise tends to boost the quality of your sleep and energy, reduce your risk of stress, and improve your self-esteem and your mood.

Depressive disorder is a common problem that can require a complex strategy to tackle, from therapy to lifestyle changes

Depression, which is also known as depressive disorder, is a very common mental disorder, affecting 3.8% of all people around the globe and 5% of all adults, as per the World Health Organization (WHO).

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In the United States, 21 million adults have had at least one major depressive episode (i.e., at least two weeks of a depressed mood), the National Institute of Mental Health reports. According to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, depressive episodes are the most common among young adults aged 18 to 25.

Broadly speaking, the disorder is characterized by a depressed mood and losing pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time.

Depressed people can feel empty, sad, irritable, unable to focus, and hopeless about the future. The disorder can also contribute to low self-worth, changes in appetite, and poor sleep. Other symptoms include feeling exhausted and as though you have little energy.

If left untreated, depression can affect important aspects of your life, from your relationships to your performance at work or school. The WHO notes that depressive disorder can affect anyone, but the most vulnerable are people who have experienced stressful events, severe losses, or abuse. Furthermore, the WHO explains that women are 50% more likely to develop depression than men.

The majority of people living in low- and middle-income countries receive no treatment for their mental disorders due to a variety of reasons, from social stigma and a lack of trained healthcare providers to poor investments in mental health care as a whole.

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Certain things are non-negotiable if you want to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. Things like getting regular exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, and investing in positive relationships.

Human beings are social animals: we need movement and relationships to feel fulfilled and to become more resilient. If you cut yourself off from exercise and isolate yourself socially, it will only make any issues you have worse.

Here’s the impartial advice some internet users shared with the author of the viral story

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »
Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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Plenty Pineapples
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm shocked by the lack of compassion towards OP. Seriously?! Saying these things to someone who already has no hope?! Absolutely appalling! Sounds like OP hasn't tried the right therapy, or meds, or combination of the two. Also sounds like trauma.

arthbach
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plenty Pineapples, the OP most definitely needs help. When you are drowning in depression, it is so incredibly difficult to make the changes necessary. A good first step is going back to the GP/family doctor and asking for help. Another suggestion is contacting a mental health charity. Also get in touch with people regarding chronic pain - that *really* saps the life from you. There needs to be little positive steps, steps the person is capable of making.

Load More Replies...
Emma S
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 100% sympathy for anyone experiencing mental health issues, as I've had anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. However, there's a limit to how much people can put up with and being in a relationship with someone who is depressed but not doing anything to help themselves can be exhausting as well. I completely understand why some people just get to the point where they have to walk away to protect their own mental health.

Libstak
Community Member
28 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The adage "bear hugs kettle" comes to mind. A bear breaks into a kitchen foraging for food. The home owners have left the kettle on and it starts to whistle loudly, scaring the bear. The bears reaction is to hug the kettle, hoping to crush it, the kettle is burning hot, so the bear hugs it harder hoping it will stop the pain of the burn. The bear is stuck in a cycle where he keeps hugging harder when it scares him with its whistle and harder still when it burns him with its heat, never realising he has another choice to leave and distance himself from the pain and noise. We do this when we spiral into repetitive self defeating thoughts and feelings that don't include the choice of an actual action that would change our perspective and open the door to something new. She is just hugging that kettle of pain and fears for dear life as though she loves the cycle itself.

Load More Replies...
Ash
Community Member
2 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) Talk to psychiatrist and therapist if possible. You clearly have depression. 2) This is a case of a guy wanting to FIX the problem and not understanding that the point is to EXPRESS the problem and be validated. 3) He is making OP feel worse for things that aren't her fault. If hearing about her issues is bringing him down, it is HIS responsibility to express that kindly and to draw appropriate boundaries to protect his own mental health. It's not hers, especially after he bugged her to tell him what was wrong. 4) I understand that being around a depressed person is hard, and not everybody can do it. I try to avoid it. But if he can't handle it, then they shouldn't be in a relationship with each other. And he's acting like HE'S the major sufferer in this situation, when it is clearly OP who is suffering most. This guy sounds emotionally immature and probably not good for OP.

Elaine Van Zon
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. People who've never been depressed can never truely empathise but this boyfriend is only thinking of himself. Unfortunately people do try to fix you not listen. Then all those uncaring comments are horrendous. That poor girl I hope she gets proper medical help. All this judgement could push her over the edge!.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
Plenty Pineapples
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm shocked by the lack of compassion towards OP. Seriously?! Saying these things to someone who already has no hope?! Absolutely appalling! Sounds like OP hasn't tried the right therapy, or meds, or combination of the two. Also sounds like trauma.

arthbach
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plenty Pineapples, the OP most definitely needs help. When you are drowning in depression, it is so incredibly difficult to make the changes necessary. A good first step is going back to the GP/family doctor and asking for help. Another suggestion is contacting a mental health charity. Also get in touch with people regarding chronic pain - that *really* saps the life from you. There needs to be little positive steps, steps the person is capable of making.

Load More Replies...
Emma S
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 100% sympathy for anyone experiencing mental health issues, as I've had anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. However, there's a limit to how much people can put up with and being in a relationship with someone who is depressed but not doing anything to help themselves can be exhausting as well. I completely understand why some people just get to the point where they have to walk away to protect their own mental health.

Libstak
Community Member
28 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The adage "bear hugs kettle" comes to mind. A bear breaks into a kitchen foraging for food. The home owners have left the kettle on and it starts to whistle loudly, scaring the bear. The bears reaction is to hug the kettle, hoping to crush it, the kettle is burning hot, so the bear hugs it harder hoping it will stop the pain of the burn. The bear is stuck in a cycle where he keeps hugging harder when it scares him with its whistle and harder still when it burns him with its heat, never realising he has another choice to leave and distance himself from the pain and noise. We do this when we spiral into repetitive self defeating thoughts and feelings that don't include the choice of an actual action that would change our perspective and open the door to something new. She is just hugging that kettle of pain and fears for dear life as though she loves the cycle itself.

Load More Replies...
Ash
Community Member
2 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) Talk to psychiatrist and therapist if possible. You clearly have depression. 2) This is a case of a guy wanting to FIX the problem and not understanding that the point is to EXPRESS the problem and be validated. 3) He is making OP feel worse for things that aren't her fault. If hearing about her issues is bringing him down, it is HIS responsibility to express that kindly and to draw appropriate boundaries to protect his own mental health. It's not hers, especially after he bugged her to tell him what was wrong. 4) I understand that being around a depressed person is hard, and not everybody can do it. I try to avoid it. But if he can't handle it, then they shouldn't be in a relationship with each other. And he's acting like HE'S the major sufferer in this situation, when it is clearly OP who is suffering most. This guy sounds emotionally immature and probably not good for OP.

Elaine Van Zon
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. People who've never been depressed can never truely empathise but this boyfriend is only thinking of himself. Unfortunately people do try to fix you not listen. Then all those uncaring comments are horrendous. That poor girl I hope she gets proper medical help. All this judgement could push her over the edge!.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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