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Man Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right Away
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Man Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right Away

Man Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right AwayMan Takes Woman To Her Favorite Restaurant, Ends Up Blocked After She Figures He Was “Testing” HerWoman Has A Great Time On A Date But Ends Up Blocking Guy After Figuring Out He Was “Testing” HerWoman Asks Online If She Was A Jerk To Block Her Date After His Rude TestNice Date At A Restaurant Goes Wrong When Guy Starts Testing Woman And Checking Her ReactionWoman Has A Great Time On A Date Until Guy Starts Playing Games, Ends Up Blocking HimMan Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right AwayMan Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right AwayMan Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right AwayMan Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right Away
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Sometimes, when going on a date, people focus on another person more than usual, attempting to judge their character or understand their intentions. While on the one hand, such attempts might result in reading into things that aren’t really there, and therefore simply focusing on having a good time might often be a better strategy, on the other hand, from time to time, without trying very hard, one might encounter a certain deal-breaker in their partner that, trusting their gut feeling, they judge intolerable. Despite there always being a chance of misunderstanding, they may decide to part ways or even go as far as to block the other person, as this Redditor did after getting “tested” during a first date at her favorite restaurant.

More info: Reddit

On their first date, a couple was having a good time, until the woman experienced what she thought to be a test

Image credits:  tom balabaud (not the actual photo)

For their date, she had suggested a Mexican place, but the man asked to go to her favorite restaurant

Image credits: GivemethatIwantitnow

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Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: GivemethatIwantitnow

Image credits: energepic.com (not the actual photo) 

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Image credits: GivemethatIwantitnow

The couple was having a good time and when it came time to pay, it was $500+ as it was a luxurious restaurant

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Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)

The couple asked for separate bills, as the man let the woman understand that was what he preferred

A woman took her first date experience at her favorite restaurant to Reddit, asking if she was wrong to end things straight after dinner. She explained that for their first date, she suggested going to a Mexican place that has over 300 tequilas in their tequila library, as well as amazing tacos with handmade tortillas. However, when she was asked about her favorite spot, she told the truth and opened up about her favorite restaurant, adding it to be “a bit much for a first date”.

Either way, her date checked the menu and invited her for dinner at this very restaurant. The couple were having a good time, though when it came time to pay, the woman did not appreciate the man’s behavior. She wasn’t sure if the man wanted to split the bill or was trying to invite her to do so, so she waited for his call. They ended up both asking for separate bills almost simultaneously, although the man did it first.

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The woman was totally fine with it, but she wasn’t fine with what her date did next, as the man waited until the waitress came back to pick up the bills and then gave her both bills, simultaneously taking the woman’s credit card and saying he would be paying for it all. The woman thanked him for dinner and left, blocking the man as soon as she got into a vehicle. She explained that the reason she blocked him was the game he was playing with her expectations.

As her date invited her and she did assume he was paying, then the man made sure she knew that she should pay for herself, while eventually grabbing the checks and paying it all by himself – annoying the server and his date.

The woman understood the man’s behavior to be a “s**t test” attempting to check if she would pony up to a $250+ each restaurant bill. However, when she shared her story with a friend, her friend focused mostly on the cost of the dinner rather than anything else and told her she was the villain here.

Similarly, Redditors had different takes on the situation, while most people agreed that the man’s behavior of playing games to find out her last name or if she would be willing to pay was off-putting, they also noted that it possibly wasn’t so out of line that she was warranted to block him, instead of having a conversation or at least writing a message. Others similarly suggested the woman could have been more forgiving.

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Finally, a Redditor under the name jrm1102 brought up the point that she might have misunderstood the situation, as the man could have simply changed his mind along the way, rather than viciously playing testing games.

The man waited until the waitress came to pick up the bills, grabbed the woman’s card, gave both bills to the waitress and said he would pay for it all

Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

The woman felt it was a “s**t test”, thanked him for dinner and blocked the man as soon as she got to her Uber

Lindsay Dodgson for Insider listed red flags that one might take notice of while on a first date and included the recommendation by Gabriela Reyes of trusting one’s gut feeling when it is telling you that something is off. Reyes recommended taking a bathroom break and checking in with yourself in such cases.

She noted that one’s feelings when around another person should be taken into consideration, even in cases when one is not able to explain them, yet. Similarly, Reyes advised not dismissing your date’s behavior as “first date nerves” if they do something that makes you uncomfortable, as while it may be that they are just being nervous, a certain problem that you observed may very well be real.

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Teasing a date in a mean way was also brought up among the red flags as per recommendation by Katie Hood. Hood noted that situations when friendly banter has an edge to it that feels hurtful or mean are another warning sign of toxic behavior. While a bit of teasing is a good way to form connections, by demonstrating people are comfortable enough to make fun of each other, it is something else if a person finds themselves being offended or taken aback by their date’s behavior.

Hood suggested not to be afraid to call another person out in a low-key way on it, by saying things like “That’s not love!”, and not let another person dismiss you for being “too sensitive”, while at the same time taking notice in case this happens repetitively in order to prevent veering into emotional abuse.

Redditors shared their takes on the situation

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Aura Vyšniauskaitė

Aura Vyšniauskaitė

Author, Community member

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Aura is a writer at Bored Panda. She finished her BA in Philosophy at Vilnius University. She lived in Prague for a few years, where she worked in Trade Compliance at DHL Express. Finally, she came back to Vilnius to continue her studies in Philosophy.

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Aura Vyšniauskaitė

Aura Vyšniauskaitė

Author, Community member

Aura is a writer at Bored Panda. She finished her BA in Philosophy at Vilnius University. She lived in Prague for a few years, where she worked in Trade Compliance at DHL Express. Finally, she came back to Vilnius to continue her studies in Philosophy.

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė Tolstych

Author, Community member

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Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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Saulė Tolstych

Saulė Tolstych

Author, Community member

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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Hphizzle
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is simple. She set a boundary of keeping her last name private until she’s ready to tell him. She makes it clear early on. He blatantly ignores that boundary on the first date. There’s a difference between oops I accidentally saw your name on the card and grabbing said card and studying it and bragging that you now know her last name. The paying the check game made it that much worse.

Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. He had some power trip thing going on. A big red flag, right there. Stay Safe, sisters. Better to be a near-stranger's rude memory than risk becoming a polite corpse.

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Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP, it seems like you saw a red flag and responded appropriately.

ChickyChicky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For real, trust your gut. The guy pulled a weird move. Doesn't need to be any logic in it, it was weird and she felt weird about it.

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Shadow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA please don't let the haters and skeptics get you down. I teach self defense and martial arts to women and your inner sense is ALWAYS right. Something was off about this guy and no reason to explain or even know exactly. Block, protect, and have nothing to do with him. You did everything right. Be safe. Peace

️️Upvote faery️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't put my card down on any table. It stays in my hand until they bring me the machine, then I pay and put my card away. No one else needs to see my card. Period.

Brainmas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably would have insisted on paying my own at that point, but dude is an AH for playing a little game to get around a boundary she set.

Tam StaR
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All the comments criticizing her let's me know they've never met or dated a manipulator before. This is a clear first date warning sign. The "test". The stealing information she asked to keep private. You're more concerned with her looking like an angel to this deviant than her being safe.

Ron Baza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m a fidgeter. A good way of avoiding showing your card details in such circumstances is to absent-mindedly tap your card on the table with the details (name, number) facing towards yourself.

Tracy Wallick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While true, you shouldn't have to do that when you've set a boundary with someone where you don't want to tell them your full name. This guy super blatantly ignored that boundary.

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Gavin Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey there BP readers who are dating, or just living life, it’s your life, you get to choose who does or doesn’t get to know information about you, if someone or some situation makes you uncomfortable, suspicious or it gets your spidey sense tingling then it’s entirely your choice what you do or how you deal with an individual. Yeah you might miss a decent person, you might block someone who isn’t a threat BUT you also might keep yourself safe and carry on with a clear and safe mind. You don’t owe anyone anything, it’s your life, keep it safe.

Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can understand it, esp since she already explained her scary stalker experience. He ignored her consent, regarding his insistence on knowing her full name when she'd already said she wasn't ready to share it yet. What other consent might he have ignored? Glad she venmoed him the cost of her dinner, which was the only classy way to resolve the cost issue. Best bet would have been to refuse to go to such an expensive spot for date #1, and only agree to meet at a less costly location. ALWAYS trust your gut instinct, esp when someone does something that gives you the w*****s. Men looking to impress a gal might want to avoid making her feel like neither her opinion, her feelings nor her consent truly matter to them. This can be a scary world in which to be female, so trying Not to freak us out is the best path to date #2..

Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wrote w-l-l-l-i-e-s in the sense of giving someone the creeps, Not anything naughty. BP editors, you crack me up! 😅

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Tracy Wallick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole check thing sounds like it was just a ploy to get her last name, by getting OP to put down a card with her full name on it. She explicitly said she didn't want to give him her last name, and he blatantly ignored that boundary. That dude is a creep.

Lizzie Lola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A restaurant that expensive should have check books, that's really weird

Missy Mayday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A check/cheque book? Depends where they are. In the UK cheques haven’t been a thing in literally decades. We all pay by cash or card now, but usually we never let the card out of our sight, the server comes to the table and we will either tap or insert the card ourselves into the machine.

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Yu Pan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

$250 per person?! Just the other day I turned down my friend's dinner invite because she wanted to go somewhere with $50~range. Either I need to make more money or have better taste.

PostState Globe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regardless, trust your gut instinct. If it felt manipulative, it probably was.

1ch0
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she is fine. To me it would be weird if someone just grabbed my creditcard and stared at it like that. Would be weird for me to. Then imagining me as a woman, I can understand why she didnt feel that safe anymore.

Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who would date a teacher for their money? Golddigger, I don't think so. Something about the guy made OP feel off. Go with your gut. Not everyone is going to be the perfect match. NTA

iMOGENE CARGO
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder what gender all of the ppl being a******s to OP are b/c as a woman... I'd have been put off by that too. If he had already wanted to know my full name n s**t.. n I didn't tell him n then he like.. creepily went out of his way to figure it out.. that would weird me out. I have been stalked before n I have also been on dates with "nice guys" who become psychotic when you turn them down after a date when they think they are entitled to your time, body & affection.... so it's better that you don't share this info on the first date to avoid that "nice guy" BS.... I would have insisted that the waitress take my card though. I never EVER let a man pay on the first couple dates for the sole reason that I do not want men to think I owe them anything which has been my experience more than not.

Sir Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta, guy was playing some game. Who knows. But honestly if your spidey senses said no go with it. Nobody else's opinion should really matter.

Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its a first date. People are on their best behavior trying to make a good first impression. If they fail this badly on their best behavior, there are about 6 billion other people on this planet that are over 18. Find one of them. Things will not get better if you stay in the relationship.

Ellen Little
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why so many YtA? If a guy crosses my boundaries during a first date, there will not be a second date. Period. These people make it seem like she “owes” him anything beyond common courtesy.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was testing you. At least he didn’t pretend to forget his wallet - that’s happened to me and is totally a thing. ( Pro tip - if you are going to pretend to forget your wallet, don’t take it out later to retrieve your parking card) You were right to end things because there would be more ridiculous tests later.

Cynthia Smith
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The guy asked you out and picked the restaurant, of course he should pay. The cost of the restaurant is on him. You don't owe him anything. Blocking him- you followed our gut. More women should do this.

Pyla
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I must be old. I can't imagine going on a date with someone whose name I didn't know. Bizarre. Like shake hands "hello, I'm Helena Handbasket" "why hello, I'm Mike Robrew"

Joelle Jansen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if it was just the "assuming he was paying for the date, him asking for separate checks and then paying for both checks anyway" is indeed testing you. And that's disrespectful as f**k. You didn't chose the restaurant for the date, he did.

Zophra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I would have asked, "What are you staring at my card? This is awkward and creepy," and then decided what to do from that reply. She should have never mentioned the 500 dollar restaurant for a first date, no matter her reasons. That's also weird.

madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't suggest it for a first date. She discouraged it and suggested a cheaper place.

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similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't blame her. Something about this guy was really "off" to the point of being creepy. No. Run away.

ConstantlyJon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah idk about this one. The defensiveness and added details makes it sound made up. In the post OP sounds like she's upset that he's testing her, but when defending herself in comments she makes it sound like she was more upset about him learning her last name. IF it's real, I think YTA. Maaaaybe he's a little bit of a butt for looking at her last name, but I think more than anything he was trying to make a joke but it didn't hit because she's had stalkers in the past? Regardless, I don't believe she thought that was the big deal. I think she pivoted to that being what she was upset about when other posters called her out on blocking him instead of communicating with him. You don't like guys who play games, but you're playing games yourself with that s**t. If you didn't like that he paid, just talk about it instead of making assumptions. Make an assumption, now you're an a*s.

Eve Sonnya
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women todsy fear to share private info, we are stalked snd we are afraid to say a direct NO due to way men react. You are not a woman, you dont know the reality.

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Juanita Sullivan
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does venmo mean!? Maybe put up an abbreviation chart too! Good grief!

Melissa Hollowell
Community Member
3 days ago

This comment has been deleted.

Jelena Putinja
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

we in Europa don't have such problems - we don't introduce ourselves with last name - I asked my now hubby his last name after about month of going out

Mimi M
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She had a choice to not go to that restaurant (especially on a first date). She wasn't a prisoner, she could have stood her ground on going to a casual place for a first date. Btw, that last name thing would have irritated me as well.

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mental note to self: pay cash instead of using a card with my name on it, at least until I feel safe enough to reveal my last name.

Roseli
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never go out to a restaurant with someone I don't want to give my surname to. How did you meet at all?

Roseli
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never go to a restaurant with a man I don't trust with my surname.

ADDchallengedINFP-T
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For petessake, change your credit card, it's been compromised. It's a risk you don't want to take.

Kat
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IDK, I would probably ask him, why he did that. First he wants to splitt the check and like 10 min later he is paying for everythig? He might do that to find out if she is willing to pay for herself (and I think it´s perfectly fine for men to pay just for them on first date) but it´s weird to be like oh, she would pay for her food so now I can be the gentleman and cover the bill. Like, just let her pay without the plot twist. However, if he did it because he wanted to know her name from credit card, that is big red flag. Absolutely not okay to touch someone else´s card, unless it´s your job or you are real close (like my BF sometimes gives me his card to pay for something)

Judy Takács
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trust your gut. If you were seriously interested in this guy, you'd give him another chance, another date, and see how it plays out. You weren't though, and didn't hesitate to be done with him. There were creepy red flags…tricking you into giving away your last name when you wanted to keep it private and testing you on the check split…it was totally a test. If, when you said "Separate Checks" he just said, No, its on me, he would have found out that you were willing and able to pay without it being inconvenient for the server and awkward for you with the credit card reading. You didn't owe him $250 though. Onward and upward to a guy you're more in sync with.

Carey Truitt
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was dishonest and creepy. He chose not to respect your wishes. It’s not a gold digger move if you were willing to pay your own way. What he did was wrong. This was his choice not yours. You also didn’t block him just because you wanted a date. You blocked him for safety reasons. Always always listen to how you feel.

Bewitched One
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was obviously a way to make her get her card out so he could find out her last name. It had nothing to do with who was paying or if she was a gold digger or not

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could have maybe all been avoided if she had just refused to go to her favorite restaurant on a first date. Being he is a teacher, and they are not paid that well, it almost seems like he felt he had to compete with your ability to go there.

Rachele Stoops
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m a teacher - how did this guy pay for a $500 dinner??? That’s the sus part! 🤣

Andrew
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

Almost sunny
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

Jeanie Conlan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sure he would have got great satisfaction from tricking you which is crewel and a red flag. He didn’t respect you boundaries or privacy. He didn’t allow you to go at your own pace. Yep, Block him because if you explained to him why you didn’t want to see him again, this also would have been another challenge for him to conquer.

PandaPops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sooo reading the original post she writes “and it wasn’t even his little comment of “oh now I finally know your last name”… so this wasn’t the reason she was offended and blocked him. Only afterwards did she take offence to this action when defending herself from people calling her an a*****e

Christos Arvanitis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bottom line is I don't think that anything malicious was going on here. This just seems like strange behavior, misunderstandings, misjudgements and an awkward date. When I was first dating and had money, I used to try to impress with an expensive dinner. Almost always an empty and wasteful gesture. Later in life I realized that, if we were going out to eat, going to a dive with good, cheap eats was a better way to get to know each other. Also, I've never been to a $500 restaurant... some people have some very different values I reckon.

Roman Hans
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A guy who lived overseas who I was dating came to visit me in New York. Around 10 one morning I said, "Let's go to my favorite taco place." He said sure. We went & it was terrific. He later said he was surprised because he thought tacos were greasy things you eat for lunch but these were fresh & tasty on handmade tortillas. We're married & I live overseas now too. And I still miss that taco place!

OnlyTheLonely
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole “women only pay when they’re not interested” thing has come up before. I don’t know how anyone gets past any first date without all the mixed messaging that goes on. I would get eaten alive if I was dating in todays climate…🫤

Anton Lansberry
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't tell you the number of dates that I have been on where the woman has done extensive research on me, from finding my job, my address, all the information on me she possibly can. Each one that has done so has explained that they wanted to make sure that I was really who I said, that I was in law enforcement, that I actually worked for the state, etc. Since I am exactly who I state I am, it is not a big deal for me. However, I can see it from this guys perspective, he wanted a last name to at least be able to do a little research. As far as he knows he doesn't even have a valid first name or age or any real information. It is a concern for those people seeking a real person to interact with and/or date. I worked in law enforcement but wasn't shy about having my name in the phone book. If one is constantly worried about people looking up a name, then perhaps one isn't in a place to begin dating. For myself, if I ask someone on a date, I pay for the date. That is how I was raised.

Invisible Potato
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what the actualy f**k, you cant even want to know the name of a person you are on adate to not look like a creep and weirdo.

Steve Dowell
Community Member
4 months ago

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I'm sorry, but why go on a date with someone if you don't even trust them knowing your name? Just don't go out with them.

xaspsx
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trust is something that builds over time. Men are inherently dangerous to women, and, like you suggested, plenty of women do opt out of dating for that reason. And if they all did, you'd find another reason to b*tch at women for not making themselves available to you. Because that's what you're really asking them to do. You don't care about their safety.

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François Bouzigues
Community Member
1 year ago

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Let´s step in his shoes. I met this girl, and it clicked. So we went on a date. She suggested a expensive place. Well why not. The only thing that bugged me was that she would not let me know her last name, which was a bit unsetting. But the date was real smooth. So i was tempted to invite her. But i was still puzzled by the whole name thing. So when the check came, i suggested we split it, and she was fully ready to do so. She dropped her card on the table. I had that other girl on a date drop her office meal visa which allows you up to 11$ per meal but look like just like a regular credit card. So i took a quick look to make sure it was a legit credit card. And made a quick joke about her last name. Reassured it was the case, i was more than happy to pay for the whole meal, because the experience was so good. Next thing i know, i am down 500$ and blocked by the girl. I´ll guess i should have trusted my guts and not dated a girl unwilling to say her last name.

Kazza
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats a lot of words for saying you ignore women when they tell you 'No'.

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ॐBoyGanesh
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Fine dining is my topic of authority. Well, high-end hospitality with Michelin-starred restaurants, actually. It’s the family business I was born into and I have always participated on some level. I can say with the utmost confidence that this entire scenario is made up or it has been completely altered to the point of not even resembling the actual event. I get privacy and I am acutely aware of the precariousness of women doing all they can to keep themselves safe in the dating world. But something is WAY off in her assumptions. I’m certain he didn’t give her not hearing her last name a second thought. When he changed gears & decided to pay, looking at her card, I doubt it was some diabolical scheme. Just a faux pas. Because he’s have to know doing so intentionally & manipulatively would have put a full stop to future dating. And why would someone invest $500 with the intention of destroying trust? Clearly she’s reading way too much into it or making BS excuses to ghost.

madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have no idea the manipulation men have tried on me (and succeeded in the beginning). I'm glad you don't understand, because that means you're not one of those men. Believe women have met them though, and not every man thinks the way you do.

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Alizay Hamdani
Community Member
1 year ago

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So what if he picked the card to check your name? Blocking him after he paid for dinner is a not only a sleazy move, it's why good men behave like a******s... Cuz women like you

Hphizzle
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is simple. She set a boundary of keeping her last name private until she’s ready to tell him. She makes it clear early on. He blatantly ignores that boundary on the first date. There’s a difference between oops I accidentally saw your name on the card and grabbing said card and studying it and bragging that you now know her last name. The paying the check game made it that much worse.

Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. He had some power trip thing going on. A big red flag, right there. Stay Safe, sisters. Better to be a near-stranger's rude memory than risk becoming a polite corpse.

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Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP, it seems like you saw a red flag and responded appropriately.

ChickyChicky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For real, trust your gut. The guy pulled a weird move. Doesn't need to be any logic in it, it was weird and she felt weird about it.

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Shadow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA please don't let the haters and skeptics get you down. I teach self defense and martial arts to women and your inner sense is ALWAYS right. Something was off about this guy and no reason to explain or even know exactly. Block, protect, and have nothing to do with him. You did everything right. Be safe. Peace

️️Upvote faery️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't put my card down on any table. It stays in my hand until they bring me the machine, then I pay and put my card away. No one else needs to see my card. Period.

Brainmas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably would have insisted on paying my own at that point, but dude is an AH for playing a little game to get around a boundary she set.

Tam StaR
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All the comments criticizing her let's me know they've never met or dated a manipulator before. This is a clear first date warning sign. The "test". The stealing information she asked to keep private. You're more concerned with her looking like an angel to this deviant than her being safe.

Ron Baza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m a fidgeter. A good way of avoiding showing your card details in such circumstances is to absent-mindedly tap your card on the table with the details (name, number) facing towards yourself.

Tracy Wallick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While true, you shouldn't have to do that when you've set a boundary with someone where you don't want to tell them your full name. This guy super blatantly ignored that boundary.

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Gavin Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey there BP readers who are dating, or just living life, it’s your life, you get to choose who does or doesn’t get to know information about you, if someone or some situation makes you uncomfortable, suspicious or it gets your spidey sense tingling then it’s entirely your choice what you do or how you deal with an individual. Yeah you might miss a decent person, you might block someone who isn’t a threat BUT you also might keep yourself safe and carry on with a clear and safe mind. You don’t owe anyone anything, it’s your life, keep it safe.

Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can understand it, esp since she already explained her scary stalker experience. He ignored her consent, regarding his insistence on knowing her full name when she'd already said she wasn't ready to share it yet. What other consent might he have ignored? Glad she venmoed him the cost of her dinner, which was the only classy way to resolve the cost issue. Best bet would have been to refuse to go to such an expensive spot for date #1, and only agree to meet at a less costly location. ALWAYS trust your gut instinct, esp when someone does something that gives you the w*****s. Men looking to impress a gal might want to avoid making her feel like neither her opinion, her feelings nor her consent truly matter to them. This can be a scary world in which to be female, so trying Not to freak us out is the best path to date #2..

Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wrote w-l-l-l-i-e-s in the sense of giving someone the creeps, Not anything naughty. BP editors, you crack me up! 😅

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Tracy Wallick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole check thing sounds like it was just a ploy to get her last name, by getting OP to put down a card with her full name on it. She explicitly said she didn't want to give him her last name, and he blatantly ignored that boundary. That dude is a creep.

Lizzie Lola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A restaurant that expensive should have check books, that's really weird

Missy Mayday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A check/cheque book? Depends where they are. In the UK cheques haven’t been a thing in literally decades. We all pay by cash or card now, but usually we never let the card out of our sight, the server comes to the table and we will either tap or insert the card ourselves into the machine.

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Yu Pan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

$250 per person?! Just the other day I turned down my friend's dinner invite because she wanted to go somewhere with $50~range. Either I need to make more money or have better taste.

PostState Globe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regardless, trust your gut instinct. If it felt manipulative, it probably was.

1ch0
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she is fine. To me it would be weird if someone just grabbed my creditcard and stared at it like that. Would be weird for me to. Then imagining me as a woman, I can understand why she didnt feel that safe anymore.

Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who would date a teacher for their money? Golddigger, I don't think so. Something about the guy made OP feel off. Go with your gut. Not everyone is going to be the perfect match. NTA

iMOGENE CARGO
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder what gender all of the ppl being a******s to OP are b/c as a woman... I'd have been put off by that too. If he had already wanted to know my full name n s**t.. n I didn't tell him n then he like.. creepily went out of his way to figure it out.. that would weird me out. I have been stalked before n I have also been on dates with "nice guys" who become psychotic when you turn them down after a date when they think they are entitled to your time, body & affection.... so it's better that you don't share this info on the first date to avoid that "nice guy" BS.... I would have insisted that the waitress take my card though. I never EVER let a man pay on the first couple dates for the sole reason that I do not want men to think I owe them anything which has been my experience more than not.

Sir Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta, guy was playing some game. Who knows. But honestly if your spidey senses said no go with it. Nobody else's opinion should really matter.

Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its a first date. People are on their best behavior trying to make a good first impression. If they fail this badly on their best behavior, there are about 6 billion other people on this planet that are over 18. Find one of them. Things will not get better if you stay in the relationship.

Ellen Little
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why so many YtA? If a guy crosses my boundaries during a first date, there will not be a second date. Period. These people make it seem like she “owes” him anything beyond common courtesy.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was testing you. At least he didn’t pretend to forget his wallet - that’s happened to me and is totally a thing. ( Pro tip - if you are going to pretend to forget your wallet, don’t take it out later to retrieve your parking card) You were right to end things because there would be more ridiculous tests later.

Cynthia Smith
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The guy asked you out and picked the restaurant, of course he should pay. The cost of the restaurant is on him. You don't owe him anything. Blocking him- you followed our gut. More women should do this.

Pyla
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I must be old. I can't imagine going on a date with someone whose name I didn't know. Bizarre. Like shake hands "hello, I'm Helena Handbasket" "why hello, I'm Mike Robrew"

Joelle Jansen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if it was just the "assuming he was paying for the date, him asking for separate checks and then paying for both checks anyway" is indeed testing you. And that's disrespectful as f**k. You didn't chose the restaurant for the date, he did.

Zophra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I would have asked, "What are you staring at my card? This is awkward and creepy," and then decided what to do from that reply. She should have never mentioned the 500 dollar restaurant for a first date, no matter her reasons. That's also weird.

madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't suggest it for a first date. She discouraged it and suggested a cheaper place.

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similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't blame her. Something about this guy was really "off" to the point of being creepy. No. Run away.

ConstantlyJon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah idk about this one. The defensiveness and added details makes it sound made up. In the post OP sounds like she's upset that he's testing her, but when defending herself in comments she makes it sound like she was more upset about him learning her last name. IF it's real, I think YTA. Maaaaybe he's a little bit of a butt for looking at her last name, but I think more than anything he was trying to make a joke but it didn't hit because she's had stalkers in the past? Regardless, I don't believe she thought that was the big deal. I think she pivoted to that being what she was upset about when other posters called her out on blocking him instead of communicating with him. You don't like guys who play games, but you're playing games yourself with that s**t. If you didn't like that he paid, just talk about it instead of making assumptions. Make an assumption, now you're an a*s.

Eve Sonnya
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women todsy fear to share private info, we are stalked snd we are afraid to say a direct NO due to way men react. You are not a woman, you dont know the reality.

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Juanita Sullivan
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does venmo mean!? Maybe put up an abbreviation chart too! Good grief!

Melissa Hollowell
Community Member
3 days ago

This comment has been deleted.

Jelena Putinja
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

we in Europa don't have such problems - we don't introduce ourselves with last name - I asked my now hubby his last name after about month of going out

Mimi M
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She had a choice to not go to that restaurant (especially on a first date). She wasn't a prisoner, she could have stood her ground on going to a casual place for a first date. Btw, that last name thing would have irritated me as well.

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mental note to self: pay cash instead of using a card with my name on it, at least until I feel safe enough to reveal my last name.

Roseli
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never go out to a restaurant with someone I don't want to give my surname to. How did you meet at all?

Roseli
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never go to a restaurant with a man I don't trust with my surname.

ADDchallengedINFP-T
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For petessake, change your credit card, it's been compromised. It's a risk you don't want to take.

Kat
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IDK, I would probably ask him, why he did that. First he wants to splitt the check and like 10 min later he is paying for everythig? He might do that to find out if she is willing to pay for herself (and I think it´s perfectly fine for men to pay just for them on first date) but it´s weird to be like oh, she would pay for her food so now I can be the gentleman and cover the bill. Like, just let her pay without the plot twist. However, if he did it because he wanted to know her name from credit card, that is big red flag. Absolutely not okay to touch someone else´s card, unless it´s your job or you are real close (like my BF sometimes gives me his card to pay for something)

Judy Takács
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trust your gut. If you were seriously interested in this guy, you'd give him another chance, another date, and see how it plays out. You weren't though, and didn't hesitate to be done with him. There were creepy red flags…tricking you into giving away your last name when you wanted to keep it private and testing you on the check split…it was totally a test. If, when you said "Separate Checks" he just said, No, its on me, he would have found out that you were willing and able to pay without it being inconvenient for the server and awkward for you with the credit card reading. You didn't owe him $250 though. Onward and upward to a guy you're more in sync with.

Carey Truitt
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was dishonest and creepy. He chose not to respect your wishes. It’s not a gold digger move if you were willing to pay your own way. What he did was wrong. This was his choice not yours. You also didn’t block him just because you wanted a date. You blocked him for safety reasons. Always always listen to how you feel.

Bewitched One
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was obviously a way to make her get her card out so he could find out her last name. It had nothing to do with who was paying or if she was a gold digger or not

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could have maybe all been avoided if she had just refused to go to her favorite restaurant on a first date. Being he is a teacher, and they are not paid that well, it almost seems like he felt he had to compete with your ability to go there.

Rachele Stoops
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m a teacher - how did this guy pay for a $500 dinner??? That’s the sus part! 🤣

Andrew
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

Almost sunny
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

Jeanie Conlan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sure he would have got great satisfaction from tricking you which is crewel and a red flag. He didn’t respect you boundaries or privacy. He didn’t allow you to go at your own pace. Yep, Block him because if you explained to him why you didn’t want to see him again, this also would have been another challenge for him to conquer.

PandaPops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sooo reading the original post she writes “and it wasn’t even his little comment of “oh now I finally know your last name”… so this wasn’t the reason she was offended and blocked him. Only afterwards did she take offence to this action when defending herself from people calling her an a*****e

Christos Arvanitis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bottom line is I don't think that anything malicious was going on here. This just seems like strange behavior, misunderstandings, misjudgements and an awkward date. When I was first dating and had money, I used to try to impress with an expensive dinner. Almost always an empty and wasteful gesture. Later in life I realized that, if we were going out to eat, going to a dive with good, cheap eats was a better way to get to know each other. Also, I've never been to a $500 restaurant... some people have some very different values I reckon.

Roman Hans
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A guy who lived overseas who I was dating came to visit me in New York. Around 10 one morning I said, "Let's go to my favorite taco place." He said sure. We went & it was terrific. He later said he was surprised because he thought tacos were greasy things you eat for lunch but these were fresh & tasty on handmade tortillas. We're married & I live overseas now too. And I still miss that taco place!

OnlyTheLonely
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole “women only pay when they’re not interested” thing has come up before. I don’t know how anyone gets past any first date without all the mixed messaging that goes on. I would get eaten alive if I was dating in todays climate…🫤

Anton Lansberry
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't tell you the number of dates that I have been on where the woman has done extensive research on me, from finding my job, my address, all the information on me she possibly can. Each one that has done so has explained that they wanted to make sure that I was really who I said, that I was in law enforcement, that I actually worked for the state, etc. Since I am exactly who I state I am, it is not a big deal for me. However, I can see it from this guys perspective, he wanted a last name to at least be able to do a little research. As far as he knows he doesn't even have a valid first name or age or any real information. It is a concern for those people seeking a real person to interact with and/or date. I worked in law enforcement but wasn't shy about having my name in the phone book. If one is constantly worried about people looking up a name, then perhaps one isn't in a place to begin dating. For myself, if I ask someone on a date, I pay for the date. That is how I was raised.

Invisible Potato
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what the actualy f**k, you cant even want to know the name of a person you are on adate to not look like a creep and weirdo.

Steve Dowell
Community Member
4 months ago

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I'm sorry, but why go on a date with someone if you don't even trust them knowing your name? Just don't go out with them.

xaspsx
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trust is something that builds over time. Men are inherently dangerous to women, and, like you suggested, plenty of women do opt out of dating for that reason. And if they all did, you'd find another reason to b*tch at women for not making themselves available to you. Because that's what you're really asking them to do. You don't care about their safety.

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François Bouzigues
Community Member
1 year ago

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Let´s step in his shoes. I met this girl, and it clicked. So we went on a date. She suggested a expensive place. Well why not. The only thing that bugged me was that she would not let me know her last name, which was a bit unsetting. But the date was real smooth. So i was tempted to invite her. But i was still puzzled by the whole name thing. So when the check came, i suggested we split it, and she was fully ready to do so. She dropped her card on the table. I had that other girl on a date drop her office meal visa which allows you up to 11$ per meal but look like just like a regular credit card. So i took a quick look to make sure it was a legit credit card. And made a quick joke about her last name. Reassured it was the case, i was more than happy to pay for the whole meal, because the experience was so good. Next thing i know, i am down 500$ and blocked by the girl. I´ll guess i should have trusted my guts and not dated a girl unwilling to say her last name.

Kazza
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats a lot of words for saying you ignore women when they tell you 'No'.

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ॐBoyGanesh
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Fine dining is my topic of authority. Well, high-end hospitality with Michelin-starred restaurants, actually. It’s the family business I was born into and I have always participated on some level. I can say with the utmost confidence that this entire scenario is made up or it has been completely altered to the point of not even resembling the actual event. I get privacy and I am acutely aware of the precariousness of women doing all they can to keep themselves safe in the dating world. But something is WAY off in her assumptions. I’m certain he didn’t give her not hearing her last name a second thought. When he changed gears & decided to pay, looking at her card, I doubt it was some diabolical scheme. Just a faux pas. Because he’s have to know doing so intentionally & manipulatively would have put a full stop to future dating. And why would someone invest $500 with the intention of destroying trust? Clearly she’s reading way too much into it or making BS excuses to ghost.

madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have no idea the manipulation men have tried on me (and succeeded in the beginning). I'm glad you don't understand, because that means you're not one of those men. Believe women have met them though, and not every man thinks the way you do.

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Alizay Hamdani
Community Member
1 year ago

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So what if he picked the card to check your name? Blocking him after he paid for dinner is a not only a sleazy move, it's why good men behave like a******s... Cuz women like you

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