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Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.

But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.

The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.

The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.

There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.

“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”

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#3

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed

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Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.

According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.



#5

Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

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If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.

#8

They Don't Give A Damn

They Don't Give A Damn

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,

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#9

Well Then Rip

Well Then Rip

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CultOfBambi
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jacket no longer required! That burn will keep her warm now.

Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”

“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.

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#11

Keep Your Stick On The Ice

Keep Your Stick On The Ice

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Luke Branwen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."

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#12

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

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Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is a woman's body preference ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT MEN WANT. We have the right to body autonomy, that means we makes choices for our bodies for ourselves, we are not a potential appendage to a man in life, we have a life all our own.

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Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.


#14

Not Be A Baby Machine

Not Be A Baby Machine

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It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.

“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs.
This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.

#16

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

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james stevenson
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.

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Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.

#19

Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

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#20

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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araT sdrawkcaB
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.

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However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”

#23

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

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#24

It Was Social Distancing Haha

It Was Social Distancing Haha

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Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.

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#25

Definitely Atheists That Do This

Definitely Atheists That Do This

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really annoyed by all those atheistic phrases people are using every day. Like "For nothing's sake" or "My Notthing!" and the ever present "Thank nothing!"

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#26

I Understand Completely

I Understand Completely

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!

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#27

Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

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So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!

#28

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

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Jack Burton
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!

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#30

British Museum

British Museum

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Isabella
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least some of the non-British artefacts from British Musem were saved from destruction.

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#31

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

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#32

Look Before You Leap

Look Before You Leap

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!

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#33

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

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#34

Stealing The Rainbow

Stealing The Rainbow

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#36

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

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#37

Education Is Vitally Important, After All

Education Is Vitally Important, After All

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#39

Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

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Anya Beboop
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.

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#40

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

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Boy-Ahn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, now we are censoring even the euphemisms? M o f o is not OK? How about BS?

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#41

Comeback

Comeback

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine that person writing that respone and thinking:"There. Clown shoes. The perfect analogy! Let's see them coming back from that one!"

Apatheist Account2
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't wear clown shoes when walking over hot coals! It creates a huge carbon footprint.

me McG
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was going to suggest a 🔴 clown nose to go with those shoes, but on reflection they would still be a mouth-breather. 🤡

Reddog McGraw
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm glad your mask is protecting my shoes from the Covii Monster 😷🦠

KimTx ‍️
Community Member
5 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

Lil Miss Hobbit
Community Member
5 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This statement only applies to normal healthy people. Not people with asthma or other issues that a mask could make worse.

Panda Mona
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am allergic and have asthma and wear masks, especially during pollen season and in traffic. It helps a lot.

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#43

Comeback

Comeback

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Stardust she/her
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals

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#44

Simple Math To Hard

Simple Math To Hard

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#45

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

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Jack Burton
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.

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#47

Comeback

Comeback

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Little Wonder
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.

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#51

Useless Trees

Useless Trees

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Jrog
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is clearly a joke, the original post was from a novelty account.

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#52

Atheists, Christians And Cats

Atheists, Christians And Cats

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#53

Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess

Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess

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#56

Not Mine But On Point

Not Mine But On Point

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Marianne
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also there's a huge difference between a man that I like looking at in a movie and a man that I want to build my life with.

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#58

Morning Coffee vs. Morning People

Morning Coffee vs. Morning People

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Bay Bo
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can u please let ppl wake up their own way, not everyone is a morning person

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#60

Elite Finish

Elite Finish

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james stevenson
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"The day I'm asked to contribute evenly I'm outta here!" (Who am I to talk though?)

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#62

Comeback

Comeback

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Spidercat
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Christians don't like to talk about Satan too much for two reasons. 1. Satan just means adversary so not necessarily Lucifer. 2. God created Lucifer and didn't expect him to go bad... Thus proving God's is fallable and not all knowing.

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#63

Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

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Chihuahua Mama
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being female is the "default" so if something is wrong with the expression of the Y chromosome, the body defaults to making female characteristics, if I'm not mistaken

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#64

"Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"

"Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"

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Content Wombat
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother had dogs all his adult life and he always refused to feed any of them that rubbish marketed as "dog food". He either cooked the meat for them or fed them it raw. Miss ya bro ;(

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#65

So Easy To Say

So Easy To Say

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Anya Beboop
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This also assumes you can live in an area fit for kids playing outside.

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#66

Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

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Luke Branwen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 28 and I still feel like a child myself, me not having children is in everybody's best interest.

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#67

They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption

They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption

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#68

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

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Uncanny
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Beatles were once being interviewed, and the interviewer asked Ringo what Is was like being the best drummer in the world, and John said ‘Best drummer in the world?? He’s not even the best drummer in The Beatles!’ 🤣

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#71

That’s My Gender

That’s My Gender

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#72

The Only Reasonable Response

The Only Reasonable Response

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#75

When You Get Shot Down By Facts

When You Get Shot Down By Facts

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Louise Clarke
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the brightness of the sun reflected off snow is the reason the first versions of sunglasses (called snow glasses) were invented by the Inuit.

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#76

I Mean They've Got A Good Point

I Mean They've Got A Good Point

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#82

He's Not Wrong

He's Not Wrong

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troufaki13
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it the same person who said that she can't stand it when men use umbrellas?

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#83

Most Of Us Are Too

Most Of Us Are Too

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Anony Mouse
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

According to this picture, he may have had an umbilical hernia. Hope he got that looked at.

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#85

He Makes A Good Point

He Makes A Good Point

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Brain-In-A-Vat
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An abortion clinic is a medical facility, whereas a church is a book club . . .

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#87

A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?

A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?

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james stevenson
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why am I watching youtube on my laptop while I'm eating at the table? (also upvote for Hitchhikers Guide reference)

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#88

They're With Him, Alright

They're With Him, Alright

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JMOpinion
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny that a guy that played Hercules is scared of a little needle! 😅

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#89

I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

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#91

This Always Makes Me Laugh

This Always Makes Me Laugh

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