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Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.

But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.

The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.

The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.

There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.

“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”

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#3

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed

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Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.

According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.



#5

Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

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If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.

#8

They Don't Give A Damn

They Don't Give A Damn

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,

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#9

Well Then Rip

Well Then Rip

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CultOfBambi
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jacket no longer required! That burn will keep her warm now.

Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”

“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.

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#11

Keep Your Stick On The Ice

Keep Your Stick On The Ice

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Luke Branwen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."

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#12

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

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Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is a woman's body preference ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT MEN WANT. We have the right to body autonomy, that means we makes choices for our bodies for ourselves, we are not a potential appendage to a man in life, we have a life all our own.

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Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.


#14

Not Be A Baby Machine

Not Be A Baby Machine

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It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.

“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs.
This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.

#16

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

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james stevenson
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.

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Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.

#19

Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

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#20

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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araT sdrawkcaB
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.

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However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”

#23

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

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PattyK
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Censoring Mr. W**g’s name is both disgusting and insulting.

Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The lunar calendar was the norm before the Gregorian calendar, most religious festivals, including Christianity are aligned to lunar cycles, that why Easter dates change every year, although, in reality only orthodox Christians do it properly.

Tom Brincefield
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Easter was originally tied to Passover, which moves every year. The church decided they didn't want it tied to a Jewish holy period any more, so they came up with a new way to move it. This happened in 325, at the same time they set Christmas, 1200 years before the Gregorian calendar was declared by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582.

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Verena
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Testing ... Wong... W.o.n.g? W**g ... W.A.N.G? Why? Is it an insult in English?

Seo-Yeon
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you asking why it’s racist. W**g is a Asian based last name (which I have) the fact that they censor that and not vagina or pussy is ahh

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tjames19701962
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why? "Cultural appropriation"? To anyone that doesn't like living in whe "World melting pot": the USA is made up of hundreds of cultures. Massive diversity. You don't like that? LEAVE. no one is going to miss you.

Kim Kermes
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So we can ban Kassy from celebrating New Year's, Mardi Gras, St Pat's, Easter, Halloween, and Yule because she's not from that culture? Probably shouldn't take time off for Memorial Day or Veterans Day, either.

Bettye McKee
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you, Andy, for the generous invitation. I'll use your name at the door.

Lena Flising
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me formally invite everyone to celebrate Midsummer's Eve on Friday. If you wan't to. We eat lots of fresh potatoes and pickled herring, drink schnaps and often have a barbecue in the evening. As it never gets dark here that night (we have dusk that directly turn into dawn), we can party until morning. Strawberry cake is another popular thing to celebrate with. Oh, and we're off work; it's a bank holiday! (Can't make that happen in every country, sadly.) Google "små grodorna midsommar" and you'll see a lot of funny dance moves (it means "small frogs midsummer".)

The Other Guest
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

W‍ang. His name is Andy W‍an‍g. BP, fix your dam‍n censor-bot.

Seo-Yeon
Community Member
4 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Riley Quinn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cinco de Mayo isn't celebrated by many outside of Puebla, Mexico, but that doesn't stop the Americans from celebrating a Mexican holiday they know nothing about. As for Spring Festivities, part of the Lunar New Year, I can't think of a nationality who doesn't celebrate something during this period of rebirth/change of season/harvest, etc.

Reddog McGraw
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm pretty sure every Ancient culture has some "Lunar" related celebration

mike fish
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Celebrate what you like, what every country you are from.

Barbara Wilcock
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BP,this is the gentleman's name. Utterly disgusting that you censored it. Do you have issues with Asians? If so you need to address this with your team

Seo-Yeon
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Straights facts ~ me, a pissed Asian who BP didn’t let share my last name on my account because it’s W@ng

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Salty_Sasquatch
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

W**g is another word for p&nis, that's also a reason why it was blocked.

Maria Maria
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm from Sweden. I get excited about moon cakes every year. I have not faced any obstacles when it comes to eating them while celebrating lunar new year.

LaserBrain
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Andy! Now everyone on earth can celebrate lunar new year. We can also celebrate how much of an idiot kassy is.

HelmGrass
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As Santa s helper of over 25 years I hereby un-invite Kassy cho for next Christmas and if she doesnt start to behave in the year following I ll talk to Santa about a permanent ban.

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#24

It Was Social Distancing Haha

It Was Social Distancing Haha

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Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.

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#25

Definitely Atheists That Do This

Definitely Atheists That Do This

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really annoyed by all those atheistic phrases people are using every day. Like "For nothing's sake" or "My Notthing!" and the ever present "Thank nothing!"

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#26

I Understand Completely

I Understand Completely

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!

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#27

Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

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So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!

#28

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

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Jack Burton
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!

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#30

British Museum

British Museum

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Isabella
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least some of the non-British artefacts from British Musem were saved from destruction.

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#31

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

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#32

Look Before You Leap

Look Before You Leap

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!

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#33

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

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#34

Stealing The Rainbow

Stealing The Rainbow

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#36

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

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#37

Education Is Vitally Important, After All

Education Is Vitally Important, After All

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#39

Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

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Anya Beboop
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.

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#40

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

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Boy-Ahn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, now we are censoring even the euphemisms? M o f o is not OK? How about BS?

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#41

Comeback

Comeback

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine that person writing that respone and thinking:"There. Clown shoes. The perfect analogy! Let's see them coming back from that one!"

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#43

Comeback

Comeback

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Stardust she/her
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals

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#44

Simple Math To Hard

Simple Math To Hard

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#45

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

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Jack Burton
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.

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#47

Comeback

Comeback

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Little Wonder
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.

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#51

Useless Trees

Useless Trees

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Jrog
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is clearly a joke, the original post was from a novelty account.

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Note: this post originally had 91 images. It’s been shortened to the top 51 images based on user votes.