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We’ve all had moments in our lives where we just needed that perfect comeback to make everyone laugh or put someone in their place. Unfortunately, the best insults seem to come to us while we’re showering or right before going to bed. But what if we could have said the thing that was on the tip of our tongue, that would have saved our reputation at that moment?

Well, fret not, cause we’re here to help pad out your arsenal with the best insults from this viral Askreddit community thread!

More info: Reddit

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#1

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Some guy on Reddit says he had fornicated with OPs mother. OP replies “Im happy to know that Im no longer her biggest disappointment”. I haven’t heard any insult that epic before or since.

Ryno5150 , Stefan Stefancik Report

Final score:
398points
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#2

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group A colleague of mine was told the following by a waitress when he had tried to hit on her.

"You have more d**k in your personality than you do in your pants"

DanteBMerkley , ELEVATE Report

Final score:
306points
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#3

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical “your mom” response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died. Without missing a beat, the teacher said “leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.”

HopeDeferred , Max Fischer Report

Final score:
301points
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For this article, Bored Panda got in touch with experienced copy-editor and professional language writer in Ireland, Stan Carey. You can visit his website here and also find more interesting, but explicit, articles about expletives on the Strong Language blog.

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Also providing their input about why insults between friends are funny rather than rude and some novel examples of insults is James Harbeck, professional editor, designer, and writer. You can read more about him and his work on his website or his blog Sesquiotica.
#4

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group 16 year old me trying to convince my dad to take my friends and I to see American Pie: Dad: so what is it about? Me: a group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity. Dad: I can stay home and see that.

Theromented1 , IMP Awards Report

Final score:
289points
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#5

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Teacher of mine once said to a classmate who kept making the most asinine contributions to the conversation:

“You make it really difficult to underestimate you.”

The guy had no idea what it meant, he thought it was a compliment .

robbycakes , Arthur Krijgsman Report

Final score:
266points
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#6

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group “You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”

Trick-Reveal-463 , August de Richelieu Report

Final score:
248points
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If you are particularly interested in how a particular vulgar word and its alternatives evolved through the decades, you may find something fun in Jonathon Green’s historical slang timelines, as suggested by Stan Carey. Although there is little context, it’s quite amusing to see that the synonym for “foolish” in the 1850’s was “suck-egg”, whatever that may mean.
#7

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Bunch of quite pretentious people getting out of a limo at a club and pretending they’re more than they are to get in ahead of the line, bouncer quips “ Can always tell clowns, all arriving in the same car.”

preferablyoutside , Erik Mclean Report

Final score:
229points
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#8

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Winston Churchill supposedly in response to being called drunk during a debate: “I may be drunk but tomorrow I shall be sober. You, however, madam, shall always be ugly”.

studude765 , wikipedia Report

Final score:
221points
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#9

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group I was at a pool in Vegas and wearing a straw cowboy hat with my shirt open. One friend said "damn, how can you not get laid with that outfit today"

Other friend said "don't worry, he'll show us."

randomvegasposts , Brett Sayles Report

Final score:
215points
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“Blatherskite is a colorful insult with an old-fashioned flavor that's fun to say,” says Stan Carey. Apparently, the “-skite” part alludes to sh*t, and most people don’t know that. As blather means empty and long-winded talk, you can probably guess what it means.

#10

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Was playing Pavlov(vr game) with a group of people, one of which was this very annoying kid who kept saying something like "You're bad because you're adopted" and such like that. He did that to one dude, and the guy replies something like "I'd return the insult, but that'd imply someone wanted you"


Had the whole lobby erupting. IDK if it's taken from somewhere or what.

ClaireBear13492 , Eugene Capon Report

Final score:
212points
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#11

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group My favorite of all time was from roast me. Guy was wearing a checkered shirt and the line was:

“Thanks for wearing graph paper so we can calculate the exact waste of space”

LNinefingers , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:
183points
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#12

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group I'd challenge you to a battle of wits but I see you are unarmed.

therome_88 , Mimi Thian Report

Final score:
177points
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Discussing why insults between friends are funny rather than insulting, James Harbeck mentions that they are funny because they demonstrate permission. “You show that you know you have the right to speak to the other person in terms that would be taken badly by someone you were not on close terms with, and that you know they know,” says James. These claims are somewhat confirmed in a case study about insults and social cohesion.
#13

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group "it's because of people like you, that they still print instructions on shampoo bottles".

Loved that.

The_TravellerJ , Polina Tankilevitch Report

Final score:
171points
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#14

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group You've got a face for radio, and a voice for writing.

mike_e_mcgee , Eric Nopanen Report

Final score:
161points
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#15

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Best one I've heard recently was someone who commented on a shirtless picture of a guy and called him Tragic Mike.

BoredBSEE , KAL VISUALS Report

Final score:
152points
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Insulting friends may also be a good way to let off some steam and equalize perceived or possible social inequalities, James says. Nevertheless, these boundaries should be judged carefully, James says, sharing the case of English dandy Beau Brummell insulting the Prince Regent, with whom he had formerly been on good terms. “He said to one of the prince’s companions, 'Alvanley, who’s your fat friend?' – and met his social downfall as a result.”

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#16

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group ''I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.''

scottcree486 , Caleb Oquendo Report

Final score:
145points
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#17

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group When I was 16, I accidentally cut a woman off and she screamed out her car window at me “Who did you f**k to get your license!?!?” I laughed so hard. It really stuck with me.

notade50 , Jaromír Kavan Report

Final score:
145points
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#18

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions printed on the heel.

You've got two brain cells, and they're both fighting for third place.

Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you to breathe. You should go apologize to it.

At my funeral, I want my coworkers to be my pallbearers and lower my casket into my grave, so they can all let me down one last time.

And my personal favorite, from an episode of *Frasier* :

>Roger, at Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful, that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now---I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

FlashpointJ24 , Toa Heftiba Report

Final score:
144points
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Irish English has insults derived from Irish for every occasion, according to Stan Carey. Sleeveen, referring to someone untrustworthy, and cute hoor are popular examples, especially used in political contexts. Sleeveen is especially popular in Irish politics, used to define politicians as smooth-tongued rogues.
#19

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group When your mom dropped you off at school this morning she got fined because they thought she was littering.

NucularOrchid , Mary Taylor Report

Final score:
134points
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#20

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group I was at a hot girl bar with some of my coworkers a few years ago having drinks after work. All the girls were 10/10’s and our waitress had super blonde almost silver hair that looked really nice. One of my coworkers got a little too drunk and started hitting on her, which she handled well. She was probably used to it. He pulls her aside and loudly in front of all of us shouts at her “do you know what we call your hair color where I’m from? “F**k me blonde””. Without missing a beat she replies “do you know what we call your hair color where I’m from? “A*****e brown”” and walked away. We all died laughing and tipped her very well. He was cut off after that needless to say. I still think about this 6 years later 😂

Silver_Eyes13 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:
133points
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shermanvongee avatar
Sherman
Sherman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A "hot girl bar" WHAT IN THE SEXIST S**T IS THAT?

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MushroomHead22
MushroomHead22
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

a bar specifically for women who are on fire.

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Ell Bee
Ell Bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm distracted from the subject because the girl's dress sleeves strike me as odd. One is gathered at the bottom and the other isn't.

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ιξε τραωαντι
ιξε τραωαντι
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was cut off? From friends? After he made a drunken mistake? Friends help live and learn, not slay after a mistake.. AND the friend that cut him uses "hot girl bar" I smell BS somewhere

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OmBoyGanesh
OmBoyGanesh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A hot girl bar is nothing more than a bar where all the servers are women and could be considered hot. The business model has been around for decades, very much capitalized on in Thailand. There’s a movie that touches n it called Coyote Ugly. There’s even a google and yelp search field for hot girl bars. As a queer male, not really my thing, but I do know some stripper friends (who dance at a venue where all the dancers are female) who moonlight at bars with all female bartenders. It takes a tough constitution and real brains to make it at a place like this. The women I know see it as financially empowering, bringing home at least $500/weeknight in types.

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Becky Samuel
Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course they see it as financially empowering, the same way that white dudes have fought tooth and nail against anyone else getting in on their little money makers. The business model is predatory and feeds into toxic masculinity and "lad" culture.

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Doug the Special one
Doug the Special one
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What some o us unreconstructed men call it. Sorry I that o**ends but tough s h I t.

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KBT
KBT
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How unfortunate that males like you need to pay women for their attention in establishments like that because real women ignore you and you can't stand it 🤭🤗

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#21

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Your mama is so slow, it took her 9 months to come up with a joke.

BroNizzle Report

Final score:
125points
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Stan Carey further directs us to an anecdote from Luis Buñuel’s Autobiography about how cursing helped him get across past border control during the Spanish Civil War. “In fact, blasphemy in Spain is truly an art; in Mexico, for instance, I never heard a proper curse, whereas in my native land, a good one lasts for at least three good-sized sentences. [...] It was with a curse of this kind, uttered in all its seemly intensity, that I regaled the three anarchists from Port Bou. When I’d finished, they stamped my papers and I crossed the border.”
#22

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group If you were a spice, you'd be flour.

UncleSquach , Kaboompics .com Report

Final score:
112points
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#23

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group I hope you have the day you deserve.

Adcro , Cristina Gottardi Report

Final score:
107points
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#24

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Context aside, someone once told me I look like I go to the park to punch birds.

TheRoamingWeeb , Shakeb Tawheed Report

Final score:
95points
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James gives some examples of context and profession-specific insults, but adds that better ones must be out there. One example is the military FNG term, referring to a fudging new guy, in more polite terminology. In Spanish cultures, overweight men are sometimes called Flaco, meaning “skinny”. It’s understood to be ironic and overpolite, as you’re doing the opposite of pointing out a socially negative trait, without doing so directly, James adds.
#25

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group "I envy the people who've *never* met you."

Back2Bach , https://unsplash.com/photos/mG-HdjYiPtE?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditShareLink Report

Final score:
95points
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#26

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group They’d need a recipe for making ice cubes

thepiecesaremoving , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:
93points
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#27

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group My husband was going out with his friends in their 20's. One of them came downstairs wearing a sweater and chuck tailors with khakis and his roommate goes "what's up, Ellen."

NoKarensPlz , ronpaulrevolt2008 Report

Final score:
92points
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James Harbeck also directs us to an insulting game, common to African-American communities. It’s called the dozens, usually played by young men, where participants exchange humorous insults in front of an audience. The comments may attack various features of the other person, but aren’t meant to be taken seriously. It’s also important to mention that some versions of this game may have been important towards the development of rap.
#28

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group “You’re not pretty enough to be this dumb”

Opr9r , Riccardo Report

Final score:
85points
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#29

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group Best I ever heard was "you look like somebody set you on fire and put you out with a chain".

CommissionerOfLunacy , Mohamed Nohassi Report

Final score:
74points
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#30

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group "God just be making anybody."

TreeLovTequiLove , Cherry Laithang Report

Final score:
68points
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Finally, Stan shares an exchange by G.B. Shaw and Winston Churchill, the veracity of which is dubious at best. 

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“Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second – if there is one.”
#31

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group I always thought the Robert Downey^2 vs Val Kilmer was hilarious.

"Look in the dictionary under the definition of idiot, know what you'll find?"

"Uh, a picture of me?"

"No, you'll find the definition of idiot, which you *f*****g* are!"

Or also literally anything that comes out of peter capaldi's mouth in "in the loop"

ligmaass420 , Aaron Burden Report

Final score:
49points
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#32

32 Of The Most Savage Insults People Have Ever Heard, As Shared In This Online Group You eat corn the long way.

KingGuy420 , Wouter Supardi Salari Report

Final score:
45points
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