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30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building. The first one opens his lunch box and goes "Another tuna sandwich? I eat tuna sandwich every day. If I have to eat another tuna sandwich I'm going to jump!". The second one opens his lunch box and also goes "Man, another turkey club sandwich. I can't stand it anymore. If it's the same tomorrow, I'll jump". The third worker opens his lunch box, sees a meatball sandwich, and like the others he says he'll jump if he has to eat another meatball sandwich.

The next day the three men open their lunch boxes. The first one got a tuna sandwich. He writes a goodbye note and jumps. The second got a turkey club and does the same. The third sees he has a meatball sandwich and follows them.

At the funeral the wives of the three men meet. The first one weeps and says "If only I had known! I would have made him something else!". The second wive is angry and goes "He never told me he wanted something else! If he had just talked to me!". They notice that the third wife just looks sort of confused, so they ask her what's wrong.

She replies: "I just don't get it. He always made his own lunch."

DefinitionInner4325 , Pixabay Report

Final score:

121points

POST

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

They could have traded lunches....

36points

arent_we_sarcastic , Pavel Danilyuk Report

Bored Panda got in touch with u/MrMidnightDiamond, the creator of this viral thread. When asked if there was some inspiration to create this thread, he shared that “I recently went through a breakup that has left me feeling quite heartbroken and in need of something to raise my spirits. Funnily enough, I haven't even posted my best joke yet.”

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.

When she comes back for the funeral, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the funeral director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads"

Final score:

120points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

PMSL

16points

PokemonMaster619 , David Riaño Cortés Report

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Three men-one British, one Japanese, and one American- are trekking through the jungle when they’re suddenly captured by a tribe of cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who tells them “We are going to kill you, eat you, and use your skin to make our canoes. However, we will allow you to choose how you die.”

The Englishman asks for his gun and a single bullet. He loads it, points it at his head, and says “God save the queen.” Bang.

The Japanese man asks for his sword. They give him his sword, he says “For Honor!” before committing hara-kiri.

The American asks for a fork. They give him a fork, and he starts going to town on himself. Stabbing himself all over his arms, his legs, his torso, he’s bleeding like crazy, but he’s not dying quickly. Finally the chief asks what he’s doing. The American looks him in the eye and yells “F**k your canoes!”

Final score:

113points

POST

girlsrock4ever 1 year ago

I'm not American, but I would probably do the third option just to get some last form of revenge. That one seems the best to me.

33points

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Guy trying to get hired at a farm, and the farmer says "Have you ever shoed a horse?" The guy says "No, but once I told a donkey to f**k off."

Nackles , Pixabay Report

Final score:

100points

POST

Do-nut touch da donut 1 year ago

Bahahaha

16points

TheFlippingFurry , Caden Van Cleave Report

Additionally, he agreed to share his favorite joke! I know it’s long, but hopefully you will chuckle after reading it. "There are these three missionaries and they get captured by a nasty tribe of aborigines deep in the jungle. The aborigines tie them up and set them down before the chief, who as it happens speaks a little English.

The chief says to them, 'We are a hostile tribe, and we despise you and your missionary ways. So you have two choices. Death or... kabunga.'

Then he gestures to the first missionary and says, 'Choose!"

Well, the man doesn't know what this kabunga business is, but he knows what death is, all right, and he knows he doesn't want that. So he looks at the chief and says, 'I choose... kabunga.'

The chief raises his arms and cries out, 'Kabunga!' And a dozen warriors rush out. They throw this boy down, pull off his clothes, and sodomize him but good.

So now the chief looks at the second missionary, and he says, 'My friend, what do you choose? Will it be death, or... kabunga?'

Well, this boy knows what kabunga is now, and he doesn't want any of it. But choosing death, well, that'd be suicide, and suicide is against his religious principles. So he swallows hard and says to the chief, 'I... I choose... kabunga.'

The chief raises his arms and cries out, 'Kabunga!' And once again, a dozen warriors rush out, and they have their way with this boy, and it goes on for an awful hour. Finally, it's over. The chief looks at the third missionary and says, 'What will it be, my friend? Death, or... kabunga?'

Now this boy's seen just about all the kabunga he can stand. And even though it's against his religious principles, and even though he knows death is the end, he just can't face kabunga. So he screws up all his courage, sticks out his chin, looks the chief straight in the eye, and says, 'I choose death!'

The chief raises his arms and cries out, 'Death!... But first, kabunga!"

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks "how?"

Final score:

89points

POST

LizzieBoredom 1 year ago (edited)

The bartender could tell the snake was a stripper because she wore a garter and after repeatedly told to keep it on, she shed her skin.

13points

Nearby_Departure_119 , VD Photography Report

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread How do you tell the gender of an ant?

Throw it in water. If it sinks, it’s girl ant, but if it floats…

Final score:

88points

POST

KittyGaming 1 year ago

Its buoyant

60points

Additionally, MrMidnightDiamond emphasized that he never thought his Reddit post would gain so much attention! “I am so grateful that my question was able to reach out to so many people all over the world, bring them joy and give them a few laughs along the way.”

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread ''And the Lord said unto John, 'come forth and receive eternal life', but John came fifth and got a toaster

SmegB , Nicola Barts Report

Final score:

82points

POST

Nikki Sevven 1 year ago

Jesus saves...passes to Moses...Moses scores!

35points

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread A man of faith hears on the radio there's going to be flooding. He shrugs at the radio and says, "God will take care of me."

He wakes up the next day and the first floor of his house is flooded.. as the water rises, he climbs up into the roof.

A guy floats by in a canoe and says, "hop in brother, the waters rising."

He waves the guy off and says, "God will take care of me."

Now the water is halfway up the roof, and he's straddling the roof ridge.

A woman in a boat speeds up and says, "Get in the boat! The waters are going to keep rising!" The guy waves her off and says, "God will take care of me."

The guy is now on tip top of the chimney the water swirling around his neck a helicopter hovers overhead and guy repels down and says, "grab on!" Again, the guys says ,"no thanks, God will save me."

The guy wakes up at the pearly gates, in line as St. Peter is waiting for windows to install updates. He sees God through the gates on his throne, Jesus sitting on his lap. He yells up at God, "Why didn't you save me!?!?!"

God yells down, "I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter!!!"

mysticalfruit , Pixabay Report

Final score:

80points

POST

and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago

There’s a much shorter one about an atheist. An atheist hears on the radio there’s going to be flooding. She packs a small backpack with essentials and moves her valuables into the attic. The flood hits, and her house is getting pretty messed up. A guy in a canoe comes along, and she grabs her backpack and gets in the damn canoe.

67points

DoggedlyOffensive , Rachel Claire Report

And finally, the OP mentioned that there are so many jokes that he has upvoted or commented on. “Although I certainly haven't read all of the jokes because there are multiple jokes posted each and every day, I do often scroll through it and read them when I have the time.”

#10

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread A guy stops into a bar after work. The bar is situated on the third floor.

He sits down at the bar next to another dude and orders a drink.

After a few minutes, the other dude drains his glass, stands up and just runs and jumps out the window.

The man is left speechless, but two minutes later the other dude walks back in the door and sits back down at the bar as if nothing has happened.

The man is too confused to ask about what just happened, so he just continues sipping his drink.

A few minutes later, the other dude drains his glass again, and proceeds to run and jump out the window again, and then stroll back through the door, sit back down and order another drink.

So the guy says ‘screw it’ to himself, necks his drink, and runs and jumps right out the window.

The bartender turns to the other dude and says “you’re a real prick when you’re drunk, Superman”.

Final score:

79points

POST

Nina 1 year ago

Bahahahaha

5points

#11

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster.
If anything it just made it more sluggish.

shelledtortoise , Valeriia Miller Report

Final score:

79points

POST

KittyGaming 1 year ago

Hahahahaha

13points

#12

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

sharrrper , Marik Elikishvili Report

Final score:

77points

POST

Cyber Returns 1 year ago

I had to go to the doctor about a big black mole on my p*nis. i was so relieved when it was removed. I have a lifetime ban from the petting zoo now

3points

N8_Arsenal87 , Tambako The Jaguar Report

#13

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Bear walks into a bar and says “can I have a………Coke?”
Bartender says “what’s with the big pause?”
Bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them.”

Final score:

76points

POST

Hugh Crawford 1 year ago

That's a groaner

14points

Turbo the Great and Terrible 1 year ago

This joke is one of my favorites.

1point

Lotekguy 1 year ago

Couldda been his Captain Kirk impression.

1point

gajeeper1992 , Likeboss lertpongsaporn Report

#14

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter.

Final score:

72points

POST

girlsrock4ever 1 year ago

What's a zippo?

4points

#15

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread I bought shoes from a [substance] dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day

Jakesta42 , MART PRODUCTION Report

Final score:

72points

POST

Invisigoth (xe/xem) 1 year ago

drug dealer. For f**k's sake, BP!

56points

#16

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Not my "best" but my favourite because my grandpa would tell it to everyone. And I miss my grandpa a lot.

How do you catch a bear?
Dig a big hole and line it with ashes. Put peas all around the edge of the hole.
When the bear goes for a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

ETA: In my FB memories, it was 10 years ago today that we lost my Grandpa. No wonder I've been thinking of him. I posted this joke for him on this day, in my memories.

xxLAYUPxx , Pixabay Report

Final score:

72points

POST

NoCleverName 1 year ago

My version is: How do you catch a polar bear? Well, you cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when he comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole

23points

#17

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread A man goes into the doctor and says "I think I have hearing problems"
Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?
Man: Sure! Homers fat and Marge has blue hair.

Stigofthedumpings , Dominik Report

Final score:

69points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

Three rather deaf old ladies are walking down the street. "Windy isn't it", said one. "No, it's Thursday", said the second. "So am I, let's all go and have a cup of tea", said the third. :D

37points

#18

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers ✌️ and says: "five beers, please."

lydocia Report

Final score:

69points

POST

Do-nut touch da donut 1 year ago

Haha lol

13points

#19

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do.

parker72001 , Lina Kivaka Report

Final score:

68points

POST

Jake Lewis 1 year ago

First flint stones joke I've ever heard

14points

#20

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here”?

pee_diddy , Thiago Miranda Report

Final score:

67points

POST

Kookamunga 1 year ago

A grasshopper walks into a bar - bartender says "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" - grasshopper replies "You've got a drink called Steve?"

10points

#21

Do you know why divers fall backwards off the boat when they are diving?

Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat

Editor-Wise Report

Final score:

66points

POST

Echo Phernetton 1 year ago

Hmm yes.

9points

#22

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Why do Norwegian warships have a barcode on the side of them?

So that they can Scandinavian

SuggestionFlaky9337 , Gu Bra Report

Final score:

56points

POST

Weird Panda 1 year ago

Took me a sec

6points

#23

Two whales are at a bar.
On turns to the other and says "BWWWWWHHHHHAAAARRRRRGGGHHH"(be loud with your best whale sound)
The other whale looks at him and says "Gimme your keys Frank, you're drunk!"

eli-in-the-sky Report

Final score:

55points

POST

KittyGaming 1 year ago

Hahahhahahq

7points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#24

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Someone found a hole in the nudist colony fence.

Police are looking into it.

PunkRockFatBeats , me5otron Report

Final score:

54points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

Someone stole the toilet from the local nick. The Police have nothing to go on.

24points

#25

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"

The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...

Chunks is my dog."

SnooLobsters4636 , Engin Akyurt Report

Final score:

52points

POST

Do-nut touch da donut 1 year ago (edited)

No ones talking about how they drove drunk.... anyways NOOOO THE DOG... dont drink and drive kids

31points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#26

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Yesterday I couldn’t figure out whether someone was waving at me or the person behind me.

In other news,
I lost my lifeguard job.

(Not my original joke)

kklewis18 , Gustavo Fring Report

Final score:

47points

POST

Pedantic Panda 1 year ago

Took a while to sink in.

56points

#27

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread 2 fish in a tank one turns to the other and says "do you know how to drive this thing"?

Loud-Vacation-711 , May Law Report

Final score:

46points

POST

Russ Kincade 1 year ago

Aaand, the first fish says "Yes I've done it before" "In a new study, researchers designed a souped-up aquarium on wheels to see if a goldfish can learn to navigate on dry land—and it worked." https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/watch-this-fish-out-of-water-drive-a-mini-vehicle-on-land-180979328/

7points

#28

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Three men were in a boat and had four cigarettes, but no lighter, so they threw one cigarette overboard, and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.

Redditislanky , fabien pasquet Report

Final score:

43points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

They should've asked the hippo for a zippo. ;-)

32points

#29

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread What do you call an indecisive bee?

A maybee.

Pix3lPwnage , Janice Carriger Report

Final score:

43points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

Definitely.

7points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

#30

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread A photon walks into a hotel and the concierge comes up and says, “May I take your bags sir?”

The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

natejonesin , Helena Lopes Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Brenda 1 year ago

GROAN!

1point

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Unlimited content

Ad-free browsing

Dark mode

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#31

Stole this for the leftovers: what's the difference between a pimple and a priest?

One waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

SavorySaltySauces Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Niall Mac Iomera 1 year ago

All the pointless censoring that BP does, but this is totally fine lol

77points

#32

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread What do you call a dog with no legs?

You don’t call it, you go get it.

andrunlc , Yaroslav Shuraev Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago (edited)

What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer. What do you call a dead blind deer? Still no eye deer. ;-)

8points

#33

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the Nobel Prize?

He was outstanding in his field!

DDwili Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Roy Briggs 1 year ago

Ahem: Corny.

3points

#34

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread Just read this one here recently and haven't had the right chance to deploy it in irl yet, so I'm still a bit bemused by it:

How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one,... but it takes a s**tload of light bulbs.

da9ve , Mirabelle Lemire Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Sue 1 year ago

Similar - how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it has to want to change.

14points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#35

A lady walks into a bar and orders a double-entendre, so the bartender *gives it to her*.

jugglervr Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

Get it right. So the bartender *gives her one*.

14points

#36

Why can't you trust atoms?

They make up everything.

zazzlekdazzle Report

Final score:

13points

POST

Nigel Sulley 1 year ago

A blonde walks into a bar and says "ouch".

9points

notacanuckskibum , cottonbro studio Report

#37

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread 3 mathematicians walk into a bar. The barman says “do you all want a beer?”

First one says “I don’t know”

Second one says “i don’t know”

Third one says “yes”

Final score:

12points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

It should really be logicians, as we are talking about logic, rather than mathematics in general.

12points

#38

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

hoop-d-lishus Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Cyber Returns 1 year ago

I'm ambisinister. I'm useless with both hands

1point

Dear-Interaction-210 , Bill Bradford Report

#39

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread What’s a foot long and slippery?

- a slipper

Final score:

9points

POST

smugdruggler 1 year ago

I like these kind of jokes. eg what's brown and sticky? A stick.

10points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#40

Why did the bird go to the gym?

To work on his pecks

brockthesock Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Rwby Couch 1 year ago

Yep, now I'm imagining buff birds in spandex...

7points

#41

30 Jokes People Think Are Comedy Gold, As Shared In This Online Thread What's the difference between an owl, a piano, and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish

digitaltravelr , Pixabay Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Josiane Roy 1 year ago

The version I'm familiar with list glue instead of an owl. Then punch line then changes to I knew you'd get stuck in that.

5points

Hey there! I'm Austeja, a writer with a knack for capturing everything from family dramas to the latest meme trends at Bored Panda. Armed with a Bachelor's degree in business management, I blend expertise with creativity to deliver engaging articles. I love spicing up my pieces with insights from experts in the industry, ensuring the readers get interesting information. When I'm not typing away, you can find me jet-setting to sunny destinations, hunting for the perfect palm-fringed oasis, enjoying leisurely brunches with friends or binging various TV shows!

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Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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What do you think ?

POST

T.O.S.o.R. 1 year ago

A man finds a genie lamp while walking on the beach. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says he gets 1 wish. He thinks a moment, and says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid to fly. My wish is for a bridge to Hawaii." The genie says, no can do. Think of something else. The man says, "I would like a wife that understands me and I understand her!" The genie says "would you like that bridge to be 2 lanes, or 4?"

11points

Eastendbird 1 year ago

I like the old Bob Monkhouse joke: When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and terrified like the passengers on his bus.

6points

Khall Khall 1 year ago

What do you get when you combine an elephant with a rhino? Elephino...

3points

SkyDragonAerial (Aro/Ace, Cassgender) 1 year ago

What's blue and smells like red paint?

3points

Do-nut touch da donut 1 year ago

Blue paint?

6points

tuzdayschild 1 year ago

If you're kissing your honey, and they're nose is runny, don't think it's funny, cuz it's not.

2points

William Bonner 1 year ago (edited)

A lawyer is vacationing in Florida and signs up for an afternoon of deep-sea fishing. Once on board the boat, he strikes up a conversation with another passenger, who is an engineer. The lawyer says: "Just a couple of weeks ago my house burned to the ground. I lost all my stuff. But I have really good insurance. I bought a new house, got a lot of new stuff, and even had money left over for a nice vacation." The engineer says: "Interesting. Something similar happened to me recently. My house got washed away in a flood. Of course, all my belongings went with it. I, too, have really good insurance. I'm just taking some time off while my new house is being built." The lawyer says: "Really?!" Then he leans in and asks quietly: "How...did you start a flood??"

2points

Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop :D

2points

Kevin J. Henning 1 year ago

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you? --a stick

2points

Dirk Daring 1 year ago

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

2points

Antonia 1 year ago

Man goes to a dokter and says: Dokter, you have a very tiny treatment room. Dokter: Go away, I'm taking a sh!t.

2points

Lisa Taylor 1 year ago

Why does BP censor so many words usually, yet allows a long homophobic joke within the main text of its own article? :-(

2points

Greta Kolding 1 year ago

Which one is homophobic?

0points

Abandoned1 1 year ago

When being attacked by a group of clowns...go for the juggler

1point

Prince of Darkness 1 year ago

"These are actually good ones" ... if you're 4 years old, maybe

1point

Kay Jursik 1 year ago

How does Daisy Duck pay for a new lipstick? She just tells them to put it on her bill.

0points

Peter Smith 1 year ago

Why are pirates called pirates? Cos they Arrrrrrrggggghhh!! (Said I n your best Somerset drawl).

0points

SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago

What happens when you host the King and/or Queen at an Asian dinner party? All rice (rise).

0points

Deb 1 year ago

Why does the Avon lady walk slow? Because her lipstick.

0points

Pa4040 1 year ago

Thank you BP, amidst the chaos in the world, and the internet just posting horrors and social drama, a joke post was really what I needed :)

0points

René Sauer 1 year ago

Hm... My favorites are unfortunately hard to translate, because they are build on German grammar...

0points

William Bonner 1 year ago (edited)

One December, a Bavarian guy moves to New York City. He was able to find only a very small apartment. With Christmas coming, he wanted to decorate for the holiday. He found a place that sold Christmas trees. The proprietor says: "Hello sir! How may I help you?" The Bavarian says, in his best English: "I want attention, please!"

0points

Shankshaw Redeemer 1 year ago

Several of them are about people dying. Just off.

0points

Will Cable 1 year ago

Sorry, I thought government thinking that healthcare was affordable to everyone was a joke.

-1point

POST

T.O.S.o.R. 1 year ago

11points

Eastendbird 1 year ago

I like the old Bob Monkhouse joke: When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and terrified like the passengers on his bus.

6points

Khall Khall 1 year ago

What do you get when you combine an elephant with a rhino? Elephino...

3points

SkyDragonAerial (Aro/Ace, Cassgender) 1 year ago

What's blue and smells like red paint?

3points

Do-nut touch da donut 1 year ago

Blue paint?

6points

tuzdayschild 1 year ago

If you're kissing your honey, and they're nose is runny, don't think it's funny, cuz it's not.

2points

William Bonner 1 year ago (edited)

2points

Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop :D

2points

Kevin J. Henning 1 year ago

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you? --a stick

2points

Dirk Daring 1 year ago

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

2points

Antonia 1 year ago

Man goes to a dokter and says: Dokter, you have a very tiny treatment room. Dokter: Go away, I'm taking a sh!t.

2points

Lisa Taylor 1 year ago

Why does BP censor so many words usually, yet allows a long homophobic joke within the main text of its own article? :-(

2points

Greta Kolding 1 year ago

Which one is homophobic?

0points

Abandoned1 1 year ago

When being attacked by a group of clowns...go for the juggler

1point

Prince of Darkness 1 year ago

"These are actually good ones" ... if you're 4 years old, maybe

1point

Kay Jursik 1 year ago

How does Daisy Duck pay for a new lipstick? She just tells them to put it on her bill.

0points

Peter Smith 1 year ago

Why are pirates called pirates? Cos they Arrrrrrrggggghhh!! (Said I n your best Somerset drawl).

0points

SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago

What happens when you host the King and/or Queen at an Asian dinner party? All rice (rise).

0points

Deb 1 year ago

Why does the Avon lady walk slow? Because her lipstick.

0points

Pa4040 1 year ago

Thank you BP, amidst the chaos in the world, and the internet just posting horrors and social drama, a joke post was really what I needed :)

0points

René Sauer 1 year ago

Hm... My favorites are unfortunately hard to translate, because they are build on German grammar...

0points

William Bonner 1 year ago (edited)

0points