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Compromise is a necessary component of any healthy relationship. I understand that some days I’ll have to watch MMA fights with my partner to show an interest in his passions, and he’ll agree to accompany me on a walk for some fresh air, even if he doesn’t feel like leaving the house. But there’s a difference between making small sacrifices for your partner because you love them and naively ignoring red flags that will come back to bite you. 

Redditors have recently been recalling glaring red flags that they regret ignoring in past relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their horror stories below. Enjoy reading through these reminders to trust your gut when dating, and keep reading to find a conversation with Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach!

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#1

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad She was always really angry at something. At times, it would be either her dad, mom, friends, or work. Then, for 7 years of marriage, it became me near constantly. Towards the end, I realized that she was really just angry at herself and projected it on everyone else. She refused to change, so I refused to be treated that way anymore.

snipesjason64 , Karolina Kaboompics/pexels Report

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David Paterson
David Paterson
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definite red flag. Some people just need someone other than themselves to hate. And if you stick around, it will be you.

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#2

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad She told me she's very manipulative. Turns out she's very manipulative.

Ganda1fderBlaue , Vera Arsic/pexels Report

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#3

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad When I first found out I was pregnant he wanted to draw a chalk outline of me and gave me a year to get back down to size.

WhyLie2me18 , SHVETS production/pexels Report

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To learn more about the red flags that we encounter when dating, we reached out to Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach. The relationship expert was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss why we so often ignore glaringly obvious red flags.

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"Many people tend to focus on the positive aspects of a potential partner and downplay negative signs, hoping things will work out," Amie shared. "Factors like loneliness, insecurity, or strong attraction can lead us to rationalize concerning behaviors, potentially causing us to idealize a person and miss crucial red flags."
#4

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad My happy-go-lucky labradoodle who was a gentle giant not only tried to bite him, but went for his throat.

DamonNightman , Chris Black/pexels Report

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HangryHangryHippo
HangryHangryHippo
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you ignore your gut feeling at least trust your pet's, they are furry angels on earth ♥️

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David Morgan
David Morgan
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Look, no offence to the pet lovers out there, but some of you are talking nonsense. Dogs or cats can get upset at a person for reasons other than character. For example, my former neighbour had a small dog that would always bark at my cat. The neighbour liked my cat and tried to make friends with him, but because the neighbour smelled like his dog, the cat got aggressive if the neighbour tried to get close (to give him a treat or an ear scratch). Some people are uncomfortable around dogs (especially big ones), and their anxiety is detected by the dog, who then gets worried as to why a stragner is weird around 'their' human. It becomes a vicious cycle. Just don't be TOO harsh on people if your pet doesn't immediately like them.

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Ben Aziza
Ben Aziza
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dunno man pets have personalities too. I would not consider this a red flag. Some dogs loved me some tried to eat me(i am small). Am i now considered a bad person because of the latter to some ppl? To me the red flag is ppl who think animals are magical personality detectors. It is astrology level of irrational. Animals and pets are like ppl. That being said if you are pet owner and your animal is simply NOT adjusting to the person you are dating after seriously trying to integrate... That is a problem i will 100% choose my pet over the person after i get them to the vet and see that everything is ok.

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Max Pasterski
Max Pasterski
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I distrust people my dog barks at, and the mail system is the Illuminati

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Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's the bills the posties are bringing you that the dog knows are evil. Don't blame the messenger!

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Ovata Acronicta
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. Our dog (ACD) has some herding behavior so sometimes barks at people when they go to the bathroom ('get back in my sight'), but her behavior otherwise tells a lot. She also sounds way bigger than she is so sometimes I just let her keep going off to scare away solicitors - she knows they're silly people :)

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nottheactualphoto
nottheactualphoto
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ACD = Abscessive Compulsive Disorder. Or something.

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Jaya
Jaya
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2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay so OP was the one with the red flag, not the guy. If your dog attacks someone, and you assume that means that person is bad instead of realizing that the person is the victim, then that is a huge red flag about YOU. And I get it, it's horribly difficult to deal with the reality that your sweet darling dog has done something so violent (this was the throat, that's not "just" biting someone, that is a violent attack). I would be heartbroken if my darling late dog would do this. But you need to face reality and realize that your dog is the perpetrator here.

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_-DungeonKeeper-_
_-DungeonKeeper-_
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always trust your pet, especially if you have a dog. They know who's trustworthy more often than you do

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Remi (He/Him)
Remi (He/Him)
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No they don't. My uncle's dog tried to seriously attack my other uncle who was there to take the dog for a walk and give him some food. Uncle ended up shoving some dog food through the mail slot. Before this the dog and my other uncle got along well.

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Chelsea McKee
Chelsea McKee
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo my dog thought this guy was the bee's knees. At first. Then little friend had to sleep in his cage when he usually slept with me, then he started sleeping outside. It was my first dog as an adult, so because there was a well kept outside dog I figured the two of them could "go camping". One day I was sitting on the porch and my dog had escaped the backyard and was sitting on the front lawn staring at me. The dog also started misbehaving and getting into things he usually doesn't get into and I could tell he was stressed. We had to take him to the emergency vet and the entire ordeal, which was terrifying for me, felt like an unnecessary chore to this guy. One day I picked up my little man and told him he was the only man I needed in my life and me and this guy are no longer communicating.

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TheDag
TheDag
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Animals are and will generally be the best judges of character

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Jaaawn
Jaaawn
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Younger kids are great at judging someone's character too.

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Dav Carro-Ripalda
Dav Carro-Ripalda
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was the guy threatening your life? I like pets, but dangerous ones which can take a life, are not good pets. What about if the dog had gone for a kid?

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AMaureen Dance
AMaureen Dance
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a cat person. sometimes, my little guy would climb up to the highest perch in the apartment, and glare. More often, he'd jump up on the hall table, and demand pets. He turned out to be right about the person every time.

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KieLeaHar
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ALWAYS trust a dog and cat’s opinions of a person.. ALWAYS. Especially your extra friendly dog.

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Russell Tilling
Russell Tilling
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe your dog is in charge of, and needs to protect you? You should always be in charge of your dog.

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Edith
Edith
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am always amazed like how dogs can distinguish bad people? I mean is there any scientific explanation on this topic? Because my dog did this too - he was protective against all people equally, but against one neighbour family he was furious, against all of them. Even we neighbors always were on good terms with each other. Always would say hello. Not close friends, just polite.

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#5

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad His friends literally told me to stay away from him. That should have been a giant red flag. But noooo, it only intrigued me more. .

NuclearFamilyReactor , William Fortunato/pexels Report

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sbj
sbj
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that's the case then I can't believe this guy has 'friends'

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#6

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Not me but my sister. When I first met her new boyfriend, I asked if he had any kids. Pretty straightforward and normal question. He got really awkward and gave an evasive answer of basically “it’s complicated.” It’s not complicated, he just has kids he doesn’t see or support. 🚩🚩🚩.

obviousgaijin , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

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Papa
Papa
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2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter told me she met a guy online and went out with him once. He said he had a child, but she likes children, so that wasn't an issue. At some point he mentioned that he may be taking a job in a different city. She asked how that would affect him seeing his child, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. That's why there wasn't a second date.

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We were also curious whether or not it's important to always address red flags. "If your gut is saying it's a red flag, then it is worth investigating. However, you can't make hasty decisions, as you might be wrong," Amie says.

"Whether ignoring red flags is justified depends on the nature and reliability of the information. Genuine red flags should be based on facts and patterns of behavior, not quick judgments or misinterpretations," the dating coach explained.

"Sometimes, what we perceive as a red flag may be a misunderstanding or a result of incomplete information," Amie pointed out. "Taking time to gather more context, communicate openly, and reflect on our own perceptions can help differentiate between real warning signs and premature judgments."
#7

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He got arrested on our first date.

AngelicAdornn , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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#8

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Girl told me she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I thought I could handle it. Whew boy was I wrong.

Dapper-Tie-3125 , RDNE Stock project /pexels Report

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Boredest Panda
Boredest Panda
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least they told you right? Then you can make your own decisions early.

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#9

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad That he threw an adult tantrum if he didn’t win at “board game” night. Oh, and he had to be right all the time. He’d “kindly” remind me that he was right in an argument that he’d often instigate.

SpecificFilm4097 , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

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We also asked the dating coach for some advice on how to get better at spotting red flags. "First, I advise creating a list of non-negotiables to identify red flags in dating. These deal breakers represent your core values, needs, and boundaries that you're unwilling to compromise on in a relationship," Amie shared.

"By clearly defining these beforehand, you're better equipped to recognize when someone's behavior or values conflict with your fundamental requirements. This list acts as a personal filter, helping you quickly identify incompatibilities that might not be immediately obvious but could lead to significant issues later," she explained.
#10

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad His mother told me not to marry him. If it were her she said, she would not wait for him- it would not be worth it. 3 years later I finally realized she was right and got divorced. She and I didn't always see eye to eye on things but I wish I had believed her then. She knew what her son was, better than I.

SceneNational6303 , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

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Bec
Bec
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait for him to what? Was he in jail or something>

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#11

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He tried convincing me it was MY fault he got a speeding ticket otw to the grocery store because I didn’t want to go with him…

coldbrwd , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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#12

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad There were a few even in the beginning, but this one sticks out because it kept repeating. Any health issue I had was all about him. Not about concern and support for me, but how it made him feel and how he needed comforting. It’s really messed up, actually, when I look back on it.

Wheredounicornsgo , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it you are sick then how can you look after him in the manner he is accustomed to? Do you not realise the negative effect this has on the poor man?

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"When you encounter situations that break these non-negotiables, it's a clear red flag, regardless of other positive qualities the person might have. The relationship will not work because they cannot meet your non-negotiable," Amie continued.

"Second, recognizing red flags often starts with tuning into your body's signals and trusting your gut instincts. When you feel a sense of unease, tension, or discomfort around someone, pay attention," she told Bored Panda. "These physical and emotional responses can be your subconscious mind picking up on subtle cues that something isn't right."

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#13

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live and me being so naive, believed him.

Cute-Hottie , RDNE Stock project /pexels Report

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#14

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Drove 1500 miles to meet her family. When I got to their home in super rural Missouri, her brother was being interviewed by producers from the Jerry Springer show because their grandpa (29 years older than them) had stolen his girlfriend.

intensenerd , Mido Makasardi ©️/pexels Report

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grandpa 29 years older than the grandchildren? How in the Clampetts from Hell is the possible? Lots of underage breeding.... No thanks .

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#15

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Possessive type of guy. He gets jealous most of the time even when I'm just talking to my female friends. He doesn't want me to talk to other guys even at work.

SweetLadyBabe , Vitaly Gariev/pexels Report

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When it comes to how your body may react to red flags, Amie says common signals include a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or a general feeling of anxiety when interacting with or thinking about the person or situation. 

"Your gut instinct might manifest as a nagging doubt or a persistent feeling that something is off, don't ignore it. It's crucial to acknowledge these feelings rather than dismissing them," she noted.

"Though these sensations aren't always proof of a problem, they're often your intuition's way of alarming you to potential issues that deserve more examination. Learning to recognize and trust these internal warning systems can be a powerful tool in identifying red flags early in relationships," the expert says.
#16

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad After being exclusive for a few months, he was casually scrolling Tinder. He was so confused why I would be upset. He said I never said “no tinder”

PuzzleheadedTie8752 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You never said no tinder. The next week, you never said no Bumbl. The next week you never said no Match.com. The next week, you never said no hook up sites ever. The next week, you never said no prostitutes.

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#17

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He asked me to move in while ALL of his wife’s clothes were still in the dresser and closet of the master bedroom. Bras, underwear, socks, shoes, all of it. Even her wedding dress.

vstacey6 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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#18

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad "Looking back, the biggest red flag I ignored was when my ex would always play the victim, no matter what the situation was. Anytime we had an argument, somehow it would flip around to be about how *I* hurt *them* or didn’t understand them, even when they were clearly in the wrong. I thought I could help them see things differently or that it was just a phase, but it turned into a pattern that never changed. Definitely wish I hadn’t overlooked that one.".

bunny_rainbow69 , RDNE Stock project /pexels Report

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ConstantlyJon
ConstantlyJon
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll admit, I have a difficult time not seeing myself as a victim in a lot of arguments. It's definitely something I'm working on with my wife. There are times when she does actually hurt me, but there are times when I hurt her and just because she responds a certain way that I didn't like or she wasn't as gentle saying she was hurt doesn't mean that all of the sudden the argument needs to be about me. Trying to keep humble is so damn hard sometimes. Always trying to be self-aware and work on my s**t for our relationship to grow. But we're inherently selfish, it's so hard sometimes to look outside of my own perspective.

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#19

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad My boyfriend would tell me everyday how I deserved so much more and now I’m too good for him. Then one night while we were out at a bar he told me that “he is not the man that I need. I’m too good for him”. I proceeded to tell him “nah, don’t say that” for another year…
Next time a man tells me “I’m too good for them” I am putting my running shoes on and running as fast as possible.

Leavemelonely1 , ira dulger/pexels Report

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Boredest Panda
Boredest Panda
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think he thinks it’s meant to be sweet, no matter if you think so or not. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable in the relationship that’s not good either. I wouldn’t consider this the reddest of the red flags here, as I think this can be fixed.

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#20

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad My partner of over a year didn’t reach out to me for 5 days after I had major surgery. My first ever surgery, and one considered to be an amputation. Not a single text. I saw him through the very same surgery years before when we were only college roommates.

When I reached out to him while still bed-bound and asked why the radio silence, he said he “had his own stuff going on” with his mental health. Like he always did. I’ve never felt as lonely as I did in that relationship.

I stayed another year and a half before deciding he didn’t actually care about me specifically; he just wanted the security of a relationship and I probably could have been replaced by anyone. I will never date someone who isn’t objectively stoked about it ever again.

Former-Finish4653 , Andrea Piacquadio/pexels Report

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Shark Lady
Shark Lady
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had several relationships and even friendships break down because they didn't want to deal with me having Crohn's. I find it easier to be alone now, I used to get so lonely in hospital but now I don't even notice that no one has even been to visit me. Thank goodness for cats.

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#21

“I’m an empath”

Said the least empathetic people I’ve ever met.

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have noticed that trait with some empaths I have met. Seems to be something people say to let you know how special and enlightened they are, when the exact opposite is true.

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#22

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad I once dated someone for 3+ years who never drove to see me. I always had to drive an hour to see him every weekend. I felt so alone and heartbroken the entire time we were together. I was so exhausted from working 40+ hours a week and driving so much just to make it work.

Outrageous-Spite-408 , Pixabay /pexels Report

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Skogsrået
Skogsrået
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh, i wouldn't even stay a year with someone that puts zero effort in to the relationship.

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#23

An ankle monitor.

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#24

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad I was with my ex for almost three years, and because of strange situations I felt the need to search through his phone and I found a message saved on Snapchat with his girl best friend saying that he wanted to see her naked. I talked with him about it and he told me that he said that bc all his friend group were planning to go to a nudist spa. I believed him and forgave him ;-;.

KuroTenhi , Andres Ayrton/pexels Report

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#25

I had a partner that would bring their gaming laptop with them when they would come to visit me, and essentially would ignore me 80% of the time they were at mine to use it. Would assure me that when we lived together that wouldn't be the case, so I proceeded to ignore it. Turns out that 80% of the time turned into 100% of the time after I uprooted my life to live with them. I wasn't even allowed to touch the guy for any kind of comfort let alone anything else during the odd hour he would allow me together maybe once a month. But as I say, completely on me for ignoring the blatant red flag in the first place.

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was probably super important in World of Warcraft and you were distracting him from his responsibilities...

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#26

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Someone consistently breaking promises but still claiming to be reliable.

AdventurousSofi , Timur Weber /pexels Report

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#27

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Love bombing from the very beginning. He also told me one week in that he loved me.

MelodicMoonlight_ , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

Final score:
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The only Plueschopossum
The only Plueschopossum
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, love bombing due to doing Heroin (he made me believe in the beginning that he was over it). I was too naive. And I was naive again when I found out that he is in NO WAY over it. So I thought, I could handle that along with his depression and his affinity for literally any other d**g that exists on this planet. I thought I could handle that because apart from that he's a really cool guy. Very smart, doing great in his job that he loves, always active and interested in learning new things etc. Well... 8 years later I think that I've never been so wrong. All his good sides cannot compensate his d**g abuse and his mental illness for me. On top of that: we can't argue with each other in a constructive way. And we never could. *Edit* 2 years ago some of you guys already told me to pack my bag and run. I think it's time to do so.

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#28

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all a******s. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky a*****e.

Dreamy-Muse , Mia /pexels Report

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#29

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He liked memes about cheating on Instagram

Mulberry888 , Ali Pli/pexels Report

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#30

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Keeping an emotional distance. It's hard to notice when you're smitten but it's a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.

Naughtyx-Angel , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

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26points
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#31

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad I watched my x-wife have a temper tantrum, in a parking lot. The car in front of her didn't pull in to a spot, fast enough for her. I put it down to her being tired, 4 years of her being tired.

Register-Honest , Sherman Trotz/pexels Report

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#32

Trying to change who I was.

Fluid-Nobody-2096 Report

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Tele Avision
Tele Avision
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't go changing to try and please me You never let me down before, mmm

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#33

Me to my (ex) best friend: “yes you can bring the kids over to swim today but I have a Telehealth appt during that time and will be unavailable for 45 min”
Her: “absolutely! No problem, we will just be out by the pool”

25 minutes into my therapy appt she was knocking on all the doors, ringing the door bell, and CALLING MY PHONE bc her daughter wanted a hair tie. I ended my therapy appt early because I was so stressed out I was physically nauseous.

So many of my therapy appointments revolved around how to help this woman. I spent $1,000’s trying to help her just to ease my own anxiety. Our friendship dissolved in an instant when I tried telling her, her drinking was endangering her children.

rock__sand Report

Final score:
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#34

He told me some of his exes told him he had no feelings. I thought they must be wrong.

Truly, I was kind of right. He did feel things. He felt very strongly that any emotion I was feeling was incorrect and/or overblown. This included things like crying "too much" when my dad died.

Happily single now and much more cognizant
of behaviour I wouldn't tolerant in future relationships.

yokononope Report

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#35

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He used to compliment other women in front of me. Not like “You look nice/great”, but “Damn you look fine today”, “You have a great body” etc. I knew this wasn’t normal, but he gaslit me whenever I brought it up.

LeaderOk5776 , Image-Source/envato Report

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Olivia Marie
Olivia Marie
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1 month ago

This comment has been deleted.

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#36

Knew this chick that shot her ex-husband. I started dating her, thinking it must've been a serious f**k-up on his part (she didn't go to jail, that I knew of). Found out later, after she also pulled a gun on me, nope, she was a total psycho and her ex was completely normal and a stand up guy. Afterwards, I found out she didn't go to jail because she had political connections there, but she was on probation and wasn't legally allowed to have a gun.

GO_U_S_A Report

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#37

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Finding out he was paying OF “models” while never contributing a dime to the home he lived in and continued to stuff his gullet with home cooked food.

Eveny101 , Antoni Shkraba /pexels Report

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#38

Wouldn’t let me have my own space.

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Chelsea McKee
Chelsea McKee
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless the two of you want to share skin, do not assume we are sharing skin. To this day my ex and I are one person. 👅

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#39

Expecting me to solve their problems.

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#40

Refused to introduce me to his parents and sister for so long in our first year together that I finally gave up asking - after all, we hung out with his brother sometimes, so that was fine, right? Finally a family wedding came up and I met them... and he was furious that I told them we'd been dating for four years. Wouldn't let me see them again after the wedding.

Broke up a few months later after he cheated on me. Turns out I was probably his side piece for most of our first year together and that's why he didn't want anyone but his bro (who he was tight with) knowing how long we'd been dating.

Unitaco90 Report

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#41

He arrived carrying only a single black rubbish bag filled with his possessions, but claimed that his home had burned down.🚩🚩🚩 A little over a year later, he left with a black garbage bag full of his possessions, therefore our place must have burned down as well!

Radiant-RRose Report

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Bec
Bec
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'burned down' was a metaphor for ending his previous relationship

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#42

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He had papers in his car that listed personal items, I soon realized it was the paper they use to detail when someone is arrested. The person who was arrested had a different last name than he did, but listed him as her husband. I confronted him and he said “oh I’m just her friend.” Turns out they had been married for years …

caritasticnumbaone , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

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#43

The biggest red flag is my best friend of seven years, always using me and taking advantage of me, only caring for herself like it was a one-sided friendship where she would come to me when she wants comfort and I would comfort her and make her feel better, and the minute she feels better she hung up so it's always about her, she would only call if she wants to talk about herself, would ask me to hang out only if she doesn't have a ride, if she asks me to hang out it would be the places that she wants ONLY, she likes anime stuff so we would go to anime festival abd movies,it was never the places that I wanted to go to, she would never ask me how I'm doing or how am I?, Even when my dad had a serious accident. She didn't ask How is he or comforted me ,the only thing she said was " so you can't drive us to that festival anymore?"and then called me the day of the festival and asked again if I can "drive her"I thought she meant us going together so I said no I can't I'm sitting with my dad, she said it will only take 20 minutes, just come and drive me and then go back to your dad and than I can call you when I'm done to take me back home I really don't know How did I not see it.

My-self-n-only Report

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_-DungeonKeeper-_
_-DungeonKeeper-_
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One, this is definetly a red flag the size of Russia. Two, there's only one period in this wall of text and it's at the end.

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#44

First time I took my ex to a bbq with friends and family she was on the phone arguing with a pharmacy about a problem with her meds. Loudly in front of everyone. Like there was plenty of room to get away from the group. I stayed with her for about ten years. We had a son. I’ve had full custody for over four years now. I tried to help but eventually her mental health issues were too much to raise my son around not to mention the stress it was causing me.

kennycap617 Report

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Magpie
Magpie
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2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mental dis-health is hard on everyone. The person and the people around them. And yes sometimes all you can do is save your own health.

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#45

Talked about wanting to run over animals (Geese walking by) with their car... more than once.
I took it as a joke at the time and laughed uncomfortably, but I have found people who have no respect or general compassion towards animals generally turn out to not be very nice people.

Same with another person making 9/11 "edgy" jokes about the jumpers and wishing she was there/got to experience it... while we were at a memorial site...
(This second person also "joked" about Jeffrey Dahmer being a cute sexy misundertood UwU baby boy that should get more sympathy)

I guess it's people trying to pass certain f****d up comments no sane person would even think to make as jokes.

GalaxyAxolotlAlex Report

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_-DungeonKeeper-_
_-DungeonKeeper-_
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay I admittedly have laughed at a 9/11 once (but it was really funny I'm really not someone who find it funny most times) but saying you wanted to experience it is WRONG. And this woman is talking about Jeffery Dahmer like 90% of anime watchers talk about Gojo.

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#46

Went to move in together and he wasn't packed on moving day. I had to load my stuff up and then help him pack his and found him playing on his phone while I was working. When unpacking, I found boxes from his previous move that he never unpacked at his last place that contained empty water bottles and other garbage. We didn't work out.

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#47

Told me he was an a*****e and self diagnosed sociopath...ooh tell me more
Not a good person for a naive girl of 20 to date.

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David Morgan
David Morgan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone saw 'Dexter' and thought that because he was the title character that he must be worth emulating. See also Walt in 'Breaking Bad'.

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#48

Obsessed with their phone.

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#49

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He lived at his apartment for 6 months, but had no furniture in it. Yet spent the whole date bragging about how much money he had in the bank. His excuse was he "hadn't gotten around to it cause he works a lot."

Not to long after, the alarming red flags had piled up and got the f*** out.

Pawsoverpeople , Skylar Kang/pexels Report

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#50

When the person I was seeing would never introduce me to their friends or family.

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#51

Excessive drinking.

Low_Cover_3454 Report

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#52

My ex-wife hated Weird Al.

flearhcp97 Report

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you hate Weird Al, we cannot be friends. I will be willing to be a friendly acquaintance, but we will never be friends.

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#53

They had a crazy ex who wouldn't leave them alone.

This is a real thing that happens and I feel terrible for people who are stalked by an ex. But sometimes the ex keeps popping up because the person still has feelings or likes attention and is doing things to encourage said ex.

Moist_Network_8222 Report

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Chelsea McKee
Chelsea McKee
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worry about looking like the stalker ex, because right now I have about 42 texts sent to mine all without response. I regularly text him throughout the week with things that happen or whatever. We do talk on the phone and can do so for hours, he also stops by. But I mean technically it does look a little strange to seemingly have a one sided conversation.

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#54

He was recently divorced with a 7-year-old daughter... and a 7-year-old son, not with his wife. Born two months apart from an affair.

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Lene
Lene
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh. 😳 and if there's one thing I learned from watching Ricky Lake as a preteen and teen it is: once a cheater always a cheater.

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#55

Always complaining about their life.

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#56

Never showed affection.

Aromatic-Bullfrog-53 Report

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Magenta Blu
Magenta Blu
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never understood how to achieve someone showing affection to me. It never happens... I don't wake up affection in anyone

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#57

Flipped the script on every argument.

Delicious-Method1637 Report

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#58

Flirting with others constantly.

Actual_Case_2922 Report

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#59

Went through my phone without asking.

Typical_Sentence3553 Report

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Chelsea McKee
Chelsea McKee
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I ever saw my ex with my phone I wouldn't think anything of it. I would assume his died and he needed to do something. It literally looks like nothing to me. For a year in my early twenties I didn't even have a phone, I used his. And I wore his clothes. 👀 On the rare occurrence I picked up his phone he also thought nothing of it. I probably needed to check TheChive or what-the-f**k-ever. Seeing these problems arise online has always confused me, what's the problem?

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#60

Couldn’t handle serious talks.

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#61

Talking trash about mutual friends.

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#62

Woman I was dating had told me initially she'd been married before (and had a kid). Alright, nbd. I knew she had one other significant relationship that lasted a few years but had ended about a year before I came into the picture.

A few weeks into us dating and one day she gets all stressed about this legal proceeding involving her second ex. I figured it was something abuse related but she nonchalantly mentioned that they had been married as well. She was 33 and had been married and divorced twice in 10 years.

At the time it didn't seem like to big of a deal, but after she told me she loved me, then reneged after 3 weeks, and then posted online about her new man 2 weeks after we split, I figured I'd missed a red flag the size of Texas.

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#63

On a first date with the now ex boyfriend. He constantly talked about his ex. Disparagingly. Should’ve ducked & ran. 4 months of being gaslit, love bombed. The first week we met he asked me to marry him. I said no. You don’t know me. And when you do, you won’t like what you see. We also fought almost every day. Very stressful. He was also very jealous & insecure. My favorite thing about him was him telling people I barely knew about personal stuff from our relationship. Things I thought were going to be between us. The only time in my whole life that I’ve gone to my mother for relationship advice. My piece of advice is whatever happens between partners should stay between partners.

ImportantVictory5386 Report

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#64

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Another girl called him on our first date

ilikedognbarbells , Tima Miroshnichenko/pexels Report

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#65

Always fishing for compliments.

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Tele Avision
Tele Avision
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not so bad. Do I sound intelligent? Do I sound like I know what I'm talking about?

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#66

I was 17, he was 27 and my youth director at church…so I married him two years later and stayed for 13 years.

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#67

He didn't know how to cook ravioli. Just, standard, cheap-from-the-supermarket ravioli.

He was 25, still lived at home, his mum made did all the cooking and laundry, which is fairly standard, but also made him a hot chocolate every night, turned down his bed and bought him all his clothes.

He was talking marriage, I told him he needed to move out of home for at least 6 months before he asked.

His Mum also told me she'd had the choice of two men to marry. One was musical, like her, and made her laugh a lot, but she doesn't regret marrying the other, as he was the sensible choice. I never saw her husband smile once the whole time I dated their son....and I don't think that had anything to do with me.

My ex married, and moved to the town next to mine - my town is tiny, I go to theirs often, and bump into his wife occassionally at a mutual interest group - I knew her through the same group before they started dating. Every time I do, I feel a jolt of panic, thinking it could have been me married to him, and want to ask if she's truly happily married, or is it just for show? Our sons played the same sport a few years ago and I'd see him every weekend. I hated it.

He wasn't a bad guy. I wanted to break up, but he wanted to try and make it work, but I think it only lasted a few more weeks before I realised nothing would change and then he interrupted me dumping him to dump me first. It didn't seem like a bad relationship at the time, just not the right one - and I had much worse after - but still, my reaction to him - and his wife - now, makes me wonder what other red flags I didn't notice.

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ConstantlyJon
ConstantlyJon
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah f**k, I don't know how to make ravioli also. But I suppose I haven't lived with my folks since I was 17 so I have that going for me.

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#68

He told me his memory was so bad that he completely forgot about his ex until they bumped into each other in public. I don’t know why but that just seems like an odd thing.

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#69

He was 54 years old and lived with his mother.

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#70

'I accepted my exs follow request and talked with her so that I can make her jealous about how good our relationship is going'

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