WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

Both jobs involve cutting dead bodies...

you cant love it if your a mindless robot

Just a guess: when you are making a search engine, as for a database, there needs to be a code word which the computer will know means 'zero' or 'nothing there'. It is usually 'null', but some companies have a person with the surname Null, so it has been changed in this case to jeffrey

AGAIN, HOW DOES THIS S-H-I-E-T FLY PAST PEOPLES HEADS.

"Bunch of clowns" is the most constructive feedback they should expect.

It's really nice of him to put all the giant red flags out in the open for everyone to see.

This is proof that a Ph.D in bullshit is worth having.

What is ironic is that what other companies do under the table (hire based on looks or other external consideration), this company admits openly, so at least you know what you are dealing with. Doesn't make it right, of course.

sounds like they are very disorganized

12 hour shifts with no breaks but only a 30 minute lunch is illegal. You’re actually entitled to two 30-minute breaks if your shift is that long, iirc.

I broke up with you first..

In other words, "I was even ruder to the other candidates so you're the only one who hasn't explicitly vowed never to work here".

Wants someone who gets a perfect score... Makes a mistake in the first sentence

good lord why would anybody be convinced by this.

Sorry we rejected you by mistake. Now we do it properly. It's an advanced version of the sibling game, 'stop hitting yourself'

Senior developer: "Candidates must have at least 2 previous lifetimes experience of..."

I remember being asked a silly question like this at an interview once. It was "If you could be a box of cereal, which brand and why?". My answer was fruit loops because I would be one if I continued the interview. She was dumbfounded when I got up and left.

I got a similar question at a job interview. "How would you describe a child to an alien?" I was flabbergasted and could not think of any logical answers. Jow do you describe a child to an alien? Well, most probably screaming and running and trying to find the first good hiding spot, eff it.

These questions...the one I used to keep seeing was "if you were an animal, wat would you be and why?". Asked about that one at a job I had, apparently it's in a lot of interview books and the answer they want is a dog due to loyalty, hard work, and a willingness to work hard for little reward.

For 15+ years my current employer has used the question "if you were a fruit or vegetable what would it be and why?". I even got asked it when I was interviewed for an internal vacancy.

wha- UM. you can't? how are some people this d u m b

“Don’t eat the yellow snow.” - Frank Zappa

I think I would describe the colour yellow as... yellow, or yellow maybe.

"Yellow is the warm sun while a cool breeze blows on your face. Yellow is exciting without being loud or angry." "It is a warm, soft color, like a baby chick, or the warmth of sunlight in springtime streaming through a window warming up a patch on the carpet." (Searched it up)

This reminds me of a pair of scenes from the old movie "Mask: The Rocky Dennis Story", a true story about a young man born with a heart of gold, but, unfortunately, also a condition which caused severe facial deformities. In the scenes, Rocky, played by Eric Stoltz, was trying to describe a beautiful day to a female friend, who had been blind from birth. Blue sky, white puffy clouds, green grass. But of course, she doesn't understand colors. So in the next scene, after he's thought about it for a bit, (in the kitchen of the blind camp where he works/met the girl), he takes a dirty potato, hands it to her, and has her inhale the earthen scent, & says, "This is green." Then he takes another, hot potato, from a pot, hands it to her, and says, "This is red." A cold one from the freezer, "This is blue." And some cotton balls, "This is white. And puffy." The girl understands, & is so happy. And he is, too. It's a really great movie. Really sad, too. But really great.

It’s the sun on ur face and just happy to be alive!

My current employer likes the play the blue cow vs brown cow thinking mentality( and yet is incapable of doing the most basic maintenance such as ensuring staff have a fully functional working toilet)

I get it.... how creative are you and how good are you at putting that into words.

Hand them a flower and tell them the cheer they feel is yellow

It's not green

i just want to point out the IQ requirement. it is pretty rare for someone to have an IQ of over 135. obviously the person who made this want everyone else to be smarter that him.

To what tune am I supposed to read this?

Definitely careful considerations! I'd have let it slide by mid-2020 but not them!

If I only eat what I kill, then I should be allowed to bring a gun, paring knife, and fire starting kit into the office. In case I forget my lunch and BRENDA won’t shut up about her stupid kids again.

That's sus there buddy

Disagree here.The title claims "if you call in sick", what is written is "if you always call in sick around the weekend" --- pretty different. They mostly give you very good pointers how to ace the job interview (read people's intentions from their statements, that's half the test) / attitude you want. What's written here is far less than what most companies actually demand.

Your knees tremble when someone foists extra tasks on you. You swoon when asked to do unpaid overtime. You have a secret fetish for boring meetings.

This standard company ad sounds offensive in context. "Real people and real opportunities here. That's not you."

This verges on psychotic.

Rest of the time, none are given.