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Millennials Nearing Their 40s That Have Made Mistakes Share 30 Of The Most Regretful Ones In This Online Group
Life can be confusing, even hard at times, and not many of us can proudly say that we've managed to figure it out. We're born into this world not knowing anything, and it takes us some time to master the most basic tasks. We're constantly learning and adapting – which naturally leads to a bunch of little slip-ups.
The wonderful thing about mistakes is that everybody makes them; your mother, your next-door neighbor and even the Queen of England. What's important is that we learn a lesson and acknowledge it every time something decides to go wrong.
"Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?" An online user decided to take it to one of Reddit's famous communities to ask 1981 – 1996 babies about the life regrets they have. The post received over 2.6K upvotes and 2.2K worth of comments discussing the harsh reality of our existence.
More info: Reddit
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#1
I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the f**k did it take 40 years for self-acceptance?
#2
If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got.
#3
Getting married at 20 and having kids shortly after. A LOT of people warned me that I was starting too young, but I thought I was the exception. I spent my whole life being told by everyone that I was "mature" for my age. So certainly I wouldn't be a statistic!
After years of marriage collapsed into horrible divorce, I realized I wasn't the exception. It's not that my love and desires weren't real, they absolutely were! It's not that I couldn't hack the practical day-to-day tasks of family life, I managed that quite well. The problem is that I was not prepared for how much my partner and I would change as humans in our early 20's. 20 year old me had way more in common with the 15 year old me than the 35 year old me.
If you are under 24(ish) and thinking about marriage, do yourself a favor and wait another year or two. If this is truly the perfect match for the two of you, then you have nothing to lose - that person will still be there. But if you are wrong, and your underdeveloped brain hasn't caught on quite yet, then you will be grateful you waited just a little bit longer.
#4
Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost.
#5
40 already. Born in 81 so I think I just make the millennial cut.
Work to live, don’t live to work.
You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice.
#7
Take care of your f**king back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that s**t is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week.
#9
I wish I had taken the initiative to resolve my own childhood/developmental trauma much earlier than age 30. I would have had more self-worth in my early relationships, jobs/earning potential and friendships.
#11
I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action.
#13
Staying too long in an unhappy marriage. I lost the last half of my 20s and most of my 30s because of it.
#14
Try not to get cancer.
If you feel unwell go to the dr.
I felt numbness in my fingers and toes. . Let that go for a few months. It turned to arm Pain. Went to the hospital and it turns out I have stage 4 renal carcinoma.
Don’t let any symptoms go unchecked. You’re older, and if your body is telling you something is wrong f**king listen to it.
#15
Should have bought a home. We qualified 20 years ago for enough to buy a small 2 bedroom but I didn't think we could afford it. That 2 bedroom would be worth nearly 3Xs and paid off by now. We pay nearly double in rent what our mortgage would have been. Gotta love the SF bay area cost of living.
#16
Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money.
#18
I moved a lot as a kid and am what is called a third culture kid. I feel at home nowhere.
Because of this I also learnt to see friendships and relationships as transactional and didn't maintain them or invest in them.
Because my early life experience is different to those with stable childhoods, I am also really closed. I have learnt to assume I have relatively little in common with others, and no longer bother to even try.
I have effectively become a hermit, am largely friendless, and ended up sacrificing any chance of happiness to take care of an elderly relative.
It is probably too late for me.
#19
Listening to other people tell me what they thought I’d be good at instead of doing what I wanted to do/was interested in.
Not really approaching 40, but I turn 31 this year, and for the longest time I had issues taking peoples advice too literal and trying my damndest to please everyone else instead of making myself happy.
I wasted 12 years of my life doing this and just floating along before it finally clicked and I went to school for what I do now. I love my job/field, and I beat myself up daily for not doing it sooner and for listening to everyone instead of listening to myself….
#20
When I was 12-13 my grandfather and I talked about driving from Florida to Alaska over the summer after I got my drivers license.
By the time I got my license (17yo) I was too involved with being with my friends/girlfriend and working. Biggest regret if my life not doing that trip. I’m 37 now and think about it from time to time.
#21
Not recognizing early red flags for an abusive relationship. It can be tempting to give yourself over to someone showering you with affection after a long dry spell but pay attention to some important details - how long have they known most of their friends? Are they asking you for money really early on, and for something that seems like they should be able to take care of? Bonus point if one or more of their friends brings up money they owe them too. Do your friends seem to like them? How quickly do they start trying to change things about you or make negative comments? I realized 3 months in that this wasn't a good relationship but stayed for another year just because it was comfortable and I wanted someone to be there, not because it was the right person. Fortunately, I was smart enough not to co-sign on anything. Once the wrong person is living with you it can be extremely difficult and stressful to get them out of your house without risking your own safety, especially if you have pets. It can be tempting to move in together quickly, but it's sometimes not worth the risk.
You cant stop the truth 2 years ago
imagine staying in a relationship for like a decade AND putting up with abuse. Try that. Why? Because that's all that you think you deserve. Now that I'm out of it, I think I never ever ever ever want it again. No siree. Not having to explain where I am, who I am seeing, why I am going there, what do I want for supper, etc. F**k it. At least now I answer to no-one.
Whodathunkit 2 years ago
20 years of marriage and 5 children...finally woke up and realized I wasn't the problem.
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Manu 2 years ago
Nov 2nd 2018, I came home and all her stuff were gone. I found her lying and we were supposed to talk that night. I knew deep inside that ni amount of talking would fix the years of lies, deception and unhappiness. It was devastating, but in the middle of the sadness, I realized I was free at last. It's been the best years of my life after that bittersweet day
Samantha 2 years ago
We're told all our lives not to quit, that it somehow makes us less than, but it's ok, good even, to quit things that are making us deeply unhappy. Divorce doesn't make you a failure, it just sets you free to find happiness elsewhere.
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Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 2 years ago (edited)
You don't ignore red flags, you are just too young to understand it. I ignored red flags... and I sent red flags earlier in my life, too. But we learn.
Jar of Pickles 2 years ago
After all I went through, I can sense toxic people within a few minutes...
Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
The thing is, how would one know what red flags are, until one has had experience with relationships.
Agnes Jekyll 2 years ago
I think it's that feeling in your gut that things aren't right. Or that little voice n your head that says, "get out, get out" or crying silently in the bathroom. It's not the flag itself, it's listening to your intuition. And talking to your partner, asking the hard questions even though you are afraid of the answers. Sigh.
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#23
Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else.
#25
Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself losing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them.
#26
I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30s. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess.
Although honestly? My only real regret/mistake in my life is going back to grad school in 2010. I felt trapped by getting laid off twice and not being able to find any work. I was debt-free, but I really felt forced into going back to school to try and make something of myself. It was either that, become homeless, or figure out how to move back in with my parents. Now I have over 100k in debt because my 60k grad loan has ballooned due to interest rates and forbearance because once again, I couldn't find a decent job upon graduation. Student loans are a f**king racket.
#27
Wasted my life in deep depression; Still wasting it. Never finished college, never found a stable relationship and just gave up on finding a relationship. Lost the love of my life because of my depression
#28
Going to university and majoring in business, numerous poor investments in now defunct companies and businesses and not taking care of my health while younger
#29
When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them.
#30
Selling drugs while I was in the Army. Got me thrown in prison for a couple years. Restarting life and missing a big chunk of your 20s isn't great. 0/10 do not recommend.
What do you think ?
Lousha 2 years ago
One of my biggest mistakes led me to an exceptional, amazing man, a job that I didn't like but allowed us to spend all our time together and eventually buy a house where we wanted before we turned 40, and live the life we wanted. **** regrets!
You cant stop the truth 2 years ago
"Regret" is another way of saying "something learnt."
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DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I'm in my 30s and so many of these resonate with me. Some I've been able to avoid, others I've experienced and a few I'm experiencing currently. I hope to turn forty in a couple of years and by then be able to say I got away from all of this and I'm doing well. I really hope so.
Angela 2 years ago
Why is everything condensed to millennials and boomers? If, in this year of 2022, you are between 40 and 45, you were born between 1978 and 1983. Trailing end GenX, and leading edge GenY. Very different than someone born at the turn of the end of 1900s and the beginning of 2000s.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
People born at the beginning of 2000s are Gen Z, not millenials.
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José Velásquez 2 years ago
it may sound stupid, but I (40m) regret not learning to ride (drive?) a motorcycle earlier in my life. Now I barely find the time to do it and it's something that I really enjoy
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I would say both my marriages (even though I'm still married). I will never regret my kids but I can regret the whole idea of traditional family life/how boring it can be/how trapped you get. Or maybe I married the wrong people- who knows. I also regret moving for university. I should have stayed in my hometown. But, you know, there's no guarantees in life. Maybe it could have been better - maybe not. That's sort of the beauty of life too. We make mistakes but that's how you can separate the good parts from the bad.
Wintermute 2 years ago
Wow. I could have written this down to the letter, including the university thing. Separating from my wife now (amicably) and can't ever see pursuing that nuclear family idea ever again, and I have half a dozen friends in the same boat. Funny how many of us got pushed into the same situations with the same problems only to come to the same moments of realization years later.
Load More Replies... Cecile Visscher 2 years ago
My biggest regret is that I didnt enjoy my beauty when I was young. I always compared myself to others and felt ugly. Now, when I see pictures of my younger selfI see a beautiful girl and I just wish she would have had more confidence at that time.
The Cute Cat 2 years ago
I started to college 5 years after high school. 10/10 recommended. College is life changing. My current salary is 14 times my last salary before college. That is just crazy
Roald 2 years ago
Dear People! Most of this is temporary, not a life sentence! Or said in a different way: it will pass, maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass! (Yo, and don't think it is all roses for me - at the moment certainly not. But hope dies last and it is your own mind that determines the steps to get out of it)
Lousha 2 years ago
One of my biggest mistakes led me to an exceptional, amazing man, a job that I didn't like but allowed us to spend all our time together and eventually buy a house where we wanted before we turned 40, and live the life we wanted. **** regrets!
You cant stop the truth 2 years ago
"Regret" is another way of saying "something learnt."
Load More Replies... DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I'm in my 30s and so many of these resonate with me. Some I've been able to avoid, others I've experienced and a few I'm experiencing currently. I hope to turn forty in a couple of years and by then be able to say I got away from all of this and I'm doing well. I really hope so.
Angela 2 years ago
Why is everything condensed to millennials and boomers? If, in this year of 2022, you are between 40 and 45, you were born between 1978 and 1983. Trailing end GenX, and leading edge GenY. Very different than someone born at the turn of the end of 1900s and the beginning of 2000s.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
People born at the beginning of 2000s are Gen Z, not millenials.
Load More Replies... José Velásquez 2 years ago
it may sound stupid, but I (40m) regret not learning to ride (drive?) a motorcycle earlier in my life. Now I barely find the time to do it and it's something that I really enjoy
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I would say both my marriages (even though I'm still married). I will never regret my kids but I can regret the whole idea of traditional family life/how boring it can be/how trapped you get. Or maybe I married the wrong people- who knows. I also regret moving for university. I should have stayed in my hometown. But, you know, there's no guarantees in life. Maybe it could have been better - maybe not. That's sort of the beauty of life too. We make mistakes but that's how you can separate the good parts from the bad.
Wintermute 2 years ago
Wow. I could have written this down to the letter, including the university thing. Separating from my wife now (amicably) and can't ever see pursuing that nuclear family idea ever again, and I have half a dozen friends in the same boat. Funny how many of us got pushed into the same situations with the same problems only to come to the same moments of realization years later.
Load More Replies... Cecile Visscher 2 years ago
My biggest regret is that I didnt enjoy my beauty when I was young. I always compared myself to others and felt ugly. Now, when I see pictures of my younger selfI see a beautiful girl and I just wish she would have had more confidence at that time.
The Cute Cat 2 years ago
I started to college 5 years after high school. 10/10 recommended. College is life changing. My current salary is 14 times my last salary before college. That is just crazy
Roald 2 years ago
Dear People! Most of this is temporary, not a life sentence! Or said in a different way: it will pass, maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass! (Yo, and don't think it is all roses for me - at the moment certainly not. But hope dies last and it is your own mind that determines the steps to get out of it)
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