ADVERTISEMENT

How a person behaves during a surge of feelings varies per person and, often, per situation. Sometimes, caught in emotions, we might say or do something we will grow to regret later. Or, on the contrary, blame ourselves for not responding at all. While some say that the best comeback to an insult or a fight is no comeback at all, it’s not always possible nor desirable. And sometimes, some nasty yet savage comebacks may come out of one's mouth and burn as hot as ice.

In no way do we promote being rude and strongly encourage not engaging in mean behavior instead. However, some humans are natural-born savages with the best comebacks just piping hot and ready to be served at the first opportunity. Hence, the abundance of savage insults and comebacks on the internet. Yet, while we do not encourage you to seek inspiration from there, some of the best comebacks to a rude person are genuinely stone-cold-blooded and, well, impressive. Let's give them that.

Below, we've compiled a list of the best comebacks that would certainly leave any bully or hater speechless. Also, this is some good banter material if your friends get the joke and won't be offended. As long as this witty banter doesn't turn into bullying! Nevertheless, these savage comebacks are a frolic to read, so scroll below and upvote the wildest, most brutal, best comebacks ever!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
109points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#2

I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
90points
Add photo comments
POST
#3

I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
89points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#4

Somewhere out there, there's a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe.

I think you should go and apologize to it.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
86points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#5

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
83points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#6

It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
82points
Add photo comments
POST
jodywhitmarsh avatar
Jody Whitmarsh
Jody Whitmarsh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just chocked on my coffee!! My dog is very concerned for me right now

Vote comment up
2
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#7

I am returning your nose.

I found it in my business.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
80points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#8

Don’t be ashamed of who you are.

That’s your parent’s job.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
76points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#9

Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
76points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#10

You are like a cloud.

When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
75points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#11

Remember when I asked for your opinion?

Me neither.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
73points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#12

Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons.

They forgot to mention morons.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
72points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#13

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
71points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#14

I’ll never forget the first time we met.

But I’ll keep trying.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
70points
Add photo comments
POST
ethanfeng avatar
Ethan Feng
Ethan Feng
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

Vote comment up
6
6points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#15

Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
66points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#16

Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
66points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#17

You’re not simply a drama queen.

You’re the whole royal family.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
66points
Add photo comments
POST
rowanflametongue avatar
raincloud the whalien
raincloud the whalien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Excuse me I'm not any royal family I'm the British one and all of their staff combined

Vote comment up
4
4points
Vote comment down
reply
ADVERTISEMENT
#18

Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
63points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#19

Have a nice day, somewhere else.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
62points
Add photo comments
POST
#20

Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
60points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#21

I love the sound you make when you shut up.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
58points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#22

I thought of you today.

It reminded me to take out the trash.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
58points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#23

You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
58points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#24

I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
58points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#25

Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
54points
Add photo comments
POST
deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'll go far with that attitude... why don't you start going now.

Vote comment up
17
17points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#26

I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
54points
Add photo comments
POST
#27

Please, keep talking.

I always yawn when I am interested.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
52points
Add photo comments
POST
elanorlantner avatar
Anonymouse
Anonymouse
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And me putting my head down and snoring loudly means that I agree with you and am very invested in the topic. Duh.

Vote comment up
17
17points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#28

Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
52points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#29

May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
50points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#30

I understand everything you said.

I’m choosing to ignore you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
47points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#31

Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
46points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#32

Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
45points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#33

You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
45points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#34

I’ve been called worse by better.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
45points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#35

The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
45points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#36

If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
44points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#37

You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
43points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#38

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
42points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#39

You should really come with a warning label.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
41points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#40

Don’t blame me for your stupidity.

Take that up with your mom and dad.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
41points
Add photo comments
POST
lauralett50 avatar
lauralett50
lauralett50
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your momma's so ... hmmm . I don't know your momma. What's she like?

Vote comment up
2
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#41

Feed your own ego.

I’m busy.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
41points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#42

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
41points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#43

Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
40points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#44

I envy people who have never met you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
40points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#45

Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
39points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#46

This is a lose-lose situation for me.

I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
39points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#47

It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
38points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#48

Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
37points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#49

Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
35points
Add photo comments
POST
lauralett50 avatar
lauralett50
lauralett50
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first thing in my head is : it should be . I know someone who could use a brain transplant.

Vote comment up
3
3points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#50

People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
35points
Add photo comments
POST
murphyvirginia13 avatar
Hestia
Hestia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once a kid told me this on the bus… Luckily I’m atheist!!

Vote comment up
9
9points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#51

Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic personality.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
35points
Add photo comments
POST
beatcop avatar
Beat Cop
Beat Cop
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"What tf is eman-ma-nating? Speak English not gibberish!" (replying as the person who's being insulted)

Vote comment up
4
4points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#52

I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
35points
Add photo comments
POST
tristandstevens avatar
T5n
T5n
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have used a similar one when I was quite mad at someone. “I have an expensive bottle of champagne set aside for the sole event that is your death. And I hope to open it soon.” This was towards someone that was abusive towards people that I care about. Usually it takes a lot for me to get even slightly angry.

Vote comment up
12
12points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#53

Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
34points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope you're not an organ donor... it would be a shame to transplant your stupid into an innocent person.

Vote comment up
9
9points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#54

I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
34points
Add photo comments
POST
screech avatar
Darling
Darling
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve seen things like myself before, we’re all in a cage together

Vote comment up
7
7points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#55

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
34points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do know you inspire me...... You are the wind between my cheeks...

Vote comment up
6
6points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#56

You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
34points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#57

I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
34points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To make it clearer I brought in the local cheerleading squad to spell it out for you..... Ladies? ...."Gimme a D... Gimme a U... Gimme an M ... Gimme an A.... Gimme an S ... Gimme an S.... Whaddoes it spell ?...

Vote comment up
5
5points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#58

Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
33points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#59

I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor.

You should try downloading it.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
33points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#60

You are the architect of your life.

Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
33points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#61

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results.

Good news – they found your head.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
32points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#62

Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
32points
Add photo comments
POST
janedavis avatar
the shrimp whisperer
the shrimp whisperer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my close friends have said this about trump and i was like "oh hell yeah i made the right friends"

Vote comment up
15
15points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#63

Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
31points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#64

I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
30points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#65

I’ve got higher heels than your standards.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
30points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#66

If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch.

It’s going to be a while.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
30points
Add photo comments
POST
funpartiesbylorilou avatar
Lori Fuqua
Lori Fuqua
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't hold your breathe waiting on me to care, you'll just end up passing out due to lack of oxygen

Vote comment up
4
4points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#67

You are the human version of period cramps.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
30points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#68

If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
30points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#69

You’re impossible to underestimate.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
29points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#70

I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
29points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#71

It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
29points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#72

Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging waterfall.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
28points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#73

You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
27points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#74

Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
27points
Add photo comments
POST
funpartiesbylorilou avatar
Lori Fuqua
Lori Fuqua
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And unfortunately those are the parents that keep trying to get it "right" multiple times 😫😫😫

Vote comment up
8
8points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#75

Your absence would affect me greatly.

I’d finally get some peace and quiet.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
27points
Add photo comments
POST
#76

I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
26points
Add photo comments
POST
#77

Brains aren’t everything.

In your case they’re nothing.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
26points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#78

If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
26points
Add photo comments
POST
fearthehero avatar
FeartheHero
FeartheHero
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favorite is a modified version of this: If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your nose.

Vote comment up
5
5points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#79

Jealousy is a disease.

Get well soon.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
25points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#80

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
25points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ignorance is bliss.... The less stupid things come out of your mouth the happier I am.

Vote comment up
3
3points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#81

Earth is full.

Go home.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
25points
Add photo comments
POST
rowanflametongue avatar
raincloud the whalien
raincloud the whalien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a registered whalien I'm legally obligated to be offended by that...but I'm laughing

Vote comment up
1
1point
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#82

All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
25points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#83

I love what you’ve done with your hair.

How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#84

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
#85

I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
#86

You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#87

Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#88

Were you born on the highway?

That is where most accidents happen.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#89

Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
24points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#90

I typed "Idiot" into Google yesterday.

Your picture came up.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
23points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#91

Hold still.

I’m trying to imagine you with personality.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
23points
Add photo comments
POST
#92

There are some remarkably dumb people in this world.

Thanks for helping me understand that.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
23points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#93

The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
23points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#94

Grab a straw, because you suck.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
22points
Add photo comments
POST
#95

I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
22points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#96

Your face makes onions cry.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
22points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#97

That sounds like a you problem.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
22points
Add photo comments
POST
joshlb-ellis2223 avatar
Spyguy
Spyguy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the other one I heard, "that sounds like an iss'you' not and iss'me'

Vote comment up
2
2points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#98

Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
22points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#99

When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad:

“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
21points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#100

Your secrets are always safe with me.

I never even listen when you tell me them.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
21points
Add photo comments
POST
#101

I told my therapist about you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
21points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told my therapist about you... He scheduled extra sessions so he can write a new book.

Vote comment up
6
6points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#102

You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle.

Everyone looks right past you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
21points
Add photo comments
POST
#103

I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
21points
Add photo comments
POST
#104

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#105

Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#106

What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#107

Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies.

Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#108

I don’t want to rain on your parade.

I want a typhoon.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#109

I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all that nonsense-talking you do.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#110

Did God make you with his eyes closed?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
dominickesby avatar
A dude
A dude
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah he just rolled really bad for stats (I'm talking in DND terms)

Vote comment up
1
1point
Vote comment down
reply
#111

The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
dominickesby avatar
A dude
A dude
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my version: "mosquitoes would never bite you - they're too scared to suck up your stupidity."

Vote comment up
2
2points
Vote comment down
reply
#112

I wanted to live life without many regrets.

Then I met you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
20points
Add photo comments
POST
#113

I may love to shop but I’m not buying your bull.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#114

You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
#115

People like you are the reason I’m on medication.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#116

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#117

Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes.

Your parents, for one.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
#118

Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
#119

You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#120

You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
19points
Add photo comments
POST
#121

Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.”

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
Add photo comments
POST
#122

You’re not as dumb as you look.

I mean, how could you be?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
Add photo comments
POST
#123

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
Add photo comments
POST
#124

I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
Add photo comments
POST
#125

I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire.

It just smells much better than you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#126

You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
18points
Add photo comments
POST
#127

Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#128

The zoo called.

They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
Add photo comments
POST
#129

Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#130

You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread.

Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#131

They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
17points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#132

Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom has become hugely successful...... Damn.... typed that wrong... your mom has become successfully Huge !

Vote comment up
3
3points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#133

You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person.

Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#134

You see that door?

I want you on the other side of it.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#135

If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
clarkcongleton avatar
Bored&InSchool
Bored&InSchool
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he's already acting just like a turd; he's not gonna move unless you make him move, and you most likely don't want to touch him without putting on gloves.

Vote comment up
1
1point
Vote comment down
reply
#136

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#137

If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#138

Don’t get bitter, just get better.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#139

Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#140

No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard your autobiography comes in a roll.... I have it hanging in my bathroom

Vote comment up
6
6points
Vote comment down
reply
#141

You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#142

The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#143

I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#144

You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
16points
Add photo comments
POST
#145

I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
15points
Add photo comments
POST
#146

Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
15points
Add photo comments
POST
#147

You’re my favorite person...

Besides every other person I’ve ever met.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
15points
Add photo comments
POST
#148

Are all your friends this stupid as well?

Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
15points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#149

You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
14points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#150

You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
14points
Add photo comments
POST
#151

The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
14points
Add photo comments
POST
#152

Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
14points
Add photo comments
POST
#153

I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended?

The only thing offending me is your face.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
13points
Add photo comments
POST
#154

I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.

Care to help?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
13points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#155

Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand.

I’m going to call on someone else.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
13points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please raise your hand... Your brain can use all the extra blood it can get..

Vote comment up
1
1point
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
#156

Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands.

That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
13points
Add photo comments
POST
#157

Don’t worry about me.

Worry about your eyebrows.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
#158

You look like a ‘before’ picture.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
#159

The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming.

And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#160

A corpse is better company than you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#161

I’ve never had many life goals.

I’m just really grateful I’m not you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
#162

Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you?

Allow me to be the first one.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't fix stupid but smacking you with a 2 by 4 makes me feel better..

Vote comment up
4
4points
Vote comment down
reply
#163

When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
shadowlady5 avatar
Verona Bingham
Verona Bingham
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'd have to have 2, you couldn't get that blasted silly playing with 1.

Vote comment up
0
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#164

I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience.

And I’m leaving early.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
12points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#165

Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
Add photo comments
POST
#166

Every cloud has a silver lining.

I’m still trying to figure out yours.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#167

If you ever cross my mind, I’ll make sure it’s a busy intersection.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
11points
Add photo comments
POST
#168

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
maryelliott avatar
Mary Elliott
Mary Elliott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Insulting people for things they are responsible for, like ignorance or character flaws, is one thing. But no civilized person should ever insult anyone for things they can't control, like their physical attributes. This insult is below the belt.

Vote comment up
7
7points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#169

Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
evanhebert avatar
Evan Hebert
Evan Hebert
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

Vote comment up
0
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#170

What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
funpartiesbylorilou avatar
Lori Fuqua
Lori Fuqua
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should be what they have in common, jokes not landing the punchline with the way it is

Vote comment up
3
3points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#171

If I wanted to hear from a butt, I’d fart.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
#172

You hit the nail right on the head.

Too bad your parents took it literally.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
#173

I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
#174

The truth will set you free. You suck.

Ok, you’re free to go.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
10points
Add photo comments
POST
#175

The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Carpet gets laid more than you... Sod gets laid more than you....

Vote comment up
3
3points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#176

It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
#177

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
#178

The jerk store called, they’re running out of you.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu
#179

You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#180

I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
#181

Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
9points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#182

I’m an acquired taste.

Don’t like me, acquire some taste.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
Add photo comments
POST
#183

Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
Add photo comments
POST
#184

Glad I could be of assistance.

Allow me to assist you in never walking again.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
8points
Add photo comments
POST
#185

You’re so fat you could sell shade.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
6points
Add photo comments
POST
#186

No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#187

Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#188

Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat douchebag.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
Add photo comments
POST
#189

When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
Add photo comments
POST
#190

You’ve got something on your face.

No, not there — everywhere.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
Add photo comments
POST
shadowlady5 avatar
Verona Bingham
Verona Bingham
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I refuse to do fat and yo mumma retorts however l like this one... You're so low you could crawl under the belly of a pregnant snake! Anyone like my final offering??

Vote comment up
0
0points
Vote comment down
reply
#191

The song “Army of One” is an ode to your loneliness.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
5points
Add photo comments
POST
#192

If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.

Report

Vote arrow up
Vote arrow down
4points
Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!