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Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.

But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.

The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.

The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.

There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.

“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”

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#3

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed

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Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.

According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.



#5

Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him

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If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.

#8

They Don't Give A Damn

They Don't Give A Damn

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,

DE Ray
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I mention I was in the Air Force, conservatives always make a show of thanking me for my service, often interrupting and talking over me to do so. When I mention my time in the military helped inform my political views of social liberalism and democratic socialism, they scream at me that I'm anti-American and a traitor. The supposed honoring of veterans isn't about the veterans, it's about the show and puffing themselves up.

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Chihuahua Mama
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A very key part of MAGA is hypocrisy. It goes with the stupid hats

María Hermida
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honouring "their service and sacrifices" sounds like pure s**t if the government doesn't give them proper medical and mental care and just lets people with PTSD deal with it alone. Words and medals don't pay the rent, you know. I guess it must be extremely difficult for some of them to return to "normal" life, especially when their government couldn't care less for them once the return to civilian life. I read somewhere lots of homeless people in the USA are veterans who couldn't adjust or were too mentally ill to lead a "normal" life.

Nitka Tsar
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And with the people who went to Vietnam it was the worst, I think! They were dispised, weren‘t they?

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james stevenson
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A whole month? As a non-american (there are only two types of people) I feel like america gives their military a bit (way) too much hype/praise.

Regina Holt
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MAGA$$holes go all out on their being so proud for supporting the military because tRump made so much about "those liberal activists are against out nation and military troops" yet tRump got 5 deferrments from the military himself, those awful bonespurs kept him safe at home.

Deborah B
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maga only seem to give a s**t about anyone when they're using that to hold someone else down.

BatPhace
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All these maga idiots hoping their head idiot will become a dictator are spitting in the eye of anyone who's ever served in the military with their "patriotism"

Riley Quinn
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think, DC Draino, you should take into consideration how Trump had 4-years to do something to improve the lives of veterans, yet many remain jobless, homeless, and in mental despair. Oh, and don't forget how your orange master called soldiers, who'd given their lives to defend this country, losers and suckers. This from a man who was so cowardly that he dodged the draft. I'd suggest thinking before speaking, but it's obvious I'd be asking far too much of you.

Dan St John
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The lying orange felon hates Veterans, because we did what he didn't/doesn't have the courage to do, defend democracy.

Bill Marsano
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And how many stories about National Military Appreciation Month did you see in the media?

Reddog McGraw
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a Veteran... Please show me where you came up with this nonsense. Move over "Mothers Day"

Peeka_Mimi
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Veterans get November. May is active duty and families month. And no the MAGATS don't gaf about Veterans. I am a Vet and was homeless for 5 years while I fought the VA which is very hard when you don't have an address.

Purple_bio
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

https://www.militaryfood.org/military-holidays-and-observances there is one seriously for June 6th in pride month, dead a$$

similarly
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whenever someone on social media talks about legislation to help the homeless, a BUNCH of people suddenly care about homeless vets ... until it's no longer an issue. Why don't we help our homeless vets? We do. Or at least we try. We have dozens of programs already in place. Sometimes help doesn't reach the people who need it, for all kinds of reasons, but it's not like we're doing nothing.

Belandriel
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh man, it is so pleasing to read these. Alas, the dumb f*****s will ignore everything.

Lena Flising
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Go help one of the homeless veterans all over the US, instead of bleating about stuff you don't know anything about.

GEA
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whole "Thank you for your service' thing is sick making. I can't see it coming to the UK as people would take the p**s if you said it to some squaddie.

Mrs Irish Mom
Community Member
4 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

Feelings are fake
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BTC is such an idiot. If he cared as much in May then he does in June he could actually have something to say.

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#9

Well Then Rip

Well Then Rip

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CultOfBambi
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jacket no longer required! That burn will keep her warm now.

Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”

“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.

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#11

Keep Your Stick On The Ice

Keep Your Stick On The Ice

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Luke Branwen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."

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#12

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

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Libstak
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is a woman's body preference ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT MEN WANT. We have the right to body autonomy, that means we makes choices for our bodies for ourselves, we are not a potential appendage to a man in life, we have a life all our own.

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Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.


#14

Not Be A Baby Machine

Not Be A Baby Machine

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It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.

“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs.
This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.

#16

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

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james stevenson
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.

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Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.

#19

Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?

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#20

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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araT sdrawkcaB
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.

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However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”

#23

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

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#24

It Was Social Distancing Haha

It Was Social Distancing Haha

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Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.

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#25

Definitely Atheists That Do This

Definitely Atheists That Do This

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really annoyed by all those atheistic phrases people are using every day. Like "For nothing's sake" or "My Notthing!" and the ever present "Thank nothing!"

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#26

I Understand Completely

I Understand Completely

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!

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#27

Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It

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So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!

#28

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

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Jack Burton
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!

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#30

British Museum

British Museum

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Isabella
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least some of the non-British artefacts from British Musem were saved from destruction.

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#31

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

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#32

Look Before You Leap

Look Before You Leap

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!

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#33

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

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#34

Stealing The Rainbow

Stealing The Rainbow

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#36

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

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#37

Education Is Vitally Important, After All

Education Is Vitally Important, After All

Smitherd Report

#39

Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?

LordMouse121 Report

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Anya Beboop
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.

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#40

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

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Boy-Ahn
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, now we are censoring even the euphemisms? M o f o is not OK? How about BS?

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#41

Comeback

Comeback

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine that person writing that respone and thinking:"There. Clown shoes. The perfect analogy! Let's see them coming back from that one!"

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#43

Comeback

Comeback

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Stardust she/her
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals

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#44

Simple Math To Hard

Simple Math To Hard

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#45

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

reddit.com Report

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Jack Burton
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.

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#47

Comeback

Comeback

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Little Wonder
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.

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#51

Useless Trees

Useless Trees

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Jrog
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is clearly a joke, the original post was from a novelty account.

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Note: this post originally had 91 images. It’s been shortened to the top 51 images based on user votes.