I actually enjoy Black Friday.

It’s the one day I know exactly where all the nut jobs are and how to avoid them.

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lauralett50

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1 year ago

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This one is actually true

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What do you call Hunger Games in America?

Black Friday.

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mulk

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1 year ago (edited)

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Other variant: What is the other name of Black Friday in America? -> The Purge

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I was too lazy to go out shopping today, so to make it feel like Black Friday, I went ahead and punched a few family members.

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Emory White

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1 year ago

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Ouch

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What is the day after Black Friday called?

Broke Saturday.

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Emory White

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1 year ago

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No. Just no.

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When Black Friday falls on Friday the 13th, what happens?

Prices get slashed!

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Ian B

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1 year ago

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This is dumb. Black Friday is always after the 4th Thursday of the month and obviously the 13th is not at the end of the month.

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Black Friday should be for bills, too.

I want to get 30% off my electricity bill if I pay it on Black Friday.

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Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black friday deals too.

50% off.

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lauralett50

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1 year ago

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So bad , joke.

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Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

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RavenTheCat

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1 year ago

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Black Friday is legal murder day

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Why do people go clothes shopping on Black Friday?

To replace all the clothes they spilled Thanksgiving dinner on.

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I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday?

I blackout every Friday.

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Black Friday: The day people spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need.

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lauralett50

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1 year ago

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Tell us something we don't already know

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My dad has the best trick to save an absolute fortune on Black Friday…

He totally ignores it!

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What happens when a mall loses power?

Free Black Friday.

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lauralett50

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1 year ago

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Here , the owners tried to leave the pet inside with no heat. In the middle of a snow storm. I say tried , because the uproar the information caused.

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Bought a new vacuum on Black Friday.

It sucks!

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lauralett50

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1 year ago

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Isn't that the point!?

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It’s Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 14 for my husband.

I thought it was a good trade.

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lauralett50

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That's what he said.

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For some reason Black Friday continues for the rest of the week, so I guess that makes today Black Sabbath.

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Who profits the most on Black Friday?

The folks who were smart enough to stay home.

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My version of Black Friday is deleting all the people on my phone who sent me a mass Thanksgiving text.

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Black Friday deals are a scam.

You should be mad at them for overcharging you 364 days a year.

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So you can make it early to Black Friday but can’t make it to church on Sunday?

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Why the bitcoin crashes won’t be as bad as Black Friday?

At least you don’t have to worry about people who jump out of their basement windows.

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I’ll be celebrating Black Friday in my own way — by completely ignoring it.

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Last year I bought an instructional boxing DVD on Cyber Monday.

This year I’m going Black Friday shopping.

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What did the Pot Shop have on Black Friday?

A bake sale.

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lauralett50

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Oy,vet no

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How do you describe an amazing Black Friday deal with free cake?

A sweet deal.

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lauralett50

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Repeat.

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I will spend a thousand dollars on a computer this Black Friday.

It’s going to be grand!

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lauralett50

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Then you over paid.

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Black Friday is two days away.

Today is apocalypse Wednesday at the grocery store.

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I should give up shopping, but I am not a quitter.

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Black Friday, what?

I am not afraid of you.

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They’re having a great sale in person at the mall for Black Friday.

Everything is buy one, get achoo free.

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What did the fridge say when it was asked on Black Friday, if everything alright over here?

“No, it’s the day after the Thanksgiving, everything is all leftover here!”

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It was just after Thanksgiving, and the judge was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, ‘What are you charged with?’

The prisoner replied, ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early.

‘That’s no crime’, said the judge. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’

'Before the shop opened’, answered the prisoner.

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Why is Donald Trump getting rid of Black Friday?

Because he wants an All White Christmas.

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lauralett50

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1 year ago

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Stop.

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Why couldn’t the Judge throw the book at the Black Friday shoplifters?

There’d been a run on sentences.

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December 26th is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the US?

Black Friday.

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Why hasn't Black Friday become a super racial thing?

Because capitalism is more important than racism.

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On any normal day, Black Lives Matter...

But on Black Friday, no lives matter.

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Why do shoppers feel like cranberry sauce on Black Friday?

They get bruised, battered, and squished into pulp trying to get to the bargain bin.

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What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?

They know what it’s like to be stuffed and jammed into a small space.

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How can you tell which of your friends got a good Black Friday deal?

Don’t worry; they’ll let you know.

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Why do Americans go shopping on Black Friday?

They are thankful they survived Thanksgiving dinner.

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Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday”?

Because it matches the mood of all the miserable shoppers.

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How can you be more considerate on Black Friday?

By turning your phone horizontally before recording the shopping brawls.

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What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of people on Black Friday?

“You gotta Mufasa!”

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Sorry, but there’s no deal for the hospital visit you will need after being pummeled on Black Friday.

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Here’s hoping your Black Friday injuries aren’t so bad that you can’t click on a mouse on Cyber Monday.

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Black Friday: Because only in America do people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

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I’ve saved an absolute fortune this Black Friday.

I stayed in.

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All this spending on Black Friday…

Better make sure you pay the electric bill or next Friday will be Black Friday too!

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Shortest horror story: sold out.

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Black Friday? Thanks, but no thanks.

Only criminals tell you to come out at 4 am for a three-dollar DVD player.

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Nothing says “I care” like a Christmas present someone had to throw an elbow for.

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Why was Friday a happy day?

Because the next day was a sadder day.

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Carry on, and I am just here for Black Friday violence.

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It’s only a matter of time before the security camera at Walmart on Black Friday becomes a hit reality show.

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What if I told you that if you spend more than 8 minutes to save $1, you’re working for less than minimum wage?

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Men go shopping to buy what they want.

Women go shopping to find out what they want.

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Wouldn’t it be nice if retail therapy was covered by health insurance?

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I’ve got the deal already worked out this Black Friday.

I’m getting a new Lexus for my wife.

I think she’s going to be really surprised but from my perspective, it’s an awesome trade.

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Retailers be like, remember everyone…

Black Friday matters.

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Attention, "BLACK FRIDAY SALE!"

My house.

You And Me... All Clothes 100% Off.

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What did Melania Trump have on her Black Friday shopping list?

A copy of everything Michelle Obama had on her list.

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firecrackershrimp

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1 year ago

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🤣🤣🤣

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Why is the day after Thanksgiving a day of giving thanks for what we have, a day devoted to getting more stuff?

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Dad: "Today's Black Friday right?"

Me: "Yep"

Dad: "Then why's it so bright out?"

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What did the lumberjack do on Black Friday?

He went on a chopping spree.

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It’s Black Friday, and people are lining up around the block at the local Best Buy. The people in the line beat up a well-dressed man who comes to the front of the line. He attempts it again and is knocked down.

He then mutters, “If people will be like that, I’m not opening the store.”

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Which family usually spends the most on Black Friday?

The one that learns the least.

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Fantastic Black Friday deal alert:

Buy nothing and save 100 percent in every store!

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Black Friday at the geology museum was great…

There were so many great shales!

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How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

Weasley twins are 50 percent off.

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Black Friday is a great time to visit the tire store.

They always have a blowout!

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What did the tired Black Friday clothing shopper say?

I’m overall this!

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Why do cops love going to Black Friday early?

So they can beat the crowd.

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What do you call someone who gets run over at a Black Friday sale?

A Walmartyr.

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Cheers!

...to the people working as security on Black Friday.

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Consider how fat you got on Thanksgiving when buying clothes on Black Friday.

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Why do ghosts like Black Friday?

They’re bargain haunters.

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Why do people go clothes shopping on Black Friday?

Because they can’t fit into their clothes after Thanksgiving dinner.

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Every year on Black Friday I make sure I wake up extra early.

To go on the internet to see all the fights.

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Who experienced the first Black Friday?

Robinson Crusoe.

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A local hospital is offering Black Friday specials on circumcisions.

Up to 50% off.

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What was the horse looking for on Black Friday?

A Macintosh.

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Probable Headline:

“1000 Americans killed trying to get Twinkies on Black Friday.”

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I headed out before dawn today and braved some insane crowds, to snag some Black Friday deals.

The only thing I think I scored was a case of COVID-19.

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gus.
Gus who?
Gus as long as we’re here, we should get two TVs.

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What did Shakespeare say when Black Friday was over?

“Now is the winter of our discount.”

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Need help quitting smoking this Thanksgiving?

After dinner just quit “Cold Turkey”. This way your lungs won’t be “Black Friday”.

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Why is Black Friday the best time for you to pick up girls?

Because girls are already bargain hunting.

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The best Black Friday sale is one you can access from your bed.

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Why does Humpty Dumpty not participate in Black Friday?

He’s broke.

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I hope you will only get surprised by the amazing deal on Black Friday and not your credit card bill.

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I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall several times and then ordering online.

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Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2.

Save up to $2160 by not buying it.

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The boat shop was having a huge discount on all their Galleons and Brigantines for Black Friday this year.

It was the biggest sail event they’ve ever had.

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If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday?

Sales at K-Mart.

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What do people eat on Black Friday?

Whatever they couldn’t finish on Thanksgiving Thursday.

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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
June
June who?
June know any good Black Friday knock-knock jokes?

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Some people don’t shop on Black Friday.

They are too busy sleeping off their Thanksgiving food.

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In Soviet Russia, they didn’t have Black Friday, but they had Siberia Monday.

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How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday?

He Jingles All The Way.

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What do you call Black Friday with a supply shortage?

Friday.

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What do you call a pickle on Black Friday?

A dill.

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Black Friday: The day I can finally jump on the Christmas Bandwagon with the rest of the nuts who started on Halloween.

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Besides Black Friday, what is the only thing people will wait in line for?

A pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.

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