“What An Odd Thing To Say”: This Boundary Coach Is Teaching People Phrases To Use In Any Situation

I have to do this when I'm forced to make a phone call to cancel a service and argue with a "customer retention" rep. If you order service online it should be a law that you can turn it off online, as well.

A guy came to my door to sell some pest control service we did not need. I only answered the door because I literally made eye contact with him through the window as he walked up to my door. Anyway, he would NOT take a "no thank you" from me. Finally, I said, "I'm going to close the door now. Good bye" and ended it. But sheesh

That's way too polite and not direct enough 😂

I always just say, "Which part of "no" don't you understand?"

"...but let me just explain it to you again" , "No it's just______" , "you're not getting it" I feel 'ya.

This is a phrase that will instantly put anyone on the defensive. It sounds like something a parent would say to a child, and adults do not like being spoken to that way. It ONLY works in a snarky way, and that's the only way it will be taken.

"You might very well think that; I couldn't possibly comment" - Francis Urquhart. "House of Cards"

I've wanted to say something like this multiple times. But I feel it gets more complicated when I recognize I'm at risk of offending someone I also have to spend a lot of time with for whatever reason. I dunno maybe I'm just not brave enough. I try and find other things to say instead without agreeing.

6. “Why is the answer important to you?”

Littlemiss

Littlemiss

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One nosy person who I had just met asked about my pay, rent, personal life etc. So I I countered it with, an equally personal question for them to answer. She went silent and said I don't want to answer such personal questions ask by someone I don't know! I replied neither do I in yet you continue to ask me. The woman spluttered and changed the subject.

7. "Why do you need to know?"

I find that saying "look, i know that this isn't really any of my business, so feel free to tell me to bugger off - can I ask you about [thing]?" works really well. I lot of the time I get an answer, and if they're not comfortable they just say so - I've already told them that pushing back is not an issue, so they don't get defensive.

"Are you writing a book?"

Just covering a nasty comment. BTW, this strategy is both empathetic and self respecting. I want to start using it from now on!

Similarly, I've found that if I want to rant or have a conversation about a heavy topic with someone that I know has a lot on their plate, starting a conversation with "Hey, I want to talk to you about something important to me. Do you have the mental bandwidth to talk?" Gives them the ability to bow out if they don't

When interrupted, I don't stop talking. I just continue speaking as if this train has no brakes. The interrupter always gets a very awkward, uncomfortable look on their face. Interrupters hate being no-sold.

My go to response unless there is an obvious is "oh I'm so sorry the middle of my sentence interrupted the start of yours, how ruse of me"

Cooperative overlap! I didn't know the phrase, but that's what I do.

I interrupt because I have ADHD and if a thought of relevance goes by, I have to let it out or it may go away forever.

Mine is, "Oh! I'm so sorry I was talking while you were interrupting me." The response may vary. Some are visibly embarrassed at being called out. Others will wear the "you got me" facial expression, then actually apologize. Still others get mad at being called out and try to play the victim card. In all cases, any onlookers get a good laugh at the interrupter's expense.

Honestly, I would prefer and use the first option. I want to be direct and straightforward and if I don't want a hug from someone, I probably don't want them touching me in any way (so a high five wouldn't work).

I personnally hiss in terror 😆

I think many of these "boundary" replies would make you look rude: Someone offering to hug you isn't (normally) offensive. You can decline it by lightly saying "I am not a hugger" (=this is *my* issue). But "please don't touch me" will change the tone, and implies there's something wrong with that other person.

I just hold up both my hands (like Stop) and say I am not a hugger. Love ya, byeeeeee lol

As a person over the age of 15, I'm not giving anyone a high five.

"What an odd thing to say out loud". I love this, buried in the paragraph of explanation.

As a white person from this same part of the world I can confirm here. The frequency of unhinged comments like this boggle my mind. I like to give responses that imply I have no idea what they are talking about (because they are almost always dog-whistle comments) and then just sit there quietly while they awkwardly try to dance around it. "What do I think apartment buildings bring to the area" they might ask? "Poor people? People without a need for space and a yard? Location?" I might answer.....defiantly not the answer they were looking for.

I find that "excuse you?" also works. It lets people know they said/did something that wasn't okay, and you're giving them one last chance to unf*ck themselves.

Add a good raised set of brows to your expression repertoire. Makes someone feel inappropriate enough and ABRUPTLY change the topic. Throw in a 'riiight and in other news (distraction)'

You can change "odd" to "racist" "homophobic" "bigoted" "judgemental" to call them out and make them aware that you are what they are doing and it's not ok. (And in some very white areas, people may be so used to hearing and saying certain things that they don't even connect that what they said is wrong, especially if nobody calls them out on it, so it can be a teachable moment too)

Whenever someone says to me, "Can I ask you a question," I always reply, "Of course you can, I'm not guaranteeing I'll answer it, but you can certainly ask."

That is far too polite for someone being inappropriate. Just say, “Please stop.”

I would think STFU would work, too. 😈

When I'm angry about something and likely to say something I'll regret later or I know I'm going to be volatile I say 'I need up to 72 hours to think about this before I can respond appropriately.' I find taking that kind of time helps me to look at things from multiple perspectives and gives me a chance to form an intelligent and well received response. If I'm still pissed off 72 hours later I figure that person deserves what ever type of explosion I produce!!

My coworker had severe anger towards a manager (who I didn't like either so I understood) and when manager said "hey I'm still kinda like sensing a bad mood from you?" the coworker said "yeah, I'm still angry, and I'm not ready to discuss it yet because I don't want to say anything I'm going to regret."

Happened a few weeks ago at the physiotherapist's. A woman, strongly impaired, with two crutches, trying to open a heavy door. I moved towards her, stopped and asked 'may I help you?' and she declined, because she needed to get used to do these things alone. Both of us were fine.

I always overthink this sort of situation. So when I made a new friend who's visually impaired, I came right out and asked if there was anything I needed to be sure not to do. It sounds like I'm putting my problem on her, but I figure she's the expert here.

My husband is a "helper" and I have had to explain to him that it could be seen as insulting and he needs to ask first. Meanwhile I'm over in a corner not talking to strangers lol

JUST HAND ME THE F*****G BOOOOXXX WHEN I AAAAASK! I assure you I know when something is a problem more than other people do. But yeah get the door that's just being cool if someone's hands are full or something. It's not really super hard.

Better yet: "Take your hands off of me or I'm calling the police!" If you start pushing someone who uses a manual wheelchair without asking or being asked, it's ASSAULT. Mobility aids are a part of the person who uses them, and there is no difference between coming up behind a stranger who's walking, grabbing them by the shoulders, and pushing them forward and coming up behind a stranger using a manual wheelchair, grabbing the wheelchair's push handles, and pushing them. Both are assault.