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Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.

However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.

#3

Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism

Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism

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Lee
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Germany has every right to be patriotic. Despite the fact they murdered my great grandparents, their two youngest kids and had my grandmother doing slave labour in a concentration camp for 4 years, that Germany is long gone. The new Germany is a great example of how to run a country.

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If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that. 

They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.

#4

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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#6

It's Never Just About A Cake

It's Never Just About A Cake

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Colin Leamon
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking

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Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves. 

Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.

#7

Sarah Has Been Reported Dead

Sarah Has Been Reported Dead

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#8

I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One

I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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6 months ago

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#9

Now Sit Down, Stefan

Now Sit Down, Stefan

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Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.

#10

"Educate Your Self"

"Educate Your Self"

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#11

Who Doesn't Love Irony?

Who Doesn't Love Irony?

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#12

Yes, The Answer Is Yes

Yes, The Answer Is Yes

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In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.

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#13

Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5

Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5

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SCamp
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HTF do people think up cr@p like this, look at it and think ‘yep, I’ve nailed that, now just let me post it’. One of the clearest negatives about everyone having a voice is that everyone has a voice, which is great unless you’re a f***** moron

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#14

This Belongs Here

This Belongs Here

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Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing. 

#17

Women Aren't People, Apparently

Women Aren't People, Apparently

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#18

The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me

The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me

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BebeR
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Far-right activist Laura Loomer. She was banned from Uber and Lyft after this and then tweeted “@Uber banned me but they will never ban any of their Islamic drivers who are raping women and refusing service to Jews. #BoycottUber.” woman is revolting.

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Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”

#19

On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers

On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers

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SCamp
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The shutdown response is perfect - every job requires someone to do it, folks gotta make their coin how they can. No delivery ppl, no deliveries and idiots like the OP would be the first and loudest to complain

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#21

Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom

Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom

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This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.

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#22

I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07

I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07

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#23

You Dense Mother ---!

You Dense Mother ---!

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Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.

#25

This Guy Wants All The Cake

This Guy Wants All The Cake

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Cactuar Jon
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

moral of the story, don't have friends. Then you can have 100% of that cake and get fat! :D

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#26

Your Bigotry Is Showing

Your Bigotry Is Showing

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BoredPossum
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.

LB
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanted to make a funny joke about how this is connected to people insisting that genitals = gender, because they seem so obsessed with figuring out what is going on under my clothing... but I can't make it work. Something about all conservatives are really closeted nudists?

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White Sauce Hot Sauce
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People from different walks of life peacefully co-existing on public transit? Sounds awful.

Rick Seiden
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being WOKE means being aware of the needs and desires of others, and respecting them. And some people think that's a bad thing.

Content Wombat
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's like some people have conveniently forgotten the type of people the nazis wanted to eradicate and how many that they were able to eradicate before the rest of the world managed to stop them.

Andy Frobig
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forgotten? Some people aspire to it. A recent high ranking US public official/bankruptcy expert went on record saying the World War 2 Japanese-American internment camps were a good example of what we should do with migrants today

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CanadianDimes
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The future that I, a liberal, want is one in which you don’t take and post a picture of strangers without their consent

veryvenasaur
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they were talking about how uncomfortable those seats look to me than I gotta agree that sounds awful the other stuff seems great though.

Jeremy Bolanos
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If only the bible had something like loving your neighbor. Too bad most of these morons never cracked the book. I guess we'll never know.

Regina Holt
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, Jeremy, they cracked that book open. Then the threw a couple of darts at it, and selected those parts the only ones that allow them to be a$$holes

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Virgil Blue
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people see things they hate, I see variety that makes life interesting.

Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What I want to know is why the person in the coat is cold, and why the person with naked limbs is not. Weird how we all differ to our tolerance for cold or heat.

Marie Clear
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, the number of people who think that religion or orientation is contagious amaze me. You don't have the same beliefs as Muslims? Don't convert to Islam. You don't want to be gay? Don't f*****k people who are the same gender as you. Don't like gay marriage? Don't marry a gay person. Problems all solved through very simple personal choices. Demonizing is not necessary.

Lew k
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people shouldn’t have a right to exist and live their lives because you’re outraged and too lazy to look away? If you’re that uncomfortable catch the next bus and shut up about it already.

Ylime
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why I should I care how random strangers are dressed? Being bigoted must be exhausting.

Daniela Lavanza
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but being married to a guy from Middle East, I can't agree with the idea of two persons living peacefully on the pic. The woman on the left shows obvious zealot vibes that would have the other person killed if she could. Religious freedom is far too often used to allow intolerance in the west, we read it even on BP. Just check how LGBT people are treated in Muslim countries and see by yourself. What my husband told me is that clearly, both can't live together, because one side is definitely not friendly with the other when in power.

Auntriarch
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not saying you or your husband are wrong in broad terms, but these two in the photo are individuals. Maybe the woman on the left is just happy to be able to be herself and go on public transport unchaperoned and is also happy that the other person can be themselves

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Maim
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm more angry about the wide knee spread getting in that woman's space.

Gypsy Lee
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Public transit. Safer than public schools. God Bless Merica. (Yes 🇺🇸)

Tasha Love
Community Member
Premium
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do conservatives want? Everyone looks the same? Oh wait...

Ducki (She/Her) 明明
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is actually fine. I’m not even being sarcastic. Firstly, religious freedom is good. Orange hair lady can dress however she wants and so can anyone else.

wordsupfool
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes- "people conservatives want to eradicate". That is the truth.

Manana Man
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'The only problem I see is that in the culture of the person on the left the person on the right will be thrown off the top of a building. Other than that, no problem.

Andy Frobig
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is probably not from NYC, but there are bigots there, and I don't get it. If you live in NYC and you hate diversity, leave. And sublet your apartment to me

Joe Bloe
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This picture tells a lot about how differently women are view in different cultures. For some, they are the devil and need to be hidden, for others it's a choice to be proud of!! Radical!

martin734
Community Member
6 months ago

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Stardust she/her
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person on the right is pretty. I especially like their hair and their dress

My NegaJay
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

A picture of two ordinary people? Tell me you don't know the definition of ordinary without telling me you don't know the definition of ordinary. Not that there's anything wrong with them, but they're certainly not ordinary.

Limited hope
Community Member
6 months ago

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Well its sad this man thinks he's a woman because he dressed kinda like one. He is Not a female. He can Not do the amazing things a real woman can do. Second, this lady dressed in a tarp is treated like a goat by her Muslim men. Why is she not allowed to show her face ? I'm sure every little girl can't wait to grow up, be auctioned off to a husband. Then breed like cattle. Oh and cover up ! Don't wanna see you.

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#27

Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time

Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time

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#28

In The Interests Of Public Safety

In The Interests Of Public Safety

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Michael Largey
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's no mention of any lesbian students at the school losing control, so maybe it isn't the clothes that are the problem?

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#29

M*rdered By Kindness

M*rdered By Kindness

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Adam S
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Given the obvious hate and bile in the first message, this comeback is 100% class and hats off to them.

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#30

If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse

If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse

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#32

Dammit George!

Dammit George!

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?

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#34

$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!

$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!

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veryvenasaur
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister tripped and split her face open on easter. My next door neighbor had an easter party that included an egg hunt. After all the candy was found each kid took a small percentage of their candy and combined it to make a portion for my sister who didn't participate in the egg hunt for obvious reasons. THAT'S SOCIALISM. No kid was mad because we all understood that my sister deserved to also get candy even though she didn't search for the eggs.

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#35

The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare

The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare

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James016
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the photoshopped one where the tweet says that the robotics team set fire to the insurance company's HQ

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#36

That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People

That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People

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Jerome Lenovo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot

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#37

See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya

See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya

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Rayne OfSalt
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.

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#39

Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult

Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult

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Emma S
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The right to free health care, the right to have at least 28 days paid leave, the right to not be fired just because my employer doesn't like me is pretty sweet to be honest.

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#40

Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide

Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide

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Jerome Lenovo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it

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#41

Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated

Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated

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SadieCat17 (she/her)
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????

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#42

I Love It

I Love It

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Joe Reaves
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.

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#43

Pray Away The Gay

Pray Away The Gay

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.

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#44

I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders

I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders

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Miki
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought snowflakes are not people who disagree, but people who are offended and angry because you don't agree with them.

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#46

Pot, Meet Kettle

Pot, Meet Kettle

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#49

Don't B Confused

Don't B Confused

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Auntriarch
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.

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#50

Tomi Lahren

Tomi Lahren

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Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.

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