Cause you're not special

Because people with great sense of humor know what is funny. And also you probably make it too easy for him.

machete Don't text

So as not to throw away the dental prosthesis

Because they have unrealistic expectations that the person they are lecturing will actually learn from it

because the years of bitching and complaining from our wives and kids have made us deaf.

I thought they only wore New Balance

Well if Captain America does it then it's ok...

I have my ringtone set as high as possible coz I can’t hear it otherwise. I don’t have a smart phone though. I have a dumb phone with buttons.

Because it’s someone who actually listens to us.

My kid loves when throw him, swing him, wrestle him, etc. Find me a 3 year old,boy who wouldn't love that

Money. Higher AC = more money on electric bill

Milk = strong bones = raising strong children = proud

We hold a purse like a dead squirrel too, for much the same reasons.

Not all dads ... but that is the gum most kids ask for

Cheapest sneakers are white (for some reason) and is one of the best style to keep sand out., plus better for walking/foot support

To learn and/or annoy

LOL.. I do this.

Because.. moms are still expected to run around and do sh*t while sick while dads are allowed to "rest and take it easy"

YA BABY!!...Damn, now I want Arby's :(

Cold beer good, warm beer bad

we loved weird things

I hate it when I get text replies from my brother with K. He’s not even a dad.

She misspelt kids

Because that's exactly how directions work! North, South, East and West are not inventions of the crazed mind. They existed long before digital technology, and they'll exist long after you drop your phone two blocks from your house and suddenly realize you have no clue where you are and where to go from there.

We don't, but you wont do it yourself.

They accumulate with age.

Because it's impossible to be mad while you're listening to reggae. this is a fact. and when you have kids....reggae is life.