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Aging is inevitable. But the good news is that most of us get used to it with time. According to a recent Forbes Health survey of 2,000 U.S. adults conducted by OnePoll, 53% of people aren't afraid of growing old. And if you categorize the respondents by age, the older they were, the bigger this share was: among those between 66 and 76 years old, the figure stood at 70%, and among those over 77, it was 79%. Therefore, you could argue that it's actually the unknown that we are so uncomfortable with. So let's try to tackle it and take a look at an online discussion where elderly folks have been sharing what they consider to be the biggest misconceptions surrounding aging.
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#1
I remember a story of an old man telling his grandson, "Son, you know what's one secret no one will ever tell ya? It's that nobody ever grows old. People pretend to be adults, going about their lives. But everybody's still a child deep inside, scared & alone.. pretending to have got it all sorted."
Not sure how much it suits here, but that stuck!
OhnoI’vebeencensored 2 weeks ago
Well, I’m a child inside still giggling at fart jokes - does that count?
To learn more about aging and our response to it, we reached out to Dr. Josh Gressel, a clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author of Embracing Envy: Finding the Spiritual Treasure in Our Most Shameful Emotion.
"The fear of getting old is rational," Dr. Gressel told Bored Panda. "Otherwise, why would it be such a universal one? There are many reasons: increasing physical infirmity, loss of friends, loss of relevance in the outer world, loneliness, and more than anything else — your impending death."
#2
That wisdom comes with age.
It doesn't, it comes with experience.
#3
That I would be ok with it. Nope, do not like looking older in the face and body, don’t like my vision getting worse, hair thinning and going gray, memory lapsing etc. yes I am grateful to be alive and it beats the alternative, but it is still annoying.
People might become more comfortable with getting older as time goes by, Dr. Gressel thinks, because "as it gets closer and becomes more of a reality, it's no longer something abstract and intimidating but real and tangible."
"I believe that by gradually accepting each change as it comes, we can age gracefully and enjoy what this age has to offer us," the psychologist added.
"At the same time, a real dividing line for people who get older is the question of physical and mental health. Those who are able to keep their marbles and their bodies relatively intact can fare far better than those who struggle with this. Financial security is also important."
#4
I used to think that growing older meant having it all figured out, l Turns out, it's more like collecting a bunch of keys without any idea which doors they open! 😂.
#5
That perimenopause means you have a few hot flushes, and your periods get erratic for a while and then stop.
Turns out, it screws up your whole body.
#6
I thought I’d be able to save money and retire someday. I lost my job, and as a woman in my 50s, I simply can’t find employment. Like, I applied at Whole Foods to be a worker, but they say I’m “too qualified”. Like, I don’t want anything but a standard job. I don’t want to be in leadership anymore.
Petra Peitsch 2 weeks ago
When you are overqualified for a job, just lie in your CV... Make the very opposite of people who want to have a job out of their legaue ... instead of upgrading, downgrade your work epereinces.
The media also plays a role, and it's not a very benefitial one. "First, most of its focus is on youth and physical beauty. By extension, old age and wrinkles are to be hidden, not spotlighted," Dr. Gressel said.
"Second, how many heroic images of older people are you aware of in movies? I can only think of Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. Everyone else is depicted as pretty useless, a has been. There really is a dearth of examples of what aging has to offer, mostly because it can’t be encapsulated in a superficial sound byte."
#7
Can do everything right and still end up with chronic disease.
Most people do far less than this and are shocked when they aren't healthy.
Performingyak 2 weeks ago
A relative of mine is currently going through metastatic breast cancer. She doesn't drink, led an active life, doesn't do d***s, no family history etc. She tries to work out what she did wrong to get cancer at age 44, and won't accept that it is probably down to nothing she did, but just the way things happen sometimes.
#8
That I was going to turn into a condescending, nagging, miserable, no-fun-allowed person like my parents were.
Nope, it was just my parents. Thank god for that.
#9
I thought I’d retire, live maybe 3-4 years at home, then go to a nursing home. I’ve been retired 12 years, have an active social life, drive anywhere I want to go, and am very accustomed to this lifestyle. 76 yo.
OhnoI’vebeencensored 2 weeks ago
Wow that was a slightly depressing expectation! I’m looking forward to retiring so I have time to dedicate to my health. Yeah so retirement is 25+ years away… but I’d like to run a marathon or trek in a mountain range in my first year of retirement. Something very active!
Of course, it's difficult for us younger folks to fully empathize with some of these things. Our minds and hearts have their own priorities. But that doesn't mean they won't change.
"While there is much that is beautiful and special in being young and making your way in the world, can you imagine how nice it is when you get to a stage in your life when you no longer feel competitive with other people?" Dr. Gressel added. "Do you have any idea how much pleasure I feel by mentoring younger people, seeing in them their positive qualities, and naming it for them so they can feel seen?"
"I need absolutely zero in response from them except the pleasure I feel knowing and seeing that they feel seen. It is wonderful to feel like a father to adult men and for them to look to me for validation. It is wonderful in many ways to have less testosterone, to just be out of that lusty race with life. It allows for greater presence and calmness," the psychologist explained.
Maybe if we realized that life doesn’t end when we enter retirement, we could start preparing for it earlier.
#10
I've been nearsighted forever. When you get older, you lose the ability to focus on close things, which is what farsighted people experience. So I had this idea that at some point, my increasing farsightedness would cancel out my nearsightedness and I would have perfect vision for a time. Nope. Turns out you can be both nearsighted and farsighted at the same time.
crazydogmama 2 weeks ago
And have bad night vision, with halos around every single light, and they get brighter and start to blend together and your depth perception gets worse.
#11
My child brain thought old people didn’t do things I often saw in play (cartwheels, handstands, or even just stuff like sitting cross-legged) because they were old and therefore too dignified.
Nope. Eventually that stuff really hurts. I’d kill to be able to do a cartwheel on the beach. Those were the days.
Geoffrey Scott 2 weeks ago
Hell...I have problems lately just getting up from an office chair without pain.
#12
Dementia aside, that you become unnecessarily stuck in your ways or are unwilling to learn anything new.
I find the exact opposite - my thinking has never been clearer, and I eagerly consume vast amounts of new information.
Petra Peitsch 2 weeks ago
This doesn't come with aging, it's there all your life. If you are an ignorant moron in your youth, you'll be the same getting old. If you are curious, willing to learn, that won't disappear with age.
#13
That as long as I exercised consistently I could age pain free. Sadly that was false.
#14
That you’re as old as you want to be. We think we’re “old” at 40 but you’ll look back on pics of that time and think how young you were. I gather when I’m 90 I’ll look back at pics of when I was in my 60s and think the same thing.
And then there’s being old
In your head. My dad was “the old man” all his life. He was never young.
The only thing that really sucks is being surprised when you look in the mirror (who is that old bag?) & how much s**t (knees, shoulders) hurts. Good things include no fear expressing myself & finally somewhat lessened attention from the opposite sex.
#15
That when you are older you will be ready and able to handle the losses and trials that life throws at you.
I'm 38 and have just lost my Dad. I feel completely unable to emotionally handle this loss.
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 2 weeks ago
I think people become better equipped with age and perhaps more mentally prepared. But that does not mean it is ever easy.
#16
It being linear. My grandparents were fit, like actually fit, their whole life. Going on bike tours for hours, no end in sight, before the bs E-Bike hype. Eating right, doing puzzles and quizzes, sports, gardening and stuff around the house, renovations whenever one of us needed help. They seemed happy and enjoying life.
Then, one super bad bike crash, landed them in the hospital for a month, recovery was good for their age, due to their very good condition. But the scars scared my grandma to get back on a bike, my grandpa staying home in solidarity. It's been 3 years, and they are shells of their former selfs. Both mentally and physically, especially in the last year, it's horrible to witness. I love them both, and try to spend as much time with them as possible, but it's just depressing to see.
#17
I’d wake up one day and want to eat healthy. Nope, I still want junk food.
#18
That I wouldn’t get cancer until I was 40, found out when I was 15. Also, arthritis. Was at the rheumatologist one day and there was a 4 year old girl with arthritis, we both got diagnosed with JRA that day. Wild af. Genetics are a b***h.
#19
I thought I would "grow out of" house music. Still haven't. House Music All Life Long!
PeepPeep the duck 2 weeks ago
I always used to look at older ravers and be like wtf and why would you. Now I’m nearly 40 and I am one of them 😂
#20
That 50 is old.
I always thought 50 was old because my grandpa had several conditions that made him look much older and 'beaten up'. My grandma on the other side always has had a hunched back and it grew worse and worse.
Turns out i just had a few bad examples of people that worked tougher physical jobs all their life. My dad is 55 or so now and hes still spry.
In my gym theres a 53yo guy deadlifting 300kg+ and still going out for beers with friends on thursdays after work.
30 always sounded like a big number but i'll be there in like two weeks and im still childish AF, im still just a stupid little moron that doesnt know s**t. I dont know if ill grow up by the time i hit 50.
OhnoI’vebeencensored 2 weeks ago
Congrats! Knowing that you’re a moron is an important stage of growing up that a lot of people never reach.
#21
Being old = fat.
I hit 30, gained some weight, and everyone just joked 'Yep, that's what getting old is'. I didn't think much of it, packed on 50lbs, had high blood pressure.
Then my doctor told me 'Well, we can put you on these pills, but what you need is a diet. Your only real problem is that you're fat.'
I lost 90lbs, and have been in model health since. Blood pressure, along with a host of other problems, magically went away as soon as I got back to my highschool weight.
Even better, I started doing stuff again! I could enjoy rock climbing, skateboarding, dirtbikes, hikes, etc .
#22
If you have a fat face, you do not get wrinkles. Plastic surgeons hate this one simple trick!
#23
That I could always continue to do "what I've always done."
Well, I looked at the calendar and I'm 78 -- I was just 60.
And I can't (shouldn't) lift heavy boxes any more. Tried to and my left shoulder said "boy am I gonna hurt for two weeks"----- and it did hurt for two+ weeks. So, I don't lift heavy boxes any more. Tired -- so go to bed earlier than I used to. Get up later, too -- no job to go to.
Need to go out and walk -- exercise and move around -- -3 degrees below zero. I'll put that off for awhile.
Always worked on all my cars/trucks -- think I'll have somebody else do some work -- I'll buy the parts -- he'll put them in. Then, I'll have more/better heat in the truck -- I'm always cool/cold lately. Been different --- this retiring -- adjusting the physical and the financial. Doing what I can do and hiring what I'm learning I can't do. Interesting/frustrating.
UncleJohn3000 2 weeks ago (edited)
At 62, I just made the decision to stop working on my own cars beyond maintenance. I have the tools, the skills, the experience, and I enjoy the work. But my knowledge base is badly outdated and even with correction, my near vision isn't reliable on tiny details anymore. It sucks but it's time.
#24
That you’ll just go into a nursing home. Or have some miraculous little pillow of care. That’s not reality. Many don’t qualify for nursing home and even if you do there may be a cost. Plus the care there is getting worse due to corporations / private equity firms gobbling them up then cutting costs. So many people have to stay at home and pray to God someone will help them or that they might qualify for some in-home care.
Comment Deleted 2 weeks ago
My aunt had a stroke and fell and lay there alone for 4 days before someone checked on her.
#26
I thought, until recently, that menopause symptoms last for the rest of a woman’s life: I was so relieved to learn that hot flashes aren’t forever! 😅.
Tabitha 2 weeks ago (edited)
The only truly great thing about menopause is not having periods anymore. The rest sucks. The immense stresses on my body from menopause epigenetically triggered the DNA for hypothyroidism plus a couple autoimmune conditions that run in my family which were previously dormant. Initially my weight shot up seventy pounds—-and no, I was not sitting on my a*s and overeating, I was watching my diet, eating right, and exercising regularly—-until I finally figured out the thyroid issue and got on the correct meds for it. I had to fire a couple doctors who weren’t willing to try anything but the mainstream test and treatment. Once I found a hormone specialist who truly understood the thyroid, and not only was willing to try different meds than the mainstream, but also did more extensive tests for ALL the hormones associated with the thyroid instead of just the one test most do that is incomplete and can lead to way too much suffering (the reason I fired the other doctors), my health started to improve immensely. When my weight went up, so too did the risks of diabetes and hypertension, which also run in my family. That was ten years ago. My weight has now been back down to normal for a year, and the prediabetes is gone, as is the high blood pressure. But it took all those years to finally lose that extra seventy pounds and get back to feeling like myself again. Now that I am post-menopause, the only lingering symptom is the occasional hot flash, which apparently doesn’t have any consistent triggers I can put my finger on yet, but I’m still trying to figure them out. Once I do, then I’ll have them under control too.
#27
I thought getting older as a woman would mean *fewer* men creeping on me, especially as a homely-looking woman. Instead, the amount of desperate creeps watching for *any* single woman seems to skyrocket with age.
I suspect that being single with no kids and not being obese at age 35 makes me seem like the jackpot to a lot of guys in my age range. (I live in the U.S.) Unfortunately for them I am very, very picky.
PeepPeep the duck 2 weeks ago
I feel this, had loads of creeps in my early days up until 21-23. It died off a bit and lately in my late 30s I’m getting like 18 yr old boys hitting me up along with the usual old creeps and it’s bizarre having kids hit on you 😂 I’m like - am I a cougar now?
#28
I was under the impression it would start later.
I’m in my mid 30s. Among my peers, I have a few friends who have experienced cancer, menopause, two who are widowed. It’s definitely not a majority by any means, but the curve has started and it’s only going to pick up from here. .
Geoffrey Scott 2 weeks ago
And then, in your 50's, you begin to outlive people your own age. Sure, most had poorer lifestyle choices, but.. then you hear about that active, healthy person, and..
#29
That my pimple free youth would carry on to adulthood. I used to be a pimple free teen and now i am an adult with skin problems and pimples.
UncleJohn3000 2 weeks ago
There should be a natural law against having gray hair and pimples at the same time.
#30
I never thought I’d say this, but as I age you have good days and bad days and I can’t quite figure out what causes either one. Mostly physical stuff - aches, pains, joints creaky. Next day I’ll feel great. I never had that before turning 59.
What do you think ?
Apatheist Account2 2 weeks ago
As an older person, I have a lot going for me. My knees are going, my back is going...
Papa 2 weeks ago
Your memory is going too, but I can understand why you forgot that one.
Load More Replies... V 2 weeks ago
I was always told that I would become more conservative when I got older. Nope. The opposite has happened to me I have become less conservative. Or rather I have become more open and honest about how liberal I am, I don't know which.
Papa 2 weeks ago
I can't speak for others, but as I've gotten older I've been more able, or more willing, to look at issues from more than one side.
Load More Replies...
This panda votes 2 weeks ago
I just turned 40 and I play soccer. Turns out I'm a decent player and was even invited to play for the local Hispanic League. It's all rec soccer, but I'm having a blast and can usually play nearly a full 90 min game before I get tired. Never expected to be at this level of athleticism after 40.
supertall 2 weeks ago
I thought I'd know what I want to be when I grew up by now (44). Nope. I've got an MA, have been quite successful in several different career paths, and you know what? I've hated every single one of them. It turns out that even when I'm good at it, I still just can't find a career I enjoy. Just got a raise and promotion this week. Still wanted, with every fiber in my being, to quit.
Apatheist Account2 2 weeks ago
As an older person, I have a lot going for me. My knees are going, my back is going...
Papa 2 weeks ago
Your memory is going too, but I can understand why you forgot that one.
Load More Replies... V 2 weeks ago
I was always told that I would become more conservative when I got older. Nope. The opposite has happened to me I have become less conservative. Or rather I have become more open and honest about how liberal I am, I don't know which.
Papa 2 weeks ago
I can't speak for others, but as I've gotten older I've been more able, or more willing, to look at issues from more than one side.
Load More Replies... This panda votes 2 weeks ago
I just turned 40 and I play soccer. Turns out I'm a decent player and was even invited to play for the local Hispanic League. It's all rec soccer, but I'm having a blast and can usually play nearly a full 90 min game before I get tired. Never expected to be at this level of athleticism after 40.
supertall 2 weeks ago
I thought I'd know what I want to be when I grew up by now (44). Nope. I've got an MA, have been quite successful in several different career paths, and you know what? I've hated every single one of them. It turns out that even when I'm good at it, I still just can't find a career I enjoy. Just got a raise and promotion this week. Still wanted, with every fiber in my being, to quit.
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