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How a person behaves during a surge of feelings varies per person and, often, per situation. Sometimes, caught in emotions, we might say or do something we will grow to regret later. Or, on the contrary, blame ourselves for not responding at all. While some say that the best comeback to an insult or a fight is no comeback at all, it’s not always possible nor desirable. And sometimes, some nasty yet savage comebacks may come out of one's mouth and burn as hot as ice.

In no way do we promote being rude and strongly encourage not engaging in mean behavior instead. However, some humans are natural-born savages with the best comebacks just piping hot and ready to be served at the first opportunity. Hence, the abundance of savage insults and comebacks on the internet. Yet, while we do not encourage you to seek inspiration from there, some of the best comebacks to a rude person are genuinely stone-cold-blooded and, well, impressive. Let's give them that.

Below, we've compiled a list of the best comebacks that would certainly leave any bully or hater speechless. Also, this is some good banter material if your friends get the joke and won't be offended. As long as this witty banter doesn't turn into bullying! Nevertheless, these savage comebacks are a frolic to read, so scroll below and upvote the wildest, most brutal, best comebacks ever!

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#1

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

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#2

I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

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#3

I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.

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#4

Somewhere out there, there's a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe.

I think you should go and apologize to it.

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#5

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

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#6

It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

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Jody Whitmarsh
Jody Whitmarsh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just chocked on my coffee!! My dog is very concerned for me right now

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#7

I am returning your nose.

I found it in my business.

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#8

Don’t be ashamed of who you are.

That’s your parent’s job.

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#9

Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.

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#10

You are like a cloud.

When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.

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#11

Remember when I asked for your opinion?

Me neither.

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#12

Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons.

They forgot to mention morons.

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#13

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.

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#14

I’ll never forget the first time we met.

But I’ll keep trying.

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Ethan Feng
Ethan Feng
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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#15

Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?

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#16

Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

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#17

You’re not simply a drama queen.

You’re the whole royal family.

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raincloud the whalien
raincloud the whalien
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Excuse me I'm not any royal family I'm the British one and all of their staff combined

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#18

Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

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#19

Have a nice day, somewhere else.

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#20

Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.

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#21

I love the sound you make when you shut up.

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#22

I thought of you today.

It reminded me to take out the trash.

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#23

You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.

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#24

I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.

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#25

Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.

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Deborah B
Deborah B
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'll go far with that attitude... why don't you start going now.

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#26

I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

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#27

Please, keep talking.

I always yawn when I am interested.

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Anonymouse
Anonymouse
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And me putting my head down and snoring loudly means that I agree with you and am very invested in the topic. Duh.

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#28

Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?

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#29

May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.

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#30

I understand everything you said.

I’m choosing to ignore you.

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#31

Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.

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#32

Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.

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#33

You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.

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#34

I’ve been called worse by better.

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#35

The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.

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#36

If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.

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#37

You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.

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#38

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

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#39

You should really come with a warning label.

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#40

Don’t blame me for your stupidity.

Take that up with your mom and dad.

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lauralett50 avatar
lauralett50
lauralett50
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your momma's so ... hmmm . I don't know your momma. What's she like?

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#41

Feed your own ego.

I’m busy.

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#42

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

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#43

Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.

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#44

I envy people who have never met you.

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#45

Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?

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#46

This is a lose-lose situation for me.

I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.

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#47

It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.

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#48

Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

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#49

Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.

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lauralett50
lauralett50
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first thing in my head is : it should be . I know someone who could use a brain transplant.

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#50

People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

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Hestia
Hestia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once a kid told me this on the bus… Luckily I’m atheist!!

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#51

Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic personality.

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Beat Cop
Beat Cop
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"What tf is eman-ma-nating? Speak English not gibberish!" (replying as the person who's being insulted)

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#52

I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.

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T5n
T5n
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have used a similar one when I was quite mad at someone. “I have an expensive bottle of champagne set aside for the sole event that is your death. And I hope to open it soon.” This was towards someone that was abusive towards people that I care about. Usually it takes a lot for me to get even slightly angry.

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#53

Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope you're not an organ donor... it would be a shame to transplant your stupid into an innocent person.

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#54

I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

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Darling
Darling
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve seen things like myself before, we’re all in a cage together

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#55

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do know you inspire me...... You are the wind between my cheeks...

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#56

You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

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#57

I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To make it clearer I brought in the local cheerleading squad to spell it out for you..... Ladies? ...."Gimme a D... Gimme a U... Gimme an M ... Gimme an A.... Gimme an S ... Gimme an S.... Whaddoes it spell ?...

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#58

Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.

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#59

I hear there’s a new app called a sense of humor.

You should try downloading it.

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#60

You are the architect of your life.

Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.

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#61

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results.

Good news – they found your head.

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#62

Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.

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the shrimp whisperer
the shrimp whisperer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my close friends have said this about trump and i was like "oh hell yeah i made the right friends"

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#63

Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?

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#64

I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.

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#65

I’ve got higher heels than your standards.

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#66

If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch.

It’s going to be a while.

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Lori Fuqua
Lori Fuqua
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't hold your breathe waiting on me to care, you'll just end up passing out due to lack of oxygen

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#67

You are the human version of period cramps.

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#68

If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.

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#69

You’re impossible to underestimate.

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#70

I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.

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#71

It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.

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#72

Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging waterfall.

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#73

You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.

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#74

Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

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Lori Fuqua
Lori Fuqua
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And unfortunately those are the parents that keep trying to get it "right" multiple times 😫😫😫

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#75

Your absence would affect me greatly.

I’d finally get some peace and quiet.

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#76

I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.

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#77

Brains aren’t everything.

In your case they’re nothing.

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#78

If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

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FeartheHero
FeartheHero
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favorite is a modified version of this: If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your nose.

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#79

Jealousy is a disease.

Get well soon.

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#80

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ignorance is bliss.... The less stupid things come out of your mouth the happier I am.

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#81

Earth is full.

Go home.

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raincloud the whalien
raincloud the whalien
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a registered whalien I'm legally obligated to be offended by that...but I'm laughing

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#82

All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.

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#83

I love what you’ve done with your hair.

How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

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#84

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

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#85

I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.

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#86

You know, you’d be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.

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#87

Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?

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#88

Were you born on the highway?

That is where most accidents happen.

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#89

Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.

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#90

I typed "Idiot" into Google yesterday.

Your picture came up.

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#91

Hold still.

I’m trying to imagine you with personality.

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#92

There are some remarkably dumb people in this world.

Thanks for helping me understand that.

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#93

The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”

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#94

Grab a straw, because you suck.

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#95

I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your butt.

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#96

Your face makes onions cry.

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#97

That sounds like a you problem.

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Spyguy
Spyguy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the other one I heard, "that sounds like an iss'you' not and iss'me'

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#98

Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

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#99

When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad:

“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”

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#100

Your secrets are always safe with me.

I never even listen when you tell me them.

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#101

I told my therapist about you.

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garth_bock avatar
Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told my therapist about you... He scheduled extra sessions so he can write a new book.

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#102

You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle.

Everyone looks right past you.

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#103

I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.

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#104

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

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#105

Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.

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#106

What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.

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#107

Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies.

Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.

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#108

I don’t want to rain on your parade.

I want a typhoon.

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#109

I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all that nonsense-talking you do.

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#110

Did God make you with his eyes closed?

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dominickesby avatar
A dude
A dude
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah he just rolled really bad for stats (I'm talking in DND terms)

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#111

The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.

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dominickesby avatar
A dude
A dude
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my version: "mosquitoes would never bite you - they're too scared to suck up your stupidity."

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#112

I wanted to live life without many regrets.

Then I met you.

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#113

I may love to shop but I’m not buying your bull.

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#114

You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile.

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#115

People like you are the reason I’m on medication.

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#116

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

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#117

Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes.

Your parents, for one.

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#118

Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.

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#119

You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.

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#120

You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.

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#121

Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.”

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#122

You’re not as dumb as you look.

I mean, how could you be?

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#123

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.

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#124

I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

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#125

I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire.

It just smells much better than you.

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#126

You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.

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#127

Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.

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#128

The zoo called.

They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?

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#129

Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

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#130

You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread.

Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

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#131

They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.

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#132

Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom has become hugely successful...... Damn.... typed that wrong... your mom has become successfully Huge !

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#133

You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person.

Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.

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#134

You see that door?

I want you on the other side of it.

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#135

If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.

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clarkcongleton avatar
Bored&InSchool
Bored&InSchool
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he's already acting just like a turd; he's not gonna move unless you make him move, and you most likely don't want to touch him without putting on gloves.

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#136

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

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#137

If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?

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#138

Don’t get bitter, just get better.

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#139

Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?

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#140

No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard your autobiography comes in a roll.... I have it hanging in my bathroom

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#141

You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.

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#142

The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.

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#143

I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.

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#144

You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.

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#145

I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.

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#146

Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.

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#147

You’re my favorite person...

Besides every other person I’ve ever met.

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#148

Are all your friends this stupid as well?

Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.

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#149

You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.

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#150

You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.

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#151

The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.

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#152

Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.

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#153

I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended?

The only thing offending me is your face.

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#154

I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.

Care to help?

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#155

Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand.

I’m going to call on someone else.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please raise your hand... Your brain can use all the extra blood it can get..

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#156

Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands.

That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.

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#157

Don’t worry about me.

Worry about your eyebrows.

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#158

You look like a ‘before’ picture.

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#159

The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming.

And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.

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#160

A corpse is better company than you.

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#161

I’ve never had many life goals.

I’m just really grateful I’m not you.

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#162

Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you?

Allow me to be the first one.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't fix stupid but smacking you with a 2 by 4 makes me feel better..

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#163

When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.

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Verona Bingham
Verona Bingham
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'd have to have 2, you couldn't get that blasted silly playing with 1.

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#164

I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience.

And I’m leaving early.

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#165

Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?

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#166

Every cloud has a silver lining.

I’m still trying to figure out yours.

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#167

If you ever cross my mind, I’ll make sure it’s a busy intersection.

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#168

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

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maryelliott avatar
Mary Elliott
Mary Elliott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Insulting people for things they are responsible for, like ignorance or character flaws, is one thing. But no civilized person should ever insult anyone for things they can't control, like their physical attributes. This insult is below the belt.

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#169

Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.

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Evan Hebert
Evan Hebert
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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#170

What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

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Lori Fuqua
Lori Fuqua
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should be what they have in common, jokes not landing the punchline with the way it is

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#171

If I wanted to hear from a butt, I’d fart.

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#172

You hit the nail right on the head.

Too bad your parents took it literally.

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#173

I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.

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#174

The truth will set you free. You suck.

Ok, you’re free to go.

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#175

The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.

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Garth Bock
Garth Bock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Carpet gets laid more than you... Sod gets laid more than you....

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#176

It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.

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#177

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

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#178

The jerk store called, they’re running out of you.

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#179

You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.

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#180

I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.

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#181

Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.

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#182

I’m an acquired taste.

Don’t like me, acquire some taste.

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#183

Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.

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#184

Glad I could be of assistance.

Allow me to assist you in never walking again.

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#185

You’re so fat you could sell shade.

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#186

No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?

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#187

Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?

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#188

Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat douchebag.

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#189

When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.

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#190

You’ve got something on your face.

No, not there — everywhere.

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shadowlady5 avatar
Verona Bingham
Verona Bingham
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I refuse to do fat and yo mumma retorts however l like this one... You're so low you could crawl under the belly of a pregnant snake! Anyone like my final offering??

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#191

The song “Army of One” is an ode to your loneliness.

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#192

If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.

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