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Since we were little, we all knew that insulting someone or calling names was a big no-no. However, life is full of big no-no’s, and to counteract some of them, you have to use them for your own good. And an insult is probably one of the most used of forbiddens in the life of an adult. However, we are not talking here about calling someone a beaner bronco buster or something by far nastier - the insults in our list will make the receiver shiver from your intelligence, quiver at their own incompetence, and feel the undeniable superiority of your wit. Yes, here they are, the best insults ever recorded on the internet, delivered fresh & hot right to your screen. 

Knowing fully well that by spreading nasty, you only get nasty back, we’ve figured out that calling someone to get back to Earth requires certain finesse and flair; thus, calling someone a phallus head does not make it into our list. Instead, these comebacks are as subtle as Claude Debussy’s Clair de Lune, as camouflaged as the workings of Sherlock Holmes, and as smart as Albert Einstein himself. Oh, also, as beautifully versed as the sonnets of mister William! So, we bet that out of these original insults, you’ll definitely find one to put in your pocket and air out when needed.

Well, are you ready to check out our list of the best insults ever? If so, clear up a few RAMs worth of space in your coconut for memorization and skip to the comebacks just a bit further down. Once you are there, vote for the funniest insults and share this article with anyone in need. 

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#1

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

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#2

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

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#3

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.

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#4

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?

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#5

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

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#6

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.

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#7

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I’m glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.

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Zophra
Zophra
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ahhh... if only...if only... I could say this as a teacher (and keep my job.)

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#8

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.

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Riley Warrick
Riley Warrick
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, my parents said I could be what ever I wanted to be, so I became a disappointment.

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#9

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is happiness.

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#10

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard this one before and have been patiently waiting to use it..

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#11

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.

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#12

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.

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#13

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You are the human version of period cramps.

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#14

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You've only got 2 brain cells and they are both fighting for 3rd place.

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#15

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Isn’t it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence?

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#16

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I told my therapist about you.

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Katherine Boag
Katherine Boag
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, you need to tell your therapist about the people you spend the most time with anyway, whether theyre a good or bad influence on your mental health

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#17

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

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#18

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You are proof God has a sense of humor.

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Good Luckas
Good Luckas
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Hmmmm let’s see…..what if I do a human with ALL BAD STATS!! Wouldn’t that be hilarious!? Yeah let’s do it!”

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#19

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I bet your mom doesn’t put your coloring pages on the fridge.

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#20

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

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#21

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

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#22

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You're so ugly even Stephen King has nightmares about you.

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#23

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.

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#24

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

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#25

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.

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#26

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

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#27

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.

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#28

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

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phoenixcompton05 avatar
Phoenix CP
Phoenix CP
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

thought it said gay sprinkle n i was like.. but the whole thing is gay??

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#29

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?

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#30

Insulting Is A Skill And Here Are 30 Of The Best Insults To Master It Yeah? Well, you smell like hot dog water.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone said this to a friend of mine. That got shut down real quick and it was never said to that person again.

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#31

I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.

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#32

You're like the water that comes out of the ketchup bottle.

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#33

You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

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#34

You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

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#35

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

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#36

I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.

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lenahaber avatar
BAWK BAWK BAKAW
BAWK BAWK BAKAW
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i mean if you're REALLY fed up w them you can just C R U N C H your phone in half

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#37

You must be the arithmetic man - you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

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#38

You’re the reason God created the middle finger.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen this one before. I actually said this before too! That persons face was priceless!

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#39

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

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#40

Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

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#41

You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.

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#42

It’s impossible to underestimate you.

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#43

I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.

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#44

Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.

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phoenixcompton05 avatar
Phoenix CP
Phoenix CP
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i like this one. insulting the face is just mean, the personality is something they can, hopefully, change

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#45

I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.

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#46

I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

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#47

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

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#48

I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.

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TrashPandaSociety
TrashPandaSociety
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like "I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this to you."

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#49

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

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Riley Warrick
Riley Warrick
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha good one, will try to find a n opportunity to say this to an annoying boy that tries(and fails miserably) to flirt with me.

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#50

If there was a market for bad ideas I'd want drilling rights to your head.

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#51

You are a fart factory, slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit. A cheesy scab picked pimple squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side.

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Sam Juan
Sam Juan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like this is the missing verse in the song "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"

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#52

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

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*Displayname*=idk
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually some pretzels are just fine if unsalted. But they have to be hot and buttery. (But still not as good as salted)

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#53

I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.

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#54

Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot.

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#55

Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.

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#56

You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.

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#57

Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I forget a lot so this would be a good roast if I said it 😋

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#58

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

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#59

I believed in evolution until I met you.

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#60

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

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#61

When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change… Except the direction I was walking in.

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#62

You should really come with a warning label.

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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

a kid in middle school said "I should come with a warning sign" then another kid nearby replied "your face is the warning sign. " I tried not to die laughing at the time!

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#63

Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I change it to "your lucky stupidity is not a crime" is it still a good roast?

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#64

The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

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#65

I would never date you. I’m lonely, not desperate.

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#66

If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.

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#67

I will slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you.

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#68

If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.

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#69

Don't let your mind wander... It's far too small to wander on its own.

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#70

You push a lot of doors that say 'pull', don't you?

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#71

Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.

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#72

You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.

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#73

If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

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Colin L
Colin L
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've heard this one as "If brains were dynamite you couldn't even blow your nose."

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#74

You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?

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#75

OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sisters when I come downstairs in the morning (I enjoy sleeping in when possible). They usually say "OMG ITS ALIVE!". All good times 👍

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#76

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.

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Eat Dirt Crow
Eat Dirt Crow
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The world does revolve around you, you just don't get to choose which way it turns.

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#77

Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.

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#78

Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.

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#79

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

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#80

You look like something I would draw with my left hand.

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Stardust
Stardust
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lefty will use this exact thing as a compliment unless they are also bad at drawing

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#81

I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.

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#82

Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.

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#83

Don’t try to think too hard. You’re so stupid it might sprain your brain.

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#84

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.

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#85

You have a face only a mother could love.

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#86

You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.

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#87

You bowl like your momma. Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.

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#88

Your face looks like a stuntman’s knee.

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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kinda running from the joke but unfortunately My knee looks like a stuntman's knee cause I am always down scrubbing the floor. 🥲

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#89

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

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#90

You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.

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#91

I’m just glad that you’re stringing words into sentences now.

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#92

If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.

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John Kremm
John Kremm
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his butt and walk him backwards.

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#93

People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

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#94

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

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#95

I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.

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allyson-wells2009 avatar
*Displayname*=idk
*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next time my sister makes a comment on my frizzy hairs i will reply with this (if I remember)

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#96

If you were any less intelligent I'd have to water you twice a week.

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#97

Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone.

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#98

If you went to a nursery you’d cause a crying spree.

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#99

I’d say you’re ‘dumb as a rock,’ but at least a rock can hold a door open.

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#100

If I typed ‘stupid’ in Google, your name would pop up.

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*Displayname*=idk
*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just storing these all for a time that has a 1% chance of happening.

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#101

Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop.

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#102

I know a mind reader who would charge you half price.

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#103

I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?

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#104

Your face makes onions cry.

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#105

Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.

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#106

You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.

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#107

I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

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#108

I find the fact that you’ve lived this long both surprising and disappointing.

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#109

You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.

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allyson-wells2009 avatar
*Displayname*=idk
*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But seriously though. It also says "Do not eat. If eaten get medical help right away"

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#110

Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

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#111

It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

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#112

I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.

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Brian Meyer
Brian Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well....yeah. If your baby has untreated diaper rash, you ain't got time for lunch. Take care of your kid!

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#113

People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.

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#114

You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.

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#115

Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

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#116

Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.

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#117

Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?

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#118

You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.

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Freya the Wanderer
Freya the Wanderer
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is your bu++holee jealous of the amount of s##t that cones out of your mouth?

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#119

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'd be glad to do so for you.

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#120

You look like a dropped pie.

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#121

I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.

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#122

If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.

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#123

In the land of the witless, you would be king.

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#124

Your only purpose in life is to become an organ donor.

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#125

The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana.

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#126

Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

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#127

I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.

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#128

Well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you.

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#129

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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#130

Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.

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#131

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

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#132

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

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#133

You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily.

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#134

Bye. Hope to see you never.

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#135

You look so pretty. Not at all gross, today.

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#136

When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?

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#137

Grab a straw, because you suck.

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Octavia Hansen
Octavia Hansen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the movie Time Bandits: I really like you, Benson. You are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence.

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#138

You’re my favorite person… Besides every other person I’ve ever met.

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#139

Your mouth should be as silent as the ‘p’ in psychology.

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#140

You're so stupid that it's illegal for military to draft you.

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#141

I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.

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#142

Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?

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#143

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

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#144

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

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#145

You’ve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago.

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#146

Serial killers would run mad if they tried to make you a victim.

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#147

Your eyebrows look like eagle’s wings.

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#148

You need lemons to make lemonade and you ain't got no lemons.

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