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People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad
Interview With Expert
Compromise is a necessary component of any healthy relationship. I understand that some days I’ll have to watch MMA fights with my partner to show an interest in his passions, and he’ll agree to accompany me on a walk for some fresh air, even if he doesn’t feel like leaving the house. But there’s a difference between making small sacrifices for your partner because you love them and naively ignoring red flags that will come back to bite you.
Redditors have recently been recalling glaring red flags that they regret ignoring in past relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their horror stories below. Enjoy reading through these reminders to trust your gut when dating, and keep reading to find a conversation with Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
She was always really angry at something. At times, it would be either her dad, mom, friends, or work. Then, for 7 years of marriage, it became me near constantly. Towards the end, I realized that she was really just angry at herself and projected it on everyone else. She refused to change, so I refused to be treated that way anymore.
David Paterson 3 months ago
Definite red flag. Some people just need someone other than themselves to hate. And if you stick around, it will be you.
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#2
She told me she's very manipulative. Turns out she's very manipulative.
#3
When I first found out I was pregnant he wanted to draw a chalk outline of me and gave me a year to get back down to size.
To learn more about the red flags that we encounter when dating, we reached out to Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach. The relationship expert was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss why we so often ignore glaringly obvious red flags.
"Many people tend to focus on the positive aspects of a potential partner and downplay negative signs, hoping things will work out," Amie shared. "Factors like loneliness, insecurity, or strong attraction can lead us to rationalize concerning behaviors, potentially causing us to idealize a person and miss crucial red flags."
#4
My happy-go-lucky labradoodle who was a gentle giant not only tried to bite him, but went for his throat.
HangryHangryHippo 3 months ago
If you ignore your gut feeling at least trust your pet's, they are furry angels on earth ♥️
#5
His friends literally told me to stay away from him. That should have been a giant red flag. But noooo, it only intrigued me more. .
#6
Not me but my sister. When I first met her new boyfriend, I asked if he had any kids. Pretty straightforward and normal question. He got really awkward and gave an evasive answer of basically “it’s complicated.” It’s not complicated, he just has kids he doesn’t see or support. 🚩🚩🚩.
Papa 3 months ago (edited)
My daughter told me she met a guy online and went out with him once. He said he had a child, but she likes children, so that wasn't an issue. At some point he mentioned that he may be taking a job in a different city. She asked how that would affect him seeing his child, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. That's why there wasn't a second date.
We were also curious whether or not it's important to always address red flags. "If your gut is saying it's a red flag, then it is worth investigating. However, you can't make hasty decisions, as you might be wrong," Amie says.
"Whether ignoring red flags is justified depends on the nature and reliability of the information. Genuine red flags should be based on facts and patterns of behavior, not quick judgments or misinterpretations," the dating coach explained.
"Sometimes, what we perceive as a red flag may be a misunderstanding or a result of incomplete information," Amie pointed out. "Taking time to gather more context, communicate openly, and reflect on our own perceptions can help differentiate between real warning signs and premature judgments."
#8
Girl told me she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I thought I could handle it. Whew boy was I wrong.
Boredest Panda 3 months ago
At least they told you right? Then you can make your own decisions early.
#9
That he threw an adult tantrum if he didn’t win at “board game” night. Oh, and he had to be right all the time. He’d “kindly” remind me that he was right in an argument that he’d often instigate.
We also asked the dating coach for some advice on how to get better at spotting red flags. "First, I advise creating a list of non-negotiables to identify red flags in dating. These deal breakers represent your core values, needs, and boundaries that you're unwilling to compromise on in a relationship," Amie shared.
"By clearly defining these beforehand, you're better equipped to recognize when someone's behavior or values conflict with your fundamental requirements. This list acts as a personal filter, helping you quickly identify incompatibilities that might not be immediately obvious but could lead to significant issues later," she explained.
#10
His mother told me not to marry him. If it were her she said, she would not wait for him- it would not be worth it. 3 years later I finally realized she was right and got divorced. She and I didn't always see eye to eye on things but I wish I had believed her then. She knew what her son was, better than I.
#11
He tried convincing me it was MY fault he got a speeding ticket otw to the grocery store because I didn’t want to go with him…
#12
There were a few even in the beginning, but this one sticks out because it kept repeating. Any health issue I had was all about him. Not about concern and support for me, but how it made him feel and how he needed comforting. It’s really messed up, actually, when I look back on it.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago (edited)
Because it you are sick then how can you look after him in the manner he is accustomed to? Do you not realise the negative effect this has on the poor man?
"When you encounter situations that break these non-negotiables, it's a clear red flag, regardless of other positive qualities the person might have. The relationship will not work because they cannot meet your non-negotiable," Amie continued.
"Second, recognizing red flags often starts with tuning into your body's signals and trusting your gut instincts. When you feel a sense of unease, tension, or discomfort around someone, pay attention," she told Bored Panda. "These physical and emotional responses can be your subconscious mind picking up on subtle cues that something isn't right."
#13
He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live and me being so naive, believed him.
#14
Drove 1500 miles to meet her family. When I got to their home in super rural Missouri, her brother was being interviewed by producers from the Jerry Springer show because their grandpa (29 years older than them) had stolen his girlfriend.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago
Grandpa 29 years older than the grandchildren? How in the Clampetts from Hell is the possible? Lots of underage breeding.... No thanks .
#15
Possessive type of guy. He gets jealous most of the time even when I'm just talking to my female friends. He doesn't want me to talk to other guys even at work.
When it comes to how your body may react to red flags, Amie says common signals include a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or a general feeling of anxiety when interacting with or thinking about the person or situation.
"Your gut instinct might manifest as a nagging doubt or a persistent feeling that something is off, don't ignore it. It's crucial to acknowledge these feelings rather than dismissing them," she noted.
"Though these sensations aren't always proof of a problem, they're often your intuition's way of alarming you to potential issues that deserve more examination. Learning to recognize and trust these internal warning systems can be a powerful tool in identifying red flags early in relationships," the expert says.
#16
After being exclusive for a few months, he was casually scrolling Tinder. He was so confused why I would be upset. He said I never said “no tinder”
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago (edited)
You never said no tinder. The next week, you never said no Bumbl. The next week you never said no Match.com. The next week, you never said no hook up sites ever. The next week, you never said no prostitutes.
#17
He asked me to move in while ALL of his wife’s clothes were still in the dresser and closet of the master bedroom. Bras, underwear, socks, shoes, all of it. Even her wedding dress.
#18
"Looking back, the biggest red flag I ignored was when my ex would always play the victim, no matter what the situation was. Anytime we had an argument, somehow it would flip around to be about how *I* hurt *them* or didn’t understand them, even when they were clearly in the wrong. I thought I could help them see things differently or that it was just a phase, but it turned into a pattern that never changed. Definitely wish I hadn’t overlooked that one.".
ConstantlyJon 3 months ago
I'll admit, I have a difficult time not seeing myself as a victim in a lot of arguments. It's definitely something I'm working on with my wife. There are times when she does actually hurt me, but there are times when I hurt her and just because she responds a certain way that I didn't like or she wasn't as gentle saying she was hurt doesn't mean that all of the sudden the argument needs to be about me. Trying to keep humble is so damn hard sometimes. Always trying to be self-aware and work on my s**t for our relationship to grow. But we're inherently selfish, it's so hard sometimes to look outside of my own perspective.
#19
My boyfriend would tell me everyday how I deserved so much more and now I’m too good for him. Then one night while we were out at a bar he told me that “he is not the man that I need. I’m too good for him”. I proceeded to tell him “nah, don’t say that” for another year…
Next time a man tells me “I’m too good for them” I am putting my running shoes on and running as fast as possible.
Boredest Panda 3 months ago
I think he thinks it’s meant to be sweet, no matter if you think so or not. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable in the relationship that’s not good either. I wouldn’t consider this the reddest of the red flags here, as I think this can be fixed.
#20
My partner of over a year didn’t reach out to me for 5 days after I had major surgery. My first ever surgery, and one considered to be an amputation. Not a single text. I saw him through the very same surgery years before when we were only college roommates.
When I reached out to him while still bed-bound and asked why the radio silence, he said he “had his own stuff going on” with his mental health. Like he always did. I’ve never felt as lonely as I did in that relationship.
I stayed another year and a half before deciding he didn’t actually care about me specifically; he just wanted the security of a relationship and I probably could have been replaced by anyone. I will never date someone who isn’t objectively stoked about it ever again.
Shark Lady 3 months ago
Had several relationships and even friendships break down because they didn't want to deal with me having Crohn's. I find it easier to be alone now, I used to get so lonely in hospital but now I don't even notice that no one has even been to visit me. Thank goodness for cats.
#21
“I’m an empath”
Said the least empathetic people I’ve ever met.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago (edited)
I have noticed that trait with some empaths I have met. Seems to be something people say to let you know how special and enlightened they are, when the exact opposite is true.
#22
I once dated someone for 3+ years who never drove to see me. I always had to drive an hour to see him every weekend. I felt so alone and heartbroken the entire time we were together. I was so exhausted from working 40+ hours a week and driving so much just to make it work.
#24
I was with my ex for almost three years, and because of strange situations I felt the need to search through his phone and I found a message saved on Snapchat with his girl best friend saying that he wanted to see her naked. I talked with him about it and he told me that he said that bc all his friend group were planning to go to a nudist spa. I believed him and forgave him ;-;.
#25
I had a partner that would bring their gaming laptop with them when they would come to visit me, and essentially would ignore me 80% of the time they were at mine to use it. Would assure me that when we lived together that wouldn't be the case, so I proceeded to ignore it. Turns out that 80% of the time turned into 100% of the time after I uprooted my life to live with them. I wasn't even allowed to touch the guy for any kind of comfort let alone anything else during the odd hour he would allow me together maybe once a month. But as I say, completely on me for ignoring the blatant red flag in the first place.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago (edited)
He was probably super important in World of Warcraft and you were distracting him from his responsibilities...
#26
Someone consistently breaking promises but still claiming to be reliable.
#27
Love bombing from the very beginning. He also told me one week in that he loved me.
The only Plueschopossum 3 months ago (edited)
Yeah, love bombing due to doing Heroin (he made me believe in the beginning that he was over it). I was too naive. And I was naive again when I found out that he is in NO WAY over it. So I thought, I could handle that along with his depression and his affinity for literally any other d**g that exists on this planet. I thought I could handle that because apart from that he's a really cool guy. Very smart, doing great in his job that he loves, always active and interested in learning new things etc. Well... 8 years later I think that I've never been so wrong. All his good sides cannot compensate his d**g abuse and his mental illness for me. On top of that: we can't argue with each other in a constructive way. And we never could. *Edit* 2 years ago some of you guys already told me to pack my bag and run. I think it's time to do so.
#28
His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all a******s. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky a*****e.
#29
He liked memes about cheating on Instagram
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago (edited)
Cheating on exams? You mean cheating on exams right?
#30
Keeping an emotional distance. It's hard to notice when you're smitten but it's a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.
What do you think ?
cherry~ 3 months ago
He told me that if I didn't agree to have sex with him whenever he wanted it, I didn't love him. He also insisted I should understand rape and domestic violence to be expressions of love and would constantly be jealous of any man I talked to that wasn't him. I was seven years younger (he was 20) and he was on the other side of the world...it was never going to work out.
ConstantlyJon 3 months ago
I'm no mathematician, but the whole "hey 13 year old, have sex with me whenever I want and it's ok if it's rape" thing is about the biggest red flag I've ever seen. Holy f*****g Christ get away from that man. If you're on the other side of the world, that's the proper distance to stay away from him. Now Block Block Block on everything.
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cherry~ 3 months ago
He told me that if I didn't agree to have sex with him whenever he wanted it, I didn't love him. He also insisted I should understand rape and domestic violence to be expressions of love and would constantly be jealous of any man I talked to that wasn't him. I was seven years younger (he was 20) and he was on the other side of the world...it was never going to work out.
ConstantlyJon 3 months ago
I'm no mathematician, but the whole "hey 13 year old, have sex with me whenever I want and it's ok if it's rape" thing is about the biggest red flag I've ever seen. Holy f*****g Christ get away from that man. If you're on the other side of the world, that's the proper distance to stay away from him. Now Block Block Block on everything.
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