Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumour is they’re working on a self-driving boat as well. They’re going to call it the iAye.

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max bang

max bang

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2 years ago

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Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?
Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.

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What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the tides?
Johnny Depth.

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What is the most crowded and caring boat called?
A friend-ship.

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How was the boat turned into a party boat?
Through pier pressure.

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What was the name of the boat filled with football players?
Sportsman-ship.

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What is the name of the fastest sailboat in the world?
Usain Boat.

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Which music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat?
Maroon 5.

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Which movie do sailors like to watch the most?
The Codfather.

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What do you call a person specialized in boat chemistry?
Salter White.

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Why was 'Pirates of the Caribbean' not allowed to play on the cruise?
Because of censor-ship!

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Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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Telepathetic

Telepathetic

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2 years ago

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The only thing he'll catch is a buzz

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Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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My boss said he races boats.
So I said, “Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!”

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The New York Times just contracted me to row a boat for a upcoming story.
I'm the Times's new Row-man.

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I got a boat for my wife.
Best trade I've ever made.

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Telepathetic

Telepathetic

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2 years ago

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I lost my wife in a poker game. I folded with 4 Aces

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If the internet had a boat, where would they park it?
In Google Docs.

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Where do the sick boats go for checkups?
To the doc.

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Why could not the sailors play the game of cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck.

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What kind of detergent do sailors use the most?
Tide.

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How do sailors greet each other on the cruise?
They start waving.

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Who got a free movie ticket pass on the cruise ship?
Tom Cruise.

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What does Captain Jack Sparrow usually cook?
Pyrex of the Caribbean.

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What do you call a boat with AI?
Row-bot.

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A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually only once.”

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What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board?
“Water you doing here!?”

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What do you call a ship that’s 50% off?
A sale boat.

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Felt wavy. Might as well seas the day!

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If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock.
It’s pier-reviewed.

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Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.

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What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing. It just waved.

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Why did the Norwegian sell their boat?
They couldn’t a-fjord it!

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Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop.
It was quite an oar deal.

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I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise… Until I realised, we are all in the same boat.

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I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in…
It was Adele, rolling in the deep.

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Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!

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What do you call just over three rodents on a boat?
Pi-rats.

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How do you get a blind man to see?
By boat.

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Have you ever had the theme from "The Love Boat" stuck in your head?
Now you have. You're welcome.

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe, who?
Canoe answer the door, please?

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Scott Anderson

Scott Anderson

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2 years ago

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I can't I'm washing my dinghy

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Why are pirates really cool?
Because they arrrgggghhh!

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What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.

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Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?
You stop pretending.

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Where did Bugs Bunny decide to park his boat?
At the "What's-up dock!"

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What kind of vegetable is not allowed on ships?
Leeks.

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What was the name of the dentist's office, which got opened on a boat?
The tooth ferry.

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What was the discount rate at the boat store?
A two-for-one sail.

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Why did the dolphin chase the boat?
To find its porpoise!

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How to make a boat feel healthy?
Just give it some vitamin sea.

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What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat?
A see captain.

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What does BOAT stand for?
"Break out another thousand."

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How was the sailing business going on in the boat?
The sails were going through the roof!

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Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea?
To test the water.

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Where do the most deadly creatures like zombies go for sailing?
To the Dead Sea.

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What is the name of the sail that has only two corners?
"I do not have a clew!"

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What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth?
Any ship that will go near it will sync!

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What music system did the sailors use the most?
A boat player!

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How many sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because there is no right size available onboard, and the marine store doesn't carry that brand, and moreover, the mail-order has them on back-order.

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From where did Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.

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What is the name of the most joyful ship?
The laughter-ship.

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Why are pirates so bad at learning alphabets?
Because they always get stuck at C.

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What was the sailor worried about this time?
To not go overboard.

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What ship is most liked by all the vampires?
Blood vessel.

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Why was the kid so happy about dreaming of sailing in a sea full of soda?
Because it was just a Fanta-sea.

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Why did the laughter-ship sink very often?
Because the anchor took a break!

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Let's fish upon a star.

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Worry less and paddle more.

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How do you make luxury yacht charters look younger?
Boat-Tox.

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?
Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.

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What did the boat say at the funeral?
"My gondolences."

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What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely?
Sailgating.

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What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!

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What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited?
“You can’t just barge in like that!”

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I can’t think of any more boat puns.
Canoe?

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A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached.
They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling “Help we’re sinking!”
The Life Guard asked, “Ja, vat are you sinking about?”

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Two sailors are talking:
Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.”
Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”

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Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
“What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!”
“No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”

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Why shouldn’t boats hit certain islands?
It takes atoll on them.

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I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.

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H. Clinton and D. Trump are In a boat and the boat sprung a leak. Who is saved?
The world.

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Why did the chess master throw up on the boat?
He got c6.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"I just had a new winch installed on my boat today," the guy tells the bartender.
"Ship just got reel."

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What did the ship’s captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel?
"We’re in dire straits!"

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I just managed to swap my boat for a new model I hadn’t seen before.
I thought it was worth a punt.

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Old sailors never die, they just get a little dinghy.

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Why aren’t boats equipped with artificial intelligence?
Nobody wants to get on a thinking ship.

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I crashed my rowing boat.
I suffered a broken scull.

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Where did the flying boat land?
At the air-port.

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Why did the students go on the boat?
To get their scholar-ship!

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How did the wedding on the boat go?
They had a ferry-tale ending!

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How do you get a good deal on the boat?
When there is a sail on it.

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What is the name of the boat that is famous among people?
Relation-ship.

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What happened when the boat carrying red paint crashed against the boat carrying blue paint?
The crew got marooned.

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What kind of music do fishermen love to listen to on their boat?
Pond-tunes.

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What is the name of the boat made of stones?
A hard-ship.

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Why were the ship owners so sad about buying the new ship?
Because it coasta-plenty to them!

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Why are boats not weirded out by another boat and their activities?
Because they respect whatever floats each other's boats.

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Why did the sailor fall sick after looking at his boating test score?
Because he got C-sick.

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How were the goods transported through the ship?
With the help of car-go.

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What do the sailors use to clean their noses when they have a cold?
Anchor-chiefs!

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What do you call a ship that blinks a lot?
A lighthouse.

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What happened to the Spanish guy who was on a cruise ship?
He got lost at 'Si.'

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What did the captain tell the passengers on the boat?
"It's going to be a cruizy ride!"

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What did the boat say to the other boat?
"Can I get a free pass on row-mance?"

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What was the sailor getting ready to do?
To warship!

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What activity do zombies like to do on a cruise ship?
They like to shuffle-board!

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Why did the sailor fall asleep?
Because he went for snore-kling!

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I'm sorry, but this boat is knot for sail.

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What did Gotye say after he sold his boat?
"Now you’re just a boat that I used to row."

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What’s the world’s most efficient bilge pump?
A scared man with a bucket.

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When the bottom of a cargo ship got a hole, it had one hull of a problem.

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What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork?
Bobby.

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How do you get fresh milk from a boat?
By pulling on its rudder.

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What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock?
“I haven’t got a crew.”

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How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge?
S-cargo.

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What race doesn’t require running?
A regatta race.

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What happens when a boat passes near a sleeping duck?
It’s a wake.

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Boating sounds like a terrible idea on paper.
But it’s a thousand times better on water.

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Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?
That makes it capsized.

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A catamaran sailing in the frostbite series race lost its mast and was nearly overturned by a large wave.
The headline in the club newsletter the next day was, ‘Cata-frostic Dismaster.’

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Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering.

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What do you call a boat full of mean potatoes?
A dictatorship.

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What does Mike Tyson do when his boat starts leaking?
First, he thinks for a while... Then he dethides to thwim.

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My husband told me I could choose the name he'd paint on the back of his new boat with the condition it be nautical themed.
So I named it... "For Sail."

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My great-grandfather sunk 7 U-boats during WW2.
Some say that he was the most incompetent captain in the Kriegsmarine.

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Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.

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Just bought a really expensive barge pole.
I thought I would push the boat out.

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I saw a man trying to juggle ten rowing implements.
It was truly oar inspiring.

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I’m not one for buoyancy, but you know, whatever floats your boat.

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One of my friends was cooking in a wok on the back of a boat.
He was making a stern fry.

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