Meeting a partner’s family for the first time can be stressful. You might spend all day choosing the perfect outfit, studying up on topics that their parents enjoy discussing and purchasing their favorite flowers or a nice bottle of wine to ensure you don’t show up empty handed.

But according to one man, the most important thing for his girlfriend to do upon meeting his parents is help out in the kitchen. Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, where this man wondered if he was wrong for pressuring his girlfriend to play along with his family’s “sexist tradition.” 

Before introducing his girlfriend to his family, this man warned her that she would be expected to play along with the gender roles they enforce

Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)

Now, he’s wondering if he made a mistake by trying to pressure her into helping out in the kitchen

Image credits: Gagan Kaur (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)

Image credits: GraveYardSchift

Later, the man added that he made a similar sacrifice for her family in the past

It’s perfectly normal for couples to have some nerves before meeting with one of their families for the first time

Image credits: Aiony Haust (not the actual photo)

It’s completely normal to be nervous before meeting a partner’s family. It’s a huge milestone for any relationship, and it can often be stressful, depending on the nature of your partner’s relationship to their parents and siblings. And according to Jean Fitzpatrick, a licensed relationship therapist in New York City, there are certain steps we can take to ensure that the meeting goes as smoothly as possible, such as asking their parents questions. “Ask about your partner and what he was like as a child, especially if there are any funny moments they remember. They’ll enjoy reminiscing,” she Fitzpatrick told Brides.com. “Be sure to chime in about qualities you appreciate in your partner.” 

If you know that you and your partner’s family don’t necessarily have values that align, it’s also wise to avoid any delicate or touchy subjects. “The first meeting is probably not the time to start a political discussion,” Fitzpatrick notes. There’s no need to delve into difficult issues that can later be discussed when you already have an established relationship with one another. But you should feel free to share about yourself, so they have a chance to get to know you. “They’ll be interested to hear about your own family and childhood, and about your career and interests,” Fitzpatrick says. Express gratitude, and be yourself. You all want what is best for your partner, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find common ground.

Unfortunately, it’s extremely common for people to have a rocky relationship with their partner’s family

Image credits: Tim Doerfler (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, however, not everyone can have a seamless relationship with their partner’s family. In fact, most of us don’t. 75% of couples have reported having problems with an in-law, with 60% of women admitting that the relationship with their mother-in-law caused them unhappiness and stress. And while it can be upsetting and disappointing to realize that you don’t mesh well with your partner’s loved ones, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed. Sarah Watson, an LPC and certified sex therapist, told Elite Daily that we’re never required to love someone else’s family, despite the challenges that it may bring to our relationship. 

It is important, however, to be delicate with how you express emotions towards your partner’s family. Even if you find them to be cold or judgmental, it’s important to remember how much your partner loves them and that they likely cannot view them through an unbiased lens.  “You don’t need to tell your partner specifically that you don’t like their family as much as communicate why you don’t want to spend time with them,” Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, told Elite Daily. Give examples of specific behaviors that bother you and explain how they make you feel, but be gentle in the way that you express yourself. No matter how hurt you may be, it’s important to give their family the respect that you want them to show you as well.

But it’s important for individuals to stay true to themselves and not feel pressured to change for their partner

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

While it can be difficult trying to navigate a relationship with your partner’s family where you feel unappreciated or judged, it’s key for your own relationship that your partner at least supports you and understands where you’re coming from. To ensure this, intuitive dating coach and author Diana Dorell told Elite Daily it’s important to define what being supportive actually means in your relationship, so you and your partner can agree on what you need from each other. “If it’s to support your dreams and if you are having a rough day, that’s one thing,” the dating coach says. “If you want them to fulfill all your emotional needs without supporting yourself in trying to get those met, that is unrealistic and can be seen as codependency.”

“Approach it from a place of what you are excited to see versus what they are doing wrong. Otherwise, it’s easy for them to go on the defensive,” Dorell continued. And at the end of the day, your partner should never be asking you to compromise your morals or integrity. According to Rachael Pace at Marriage.com, pressuring a partner to change is disrespectful and sure to result in emotional distance and a relationship where one partner will always feel unworthy and emotionally exhausted. It’s clear from the reactions that this post on Reddit received where most readers stand on the issue, but we would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, pandas. Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing drama when meeting a partner’s family for the first time, look no further than right here.   

Readers slammed the man in the comments, noting that he should be more understanding towards his girlfriend

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