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Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.

But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.

The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.

The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.

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    There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.

    “When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”

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    #3

    Never Underestimate A Woman

    Never Underestimate A Woman

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    Kristy Marion
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed

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    Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.

    According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.



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    #5

    Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

    Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

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    danielmarsh avatar
    numptygamer avatar
    russaird avatar
    Stinky
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ohm, that's electrifying, I would not be resistant to transforming that behaviour.....

    carlsidd avatar
    Carl Sidd
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The kid and his friend later were caught for another crime, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off!

    rileyhquinn avatar
    Riley Quinn
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you by chance mate with a rodent or rabbit? They love chewing on cords, too.

    coleearnhart avatar
    Cole Earnhart
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Love it! But could grounding him cause him to short circuit?

    gwynnegreene_1 avatar
    Gwynne Greene
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well he sure as hell will be a little LIVEWIRE lol 😆

    corynspiers_1 avatar
    SarCaustic
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Two men were picked up by the police: one was eating a battery, whilst the other was eating a skyrocket. The first man was charged, but the second one was let off.

    corynspiers_1 avatar
    SarCaustic
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A man was stopped by a nightclub bouncer who noticed he was wearing jumper cables as a tie. 'I'll let you in, just don't start anything.'

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    philgreen avatar
    Phil Green
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is this still current? You need to bring him back down to earth. I am taking a neutral stance in this, but he shouldn't resist your teaching him.

    parmeisan avatar
    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup, that's the response you expect to see in a group titled "A Bunch of Dads"

    garyavekukk avatar
    GEA
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    garyavekukk avatar
    GEA
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait until he goes "woof" and you've got a dog instead...

    maria_ellinor92 avatar
    Ellisdogs
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Free Palestine!! Over 400 medical workers murdered på Israel.

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    If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.

    #7

    “Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

    “Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

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    #8

    They Don't Give A Damn

    They Don't Give A Damn

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    Kristy Marion
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,

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    #9

    Well Then Rip

    Well Then Rip

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    Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”

    “Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.

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    #11

    Keep Your Stick On The Ice

    Keep Your Stick On The Ice

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    Luke Branwen
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."

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    #12

    Love This Guy

    Love This Guy

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    libstak avatar
    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is a woman's body preference ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT MEN WANT. We have the right to body autonomy, that means we makes choices for our bodies for ourselves, we are not a potential appendage to a man in life, we have a life all our own.

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    Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.


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    #14

    Not Be A Baby Machine

    Not Be A Baby Machine

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    It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.

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    “[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs.
This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.

    #16

    Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

    Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

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    james stevenson
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.

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    Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.

    #19

    Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

    Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

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    #20

    Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

    Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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    lisamai-wood avatar
    Lee
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love this one. I will never ever understand why anyone would care if someone was gay, hetero, or anywhere in between or neither. Like why would you give a f**k about something like that at all?

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    However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”

    #23

    Thank You Andy Wang!

    Thank You Andy Wang!

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    #24

    It Was Social Distancing Haha

    It Was Social Distancing Haha

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    Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.

    #25

    Definitely Atheists That Do This

    Definitely Atheists That Do This

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    lisamai-wood avatar
    Lee
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I door knock to talk to people about embracing atheism all the time 🤣

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    #26

    I Understand Completely

    I Understand Completely

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    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!

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    #27

    Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

    Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

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    So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!

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    #28

    They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

    They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

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    jackburton_2 avatar
    Jack Burton
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!

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    #30

    British Museum

    British Museum

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    isabella avatar
    Isabella
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least some of the non-British artefacts from British Musem were saved from destruction.

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    #31

    Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

    Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

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    #32

    Look Before You Leap

    Look Before You Leap

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    shylabouche_1 avatar
    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!

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    #33

    I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

    I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

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    #34

    Stealing The Rainbow

    Stealing The Rainbow

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    #36

    Big Footprints To Fill

    Big Footprints To Fill

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    #37

    Education Is Vitally Important, After All

    Education Is Vitally Important, After All

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    lisamai-wood avatar
    Lee
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How f*****g selfish and dumb do you have to be that you think education shouldn't be funded so that everyone has access, not just rich a******s.

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    #39

    Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

    Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

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    Anya Beboop
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.

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    #40

    People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

    People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

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    bojanlebar avatar
    Boy-Ahn
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, now we are censoring even the euphemisms? M o f o is not OK? How about BS?

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    #41

    Comeback

    Comeback

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    zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
    Bernd Herbert
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Imagine that person writing that respone and thinking:"There. Clown shoes. The perfect analogy! Let's see them coming back from that one!"

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    #43

    Comeback

    Comeback

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    professormcgonagallminerva avatar
    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals

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    #44

    Simple Math To Hard

    Simple Math To Hard

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    #45

    Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

    Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

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    Jack Burton
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.

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    #47

    Comeback

    Comeback

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    #51

    Useless Trees

    Useless Trees

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    federicocantoni avatar
    Jrog
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is clearly a joke, the original post was from a novelty account.

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    Note: this post originally had 91 images. It’s been shortened to the top 51 images based on user votes.

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