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Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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#1
Shots Fired, Two Men Down
#2
Find A Different Career
#3
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
Lee 6 months ago
Germany has every right to be patriotic. Despite the fact they murdered my great grandparents, their two youngest kids and had my grandmother doing slave labour in a concentration camp for 4 years, that Germany is long gone. The new Germany is a great example of how to run a country.
der sebbl 6 months ago
Most of us are still a bit scared to wave our flag
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pfeils wife 6 months ago
I don't understand how MAGA-Americans can call themselves patriots when they *hate* half the people in their country?!
Michael Largey 6 months ago
To them ,those people aren't "real Americans". Just like Hitler said the Jews, the Romany, the gays, etc. weren't real Germans.
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robin aldrich 6 months ago
Voting FOR higher taxes? I think you just gave a lot of Americans an aneurysm.
PeachPossum 6 months ago
German tax rates are significantly higher than those in the US, precisely so that healthcare and college tuitions are 'free'. Tax rates after 60k Euros is 42-45%. France, Austria and Denmark are higher at 55%.
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Michael None 6 months ago
That's the real problem here in the US people think patriotism has to look like nationalism.
Analyn Lahr 6 months ago
My two "Republican" aunts would refuse to believe Germany's doing better than the US. I put Republican in quotation marks because I don't believe many so called Republicans embody the values Republicans were once known for. Keep in mind, Abraham Lincoln, one of our greatest presidents was a Republican. And I am convinced he's rolling in his grave in shame about what his party has come to.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
To today's Republicans, Lincoln would be the height of "woke".
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David 6 months ago
Most Americans do NOT have flags on their vehicles. Characterizing that as the norm is like if I said that because Germany has some neo-nazis, Germans as a whole are nazis. And I do pick up trash that isn't mine.
Hereford Holstein 6 months ago
David, third generation Texan here. My bloodline in the Colonies/USA goes back long before the revolution, from the northeast to the Appalachian areas, Texas, etc. “Truck flags’ isn't meant to be literal. It has become symbolic of bigotry, anti-intellectualism, ammo-sexualism, homophobia, institutional misogyny, white supremacy, radical Christian nationalism, crypto-fascism, neo-confederate historical revisionism, book burning, suppressing Texas and American history unfavorable to the legacy of white people in the USA, transphobia, xenophobia, and good old non-specific hatred and fear of most anything they don’t understand. Those sentiments range from widespread to predominant in Texas as well as the other Southern states that tried to secede and perpetuate slavery “forever,” as they wrote in their respective Articles of Secession…submitted by southern states as they formally nullified the American Constitution. Now we have Trump. Our nation has become a worldwide laughingstock.
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Sue 6 months ago
It's sad. Now when I see an American flag on someone's house, vehicle or business, I just assume it's a Trump person.
David 6 months ago
Not sure why someone downvoted you. What you said is accurate. I won't say house, if it is a single flag. Some folks like to display a flag long before anyone had heard of trump. But those huge flags / multiple flags flying on the back of some folks' pickup trucks is almost always a MAGA person - as evidenced by the bumper stickers and signs usually also found on such vehicles. TLDR: Single respectful flag - often just an American. "Clown show parade float" - usually MAGA.
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WhatEvenIsLife 6 months ago
Telling that Germany won't erect statues to Nazi leaders but the U.S. throws a hissy fit when confederate monuments get removed.
v 6 months ago
The unfortunate truth though is that America is going to have to go through the worst, i.e. turn into a nationalist shithole in the vein of early to mid century Germany & Italy, so that they'll know just how bad it can be so that they can then understand how good it actually can be when the country works toward the betterment of society.
Max Fox 6 months ago
In some ways it's unfair. The USA is still trying to figure out how to form a nation without a long history of being an ethnostate. Most European still have a large to vast majority of their country made up of the same ethnicities the country is named after. That means that the USA has had to create some sort of identity, and there is no agreement about that. What that means, at the and, is that the USA actually lacks a sense of national identity which allows people to be willing to sacrificed their own comfort for the wellbeing of the other people "like them".
fly on the wall 6 months ago
So,are what you saying is ' United States is akin to being in it's adolescent years '? That is food for thought .....
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Notgivin Thatto Yuasholes 4 months ago
fun america fact: we spend on our military too much lol. fun guessing game: who supports nato's military backbone and provides quite a lot of the reason attacking countries supported by nato is considered a bad tactic? AH OF COURSE, IT MUST BE GERMANY /j your country is better than ours wish i could live there
tHeBoRdEsTpAnDa 6 months ago
Genuinely love that 2 out of the 3 top comments are people sh!tting on the usa
Ephemera Image 6 months ago
Yeah, the litter thing really gets to me. Even in Canada, I can't go anywhere without seeing McD cups on the trails. Honestly, North America could do a lot better.
fly on the wall 6 months ago
There are a lot of parallels to Trump's America and Hitler's politics
Load More Replies...If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
#4
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
#5
A Very Important Point
#6
It's Never Just About A Cake
Colin Leamon 6 months ago
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
#7
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
#8
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
#9
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
#10
"Educate Your Self"
#11
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
Jerome Lenovo 6 months ago
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
#12
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 6 months ago
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
#13
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
#14
This Belongs Here
#15
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
#16
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
#17
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Carrie Henderson 6 months ago
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
#18
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
#19
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
#20
Well, When You Put It That Way
#21
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
#22
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
#23
You Dense Mother ---!
#24
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
#25
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Cactuar Jon 6 months ago
moral of the story, don't have friends. Then you can have 100% of that cake and get fat! :D
#26
Your Bigotry Is Showing
BoredPossum 6 months ago
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
#27
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
#28
In The Interests Of Public Safety
Michael Largey 6 months ago
There's no mention of any lesbian students at the school losing control, so maybe it isn't the clothes that are the problem?
#29
M*rdered By Kindness
#30
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
#31
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
#32
Dammit George!
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 6 months ago (edited)
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
#33
Grandmothers Are Overrated
#34
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
veryvenasaur 6 months ago
My sister tripped and split her face open on easter. My next door neighbor had an easter party that included an egg hunt. After all the candy was found each kid took a small percentage of their candy and combined it to make a portion for my sister who didn't participate in the egg hunt for obvious reasons. THAT'S SOCIALISM. No kid was mad because we all understood that my sister deserved to also get candy even though she didn't search for the eggs.
#35
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
#36
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
Jerome Lenovo 6 months ago
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
#37
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
Rayne OfSalt 6 months ago
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
#38
Waddaya Say, Then?
#39
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
#40
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
Jerome Lenovo 6 months ago
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
#41
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
SadieCat17 (she/her) 6 months ago
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
#42
I Love It
Joe Reaves 6 months ago
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
#43
Pray Away The Gay
Ranger Kanootsen 6 months ago
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
#44
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
#45
Mmm Spicy
#46
Pot, Meet Kettle
Regina Holt 6 months ago
yeah, we 'muricans know there is only one border that needs a wall /s
#47
Bit Of A Stretch
#48
Girls Have Ankles Too
#49
Don't B Confused
Auntriarch 6 months ago
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
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What do you think ?
Pink kitty 6 months ago
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Mike F 6 months ago
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Ole Peder Amrud Hagen 6 months ago
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
Travelling Stranger 6 months ago
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
Edward Finger Hands 6 months ago
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 6 months ago
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... your local angry pansexual 4 months ago
PLeaSe all i want is a single post acknowledging the good, normal people in the US, or what we give to the world! I'll venmo you ten dollars if you can, just to prove that this website isn't a bunch of lazy, greedy, money-grabbing, content-reusing, xenophobic bigots who'd rather copy-paste 60 images from reddit instead of doing two whole seconds of work. PLEASE.
Pink kitty 6 months ago
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Mike F 6 months ago
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Ole Peder Amrud Hagen 6 months ago
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
Travelling Stranger 6 months ago
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
Edward Finger Hands 6 months ago
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 6 months ago
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... your local angry pansexual 4 months ago
PLeaSe all i want is a single post acknowledging the good, normal people in the US, or what we give to the world! I'll venmo you ten dollars if you can, just to prove that this website isn't a bunch of lazy, greedy, money-grabbing, content-reusing, xenophobic bigots who'd rather copy-paste 60 images from reddit instead of doing two whole seconds of work. PLEASE.
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