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People Are Sharing The Red Flags They Let Slide While Dating And How It All Ended
Interview With Expert
A lot of people say that dating is a numbers game. If you just keep pushing through terrible first dates, you'll eventually find someone that you magically click with. But if you’ve already suffered through dozens of awkward dinners with strangers this year, it’s important that you don’t let dating fatigue start to cloud your judgment.
Redditors have recently been discussing the most glaring red flags that they somehow managed to ignore in relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their warnings for others below. This may not be the most fun list to read, but it’s full of helpful reminders for anyone who’s currently trying to navigate the dating pool. And keep reading to find conversations with the person who started this thread and globally recognized matchmaker, Gina Hendrix!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
She refused to apologize for anything wrong she did, and her response would be, "Just get over it.".
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Ravi_dxb, who posed the question, "What’s the biggest red flag you ignored in a relationship, and how did it turn out?” He was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain where his inspiration for this post came from.
"I’ve always been curious about why people ignore red flags in relationships, even when they kind of know better," the author shared. "We’ve all been there at some point, and I figured it would be interesting to see what others had to say. Plus, Reddit is full of real, unfiltered stories, so I knew the responses would be eye-opening."
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#2
Mummy’s boys.
Never dated someone that was very very attached to their mother before and I never will again.
- It feels like there is always three of you in the relationship
- Your opinion is asked but so is mummy’s and what was the point of asking me because mummy’s answer always goes.
- The general lack of life skills, experience and independence because your mummy is still coddling you at 27.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 days ago
Oh wow, I wouldn't want to see what happens when the inevitable happens.
#3
Apologies were always “sorry you feel that way”.
The author also admits that he's guilty of ignoring red flags that he shouldn't have in relationships. "I’ve definitely overlooked some warning signs, usually by making excuses like, 'Maybe they’ll change' or 'It’s not that bad,'" Ravi_dxb shared. "Spoiler alert: it was that bad. Ignoring red flags always led to situations where I wished I had walked away sooner."
#4
After 6 months of dating she started talking about marriage. I asked, “What’s the rush?”
She looked at me with total sincerity and said, “I don’t know how much longer I can hold back the crazy!”
We have been married for 25 years.
troufaki13 3 days ago
I don't really trust people who say "yeah, I'm crazy and I love it!". But good for you 😊
#5
When I was younger, my GF (very short relationship, a few months) kept spending the night at her friend's house, who was married with kids. She broke up with me to steal the friend's husband, who she later married, then surprise surprise, divorced. I've been married once, coming up to 20 years. Karma.
#6
She gave me an ultimatum early on in the relationship saying that if I didn't change how she wanted me to she'd leave me. I was in my early 20s with very little relationship experience and absolutely infatuated with her. She went on to step on me for most of the relationship and, upon reflection, gradually wore me down over a few years. I became a version of myself that she wanted me to be.
Eventually her Mom also became toxic towards me and that was where I drew the line. I was dealing with some terrible news about a family member (diagnosed with terminal cancer) and was told my emotions didn't matter and I should deal with them myself. I asked for a break from her and she ghosted me.
Been 5+ years. Very happily single, thriving in my career, and just got into my dream grad program. Don't know if I'm meant to find love in this existence but feel happy for what I have in my life. That relationship did a lot of damage to my psyche and I'm starting to finally feel like myself again which is nice. Can finally say I love myself again.
troufaki13 3 days ago
It's fine to make compromises but not to the point where you change your whole personality to fit someone else's idea of you.
So why do so many people overlook these bad signs? "Hope, fear, and emotional investment," the author told Bored Panda. "When you really like someone, you don’t want to see the bad stuff. Sometimes, it’s easier to believe things will get better than to accept that they won’t. And let’s be honest—society kind of pushes this idea that love is about sticking through the hard times. But some 'hard times' are actually just signs to leave."
Finally, we asked Ravi_dxb what he thought of the responses to his post. "The replies were wild," he shared. "Some were funny, some were heartbreaking, and a few were just insane. What really surprised me was how many people had almost identical experiences. It made me realize that ignoring red flags is way more common than I thought."
#7
She treated people in public like s**t, talked about everyone behind their back, came home everyday talking about co workers, her family was always “fighting” with her. Yeah she was the piece of s**t not everyone else.
She practically begged me and cried for almost 3 years to take her back. Never once contemplated it.
#8
She had been engaged three times and married once for 8 months. All before age 24. Ended poorly - we weren’t having s*x, wanted to wait, and she got pregnant by a “friend”. Tried to entice me into s*x but I held strong because she was the one that wanted to wait, then she came clean. Really dodged a bullet on that one. I think she’s remarried and divorced multiple times over since then. So glad that I wasn’t in that lineup.
#9
When she snooped through my phone to find nothing and told me I was boring. It was her way of saying that she has a lot to hide.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 days ago (edited)
Boring to not have snoop worthy stuff...well d**n, she wanted you to hide thing. Geez. I guess she was looking for validation for her actions or something.
We were also lucky enough to get in touch with Gina Hendrix. Gina is a globally recognized matchmaker to billionaires and celebrities, as well as a respected author and relationship expert. And as one of the leading authorities in luxury matchmaking, she was the perfect person to share her expertise on this topic.
As for the most common red flags she's noticed, Gina first mentioned "what the other person is looking for."
"Either people just don’t ask OR they 'assume'. For example: If they know they want kids–but the person they are dating already has them, that could certainly indicate this person doesn’t want anymore," she explained. "Or if the person is a specific religion (you’re not), and that religion seems important to them OR maybe their family. Why is this a red flag? Men will date a woman for years, knowing full well–their 'life goals' are not aligned, and therefore there will be no real long-term commitment."
#10
Being left in the middle of discussion or being neglected while crying or hurt. he can sleep peacefully while I'm crying. I ignored that s**t for how many times. And it turned out that I lost myself, and I'm drained. now we broke up, feels nothing. because I'm already tired and just want to regain myself.
StrangeOne 3 days ago
I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive, but I have a staunch feeling there's 2 sides to this. But either way, that didn't sound like a healthy relationship that was going to last.
#11
He told me he had a special talent for manipulating people to get them to do what he wants for him.
Went about just as tumultuous as one would expect until lo and behold it’s revealed he’s a sociopath! Who knew! 😅.
#12
Said she was SA’d by previous partners. One night we did the deed but she regretted it so she put me on blast on social media saying I did that to her.
Pattern recognition yall.
Royal Stray 3 days ago
Fkn hate people like this. Real SA victims have it difficult enough, not to mention SA in relationships. People like her are the reason victims have such a hard time being believed making it even more difficult to talk about. There is a huge difference between being SA'd in a relationship and just changing you mind later wtf
Gina also says it's a red flag when people rarely ask any deep or meaningful questions about you or are very vague in telling you meaningful things about themselves.
"[Or] someone who wants to move very quickly. You don’t know them or hardly know them, and they are immediately saying 'you’re the one,'" the expert continued. "This also goes hand in hand with anyone who gets too demanding of your time right away, wants you to be exclusive right away. Why? This is a person who is not grounded in reality."
#13
They constantly badmouthed all their exes… turns out, I became “one of the crazy ones” too after we broke up.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 days ago
If all of them are crazy them you gotta look at the common denominator.
#14
He ignored a lack of consent. Then dumped me few months later because I didn't trust him enough to sleep with him. I should've broken up with him much earlier. Or reacted in any other way than trying to forgive and forget. I guess I cared too much.
#15
Told me she had cheated on previous partners. Then proceeded to cheat on me.
Now that a I think about it, I should've broken up with her waaay earlier than I did.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 days ago
Sometimes we ignore the glaring signs just because we don't want to see it at that point. At least you got out of it.
"This is a no brainer: anyone who talks negatively (especially right away) about their ex," Gina says. "And if they use the word, 'psycho'—it is almost always the case that they are that as well. It takes two to tango, and two unhealthy people to stay in a toxic relationship."
Finally, she added that daters should steer clear of anyone who refers to themselves in a derogatory way. "For example: 'I’m an a**hole'. Why? This person is literally telling you who they are."
#16
She was so hard to get a hold of. Honestly, the easiest way was talking to her on Myspace. But when we were together we had a good time. She seemed to really like me and enjoy my company.
Fast forward to trying to message her one day. Her status on Myspace all of a sudden said "married" and she had a bunch of pictures up from her wedding that past weekend. Became so clear I could not believe I didn't put it together earlier. She was engaged.
Turns out she was hooking up with me on the side while engaged. I wrote her "So, married huh?" her response? "Sigh, I knew this was coming".
As far as I know now she is like single with 5 kids, so might have lucked out.
#17
She “accidentally” k*lled her family dog.
Supposedly, she was pulling up in the driveway, and noticed the dog laying down in the driveway. The dog was old, and had mobility issues. She expected the dog would move out of the way, before her car came to a stop. Unfortunately the dog didn’t move, and the dog died. Why she didn’t stop the car a couple of feet away from the dog, I have no idea.
She told this to me completely out of the blue, and didn’t have any emotion whatsoever when telling me this.
Lady Eowyn 2 days ago
No. Just no. Sick. She never expected the dog to move, she knew it had problems, she just wanted to be rid of it.
#18
His frequent habit to yell at me to GTFO of his place when he lost what little patience he had. Very often in fact. I also didn’t kick him out when he would do this at my apartment. I let him kick me out of my own room, in my own apartment. I did not deserve to be yelled at and spoken to so disrespectfully.
Lila Allen 2 days ago
Relationship rule 101. Whoever is throwing the tantrum has to leave. If tantrums are a regular thing, the relationship is over. Walk away.
As for why it's so crucial to not ignore these red flags, Gina says, "When you choose to look past these things, you can waste years and years. You become frustrated and bitter. This will also take up years of your heart and mind, when those years could have been spent on finding a healthy great relationship. And if you’re a woman trying to have children, then you have limited time that you simply cannot afford to waste."
#19
She was insecure about everything.
Badly.
#21
Lack of emotions and thought they could do no wrong.
Very very bad.
We also asked the relationship expert why it's so common to overlook these red flags. "I think 99% of people see red flags and choose to ignore them. People are hoping that the other person will change in some way," Gina shared. "They think they can fix people–make the red flag go away. From being a matchmaker for over 17 years, I can tell you most people tend to overlook relationship compatibility, family goals, money goals, and oftentimes religious goals. Also people who are not in a healthy place will gravitate to those who are also unhealthy."
#22
He would “push” me to work out at first when I had said I wanted to lose weight (which was helpful bc I was struggling with my depression) but then it turned to a guilt trip on days where I didn’t want to go to the gym. Or make me go do cardio on my rest days. And he would get upset if I didn’t go and tell me I had disappointed him. Then he was watching my food and commenting on what I was eating. Making me feel bad if I ate too many calories because I wanted to lose weight and I didn’t care about my goals etc. got to the point where I didn’t want to eat in front of him or I would lie about what I was eating or start binging when he wasn’t around. He’s now my ex (thank GOD) and I can see so many more controlling tendencies he had in other aspects. Oh and a weird little eating disorder lol.
Lila Allen 2 days ago
Support/Push when you ask for it is a win. Less so when you don't ask for it.
#23
He joked that id do well if i lasted even a month with him. took it as a joke at the time. should have taken this warning seriously and quit back then and there.
#24
"I dont deserve you."
"You're too good for me."
He was right, he was telling the truth.
So how can we get better at spotting red flags?
"As a professional matchmaker for men all over the world and a relationship expert helping women all over the world, this is the best advice I can give anybody," Gina says. "Be more realistic and in time about what your core values are. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions around what their goals are. And don’t think you can ever change anyone. What you see is what you get. If your gut tells you something isn’t right—BELIEVE IT."
"If you can accept someone in every way as they show up in this moment, then great," she added. "But if you are hoping you can fix them or change them or that they will change at some point in the future, that almost never—and I mean never—happens."
If you'd like to hear even more wise words about dating from Gina, be sure to visit her website, or you can follow her on Instagram and TikTok!
#25
> Me: Honey, what time is it?
> Her: Why — are we late?
No, honey, I just need to know the time. She couldn’t even process a thought without first assuming she was to blame for something. Turns out her a*****e, alcoholic mother had deeply traumatised her as a child, and she was determined not to seek help. Imagine having a regular talk about finances with her…
To answer your second question: after four years we broke up, and I learned that she was staying with her mother but recently got kicked out by said mother.
Poor woman.
#26
Her absolutely overbearing stalker like father. Monitoring her every move and what she/we were doing at all times. First night I stayed over at her apartment he was there the next morning waiting outside, he told me never to come back, and he had a gun with him.
She was 28 and I was 29. Literally grown adults.
I let that one go right then and there.
Lila Allen 2 days ago
I hope you sent her info on getting help and getting away from her a*****e parent
#27
She wouldn’t do even small favors or help others before they had helped her.
#28
The fact that he admitted he didn't miss ANY of his family. Not even his younger brother and sister. There was a weird detachment between him and everyone else and even everything. He didn't miss ANYTHING he'd abandoned at his mum's house....turns out he abandoned his son with just as much ease....
#29
Her m**h use.
#30
She asked if we could open the relationship so she could f**k girls and I laughed thinking she wasn't serious.
At least she had the decency to dump me first. Still wanted 2 years with her.
Poll Question
Do you think people can change red flag behaviors?
Yes, with effort
Sometimes, it depends
Rarely, most don't change
Not at all
What do you think ?
Royal Stray 3 days ago
I wouldn't really call anorexia or being a sociopath red flag behaviors. They're mental illnesses, you can't always help it that you have them. As long as you're working on them and know how to manage yourself then they're not that big of a deal. It's only a problem if they're running rampant or using their diagnosis as a shield from blame.
ALittleKnownGoddess 2 days ago
I scrolled all the way to the bottom just to post this: Met a guy at a dance, he seemed very charming. We went on several dates but just didn't click - there was something 'off' about him. For example, he wouldn't go anywhere out of state, he never 'tried' anything, he seemed to have a gap in his history of about 20 years. Are you picking up the flags I'm putting down? On our last date (when I told him I didn't think we were going to work) he asked for help composing an email, and I finally found out his last name. Straight on home and I googled the dickens out of him. He was a convicted level 3 s*x offender, had been in jail multiple times, was awaiting trial for another crime, had an ankle bracelet on. Phew! 6 months later, he m******d a woman and left her body in her burning car in a cemetary.
Royal Stray 3 days ago
I wouldn't really call anorexia or being a sociopath red flag behaviors. They're mental illnesses, you can't always help it that you have them. As long as you're working on them and know how to manage yourself then they're not that big of a deal. It's only a problem if they're running rampant or using their diagnosis as a shield from blame.
ALittleKnownGoddess 2 days ago
I scrolled all the way to the bottom just to post this: Met a guy at a dance, he seemed very charming. We went on several dates but just didn't click - there was something 'off' about him. For example, he wouldn't go anywhere out of state, he never 'tried' anything, he seemed to have a gap in his history of about 20 years. Are you picking up the flags I'm putting down? On our last date (when I told him I didn't think we were going to work) he asked for help composing an email, and I finally found out his last name. Straight on home and I googled the dickens out of him. He was a convicted level 3 s*x offender, had been in jail multiple times, was awaiting trial for another crime, had an ankle bracelet on. Phew! 6 months later, he m******d a woman and left her body in her burning car in a cemetary.
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