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“I Don’t Think His Youngest Son Is His”: 31 Big Secrets People Have Never Told Their Partner About
Apparently, the average person has about 13 secrets they’re keeping at any given time. That’s a lot of things to be kept under wraps! But what happens to these secrets once you enter a relationship? The person who’s the closest to you should know everything about you, right? But that isn’t always the case.
It certainly isn’t true for these folks who’ve been hiding some pretty big secrets from their partners. They finally decided to spill the beans. Some of the answers are wholesome, while others are downright shocking.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I have a box of little crochet critters in the garage, that I make when I'm bored/inbetween clients. I let my fiance know that if anyone at work would like one (she's a hospice nurse) she can just take them from the box, no questions asked.
That's what I told her, anyway.
The secret is that I purposefully make stuff for her to take. I even have a lil spreadsheet so I know what animals/colours are the most popular, and make sure that there's always spares. Obviously I don't know WHO they go to, 'cause of confidentiality, but I try to get as big a range as I can. .
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Awwww. I want to see the "stock" now. Do you ever use them for fundraisers? *urge to shop for fun colourful critters*
Sand Ers 1 year ago
The thread is only two days old over on Reddit. If you ask there you might get an answer.
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Myoviridae 1 year ago
Upvote for the spreadsheet!!! And also the wholesome intent behind the spreadsheet :-)
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
Pattern? Okay; here you go: crochet a row in one color; switch to next color. Repeat those two steps until you’ve got your ROYGBIV and you’re done. Oh! I forgot to mention: the first row is the top of the rainbow. In each row after the first, reduce the number of stitches by two or three (depending on your stitch) in order to get it to curve.
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#2
I'm gone once a month for a mysterious workshop that he's not allowed to ask about. What he doesn't know is that it's a workshop blacksmithing and I'm currently making him a sword to propose to him with.
Nichole Harris 1 year ago
Fairly sure it's not a proposal at that point 😂
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 1 year ago
Why can't I find a woman like this? If she proposed by giving me a sword, I... well honestly I can't think of an adequate way to show how much I loved her, but I would be DARN sure to spend the rest of my life trying.
Captain McSmoot 1 year ago
People going through these special lengths to give their loved one a gift is becoming an extremely rare thing. It doesn't have to be blacksmithing or require a ton of money. It's the thought of learning a new skill simply to be the one who makes their loved one a gift. It's not seen often and, quite frankly, the current cultural temperature doesn't encourage it in the slightest.
Major Harris 1 year ago
i was a fencing champion in highschool and i collect swords. my wife of 35 years know this and if she had proposed to me doing this, it would have rocked my world. she still does rock my world though even after all these years!
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Admiration at how super cool this is, and yet interspersed with doubts and how terrifying it would be to have a real sword suddenly coming at you. 😄
HangryHangryHippo 1 year ago
The inscription says "you WILL marry me"? Jk lovely commitment to get their partner such a thoughtful gift
#3
On occasion, I send instacart groceries to local people asking for food.
I know what it is to be hungry, my husband never has.
I do not think he would understand. Not that he is against helping, but might get upset with me sending groceries and spending $80 - $100 just for basics for someone to get by till their next paycheque.
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
As someone who had to make regular use of food banks a few years ago, thank you.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Nah, back when I actually had a job that paid well I'd send groceries to basically strangers on the Internet. Totally for the selfish reason that it made me feel good for a few minutes.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
A word about food banks: donations of canned stuff is very helpful... but don't forget to donate other things such as hygiene supplies, pet food, and baby items. If they're resorting to a food bank, they're probably not getting coverage for these things (IE make a tad too much for government assistance, or they're not getting enough.)
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
I couldn’t be with a person who would get upset with me donating anything. My husband learned quickly that even though there were times we were struggling especially when he had child support for 3 kids at one point if we were donating cans for admittance it was not the old can of creamed corn he accidentally bough last year. It is something like good peanut butter, good soups and Pepperidge farm stuffing mix. Or toothpaste, brushes good soap a shampoo and conditioner and big combs.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I share your thinking. When I donated for Christmas hampers last year through my church, I made sure I was donating Christmas puddings, mince tarts etc not just essentials. Being a coeliac myself, I also made sure I donated some gluten and dairy free things as well despite them being so much more expensive.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Probably local online postings like Craigslist or their city/county's subreddit.
Load More Replies... In a marriage or a partnership, both people need to be open and honest with each other. The more they start keeping secrets, the more cracks will appear in the foundation of their relationship. Even though research shows that 60% of people hide things from their partners, they don’t seem to realize the damage that it can do.
Whether it’s small or big secrets that someone is keeping from their significant other, that itself is a sign that the relationship might not be on strong footing. This is especially true if the individual hides something because they are anxious or worried about their partner’s reaction.
#4
My husband can't whistle. He always tries, but he just can't get it. One day while out hiking with our dogs, the dogs went too far ahead so my husband tried to whistle for them. The first few attempts nothing happened. So I whistled for them. Apparently my husband was trying to whistle at the same time and he heard my whistle and thought it was him. He was so proud! Just grinning from ear to ear. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was me, still don't. It was so cute to see how happy he was.
CD Mills 1 year ago
I feel for him, I can't whistle either. Well, I can whistle in a whisper, I make tiny, faint whistles by pursing my lips and blowing and inhaling. It almost doesn't count as it's so faint. My older brother could whistle twenty different ways and blow your eardrums out, he could use his fingers to make them distinct and louder. I just can't make my mouth/lips do correctly, what it needs to do to make a whistle. I guess I was born without the whistle gene.
FloralDangerNoodle 1 year ago
That would be me. Someone once spent a summer trying to teach me how to finger whistle, and I never could get it. Still wanna learn, though.
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#5
I have an eating disorder that I've been fighting alone for about 5 years. He thinks I'm just naturally really skinny.
Actually, this is the first time I've admitted this publicly. It feels kind of good.
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
You will be amazed at the number of support groups out there and the number of people in ED recovery who are willing to help out. You are not alone.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I was pleased to see a number of ads in my local area for 'lived experience' outreach jobs for things like ED and mental health.
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Krizzy Wilde 1 year ago (edited)
This is my 'secret' too ! I love cooking but just don't ever feel hungry, I can sometimes go days on a piece of cheese on toast, I hide the fact I barely eat from my family or lie that I've already eaten before them, Ive always been naturally thin so no one has so far realised that I'm probably starving myself to death,
Linda Riebel 1 year ago
Retired eating disorder specialist here: Good on you for sharing. Find help and you CAN let this go. Life will be better.
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
You have just taken the 1st step, be proud of yourself for that. Either make an appt with your Dr to get a referral to an eating disorders specialist or see if you can find one yourself.
Binny Tutera 1 year ago
You absolutely do not have to do this alone. There is help out there, please find it.
#6
I'm proposing today and I've been planning for most of this year. I'm terrible at secrets and have almost spilled the beans a few times.
Edit: He said yes!!
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
He /she it's 21st century either half of a couple can propose these days
As you can see in this list, there are many types of secrets. Some can be harmless, like not revealing quirks you’ve noticed because your partner might feel self-conscious about them. Others can be wholesome, like surprises, proposals, and so on. But some secrets can also be alarming or disturbing, and those are the ones that folks most often want to hide.
Studies have found that there are three kinds of things people might want to keep hidden. They include taboo secrets that might stigmatize the person, rule violations that the individual could get in trouble for, and conventional secrets, which may not cause any huge issues but can still make the individual feel anxious or worried.
#7
When she first made a Tiktok account she spent hours doing hair and makeup, recording different little dances, skits etc. But they werent really taking off at all and I could tell she was a little down about it. When she was asleep I went onto her account and spent about $300 (which isnt a small amount of money to me) to have her videos promoted and pushed to more people than they otherwise would. She woke up to thousands of followers, 10s of thoussnds of likes and 100s of thoussnds of views. She was ecstatic, still has no idea. Worth every cent.
Papa 1 year ago
I appreciate the gesture, but does the world really need another Tiktok personality?
Pretty Pink Sky Photography 1 year ago (edited)
For the haters - don’t like it? Don’t watch. What difference does it make to you that a random person is doing something that harms you in no way at all?
#8
As someone who absolutely hated dancing and always declined invitations to go dancing, I've learned the basic steps of Bachata which is her favourite dance.
Not sure how long I'll keep it as a secret. I'm just waiting for the right moment to reveal this suprise.
#9
I want to marry him much sooner than I thought but also as an immigrant I worry if bringing that up will raise any eyebrows and cause him or his family and friends to think that I want to do this to get permanent residence quickly. So I've been working extra hard to qualify for it on my own.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
My wife and I got married when the government noticed that her SSN didn't match her name. She was worried and I said, "I guess we should get married." A couple of years later she gave me a wonderful daughter and though our marriage didn't last, our friendship did.
There is a big difference between keeping secrets from one’s partner and having privacy in relationships. It’s important to understand the difference. Secrecy can violate a person’s trust, be toxic to their bond, and even cause harm. Privacy does not involve violating trust or causing harm to one’s partner; it’s about setting a personal boundary and developing an individual identity.
An example of privacy can be having a separate bank account and keeping the password hidden from one’s spouse. An example of secret-keeping might be getting into severe debt and hiding it from one’s partner.
#10
That I've turned a closet in the hallway into a shoe closet because she has wanted one for a very long time. When she comes back home in a couple of days I hope she loves it.
Leigh James 1 year ago
I adore footwear. As a small child I insisted on sleeping with my new Buster Browns until the newness wore off (yes, my mother cleaned them before I went to bed).
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I'll personally never understand the shoe thing XD I have one pair of sneakers (Brooks Ghosts, the best shoe EVER!), one pair of nice flats for when I dress up, and a couple of pairs of Crocs, and that's it.
Papa 1 year ago
I'm similar. I have a pair of nice black boots for when I dress up (which isn't often), crocs I use as house shoes, and hiking shoes for everyday wear.
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Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago
my daughter's first real word was shoes. she kept every pair she could, and they are now festering in the room as she's either outgrown them or they are munted. Every now and then a pair "gets lost" 😉
#11
When we started dating I told him I was not ticklish. I just had to hold it together unbothered the first time he tried. He said it was no fun and 11 years later thinks I am still not ticklish. Best secret I’ve ever kept!
Learner Panda 1 year ago
I have two older brothers. I had to learn to be not ticklish. It worked, except for one place, which I will never tell.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I'm one of those people who LOATHES getting tickled XD It makes me want to flee and/or punch my tickler. Boyfriend *likes* getting tickled (something something about trying to focus through the tickling and I guess feeling superior when he can? IDK.) He knows I hate being tickled (we've been together 23 years..) and yet he grabbed my foot the other night and started tickling me. I pulled my foot back and said "PLEASE STOP" and he got very upset/offended. I wish I'd done as OP and told him I wasn't ticklish from the start >_>;
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
I'm the same about loathing tickling, but if they can't even respect a no-tickle preference, what are the odds of them providing for your preferences and requests in any other area?
Load More Replies... Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
My dad used to tickle my feet when I was little, he did it so much I got all tickled out.... so now I'm not really ticklish. I can be startled, like if you sneak up on me, but once I realize what you're doing it stops being ticklish.
maka paka 1 year ago
Your missing out, being tickled can be annoying but at the right times its the start of a massive laugh and a giggle. Love the cheeky lil smile she gets when she moves her hands under my arms. She's so devilishyly cheeky and so stunningly beautiful (okay i didn't need to put that but i like telling everyone :-)
M Whee 1 year ago
If they hate it it isn't fun, even from someone you love.
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Huddo's sister 1 year ago
Basically what I did, except I trained myself not to be ticklish. It was the only way to stop my mum and brother who would tickle me to the point I wet myself. Now even the mention of tickling makes my armpits tense up (thankfully that's the only place I was ticklish to start with).
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
This one makes me sad, as she’s missing a lotta fun. Who doesn’t wanna laugh and get some oxytocin from all that touching? I think she needs a mega-tickle!
#12
That I have learned to hate him. He’s mentally abusive and it’s exhausting and I don’t deserve it. Everyone thinks he’s the nicest man ever when he’s really a prick.
Bewarethere@gmail.com 1 year ago
Video him and show it 2 EVERYONE. Including those dillweeds who couldn't/wouldn't look past his facade
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I would say it's a good idea, but may not be a safe thing to attempt.
Load More Replies...Hiding things doesn’t just affect the relationship, it also affects the secret keeper. It can impact a person's physical and mental health and also weigh heavily on their conscience. The stress of keeping information hidden over a long period of time can lead to fatigue, worry, and many physical health issues.
#13
-We’ve been together for 5 years
-Met at a football game
-our biggest thing in common is our love for “our team”
-every Sunday for years we get together to watch the games with her family
-I’m not really into football
-I was at the game we met at because someone bought tickets and I was off so sure
- I’ve never really understood it so for YEARS anytime the family cheers I just follow with cheers and when they BOOOO I do the same.
Moos 1 year ago
After 5 years together your "biggest thing in common" is the team??? Are you sure you want to stay together?
Papa 1 year ago
Why would you say that? People can get along just fine with different interests. People are too quick to leave relationships, or recommend others do so.
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highwaycrossingfrog 1 year ago
I'm not sure about this. Imagine if she found out you'd been lying to her about what you both seem to consider a fundamental element of compatibility within your relationship for years. I think I'd feel pretty manipulated
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
My husband & I got married in our footy team's colours (claret & blue, COYI!)
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
At least learn the "offside rule"! This is a correct but comedy version of it explained with a handbag sale example:.https://www.google.com/search?q=offside+rule+explained+with+shopping
weatherwitch 1 year ago
I'm not how I'd feel about that. It's dishonest as they believe things are very different. And yet you're doing this because you love them.. I do however feel concern that your biggest thing in common is your love for your team... Which doesn't exist 😕
Paul C. 1 year ago
What, Anfield? Where Englands most successful team play.
Load More Replies... #14
When he proposes to me, I have an engagement watch for him.
My dad gave it to me a few months into dating him and said that I could do what I want with it. It’s been 5 years and all I need is a nice box and ribbon.
Edit: thanks for the activity, super overwhelmed by the responses.
The watch is a breitling aerospace - my dad and his dad collected watches so we would often inherit ones. They collected them when luxury brands were ‘more affordable’. The timing wasn’t due to me starting to date my boyfriend, just that my dad flew over to get a few older ones serviced as we grew up overseas. He just wanted to bring a gift.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
That's so lovely, I like the idea of each partner receiving something as a sign of their engagement. Hopefully OP will have a long and happy marriage in the future.
#15
It’s not really a secret anymore because I cracked up the last time I saw him do it but when he used to make me impossible burgers he would use a meat thermometer to make sure that it was “safe” to eat like a normal burger. It was so sweet that I didn’t want to tell him I could probably eat them raw if I wanted. They were also like chewing a brick. I love that man.
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago (edited)
I never really had a problem with impossiburgers, but then, unless you're getting the absolutely highest quality stuff (and why would you grind that anyway?), I'm kind of in the "a burger is a vehicle for the big-a*s salad you put on top of it" school. (Also, please forgive this rant: Impossible and Beyond could have RULED THE WORLD had they been willing to undercut the meat producers for a couple of years--especially since even the not-fit-for-human-consumption ground beef is over $7/pound at my local Walmart. If they'd dropped their prices to half what ground beef cost in 18-20 and then raised the price up gradually after that, they'd have absolutely ruined the market, and they'd all be billionaires right now. Instead, they're gasping for air. Nice going, guys!)
Papa 1 year ago
I didn't down vote, but I disagree. Price is not the only thing keeping people from eating the plant-based burgers.
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Myoviridae 1 year ago
I can't eat meat anymore, but sometimes I absolutely CRAVE meat! An impossible burger satisfies the cravings and makes me feel so happy!
Load More Replies... Amelia Jade 1 year ago
But don't the instructions still tell you to cook them to 165? It's been awhile since I've made them, but I swear the packaging tells you to cook to an internal temp of 165.
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
Is an “impossible birder” something from a company called “impossible”? I’ve never heard of it before and so assume it’s a regional chain? If that’s it in the picture, I’m thinking they skimp on the meat. The bun looks better than the ones I see in commercials for other companies, though.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
Impossible is a brand of food sold in most grocery stores.
Load More Replies...So, if you’ve been keeping something from your significant other, here’s how you can finally unburden yourself. The first step is to wait for the right moment when your partner is in a good emotional state and feeling calm. Then, you should carefully express the importance of what you’re about to share with them and be direct about it.
It’s essential to be clear and honest and clarify any doubts that the other person may have. You also need to prepare for any reaction because it might be intense or overwhelming for them. Be empathetic and reassure them that you will never keep such information from them again.
#16
Our tenth anniversary is coming up in January; we got engaged ten years ago last week with a ring that looks nice but was the best I could afford at the time.
We’re not wealthy (both educators), but we’ve moved up enough on our districts’ salary schedules and cleared out some bigger debts, so my tenth anniversary gift is a new ring that’s about five times what the original cost (and looks it).
Five months until I can show her.
Sam Juan 1 year ago
I've heard of a story where a man originally bought a cheap (~$20) but attractive engagement ring for his fianceé off of a street vendor. She, of course, said yes. Years later, he was able to afford a "good" ($300) ring, and surprised her with it for their 10th anniversary. She refused to accept the ring, saying something like that cheap ring holds more of their love for each other than the more expensive one ever could. She even admitted to knowing the cost of the original ring from the very beginning.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Our wedding rings were cheap $20 silver mall-kiosk ones... I was okay with it, as it's the intent that counts with me. We're no longer together, but that isn't why ;)
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Sunny Day 1 year ago
My friend is a jeweler. "Builds custom pieces" jeweler, not "sells rings in a mall" jeweler. He had an elderly gentleman come in. His 50th wedding anniversary was coming up, and he wanted to do something special for his wife. He spent months choosing just the right setting, and just the right stones, and spent about $20k. Everything had to be perfect. And he was so excited every time he came in, watching his wife's ring being built. Then came the big day when he presented it to her. A visual expression of his love. And... she hated it. She was furious that he'd spent that kind of money on some stupid ring, and what kind of idiot does that??? She made him sell the ring to recoup their money. So he listed it for sale. He did the smart thing - arranged to meet them in a public place. So they met up, the buyer liked the ring - so much that they grabbed it and took off running to where their friend had a car waiting. Old guy couldn't run that fast, and they got away with $20k ring
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Yeah, I'd be upset. But that's just me. I love my cheap ring that we picked together. I'm not a jewelry person anyway and I hate the idea of expensive jewelry. It's a waste.
T. B. 1 year ago
Something this important should not be done without her. Surprise her with a appointment to a custom jeweler. Meet them first and give them the budget. She could have them incorporate the original ring/ stone or metal into the new ring if she wants. But this is something you want her to wear daily, she better be the one making the decisions.
#17
I don't think his youngest son is his. The story about how this child came to be is very shady. Between having his vasectomy reversal and how low he said his count is. Combined with the fact that he caught the boys' mom cheating during the time they were trying, and how fast she came back with the paternity results, it all feels very wrong. 13 years later, when we are talking about his youngest, he always brings up how similar they look. I just agree. This kid looks nothing like him or his other 2 kids. My BF is 5'7 blue eyes black hair with a lean build. The youngest is already over 6 feet tall brown eyes, brown hair, and kinda chubby. His mom is very slim, blue eyes and blonde hair. He wanted to get them all 23 and me for Christmas, I talked him out of it, I think it would ruin Christmas for him if it came out.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago (edited)
I'm more than 7 inches taller than both my parents and taller than literally everyone (>60 people) on both sides. My dad was blonde with blue eyes, my mam brunette with brown eyes, I have jet black hair and green eyes. I've donated an organ to my dad, I'm definitely his. Genetics is a crapshoot. Not easy to predict with obvious limited information.
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
Ya know, it doesn't matter who the sperm donor was. The definition of "father" is the person who raises the child. (Or people.) Does he love the kid? Does the kid love him? Nothing else matters. Absolutely nothing.
tameson 1 year ago
To all those saying that two blue eyed people cannot have a brown eyed child, that just isn't accurate. Every member of my family has blue eyes, except for me. My daughter has blue eyes. My granddaughter has blue eyes. I have hazel eyes. It is more complicated than what we we taught in school. 23andMe has an article about it here: https://www.23andme.com/topics/traits/eye-color/
Kristin 1 year ago
Idk genetics are crazy. My husband's 3rd daughter is blonde hair blue eyes. My husband is dark complected (he's latino) brown eyes and 5'5 his other kids look like him and skin color. His sisters 3rd son is also blonde hair blue eyes. Just crazy that both of their 3rd born have the bkie eyes blonde hair 🤷♀️ yes they are 100% biological.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
I call myself a "genetic throwback" because I look nothing like my parents and really like my grandmother's sister.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
Does OP seriously think the child being "kinda chubby" is a strike against a thin dad being the father? Wtf.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
It is an absolute myth that two blue eyed parents can't have a brown eyed child. It's not as common. A quick Google search will bring up all kinds of resources that supports this.
Ffion Jones 1 year ago
My daughter's dad and I both have blue eyes. His full brother has brown and so does their sister. My daughter has green eyes. Genetics are odd sometimes
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Wait, if the ex came back with paternity test results, why NOT get 23 And Me? Unless OP thinks the ex forged the paternity results...?
#18
I still have nightmares about my abusive ex boyfriend. 25 years later.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
It would seem to be a good time to admit it's worth getting some help.
Lily Robertson 1 year ago
Getting help doesn't make them go away. It makes them more manageable when they happen. I know.
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JK 1 year ago
Me too, it's been 22 years, and I am only just starting to understand/received a diagnosis of PTSD. Some times it takes years to come out, some times you're so traumatised you don't even realise you're still suffering because it's *still* better than it was. To anyone struggling please get help - even if you think "it's not as bad as some people" - if it is bad for you, get help, you don't need to suffer in silence just because you're "not as broken as someone else" 💜
SweetCheesySpaghetti 1 year ago
It's only been 17 years for me, but I'm still terrified he'll come to find me.
Evolbeky 1 year ago
Me too. 13 years ago, and I live somewhere he would never think to look. But I have this irrational fear that he'll find me some day (and also thoughts about how I would murder him if he dared to show his face)
Load More Replies... Liz The Biz 1 year ago
Me too. Sometimes my nightmares about him feel so real that I wake up either in tears or shaking like a leaf. I left him mors than 20 years ago.
Secrets can honestly snowball into huge lies, so it’s better not to keep them from your significant other in the first place. If you do, it would be better if it was a positive secret rather than some of the more weird ones on this list. If you do have something to share, you can start by unburdening yourself in the comments; we’ll definitely keep your secret safe!
#19
She farts in her sleep. LOUD.
Sam Juan 1 year ago
When you say "facing", you mean her actual face, right? Right??
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
You... do understand that some bodily functions we don't have rigid control over while unconscious, right?
P Peitsch 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, when you don't release them throughout day, they'll find a way at night, when you are sleeping and your body and muscles are relaxed. In fact, a few years ago I met a girl, who was convinced, she never farts, because she hold them back, when she was awake, and could control her body. She thought, farting is like sneezing. Once you are able to brush it off, you are good. She was very surprised, when I told her, I will never ever wanna sleep with her in one room. She didn't understand .... In fact, a healthy human farts daily about 10-15 times, producing enough gas to blow up an average/normal size balloon.
weatherwitch 1 year ago
And?? Everyone does! The more you hold it in though the louder they later arrive 😂
#20
The amount of times that those intrusive thoughts enter my mind but my wife, she’s one of the main things holding things together for me. I think of how tragic things would be if I actually followed thru, so that always helps. I do that for everything though, if not her then my dog, or my parents, or my family and so on.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
I've had intrusive thoughts for decades. Therapy helped some, d***s help some. I still have them, but imagining I'm inhaling them and blowing out peace helps a lot. The best thing my therapist ever told me about.
Ms. Mack 1 year ago
I like this! I tell mine all the reasons I have to live.
Load More Replies... Sandra Morison 1 year ago
I hope you have gotten some medical support...NO SHAME ...depression is an illness there are excellent support systems now
Michael Largey 1 year ago
The guy in the picture looks a lot like Pete Buttigieg, but the context works against it.
#21
I am very much kinkier than what he can even think.
Ace 1 year ago
Depends."Very much" kinkier might be spilling over into territory that the partner might find disturbing, threatening, disgusting or all three. As long as fantasies stay in the head it's fine, but be very careful about either telling him about them or acting them out with him or anyone else (if that's part of it).
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#22
I secretly hate the way he chews, but I act like it doesn’t bother me. It drives me crazy.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
This is something that should NOT be kept secret, IMO. OP needs to tell him. He can change his chewing habits. OP will eventually start to resent him and get pissed off at him about OTHER things all because of the chewing thing. I know from experience.
BunnyMommy 1 year ago
I have Misophonia, and explained it to my hubby. It's ok! Talk to your doctor and he/she can point you in the right direction. We have learned how to work around it. (We had bunnies, and oddly, the sound of a bunny munching never bothered me! Humans...really cause me horrible issues!)
#23
Years later, I'm still not over her affair. I have my reasons for staying, but the pain remains.
Captain McSmoot 1 year ago
Some people are denser than others. If a spouse cheats, leave them. The pain will most likely always be there in a sense, but you're not being constantly exposed to the stimulus that is their presence in your life which never lets the wound heal. Leave, move on, and allow time to do what it does.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
Staying or leaving has nothing to do with intelligence. Personally, I agree with most of what you said and I wouldn't stay with a cheater, but I wouldn't call someone dense for acting differently. Each person had to do what they feel is right for them.
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Lowrider 56 1 year ago
If my spouse was to cheat I would never stay with her. I would never be able to trust her again. I know myself well enough to know that I could never forgive or forget.
#24
Probably how many snacks I really sneak at midnight.
Philly Bob Squires 1 year ago
$hit happens! I'm diabetic. I do like a sugar snack on occasion. Type II but hypogly due to malabsorption! So let me have my freaking cookie once in a while my wife???
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#25
That I don't like his family. I'm kinda scared of them.
Janelle Collard 1 year ago
Right??? Use a different family's picture! (like - the dug-ers?)
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Kevin Hickey 1 year ago
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Joyce Brown 1 year ago
Oh yes, the Addams family! I always knew that they were close-knit and loved each other without reservation. Gomez and Morticia were deeply in love, and they modeled a healthy marital relationship for their children. I have to admit that they were scary to me, though!
ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago
Yeah. If I found out my partner's family was the Addams Family, I'd be scared too.
#26
I resent him for never having done big romantic gestures, maybe even medium ones. It feels like he doesn't think I'm worth the effort. It feels like I'm always compromising for whatever he wants and it never comes back around.
mysterious(he/they, maybe?) 1 year ago
I feel like this is a communication error. Some people aren't going to do big romantic gestures on your own, so if you want that, you need to tell them.
Janelle Collard 1 year ago (edited)
Yep! Some people are kinda clueless, esp. if they've never been exposed to people who do big romantic gestures.
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 1 year ago
This is definitely something you need to talk about. What you consider a 'big romantic gesture' and what he does might be completely different. He's not a mind reader, if you don't talk about it, he'll never get it. Now, if it still persists after discussing, it may be time to accept you aren't compatible.
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
Or, ya know, his love language could be different. Might wanna look into that.
weatherwitch 1 year ago
This can be realistic, he may not care much about you. Or may be he doesn't do romantic. It doesn't come easily to everyone. I'm aromantic, I really don't do romance and find it off putting and sickening for myself!
Philly Bob Squires 1 year ago
In 27 years, my wife has never got me... a christmas gift, a birthday card, a father's day card, a valentine's day card, even though I've bought her all and even flowers for no reason. I know she loves me, but she makes no effort to show any affection. I'm thinking I'm not worth the effort.
Verfin22 1 year ago
I hated that my ex never held my hand or opened doors for me in public. Aren't any men chivalrous anymore?
AnkleByter 1 year ago
They most certainly are, but there is nothing that stops women from doing these things too. It shouldn't just be expected of men.
Load More Replies... #27
I beat my wife in every video-game! I purposefully lose at puyo puyo tetris because she likes it and it's the only way for me to enjoy her company while playing.
Not Who You Think 1 year ago
... and if she keeps winning, she'll keep playing, and (hopefully) get to a point where she wins on her own. That's better than her just giving up because she can't win.
Papa 1 year ago
What's the harm in letting someone you care about win a game once in a while if it makes her happy?
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#28
That I am not ok in this divorce. I miss her TERRIBLY.
lenka 1 year ago
I see in my practice all the time. Women will try to communicate their unhappiness and save their marriage for years only for their attempts to fall on deaf ears. They will eventually 'check out' of the marriage long before they actually initiate separation, but the men often feel blindsided by the separation and complain that it 'come out of nowhere'. Her grieving process is complete, but yours is just beginning.
Richienotsorich 1 year ago
Absolutely, OP has been living a lie and didn't know it. Although it doesn't seem so at the moment, she's done them a favour.
Load More Replies... Captain McSmoot 1 year ago
You miss the memory of her: the person she used to be or the person you thought she was. Take a cue from the person you "love" so much, move on like she has.
Joseph Arnold 1 year ago
This. Took me the past 9 months to realize she was not who I fell in love with. This.
Load More Replies... Melissa Harris 1 year ago (edited)
Seek councilling or a support grouo to help through this difficult time.
#29
We’re having a boy!
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
Please just announce it in words, instead of starting a wildfire blowing off those stupid cannons or whatever.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
And for the love of God, NO CONFETTI IN PUBLIC PARKS! it's a nightmare for the folks having to maintain that space! (ask me know I know?? lol)
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Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
My gender reveal party went like this: me at my 12 week ultrasound: 'Can you tell the gender yet?' My OB/GYN: These are definitely labia, so congrats on having a girl.' Me later that day to my parents: 'Guess what, it's going to be a girl!'
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
It's wonderful when they get to announce the gender to you at the birth
#30
He’s been eating veggie burgers for about two years now. First time was an accident, never seen him enjoy eating “meat” that much… I might’ve taken it a bit too far….
Wang Zhuang 1 year ago
So...is OP saying they have been purposely feeding their S/O veggie burgers and he hasn't noticed? I call BS
Lila Allen 1 year ago
Maybe their SO would post " I know my wife is feeding me veggie burgers, but it makes her so happy I pretend I don't notice" However impossible burgers are really good enough to fool most people.
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Donkey boi 1 year ago
Oh he knows. He might even actually enjoy them. But there is no way he doesn't know. He's probably further down the list here saying 'She thinks I don't know that they're veggie burgers!'
Tabitha 1 year ago
I put my husband on decaf coffee two years ago, because he was getting overly caffeinated and when he’s hyped like that it’s incredibly difficult to get him to calm down. I don’t want to lose him to a heart attack or stroke due to high blood pressure, so I quietly switched him to decaf. Since I set his coffee for the next morning (the coffee pot is on a timer), so he has no clue he’s drinking decaf. He’s also never said his coffee tastes any different, so he obviously can’t tell by taste. I think I did a good thing here, because he has really calmed down and chilled out a LOT in comparison to how he used to get.
JK 1 year ago
Tbf, good quality vegan burgers can taste almost exactly like meat. We ended up stuck at a vegan place one afternoon, starving after a busy day, and I just need some sustenance so I said I'd try the burger. Genuinely, if I hadn't known it was vegan I'd never have guessed, the look, smell, texture, taste - absolutely amazing (and I'm a lifelong carnivore). But you gotta pay good money for those, in which case beef is just cheaper!
BrownEyedGrrl 1 year ago
Meat has no flavor until all the stuff is added to make it flavorful. Same with veggie burgers. I love vegan burgers and just don't like the thought of eating dead animals.
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BoredPossum 1 year ago
Tricking people into eating stuff that they don't wanna eat is a big no for me. Imagine if he would have tricked a vegan to eat meat, people would go ape$hit.
#31
I've been preparing for his birthday for a long time now.
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
My secret is that my boyfriend only knows about TWO of my suicide attempts. There have been several others. And only one of said total attempts happened before I met him. He is the reason that pushed me to all of the other suicide attempts. I've always remembered my pet(s) at the last minute and been able to stop myself/induce vomiting (for the attempts where I've purposefully ODed.) I just hope I can actually escape him soon.
Robert Benson 1 year ago
Don't "hope" for escape. Plan it out. If you have people in your life who care about you, tell them what it going on, but be careful. I understand how some men can appear nice to friends and family, so the family may not believe you, and worse, they might tell him. I've had one aunt who was able to escape such a situation, and another who wasn't. You don't know me, but if I can help... let me know
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Sky Render 1 year ago
The only thing I have ever really kept "secret" from my wife is the details of the stuff I did sexually in my 20s. And it's only technically a secret because I told her straight up that I had been disturbingly adventurous in my exploration back then and I would only share the details if she wants to know; she does not. We often joke that we "don't talk about my 20s" because of that.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
You can refer to it as your roaring 20s lol
Load More Replies... Papa 1 year ago
The first time I met my wife's parents they served leg of lamb. Of course I complimented them on it, and said I really liked it, because what else are you going to do when meeting your future in-laws (we were already engaged)? The truth is I could barely choke it down. I'm sure it was well cooked and seasoned, but every time I've ever eaten sheep meat it seems like the longer I chew the bigger it gets. After that of course they'd serve it every time we visited since it was such at "treat" for me. I finally told my wife I didn't think I could eat any more of it. She told her parents, and they all thought it was hilarious (I had great in-laws).
Littlemiss 1 year ago
My husband doesn't realize how bad my passive suicidal idealation really is. It pops up more than I care to admit and sometimes it scares me where my brain goes without another thought. I am working incredibly hard against my own head every day just to continue going and it's exhausting. I struggle to breathe most days.
DudeFortitude (He/Him) 1 year ago
I would suggest just taking a drive, maybe go to a restaurant, and then find the closest place with some type of therapy and just say, "hi, I'd like to speak to someone. Anyone is fine." And just wait. Treat yourself. Listen to calming music. Please, if no one knows, no one can help you. 💜
Load More Replies... brittany 1 year ago
i'm intensely unhappy and think of the day i can pass away fondly. i wont do it to myself bc i dont ever want to risk my kids being the ones who find me like that no mater how old they get. i just really really want to be done with life and i hope reincarnation isnt real (or any afterlife for that matter) so i dont ever have to come back and can just go into nothingness
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
My secret is that my boyfriend only knows about TWO of my suicide attempts. There have been several others. And only one of said total attempts happened before I met him. He is the reason that pushed me to all of the other suicide attempts. I've always remembered my pet(s) at the last minute and been able to stop myself/induce vomiting (for the attempts where I've purposefully ODed.) I just hope I can actually escape him soon.
Robert Benson 1 year ago
Don't "hope" for escape. Plan it out. If you have people in your life who care about you, tell them what it going on, but be careful. I understand how some men can appear nice to friends and family, so the family may not believe you, and worse, they might tell him. I've had one aunt who was able to escape such a situation, and another who wasn't. You don't know me, but if I can help... let me know
Load More Replies... Sky Render 1 year ago
The only thing I have ever really kept "secret" from my wife is the details of the stuff I did sexually in my 20s. And it's only technically a secret because I told her straight up that I had been disturbingly adventurous in my exploration back then and I would only share the details if she wants to know; she does not. We often joke that we "don't talk about my 20s" because of that.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
You can refer to it as your roaring 20s lol
Load More Replies... Papa 1 year ago
The first time I met my wife's parents they served leg of lamb. Of course I complimented them on it, and said I really liked it, because what else are you going to do when meeting your future in-laws (we were already engaged)? The truth is I could barely choke it down. I'm sure it was well cooked and seasoned, but every time I've ever eaten sheep meat it seems like the longer I chew the bigger it gets. After that of course they'd serve it every time we visited since it was such at "treat" for me. I finally told my wife I didn't think I could eat any more of it. She told her parents, and they all thought it was hilarious (I had great in-laws).
Littlemiss 1 year ago
My husband doesn't realize how bad my passive suicidal idealation really is. It pops up more than I care to admit and sometimes it scares me where my brain goes without another thought. I am working incredibly hard against my own head every day just to continue going and it's exhausting. I struggle to breathe most days.
DudeFortitude (He/Him) 1 year ago
I would suggest just taking a drive, maybe go to a restaurant, and then find the closest place with some type of therapy and just say, "hi, I'd like to speak to someone. Anyone is fine." And just wait. Treat yourself. Listen to calming music. Please, if no one knows, no one can help you. 💜
Load More Replies... brittany 1 year ago
i'm intensely unhappy and think of the day i can pass away fondly. i wont do it to myself bc i dont ever want to risk my kids being the ones who find me like that no mater how old they get. i just really really want to be done with life and i hope reincarnation isnt real (or any afterlife for that matter) so i dont ever have to come back and can just go into nothingness
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