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Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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#1
Shots Fired, Two Men Down
RELATED:
#2
Find A Different Career
#3
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
Lee 7 months ago
Germany has every right to be patriotic. Despite the fact they murdered my great grandparents, their two youngest kids and had my grandmother doing slave labour in a concentration camp for 4 years, that Germany is long gone. The new Germany is a great example of how to run a country.
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
#4
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
#5
A Very Important Point
#6
It's Never Just About A Cake
Colin Leamon 7 months ago
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
#7
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
#8
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
#9
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
#10
"Educate Your Self"
#11
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
Jerome Lenovo 7 months ago
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
#12
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 7 months ago
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
#13
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
#14
This Belongs Here
#15
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
#16
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
#17
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Carrie Henderson 7 months ago
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
#18
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
#19
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
#20
Well, When You Put It That Way
#21
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
Regina Holt 7 months ago
These people are "violated" by all things that don't fit their narrow view of what is right an wrong
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Donkey boi 7 months ago
NGL, I used a gender neutral last year and I felt really disgusting, uncomfortable, and ashamed of myself. Then I had a shite, apologised for the smell, and felt much better. Awesome hand soap, smelt like sherbet lemons. 10/10, would recommend.
Raphapablap 7 months ago
5 years ago I'd have felt the same as you but I've grown as a person and changed perspective. Now I don't mind pooping in public toilets.
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arthbach 7 months ago
I'm trying to work out what actually happened. In the gender neutral places I've been there's a communal area for washing hands, and each lavatory is in its own cubicle. The first guy entered the communal space, went into a cubical, and minded his own business.
Amanda Moore 7 months ago
Some gender neutral ones I've seen weren't converted or changed in any way aside from the signage. So some still have urinals next to the sink area. My best guess would be that she was in one of those kind.
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veryvenasaur 7 months ago
I feel WAY more uncomfortable in a womans bathroom as a short haired non-binary AFAB person who dresses masculinely than I do in a gender neutral bathroom. In a gender neutral bathroom I know that no one will make rude comments or worse begin loudly screaming and calling me horrible names because from behind they assumed I was a guy.
megasmacky 7 months ago
You just have to look at her sour expression to know what she's like. One of those perpetually aggrieved, easily-offended basket cases with a hair trigger who never smiles and will spend the rest of her life blaming everyone else for her misery.
firecrackershrimp 7 months ago
Husband and I got to use a gender neutral bathroom for the first time. Nice that we got to wait together, instead of the usual you go your way I go mine and then he's left waiting somewhere I have to find him. First off i loved the private to the floor stalls for everything. Though He didn't understand why we had to wait in a line lol, no separate urinals.
Melinda Clark 6 months ago
You use a gender-neutral bathroom, and you expect all the men to respectfully bow out murmuring apologies? "Ya'll NPCs....."
Amanda Hunter 7 months ago
In that case, refuse to use gender-neutral bathrooms, they're nasty usually anyway.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 7 months ago
The gender neutral washrooms at my school are for one person at a time. Washrooms should always offer privacy even if it is a gendered washroom.
Lena Flising 7 months ago
Did Man#1 use a toilet in the same space as you were in, or did he go into a separate booth to use a toilet there? If the first; yeah, kinda awkward, borderline violation. If the other; that is how public toilets work, dearie. And, private toilets in people's homes as well, come to think about it. Or do you have Men's and Women's at home?
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
#22
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
#23
You Dense Mother ---!
#24
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
#25
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Cactuar Jon 7 months ago
moral of the story, don't have friends. Then you can have 100% of that cake and get fat! :D
#26
Your Bigotry Is Showing
BoredPossum 7 months ago
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
#27
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
#28
In The Interests Of Public Safety
Michael Largey 7 months ago
There's no mention of any lesbian students at the school losing control, so maybe it isn't the clothes that are the problem?
#29
M*rdered By Kindness
#30
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
#31
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
#32
Dammit George!
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 7 months ago (edited)
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
#33
Grandmothers Are Overrated
#34
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
veryvenasaur 7 months ago
My sister tripped and split her face open on easter. My next door neighbor had an easter party that included an egg hunt. After all the candy was found each kid took a small percentage of their candy and combined it to make a portion for my sister who didn't participate in the egg hunt for obvious reasons. THAT'S SOCIALISM. No kid was mad because we all understood that my sister deserved to also get candy even though she didn't search for the eggs.
#35
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
#36
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
Jerome Lenovo 7 months ago
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
#37
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
Rayne OfSalt 7 months ago
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
#38
Waddaya Say, Then?
#39
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
#40
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
Jerome Lenovo 7 months ago
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
#41
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
SadieCat17 (she/her) 7 months ago
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
#42
I Love It
Joe Reaves 7 months ago
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
#43
Pray Away The Gay
Ranger Kanootsen 7 months ago
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
#44
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
#45
Mmm Spicy
#46
Pot, Meet Kettle
Regina Holt 7 months ago
yeah, we 'muricans know there is only one border that needs a wall /s
#47
Bit Of A Stretch
#48
Girls Have Ankles Too
#49
Don't B Confused
Auntriarch 7 months ago
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
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What do you think ?
Pink kitty 7 months ago
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Mike F 7 months ago
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Ole Peder Amrud Hagen 7 months ago
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
Travelling Stranger 7 months ago
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
Edward Finger Hands 7 months ago
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 7 months ago
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... your local angry pansexual 4 months ago
PLeaSe all i want is a single post acknowledging the good, normal people in the US, or what we give to the world! I'll venmo you ten dollars if you can, just to prove that this website isn't a bunch of lazy, greedy, money-grabbing, content-reusing, xenophobic bigots who'd rather copy-paste 60 images from reddit instead of doing two whole seconds of work. PLEASE.
Pink kitty 7 months ago
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Mike F 7 months ago
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Ole Peder Amrud Hagen 7 months ago
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
Travelling Stranger 7 months ago
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
Edward Finger Hands 7 months ago
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 7 months ago
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... your local angry pansexual 4 months ago
PLeaSe all i want is a single post acknowledging the good, normal people in the US, or what we give to the world! I'll venmo you ten dollars if you can, just to prove that this website isn't a bunch of lazy, greedy, money-grabbing, content-reusing, xenophobic bigots who'd rather copy-paste 60 images from reddit instead of doing two whole seconds of work. PLEASE.
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