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Hark and listen to the sky! Join our boat o' fun with these 'ere charmin' boating jokes! Whether ye be a sailor, a gentleman o' fortune, or a lord o' unknown breeding, these 'ere jokes will tickle yer jolly bone an' see ye through a storm o' laughter. Totally unscathed an' safe, yet with jolly tears in yer eyes!
Okay, pardon us for this piratesque intermission - somehow it's always the gentleman o' fortune that pops into our heads when thinking about anything at least remotely related to the seven seas. Say, something like these sailing jokes here! That's right, it's our collection of jolly good jokes about boats, and even if the sea for you is sandy beaches and vacations, there will be at least one of these hilarious jokes that you'll feel deeply touched by. Meaning, of course, it will bring a gale of laughter! And might make you want to get a pet parrot while you're at it.
Anyway, boat jokes are definitely not just for pirates, fishermen, and fancy people - they're for everyone! And, if you feel these sail jokes will do you some good, too, then scroll on down below to check them out. Once you are done, give the best jokes your vote, and share this article with your friends!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumour is they’re working on a self-driving boat as well. They’re going to call it the iAye.
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#2
Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?
Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.
#11
Why was 'Pirates of the Caribbean' not allowed to play on the cruise?
Because of censor-ship!
#12
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
#13
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
#15
The New York Times just contracted me to row a boat for a upcoming story.
I'm the Times's new Row-man.
#16
I got a boat for my wife.
Best trade I've ever made.
#19
Why could not the sailors play the game of cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck.
#25
A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually only once.”
#33
Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop.
It was quite an oar deal.
#34
I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise… Until I realised, we are all in the same boat.
#35
I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in…
It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
#36
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
#39
Have you ever had the theme from "The Love Boat" stuck in your head?
Now you have. You're welcome.
#40
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe, who?
Canoe answer the door, please?
#56
What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth?
Any ship that will go near it will sync!
#58
How many sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because there is no right size available onboard, and the marine store doesn't carry that brand, and moreover, the mail-order has them on back-order.
#64
Why was the kid so happy about dreaming of sailing in a sea full of soda?
Because it was just a Fanta-sea.
#69
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?
Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.
#73
What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited?
“You can’t just barge in like that!”
#75
A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached.
They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling “Help we’re sinking!”
The Life Guard asked, “Ja, vat are you sinking about?”
#76
Two sailors are talking:
Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.”
Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”
#77
Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
“What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!”
“No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”
#79
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
#82
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"I just had a new winch installed on my boat today," the guy tells the bartender.
"Ship just got reel."
#83
What did the ship’s captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel?
"We’re in dire straits!"
#84
I just managed to swap my boat for a new model I hadn’t seen before.
I thought it was worth a punt.
#86
Why aren’t boats equipped with artificial intelligence?
Nobody wants to get on a thinking ship.
#93
What happened when the boat carrying red paint crashed against the boat carrying blue paint?
The crew got marooned.
#96
Why were the ship owners so sad about buying the new ship?
Because it coasta-plenty to them!
#97
Why are boats not weirded out by another boat and their activities?
Because they respect whatever floats each other's boats.
#98
Why did the sailor fall sick after looking at his boating test score?
Because he got C-sick.
#114
What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock?
“I haven’t got a crew.”
#119
Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?
That makes it capsized.
#120
A catamaran sailing in the frostbite series race lost its mast and was nearly overturned by a large wave.
The headline in the club newsletter the next day was, ‘Cata-frostic Dismaster.’
#123
What does Mike Tyson do when his boat starts leaking?
First, he thinks for a while... Then he dethides to thwim.
#124
My husband told me I could choose the name he'd paint on the back of his new boat with the condition it be nautical themed.
So I named it... "For Sail."
#125
My great-grandfather sunk 7 U-boats during WW2.
Some say that he was the most incompetent captain in the Kriegsmarine.
#126
Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
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