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82
Man Watches Mom Strip Her Son Of His Right To Cry, And He Refuses To Stay Silent
Interview With Expert
How many men have heard this phrase growing up: “Big boys don’t cry”? It probably scarred entire generations, resulting in men who can’t properly regulate their emotions and can never express their feelings freely. There seemed to be a change coming with this new generation of parents, but one mother recently shifted the conversation back 50 years.
When she shared a video of herself telling her son to “be a big boy” and to not cry, another father @theblackbarrys reacted with his own take. “A man who can’t control his emotions is doomed to fail,” he explained, sparking a conversation about emotional validation for boys.
Bored Panda wanted to get an expert’s opinion on the situation, so, we’ve reached out to parent coach and holistic counselor Alita Blanchard. She kindly agreed to tell us why it’s important to guide children through emotional regulation and what are the right ways to respond to tantrums or meltdowns. Read her expert insights below!
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RELATED:
A father of two reacted to a mother’s parenting strategy where she tells her son to be a big boy and not cry
Image credits: theblackbarrys
He explained why such a mindset can be toxic and impact the child’s future relationships
Image credits: theblackbarrys
Image credits: theblackbarrys
Image credits: theblackbarrys
The father’s video went viral and garnered 2.6M views
@theblackbarrysBig boys don’t cry♬ original sound – The Barrys
Here are three common misconceptions about children’s emotions and self-regulation
When it comes to children crying and acting out, parents sometimes tend to think that they’re doing it just to be difficult or to manipulate. What they tend to forget is that children aren’t adults and don’t how to emotionally regulate yet.
Some parents think that big feelings are bad or a sign of a child misbehaving. Parent coach Alita Blanchard says that emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration are not problems to fix, but signals parents need to understand.
“They are messengers,” she tells Bored Panda. “When children express intense feelings or challenging behaviors, they are not trying to manipulate or be difficult—they are showing us that they are struggling. It’s a signal that they are in a fight/flight/freeze response or that they need support and coaching – NOT punishment and shame.”
Some parents also conflate self-regulation with self-control. Blanchard clarifies that self-regulation doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions. Regulating means developing skills to move through big emotions with support.
“A child’s nervous system isn’t fully developed enough to self-regulate alone,” Blanchard explains. “They need co-regulation from a connected, present, responsive adult. The adult doesn’t need to be perfectly calm, but they do need to be ‘regulated enough’ to allow the emotions to show up without the adult losing their own control – not easy, though!”
When parents tell boys they should toughen up and not cry, they’re doing them a huge disservice. Blanchard points out that boys tend to receive the message that tears and vulnerability are signs of weakness.
But this kind of rhetoric only leads them to suppress their emotions. Those suppressed emotions later come out as anger, withdrawal, or difficulty with relationships. “Boys need just as much emotional validation and space to express their feelings as girls do,” Blanchard emphasizes.
Parents need to validate their child’s emotions and model emotional literacy
Image credits: Yan Krukau / pexels (not the actual photo)
Responding to a tantrum or a meltdown in a way that’s healthy to both the parent and the child can be difficult. Ironically, it requires just as much emotional regulation from the parent to guide their child through their big emotions.
Parent coach Alita Blanchard says that, during a tantrum, parents should regulate themselves first. “Children co-regulate with us,” she explains. “If we meet their dysregulation with anger or control, the meltdown escalates.”
It is, of course, easier said than done. Emotional regulation can be just as difficult for grown-ups. Blanchard says that it’s deep work: “Sometimes it simply is a long slow breath out, reminding yourself [that] ‘this will pass’ and practicing riding the storm of emotions.”
Contrary to what the mother in this video did, parents should validate their child’s emotion. Instead of telling them to shut down the feeling with saying ‘You’re fine!’, it’s better to acknowledge it and say something like ‘I see you’re really upset. I’m here with you.” “This helps children feel understood and safe. Less words, more presence is best,” Blanchard says.
She suggests offering the child sensory or movement-based support. “Some kids need deep pressure (a hug, weighted blanket), while others need to stomp, jump, or shake out the frustration. Their nervous system processes emotions through movement. And some need space – but we still need to stay present enough and contain safety.”
What the parent says matters, too. Instead of ordering the child what to feel and how to act, parents need to model emotional literacy. Instead of saying “Calm down,” they can try saying: “I know this is hard. Your body is feeling everything right now. This will pass. I’m here.”
“Outside the moment, practice different regulation tools,” Blanchard adds. “Over time, this helps them develop internal self-regulation tools.” Reasoning with the child during the difficult moment probably won’t work either. That’s why Blanchard recommends the method ‘Debrief later, not during.’
“Once a child is connected and regulated again, help them reflect,” she says. “‘That was a tough moment. What do you think you needed?’ This builds awareness and problem-solving skills. It’s ok if they don’t know – go slow.”
In the end, emotional support for parents is just as crucial for parents as it is for children. “Many parents feel immense pressure to always respond perfectly, but their own stress and emotional history impact their reactions,” Blanchard notes. “Nervous system regulation isn’t just for children—it’s a lifelong practice for all of us.”
People in the comments chastised the mother for punishing her son for showing emotion
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What do you think ?
winterwidow87 9 months ago (edited)
This toxic mindset is what leads to adult men not being able to handle their own emotions without resorting to violence, and men not being able to ask for help when they struggle mentally. Teach your kids, especially boys, how to handle their emotions in a healthy way, they'll be better and happier adults.
Breadcrumb. 9 months ago
A tantrum or melt down is a lot different kind of "cry" than a grief stricken one.
Ben Aziza 9 months ago
Yeh and his point is the kid is too young to be able to tell which is which. The Demon of a mother he has got sadly won't help with that. Wish the kid the best. There are some who grow up to be excellent people despite growing up under overgrown children...
Load More Replies...
katiekat0214 9 months ago
That comment "single mothers destroy families" has got to be the most ignorant trash I have ever read, and I speak as an older, childfree woman. Never had kids, never wanted kids... but I taught for 26 years. Single mothers ARE families with their children. Where are the men who helped create these children? Because pregnancy can only begin with the presence of s***m. These men divorce, then have next to no contact with their own families? That's the demographic destroying families: deadbeat dads, distant dads, out-of-touch dads. Step up, create and build families, and stop destroying them, then leaving single mothers to take on all the work. Don't demonize women for staying when men abandon their families.
Offbeat Quinoa 9 months ago
Exactly my thoughts 😂 single mothers are not usually the ones destroying families
Load More Replies...
Lorraine Woollands 9 months ago
My mum would say to me "Stop crying else I'll give you something to cry about', meaning she would give me a smack if I didn't stop crying . She wasn't a easy mother
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
Yep, got the same from my mom, except I rarely even got the warning. She'd just hit me in the face with whatever she had in her hand at the time (spatula, clothes hanger, etc.) I learned pretty early not to cry around her. I didn't know the term back then, but apparently I learned to "gray rock" when I was like 6 XD
Load More Replies...
KrazyChiMama 9 months ago
How many of us heard “Stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” ? I never heard this from my parents but my uncle used to say it to all us kids if we cried…even if you fell and hurt yourself! I remember bleeding from my knees, elbow and chin after falling off my cousin’s skateboard…I didn’t even cry until my uncle was cleaning my wounds…still got the speech :/
Motivated sloth 9 months ago
In my childhood home we were always yelled at for crying. We are girls. My mother recently passed, she had definitely learned a lot since I was a kid but was still pretty terrible with children. My dad is just as all knowing and unyielding as ever. We were having a conversation the other day that sort of devolved. I told him people are generally considered to turn out the way they are due to nature or nurture and that he was responsible for both so maybe it’s time he took some responsibility.
A girl 9 months ago
My grandson is mildly spectrum. Husband is "big boys don't cry". This poor kid (6yo) gets gutted when he learns sad things like death, mom is sad, got told to pick up toys. He'll sit under the kitchen island with a blanket over his head. I'm all for it. I wish, as an adult, I could be supported doing this. I tell him he's right to be sad and when he's ready, I'm here for him. Our dog loves him and cannot allow sad. His 80lbs gets all into his space and snuggles the cry off him. They both like that. Please cry when needed and get the support you need.
Beth Wheeler 9 months ago
That chick is an idiot! ALL kids need to cry when they are mad or upset. The level of crying might depend on the situation. Some kids/people are more sensitive than others and will cry more, you just have to figure out how to help them. My son's were never told that big boys don't cry.
Highfalutin Heron 9 months ago
Maybe these attitudes run in very long cycles. Heroes cry in the Illiad; Diomedes cried over a darned race. And "Jesus wept”?
Denise Robertson 9 months ago
This is 2025 not 1950. Times have changed. It's okay for little boys to cry. What a way to garuantee that someone is gonna emotionally either implde or go dead inside because the poor kid can't express his feelings. Not to mention the mental health issues and the physical that's gonna cause. This woman clearly should never have had a kid. Awful.
Glasofruix 9 months ago
"Why do men never show their emotions?" Proceeds to bully her own child to not show emotion.
winterwidow87 9 months ago (edited)
This toxic mindset is what leads to adult men not being able to handle their own emotions without resorting to violence, and men not being able to ask for help when they struggle mentally. Teach your kids, especially boys, how to handle their emotions in a healthy way, they'll be better and happier adults.
Breadcrumb. 9 months ago
A tantrum or melt down is a lot different kind of "cry" than a grief stricken one.
Ben Aziza 9 months ago
Yeh and his point is the kid is too young to be able to tell which is which. The Demon of a mother he has got sadly won't help with that. Wish the kid the best. There are some who grow up to be excellent people despite growing up under overgrown children...
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 9 months ago
That comment "single mothers destroy families" has got to be the most ignorant trash I have ever read, and I speak as an older, childfree woman. Never had kids, never wanted kids... but I taught for 26 years. Single mothers ARE families with their children. Where are the men who helped create these children? Because pregnancy can only begin with the presence of s***m. These men divorce, then have next to no contact with their own families? That's the demographic destroying families: deadbeat dads, distant dads, out-of-touch dads. Step up, create and build families, and stop destroying them, then leaving single mothers to take on all the work. Don't demonize women for staying when men abandon their families.
Offbeat Quinoa 9 months ago
Exactly my thoughts 😂 single mothers are not usually the ones destroying families
Load More Replies... Lorraine Woollands 9 months ago
My mum would say to me "Stop crying else I'll give you something to cry about', meaning she would give me a smack if I didn't stop crying . She wasn't a easy mother
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
Yep, got the same from my mom, except I rarely even got the warning. She'd just hit me in the face with whatever she had in her hand at the time (spatula, clothes hanger, etc.) I learned pretty early not to cry around her. I didn't know the term back then, but apparently I learned to "gray rock" when I was like 6 XD
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 9 months ago
How many of us heard “Stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” ? I never heard this from my parents but my uncle used to say it to all us kids if we cried…even if you fell and hurt yourself! I remember bleeding from my knees, elbow and chin after falling off my cousin’s skateboard…I didn’t even cry until my uncle was cleaning my wounds…still got the speech :/
Motivated sloth 9 months ago
In my childhood home we were always yelled at for crying. We are girls. My mother recently passed, she had definitely learned a lot since I was a kid but was still pretty terrible with children. My dad is just as all knowing and unyielding as ever. We were having a conversation the other day that sort of devolved. I told him people are generally considered to turn out the way they are due to nature or nurture and that he was responsible for both so maybe it’s time he took some responsibility.
A girl 9 months ago
My grandson is mildly spectrum. Husband is "big boys don't cry". This poor kid (6yo) gets gutted when he learns sad things like death, mom is sad, got told to pick up toys. He'll sit under the kitchen island with a blanket over his head. I'm all for it. I wish, as an adult, I could be supported doing this. I tell him he's right to be sad and when he's ready, I'm here for him. Our dog loves him and cannot allow sad. His 80lbs gets all into his space and snuggles the cry off him. They both like that. Please cry when needed and get the support you need.
Beth Wheeler 9 months ago
That chick is an idiot! ALL kids need to cry when they are mad or upset. The level of crying might depend on the situation. Some kids/people are more sensitive than others and will cry more, you just have to figure out how to help them. My son's were never told that big boys don't cry.
Highfalutin Heron 9 months ago
Maybe these attitudes run in very long cycles. Heroes cry in the Illiad; Diomedes cried over a darned race. And "Jesus wept”?
Denise Robertson 9 months ago
This is 2025 not 1950. Times have changed. It's okay for little boys to cry. What a way to garuantee that someone is gonna emotionally either implde or go dead inside because the poor kid can't express his feelings. Not to mention the mental health issues and the physical that's gonna cause. This woman clearly should never have had a kid. Awful.
Glasofruix 9 months ago
"Why do men never show their emotions?" Proceeds to bully her own child to not show emotion.
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