We’re just like family!

That is why we say; if you tell me the truth, I won't get as mad as I would when you lie to me.

Well it doesn't hurt either

It makes you a man with high blood pressure, possibly depression and with heart issues.

Life is easiest as a kid, you just don't realise!

Why on earth would you go to bed with chewing gum in the first place?!

Fixed it for them..." we support an unhealthy work life balance".

3 seconds is a kilometre.

If your American dream is to be a corporate slave.

Awww ... that is a sweet lie

As with everything else, balance is key. Says the banana who would rather stay home by himself or with just his partner 99% of the time :)

Gee I think I’m doing this asexual thing all wrong! :p

This hits home hard for me, being gas-lit for a year does wonders for your mental health.

If you loan a friend money, best to consider it a gift. That way, if they pay you back, great, but if they don't, you are a great gift giver.

Cruel b***h. The appropriate rebike might be "well at least they really chose to have me", but that's hard for a kid to come up with.

Dies the human body store caffeine? Don't think so

Sorry but anyone that believes in these doomsday prophecies are not very bright. Doubt this person would have done well in their studies anyways if they bought into that nonsense. (Late edit: Assuming OP was not a child at the time)

People have gotten stuck though so don’t risk it

MINT in German, Beta-vakken in Dutch. Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics. Well, the chances of getting handed such a job on a golden plate without any activities from your side are pretty much low. But during that Master, students do usually meet potential employers. During internships, on fairs, visits to companies... It also depends on your specific field and knowledge and your plans for your life.

Never surrender! Never succumb!

You want to keep on getting a stocking filled with presents? Smile, nod and pretend you still believe.

What's wrong in believing in santa. Its a wonderful holiday kids have fun, everyone is together in certain families anyway. Its gorgeous. I'm not Christian now but was growing up, i remember the excitement, the sweets and chocolates. I never asked for anything because i wouldn't have gotten it but i had hope and the stories of santa were so exciting. We need to let kids have some fun, believing in santa is totally harmless.

Rewrite this one about every single major religious text/story/god/prophet and tell me that it's not identical to Santa Claus.

I hate this "good kids" narrative. We're Jewish and for a few years (before she told us), our lovely daughter worried that she wasn't a good child because Father Christmas didn't come to her. I explained it's only for Christians or sort-of Christians or not-anything-else-in-particular kids. I'll save the "old white man taking the credit for what is mainly women's work" explanation for another year ;-)

"Old, unshaven man stares at children while they are sleeping and offers them gifts to be 'good'. Is rumored to often be fling high. Hygiene is questionable due to always being seen in the same clothes. Sometimes hangs around shopping malls hoping little kids will sit in his lap. " LOL - sounds so pervy in today's society.

Society wants children to stop believing in this make believe person by a certain age while at the same time praising people for believing in a different make believe person (with even more, supposedly, globally encompassing power) until the day they die.

Wait...he's not real?

My siblings and I never believed in Santa, even as kids. Our parents weren't gonna let some "fat, old white man" (in their words) take the credit for all those presents they bought with their hard earned money. 😂

Milton Jones: why does he perpetuate the class divide by giving more expensive presents to the children of rich parents?

I had already figured it out by this point, but my brother hadn't when we went to go and see Santa one year. It was our dad behind the beard. That was just so, so weird.

Oh, Lordy - with that picture cutting off before you see any red, my weirdass brain thought I was looking at some sort of Ayatollah Khomeini characters

Only to kids who believe in him and who celebrate Christmas. Stop believing and your presents will be from humans.

replace fat guy and red suit with mysterious figure in a white robe.

No, this one is true. But only the shortened version has been given. The full version is, "You're gonna scare the fish away. If you don't shut up, I'm going to throw you in the river, and that will definitely scare away the fish."

Young and inexperienced.. not stupid.

There's all kinds of love. I've had people tell me they love me, and I know it's not romantic. And there are people I love just like family.

It is a very bad cult.

My uncle convinced me that there were cannibals' at the park near his house when I was 7, which then resulted in my refusing to ever sleep over there. Well played uncle, well played.

That's like getting a landlines call before we had caller ID. Dude tried claiming there was a problem with our "Windows PC." The Indian sounding guy was super thrown off when I told him there weren't any in the house. Didn't mention that with only one exception the only computers ever in the house were made by Apple

Why were they letting a child play a GTA game?!

Robux??

The only Easter bunny I have ever seen in the UK was on an episode of Vicar of Dibley.