ADVERTISEMENT

Compromise is a necessary component of any healthy relationship. I understand that some days I’ll have to watch MMA fights with my partner to show an interest in his passions, and he’ll agree to accompany me on a walk for some fresh air, even if he doesn’t feel like leaving the house. But there’s a difference between making small sacrifices for your partner because you love them and naively ignoring red flags that will come back to bite you. 

Redditors have recently been recalling glaring red flags that they regret ignoring in past relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their horror stories below. Enjoy reading through these reminders to trust your gut when dating, and keep reading to find a conversation with Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad She told me she's very manipulative. Turns out she's very manipulative.

Ganda1fderBlaue , Vera Arsic/pexels Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
89points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
RELATED:
    #2

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad She was always really angry at something. At times, it would be either her dad, mom, friends, or work. Then, for 7 years of marriage, it became me near constantly. Towards the end, I realized that she was really just angry at herself and projected it on everyone else. She refused to change, so I refused to be treated that way anymore.

    snipesjason64 , Karolina Kaboompics/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    88points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    davidpaterson avatar
    David Paterson
    David Paterson
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definite red flag. Some people just need someone other than themselves to hate. And if you stick around, it will be you.

    Vote comment up
    28
    28points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #3

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad When I first found out I was pregnant he wanted to draw a chalk outline of me and gave me a year to get back down to size.

    WhyLie2me18 , SHVETS production/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    82points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

    To learn more about the red flags that we encounter when dating, we reached out to Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach. The relationship expert was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss why we so often ignore glaringly obvious red flags.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    "Many people tend to focus on the positive aspects of a potential partner and downplay negative signs, hoping things will work out," Amie shared. "Factors like loneliness, insecurity, or strong attraction can lead us to rationalize concerning behaviors, potentially causing us to idealize a person and miss crucial red flags."
    #4

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad My happy-go-lucky labradoodle who was a gentle giant not only tried to bite him, but went for his throat.

    DamonNightman , Chris Black/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    81points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    rominaherrera avatar
    HangryHangryHippo
    HangryHangryHippo
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you ignore your gut feeling at least trust your pet's, they are furry angels on earth ♥️

    Vote comment up
    52
    52points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #5

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad His friends literally told me to stay away from him. That should have been a giant red flag. But noooo, it only intrigued me more. .

    NuclearFamilyReactor , William Fortunato/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    76points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    sarah-jones avatar
    sbj
    sbj
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If that's the case then I can't believe this guy has 'friends'

    Vote comment up
    16
    16points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #6

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He got arrested on our first date.

    AngelicAdornn , Kindel Media/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    72points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

    We were also curious whether or not it's important to always address red flags. "If your gut is saying it's a red flag, then it is worth investigating. However, you can't make hasty decisions, as you might be wrong," Amie says.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    "Whether ignoring red flags is justified depends on the nature and reliability of the information. Genuine red flags should be based on facts and patterns of behavior, not quick judgments or misinterpretations," the dating coach explained.

    "Sometimes, what we perceive as a red flag may be a misunderstanding or a result of incomplete information," Amie pointed out. "Taking time to gather more context, communicate openly, and reflect on our own perceptions can help differentiate between real warning signs and premature judgments."
    #7

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Girl told me she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I thought I could handle it. Whew boy was I wrong.

    Dapper-Tie-3125 , RDNE Stock project /pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    71points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    aksauce14948 avatar
    Boredest Panda
    Boredest Panda
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least they told you right? Then you can make your own decisions early.

    Vote comment up
    60
    60points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #8

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Not me but my sister. When I first met her new boyfriend, I asked if he had any kids. Pretty straightforward and normal question. He got really awkward and gave an evasive answer of basically “it’s complicated.” It’s not complicated, he just has kids he doesn’t see or support. 🚩🚩🚩.

    obviousgaijin , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    71points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    glennschroeder avatar
    Papa
    Papa
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter told me she met a guy online and went out with him once. He said he had a child, but she likes children, so that wasn't an issue. At some point he mentioned that he may be taking a job in a different city. She asked how that would affect him seeing his child, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. That's why there wasn't a second date.

    Vote comment up
    27
    27points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad That he threw an adult tantrum if he didn’t win at “board game” night. Oh, and he had to be right all the time. He’d “kindly” remind me that he was right in an argument that he’d often instigate.

    SpecificFilm4097 , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    63points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

    We also asked the dating coach for some advice on how to get better at spotting red flags. "First, I advise creating a list of non-negotiables to identify red flags in dating. These deal breakers represent your core values, needs, and boundaries that you're unwilling to compromise on in a relationship," Amie shared.

    "By clearly defining these beforehand, you're better equipped to recognize when someone's behavior or values conflict with your fundamental requirements. This list acts as a personal filter, helping you quickly identify incompatibilities that might not be immediately obvious but could lead to significant issues later," she explained.
    #10

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad His mother told me not to marry him. If it were her she said, she would not wait for him- it would not be worth it. 3 years later I finally realized she was right and got divorced. She and I didn't always see eye to eye on things but I wish I had believed her then. She knew what her son was, better than I.

    SceneNational6303 , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    62points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    holschrk avatar
    Bec
    Bec
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait for him to what? Was he in jail or something>

    Vote comment up
    14
    14points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #11

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He tried convincing me it was MY fault he got a speeding ticket otw to the grocery store because I didn’t want to go with him…

    coldbrwd , Kindel Media/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    62points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #12

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad There were a few even in the beginning, but this one sticks out because it kept repeating. Any health issue I had was all about him. Not about concern and support for me, but how it made him feel and how he needed comforting. It’s really messed up, actually, when I look back on it.

    Wheredounicornsgo , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    61points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    nathbp1 avatar
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Community Member
    5 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because it you are sick then how can you look after him in the manner he is accustomed to? Do you not realise the negative effect this has on the poor man?

    Vote comment up
    32
    32points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    "When you encounter situations that break these non-negotiables, it's a clear red flag, regardless of other positive qualities the person might have. The relationship will not work because they cannot meet your non-negotiable," Amie continued.

    "Second, recognizing red flags often starts with tuning into your body's signals and trusting your gut instincts. When you feel a sense of unease, tension, or discomfort around someone, pay attention," she told Bored Panda. "These physical and emotional responses can be your subconscious mind picking up on subtle cues that something isn't right."

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #13

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live and me being so naive, believed him.

    Cute-Hottie , RDNE Stock project /pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    59points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #14

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Drove 1500 miles to meet her family. When I got to their home in super rural Missouri, her brother was being interviewed by producers from the Jerry Springer show because their grandpa (29 years older than them) had stolen his girlfriend.

    intensenerd , Mido Makasardi ©️/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    58points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    nathbp1 avatar
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grandpa 29 years older than the grandchildren? How in the Clampetts from Hell is the possible? Lots of underage breeding.... No thanks .

    Vote comment up
    48
    48points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #15

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Possessive type of guy. He gets jealous most of the time even when I'm just talking to my female friends. He doesn't want me to talk to other guys even at work.

    SweetLadyBabe , Vitaly Gariev/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    52points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT

    When it comes to how your body may react to red flags, Amie says common signals include a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or a general feeling of anxiety when interacting with or thinking about the person or situation. 

    "Your gut instinct might manifest as a nagging doubt or a persistent feeling that something is off, don't ignore it. It's crucial to acknowledge these feelings rather than dismissing them," she noted.

    "Though these sensations aren't always proof of a problem, they're often your intuition's way of alarming you to potential issues that deserve more examination. Learning to recognize and trust these internal warning systems can be a powerful tool in identifying red flags early in relationships," the expert says.
    #16

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad After being exclusive for a few months, he was casually scrolling Tinder. He was so confused why I would be upset. He said I never said “no tinder”

    PuzzleheadedTie8752 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    50points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    nathbp1 avatar
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Community Member
    5 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You never said no tinder. The next week, you never said no Bumbl. The next week you never said no Match.com. The next week, you never said no hook up sites ever. The next week, you never said no prostitutes.

    Vote comment up
    36
    36points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #17

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He asked me to move in while ALL of his wife’s clothes were still in the dresser and closet of the master bedroom. Bras, underwear, socks, shoes, all of it. Even her wedding dress.

    vstacey6 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    42points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #18

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad "Looking back, the biggest red flag I ignored was when my ex would always play the victim, no matter what the situation was. Anytime we had an argument, somehow it would flip around to be about how *I* hurt *them* or didn’t understand them, even when they were clearly in the wrong. I thought I could help them see things differently or that it was just a phase, but it turned into a pattern that never changed. Definitely wish I hadn’t overlooked that one.".

    bunny_rainbow69 , RDNE Stock project /pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    41points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    jonconstant avatar
    ConstantlyJon
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll admit, I have a difficult time not seeing myself as a victim in a lot of arguments. It's definitely something I'm working on with my wife. There are times when she does actually hurt me, but there are times when I hurt her and just because she responds a certain way that I didn't like or she wasn't as gentle saying she was hurt doesn't mean that all of the sudden the argument needs to be about me. Trying to keep humble is so damn hard sometimes. Always trying to be self-aware and work on my s**t for our relationship to grow. But we're inherently selfish, it's so hard sometimes to look outside of my own perspective.

    Vote comment up
    6
    6points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu


    #19

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad My boyfriend would tell me everyday how I deserved so much more and now I’m too good for him. Then one night while we were out at a bar he told me that “he is not the man that I need. I’m too good for him”. I proceeded to tell him “nah, don’t say that” for another year…
    Next time a man tells me “I’m too good for them” I am putting my running shoes on and running as fast as possible.

    Leavemelonely1 , ira dulger/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    41points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    aksauce14948 avatar
    Boredest Panda
    Boredest Panda
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think he thinks it’s meant to be sweet, no matter if you think so or not. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable in the relationship that’s not good either. I wouldn’t consider this the reddest of the red flags here, as I think this can be fixed.

    Vote comment up
    12
    12points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #20

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad My partner of over a year didn’t reach out to me for 5 days after I had major surgery. My first ever surgery, and one considered to be an amputation. Not a single text. I saw him through the very same surgery years before when we were only college roommates.

    When I reached out to him while still bed-bound and asked why the radio silence, he said he “had his own stuff going on” with his mental health. Like he always did. I’ve never felt as lonely as I did in that relationship.

    I stayed another year and a half before deciding he didn’t actually care about me specifically; he just wanted the security of a relationship and I probably could have been replaced by anyone. I will never date someone who isn’t objectively stoked about it ever again.

    Former-Finish4653 , Andrea Piacquadio/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    40points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    magentablu avatar
    Magenta Blu
    Magenta Blu
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have never been in any relationship where the other person really cared about me. Friendship, or romance.. I don't believe people care about other people, it is always themselves first. Themselves second themselves third and so on. I never met anyone who prioritize anyone else but themselves

    Vote comment up
    3
    3points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #21

    “I’m an empath”

    Said the least empathetic people I’ve ever met.

    _TheTrashyPanda_ Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    40points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    nathbp1 avatar
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Community Member
    5 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have noticed that trait with some empaths I have met. Seems to be something people say to let you know how special and enlightened they are, when the exact opposite is true.

    Vote comment up
    23
    23points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #22

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad I once dated someone for 3+ years who never drove to see me. I always had to drive an hour to see him every weekend. I felt so alone and heartbroken the entire time we were together. I was so exhausted from working 40+ hours a week and driving so much just to make it work.

    Outrageous-Spite-408 , Pixabay /pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    40points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    annaekberg avatar
    Skogsrået
    Skogsrået
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ugh, i wouldn't even stay a year with someone that puts zero effort in to the relationship.

    Vote comment up
    12
    12points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #23

    An ankle monitor.

    Iron_Rail Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    39points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #24

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad I was with my ex for almost three years, and because of strange situations I felt the need to search through his phone and I found a message saved on Snapchat with his girl best friend saying that he wanted to see her naked. I talked with him about it and he told me that he said that bc all his friend group were planning to go to a nudist spa. I believed him and forgave him ;-;.

    KuroTenhi , Andres Ayrton/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    37points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #25

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Someone consistently breaking promises but still claiming to be reliable.

    AdventurousSofi , Timur Weber /pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    33points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #26

    I had a partner that would bring their gaming laptop with them when they would come to visit me, and essentially would ignore me 80% of the time they were at mine to use it. Would assure me that when we lived together that wouldn't be the case, so I proceeded to ignore it. Turns out that 80% of the time turned into 100% of the time after I uprooted my life to live with them. I wasn't even allowed to touch the guy for any kind of comfort let alone anything else during the odd hour he would allow me together maybe once a month. But as I say, completely on me for ignoring the blatant red flag in the first place.

    Gem-Megumi Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    33points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    nathbp1 avatar
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
    Community Member
    5 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He was probably super important in World of Warcraft and you were distracting him from his responsibilities...

    Vote comment up
    18
    18points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #27

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Love bombing from the very beginning. He also told me one week in that he loved me.

    MelodicMoonlight_ , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    30points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    theonlyplueschopossum avatar
    The only Plueschopossum
    The only Plueschopossum
    Community Member
    4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, love bombing due to doing Heroin (he made me believe in the beginning that he was over it). I was too naive. And I was naive again when I found out that he is in NO WAY over it. So I thought, I could handle that along with his depression and his affinity for literally any other d**g that exists on this planet. I thought I could handle that because apart from that he's a really cool guy. Very smart, doing great in his job that he loves, always active and interested in learning new things etc. Well... 8 years later I think that I've never been so wrong. All his good sides cannot compensate his d**g abuse and his mental illness for me. On top of that: we can't argue with each other in a constructive way. And we never could. *Edit* 2 years ago some of you guys already told me to pack my bag and run. I think it's time to do so.

    Vote comment up
    21
    21points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #28

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all a******s. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky a*****e.

    Dreamy-Muse , Mia /pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    30points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #29

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad He liked memes about cheating on Instagram

    Mulberry888 , Ali Pli/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    30points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #30

    People Saw These 30 Red Flags In Their Partners And Somehow Thought They Weren’t Too Bad Keeping an emotional distance. It's hard to notice when you're smitten but it's a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.

    Naughtyx-Angel , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

    Vote arrow up
    Vote arrow down
    25points
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

    Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

    Ic_chat

    Progress:

    Ic check outlined Dialog close
    Ic_smile Ic_meh

    Ic check outlined Dialog close
    Ic_smile Ic_meh

    Thanks! Check out the results:

    Quiz icon

    View alternative results:

    Quiz icon

    Ic_score

    0

    Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

    Follow Bored Panda on Google News!