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Humans are curious creatures and sometimes have more questions than answers. Over the centuries, however, we've accumulated quite a bit of knowledge. So if someone needs a quick fix of information, they can always open the Bible or an encyclopedia. Or Reddit. More and more people are turning to /r/AskReddit in search of the truth, and while the responses they get don't always seem scientifically sound, they're as hilarious as the funny questions themselves.

Want to know how to make friends? Best ask Reddit! Or what was ruined because too many people started doing it? Funny Reddit users will answer! If you're not afraid of slipping down the Reddit advice hole, check the compilation below at your own risk - you might get addicted to these top Reddit questions and answers quickly. So, scroll down to get the answers and upvote your favorites!

(Cover image: Russell Neches)

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#4

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Bella Smith
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cracked me up so hard i got in trouble in class for laughing to loud and was getting a number of looks. This is so funny but so smart at the same time!

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#6

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Hans
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6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe this must be pounds, and then it would be 135 kgs to 81 kgs. Does not sound bad!

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Ladies and Gentlemen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing could be more true then this. Just do it if you are alone and want friends, true friends.

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#10

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SamCropper Report

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Hans
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6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The world in 2018 with poverty, wars, no actions against pollution, etc. etc., i.e. mankind having all the means but not the will to enable everyone, in particularly future generations, in having a good life.

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#14

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boredhuman
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From a man to ladies: you might think the hints you give are very obvious, but they are not! And if you like a man, make the first step yourself. Don't get upset if a man doesn't get your "obvious" hints.

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#15

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Hans
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a horrible thought, and what a waste for that room. I would turn it into a cozy area to play video games that I do not have time for, read the books I always wanted to read, and spend time with loved-ones when days are too stressful.

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#16

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Cassie
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An experiment was recently completed that shows that particles can change upon observation, so this may not be so far fetched after all.

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#18

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Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd get really mad at myself for not having the apartment clean. And also have to resist the urge to kiss him.

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#19

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Lamontc Report

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Daria B
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if it's obbligatory, make that test be free of charge, or at least, discounted.

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#25

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Bl4nkface Report

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Ladies and Gentlemen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I once asked someone (A non-drinker), what would you possibly do, if you are way to much drunk, Response: I won't remember a thing I guess. Friends for life.

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#32

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Baconlightning Report

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Rafaella Bueno
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like I'm in a foreign culture where everybody knows the customs, the language and how to interact but me, and I'm just here terrified I'm going to try to say something nice but end up calling someone's mother a whore.

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#34

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GiantSpaceTiger
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Zimbabwean Dollars. 10 billion is surely going to require more than a briefcase in most other dollar currencies!

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#38

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WagnersWorkshop Report

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Randy Inbred
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this with my daughter. I have successfully stopped 'dabbing' and 'flossing' in my house. I hope to progress to stopping her wearing inappropriate clothing when she is a teenager using the same techniques.

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#40

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Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favourite is (translated by me to English so sorry that it might sound like it): A man walks into the surgical ward in a hospital saying: "Hello, I think I'm a moth." A nurse replies: "I'm sorry, this is the surgical ward, psychiatry is on the third floor." "I know but you had the lights on."

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#41

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Daria B
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A fellow Croatian passenger approached me in English in the plane last time and I answered back in English because I couldn't know either. Until the moment he spoke to the flight attendant

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#43

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Richard
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6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it would be fun to read all the answers first and the question only at the end.

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#45

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Ladies and Gentlemen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahahaa.. omg.. that would definitely fck someone's head if you just started living with them.

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#46

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CelSlade
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister's cat suddenly seemed to get fatter overnight. We thought it was doing the above until one day we found it fighting with another cat - which looked exactly like it, but thinner. Things went 'click' and we realized we had been feeding an impostor who kept chasing my sister's actual cat off when he tried to come home. Smartest thing I've ever seen an animal do.

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#48

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Jessica Gunn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eaters....does anyone remember those being everywhere??? Nope...see

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#49

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fdtc_skolar Report

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Ruby MacLeod
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my primary school decided to take away the rubbish bins because they thought it would mean we would take our rubbish home but it just made us litter more

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#50

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eboody Report

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Kjorn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

USA autorised all sort of gun in their country but not Toys-Kinder chocolate

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#51

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-LifeOnHardMode- Report

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Richard
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6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats not true! I'm writing in an e-mail-friendship with 20 of them!

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#53

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SamWillsy Report

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Jessica Gunn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Restaurant staff that spit in your food....very rare, people think it's common

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#55

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IbroHI Report

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Dowbo
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is currently number 174 and it's the first I properly laughed at!

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#61

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EveryDayRay Report

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Rafaella Bueno
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not telling people what you really think of them for the sake of being "polite". I wouldn't need to be so scared of being that annoying person everyone secretly hates but just puts up with if I knew people would just tell me if I was bothering them. Would save both our times and make for an actually pleasant interaction.

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#62

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PanicAtTheMetro Report

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Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pisa, Italy. But it was in 2002 so I honestly believe it has changed since then.

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#64

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ConroyVanVonvolkvan Report

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Rafaella Bueno
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having a product that has quantity like food, drinks or cosmetics, have a big, medium and small sizes, and making the difference in price between the big and the medium considerably smaller than between medium and small so that people will always buy the big, even when they definitely don't really need or want that much, since it's a "much better deal".

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#65

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hypoferramia Report

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kaylyn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

0-0.....*spits water on computer* -_- touché touché *slow claps*

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#66

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Nikmi Report

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Jocelyn Dae
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister Brooke did this with chocolate chip cookies. She was babysitting for my other sister Shelly who lived above the business they owned. All ingredients were bought in bulk, & were not labeled. Brooke never baked again without tasting both the sugar & the salt.

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#67

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sgursel Report

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mbergen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All Dads have those kinda funny @sshole thoughts. I used to want to sneak into my oldest sons room, late at night while he was sleeping, with two flashlights, turn them on and scream 'TRUCK!!'. Sadly I was never allowed and now he's bigger than I am :-)

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#69

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Gabby D
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had my baby 5minute after my water broke. I was in hospital. Unfortunately I was locked in the bathroom at the time. Long story short, I ended up delivering my own baby while about 10 midwives were trying to break the door down. They burst in, with one marine crawling across the floor, to find me holding my son and grinning like an idiot. I don't think I'm allowed to write what nickname my friends gave me after that!

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#74

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Ben S.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I think heaven's missing an angel...and you should get your a*s back there right now."

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#76

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Zerole00 Report

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Justina Garlaitė
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

well, if a person is killed by a landmine, how many organs there is left to donate?

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#77

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unusuallyuglyoctopus Report

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Bored Fox
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like Nutella so I would probably give all of them free to the poor people.

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#79

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_JackStraw_ Report

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Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Being honest." "I don't think that's a weakness." "I don't give a f**k what you think." Classic joke.

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#80

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MNCPA Report

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Lisa Shelton
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your hands swell after touching them they are probably toxic. Might want to avoid licking them.

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#81

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policesiren7 Report

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Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly - stupid questions don't exist. Most certainly not in a SexEd class - you should never be shamed for trying to learn. This might be a funny question but not a stupid one. (P. S. If you want to get free and wonderful SexEd - try Sexplanations on youtube. ;))

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#83

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Bella Smith
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i guess that isnt to crazy if you think of all the movies etc. and if fireworks count as explosives?

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#85

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Aardvarkm Report

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karen snyder
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Fox And The Hound. Plot/Message: Even though, as children, it is obvious that we are all basically the same, in maturity it's a bittersweet necessity to discriminate violently based on class and race. The order of things only to be disturbed in the event a lesser shows complete subservience and loyalty by risking their life to save their superior; only then should we suffer their existence.

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#86

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grannybubbles Report

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CelSlade
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Taught my kid that swearing is a normal part of language use and how and when to use it appropriately. Prevented the whole 'I'm a teen and will now swear whenever I want to prove I'm a REBEL' thing.

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#87

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0_1_0_2 Report

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Camilla Koutsos
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s called hongi. It’s where you exchange the breathe of life. By engaging in this you become one with those around you. When done by those who know about it, it’s a bit more solemn and meaningful than other greetings.

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#88

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kkibe Report

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Isabel Care
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend has asymptomatic strokes. Previously had a stroke, got a blinding headache? Go to hospital just in case

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#93

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Zewstain Report

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MammaG
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my mom told me I was a liar and going to hell after I told her I was being molested.

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#95

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OdeToDeath Report

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MammaG
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could not agree more. Of everything in life, sleep is what I need most.

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#98

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Yossi25 Report

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Judith Beilke
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hetalians (Hetalia is a show about countries) are told that women were not allowed to watch the Olympics in Greece because they were originally all naked when doing it.

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#100

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Ping938 Report

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Randy Inbred
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did he/she know it was a vibrator at the time and what his mum used it for? If so then there is a LOT going on here...

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#107

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koron123 Report

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Kineko
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The secret is actually sleeping enough. It's easier to concentrate and learn, and you have energy to work out, which makes your brain work even better. It's also easier to just get things done instead of procasinating out of tiredness. Thus leaving you excess time for having fun and meeting friends.

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#108

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doc_daneeka Report

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Randy Inbred
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Good job Guys! This looks almost real, like I'm actually on the frikkin moon!"

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#110

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jefferlewpew Report

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Bella Smith
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My school is a private school and we where blazers and i was in grade 12 and i was walking outside and i realise i didnt have my blazer i walk inside grab my dressing gown walk a couple of meters into the school and absolutly die of embarrasment!

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#111

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nox66 Report

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Cassie
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pretty sure I saw my husband playing a game where he could fart a parachute to remain airborn while traveling. That could come in handy, right?

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#118

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ayahuascatea Report

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YvanP
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Photoshop your face on random nudes and post them online. Now everybody will think that the other are fake too.

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#119

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yele62 Report

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Crazy Cow Lady
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Why don't you have a boyfriend, are you a lesbian or something?" My uncle at a family party because I was still single in my late teens/early 20's

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#125

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potential_penguin Report

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diane a
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I realised I was on the wrong bus just as it was pulling away - I ended up 5 miles in the wrong direction as I was too shy to shout out so he would let me off

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#128

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Magma__Armor0 Report

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DE Ray
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on if I could pick the charities - there are a lot of non-profit organizations that absolutely suck, and I would be happy to deprive them of some cash.

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#129

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Back2Bach Report

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Hannah Ingram
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in my experience, at my birthday party, took all my toys out of the wardrobe after I kept telling them not to, even stole some of them when I was sulking in the living room on my own

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#131

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justinlarson Report

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steve white
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Splitting matches in two ( no lighters in British prisons in the past)

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#132

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IHaveTheMustacheNow Report

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Miriam Brose
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I once could cancel a lookup of a technican. I could not watch TV and thought it is the cable provider. Turned out my TV had deleted all stations by itself...

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#136

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byrneeoinm Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here is a bucket of cleaner. I'm going to leave you at this warehouse in the middle of nowhere to clean all of these appliances and cars. I don't have gloves so your hand may itch or sting a little from the cleaner. Oh and non of the facets or toilets work. See you in 4 hours.

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#137

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#139

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bitchkitty818 Report

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DE Ray
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds more like smugglers (which would have been more common at the time).

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#142

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#146

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EightyEightJoes Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That squirrels are responsible for planting tons of trees because they can't remember where they buried like 80% of their nuts.

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#151

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sate9 Report

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Leah Curtis
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

well, you would still have the same level of procrastination as before

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#152

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KeevanGoliath Report

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diane a
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wedding - tiny church, small churchyard - the photographer kept backing up framing the shot and fell over backward into a partly dug grave

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#154

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Singingpineapples Report

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Kay Ann
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex called me a whore when I broke up with him.. I called him 'small d**k' .. he literally disappeared.

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#155

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#156

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presciiient Report

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Robert Morson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First one that made me actually laugh out loud. Maybe that says something about my level of maturity.

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#157

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vekev47 Report

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Ben S.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find just about all the words out of my mouth seem to embarrass my teenage daughter...

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#159

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Dapli Report

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Raquel Leal
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes if it were chickens. They are angry, tiny, stupid dinosaurs that have no trouble on eating their own.

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#160

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Kazi1776 Report

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Bdazz Report

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Karen Duncan
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was about 6-7 my Dad was a commander of a battalion in the US Army. One night I overheard my parents talking. My Dad told my mother about a couple of young men that he caught with drugs in their living area. He said to her "What do they think I am stupid? I will always know if someone is hiding something that they should not have." It always stayed with me while growing up. Hence I was a really well behaved kid.

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#162

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H0liday_ Report

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Ben S.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I type on a keyboard and scream at my monitor until the computer does what I want...

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#163

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Jefenstein Report

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DE Ray
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to believe that social liberalism and economic conservatism could co-exist (a la, Tony Blair's "Third Way", or Bill Clinton's economy), then I started working for the courts and realized that people only have the civil rights/liberties they can afford to pay a lawyer to defend. You want racial/gender/religious equality? Then you have to have government (any disinterested economic actor would do, but let's be serious, the only economic actor that is ever disinterested is government) enforcing anti-monopoly, anti-fraud, progressive taxation and public welfare laws.

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#164

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Elfkrunch Report

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Heidrance
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

someone told me i was a better singer than my sister. she is more talented than me in nearly every fine arts area, so this always gave me good feels.

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#165

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headbanginggentleman Report

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Vlad Horobet
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"it shines brighter during the day 'cause it's awake and it's dimmer during the night because is like in SleepMode"

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#167

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gotham77 Report

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Mel
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're married, farting should be a normal thing in the house. No? Can't hide normal bodily functions from someone you sleep next to every night.

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#168

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DrGarrious Report

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Heidrance
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i will literally say "okay so i'm socially awkward and don't know how to end conversations, but i need to go over there now." and run away.

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#169

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sinbysilence Report

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karen snyder
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband is the proud owner of 40,000 "I love my crazy wife," bumper stickers. I already wondered why they came in two packs...

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#170

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Aggressivecleaning Report

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Danny Lakowski
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mash your avocado and mix it with mayo, that way it doesn't slip n slide off your sammich, and you get the yumminess of avocado with every bite.

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#171

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reddit.com Report

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Victoria Ashley
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That a a restaurant, random people will sit at your table and make conversation. Also most places left a pitcher of water there for you.

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#172

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WestBrink Report

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Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Star Trek is more peaceful and survivable for normal people, but Mad Max is COOLER...

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#174

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softwhitebread Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My old boss after I heard him yelling on the phone. "If you ever decide to divorce, just shoot the bi*ch! It's cheaper and less stress." He was a bad husband, father and boss.

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#175

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My_Ex_Got_Fat Report

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Xiang Li
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We certainly f****d up the simulation, then. I hope those robot are monitoring and won't let us out until we fix up the sim. XD

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#177

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Mishirene Report

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Kineko
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We had a vegetable garden when I was young. Best fruit and veggies were always homegrown, picked up when ripe. I do not get it why anyone would NOT want to have homegrown vegetables if they are able to have them.

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#178

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StriderWingfoot Report

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karen snyder
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"When a cop asks you for license and registration, there's no law that says you have to give it to them..."

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#180

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locoenglazy Report

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Heidrance
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

because the speed limit on the on ramp is 30mph and going faster is technically illegal?

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#181

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VWMat Report

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athornedrose
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i can put on as many clothes as i want to get warm, but i can only talk off so much clothing in hot weather before i'm arrested for public nudity

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#182

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onejoke_username Report

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#190

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chlomonkee Report

#191

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Bo_Shuda Report

#192

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alter_ego77 Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was reaching down the back of her pants to scratch her a*s. She then turned around and made eye contact with me. No words were exchanged.

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#195

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MentLDistortion Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My roommate was constantly humping my leg so I neutered him.

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#196

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tortugastation Report

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Bway_Gonnabe11
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OH MY GOSH...... MY CHILDHOOD.... WHAT IS THIS..... congrats, you just ruined my day

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#197

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SSHERMANEgss Report

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Raquel Leal
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Portugal it isn't illegal to use drugs - ANY KIND of drugs - or pirating software, music and movies for personal use.

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#201

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SailingmanWork Report

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Lisa Catacosinos
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not true in all butter cases. Just the ones where the company has a lot of brands. Everything is like that. Makeup, shampoo, etc

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#202

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reddit.com Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had to go to a gay bar to fix their glass washer and on the bottom of the work order it said "all repairmen must enter the rear." I laughed and questioned the owner and he smiled and said he could care less if we followed this rule. He just liked the sound of it. Great guy!

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#205

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Wellhowboutdat Report

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Kaiyan Nageswaran
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Negotiate yourself to King of the world. This guy knows what he is talking about.

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#209

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censqred Report

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Anita Rapp
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whoever gets the filing in first gets the patent. See Alexander Graham Bell.

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#210

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lookma_noserotonin Report

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DE Ray
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised he didn't regret the massive constipation (there's a reason a bread and water diet was punishment in the Royal Navy- you have to eat other stuff with bread or you get bunged up).

#214

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winthrow Report

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Katie Smith
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't say no but I did ask if he was serious since we'd only been dating three weeks. We've been married 15 years :)

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#215

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Alpha-Pancake Report

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#218

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m00n1 Report

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Alia G.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s horrible! Poor kitties caught in the middle. I’m surprised the place she put them down allowed her to, I’m assuming that they weren’t particularly old or sick or anything.

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#219

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thatsnotmyname66 Report

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Robert Morson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did it hurt when you clawed your way up from the fiery depths of Hell to ruin my life?

#223

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Panamajacques Report

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Nardo218 x
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6th grade math teacher, first day of school, had a "special assembly" in his classroom to yell at all of us. I don't remember why, we hadn't done anything, it was the first day of school. I told my dad what happened and he said it sounded like the teacher just wanted to show who was boss. the guy was insane, he also yelled at us when we were too upset the day after a kid got killed in a horrible traffic accident.

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#225

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frxyz Report

#226

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goldpeaktea314 Report

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Isabel Care
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Liam Neeson, now my date has to change his undies and hide under the dvuet for the rest of his life. Socially inept me no longer has to go on a date

#227

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PrinceHarming Report

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Nostalgic Hyena
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or having a very loud conversation when I'm seriously trying to watch something.

#229

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Nick_the_Cuber Report

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Kim
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone walking around in legging for trousers with their panties totally visible.

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#230

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a_great_thinker Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I worked the night shift I would turn off my bike and walk it a block into my driveway. This is what happens when I have nice neighbors.

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#232

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Karova1 Report

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Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well...if the people are paying for it because they don't want to do it by themselves this much...? I don't see a problem.

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#235

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letsgetweird67 Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My roommate watches me shower, then rolls around in my wet towels after I dry off.

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#236

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PA2SK Report

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Nardo218 x
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you're right. Just like the kids are terrified to pick up the damn phone and make a call.

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#240

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tanarchy7 Report

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Nardo218 x
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

syrups that go into your coffee are just high fructose corn syrup. there are no "secret recipes," no one has time for that or gives a s**t. the whipped cream also has high fructose corn syrup and it's made from heavy whipping cream. none of the fraps don't have coffee in them unless they have "coffee" or "espresso" in the name, you're just getting syrup and add-ins. The "fruit smoothies" are a very small amount of frozen fruit in sugar syrup, syrup, and milk. The largest part of any drink is milk.

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#241

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unflavoredkietche Report

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#242

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Sully1102 Report

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Jessica Belcher
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But think of this, if you work mon thru thurs on 10 hr shifts, you could also work on Friday and get over time.

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#244

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sayftee Report

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Nekktr
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was he named Michael Scott and worked in a paper company?

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#245

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reddit.com Report

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Compodulator
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I so want to see the owner! He must've been confused as F**K! "wh... what's happening...? h-h-help?"

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#246

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shirtlessin1stclass Report

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YvanP
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A small step for men. A huge budget wasted for mankind.

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#250

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idunnofuckoff Report

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#251

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hip_hap Report

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#256

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deionhulse Report

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chaotic legal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

" I remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead "

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#257

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1kSuns Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Enough with all the ribbon wearing. Nobody can possibly keep track of what the hell they are for. Can I not feel bad or support something without the damn ribbon?

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#264

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courteously Report

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GiantSpaceTiger
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So.. a photo of her pussy? Ok, ok, but someone was going to make this joke. It's inevitable. I'm just obeying destiny's laws.

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#265

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patschad Report

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Tinpot
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure my ex-husband's new wife is wondering where all the money went.

#266

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Smuckles Report

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Kim
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The next series of deaths of great actors like Dame Maggie Smith, Angela Lansbury, Sir Ian MKellen, Sir Patrick Stewart, D**k van Dyke etc.

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#267

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neoninside Report

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birdhouse
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well that story took a turn. I thought it was going to have a happy ending.

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#269

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Danimalbrand Report

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#273

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kayjay25 Report

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Nikki D
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually coach purses have hella resale value. Mine is 15 years old and some lady offered me $200 cash for it.

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#276

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NeetStreet_2 Report

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Heidrance
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

regardless of age, many of us find it weird that beer is an offering at McDonald's at all...

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#277

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matig123 Report

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karen snyder
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

already exists. For keeping infant males from pissing on your face, mid-diaper change. Pro-Tip; They hella don't work

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#280

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testercheong Report

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Kay Ann
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Throwing your gum just anywhere... that's the illegal thing.

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#281

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well_uh_yeah Report

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GiveMeASloth
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a strict parent so this is a crazy terrible thing to have happened bc I watch my kids like crazy but I'm one week my kids broke my moms brew dish washer and laptop. We have no idea how bc there was 3 people in the house at the same time watching them

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#282

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droscolla12 Report

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#283

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pdudelol Report

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Ruby MacLeod
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

if I could choose useless charities that are stupid, cos there are some really stupid charities

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#286

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MSUSpartan06 Report

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Heidrance
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

after 2 or 3 kids, if she still has a figure that people still want to see as a stripper, i say good for her.

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#288

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Pudge24 Report

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GiveMeASloth
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 28 and I still don't watch the fox and the hound, or the iron giant. They aren't even allowed in my house. My kids have never seen them. They can watch them when they go to college but I don't even want a phone call discussing it. They better call their dad.

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#291

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shleppenwolf Report

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Nikki D
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He should have been a millionaire anyway! His achievement was far better than many millionaires today.

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#292

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-Little-Green-Ghouls Report

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Nardo218 x
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh - on the plus side -- most prepack sandwiches and sushies are all made at the same commisary, so they're safe to eat even if the convenience store looks sketchy. It's the same sammich as the one at the nicer store, I mean.

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#293

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markgoodmonkey Report

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#295

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TheRumBar Report

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Kineko
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an European I'm amazed that something that dumb exist at all. Here, you would get at least minimal wage AND get tipped IF you were actually doin your job well. I cannot wrap my head around idea that anyone can be tipped for half-assing their job just because it's basically legal to cheat your customer about amount money they need to have to eat in your restaurant. I used to tip real small amount of money when I was poor, but that was always a thank-you to the waiter. Making it a duty cheaps it, like if it was a duty to give a gold medal to everyone for just being alive.

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#296

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strykr316 Report

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Ben S.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I'm tired of sitting. I'm short, so standing up fully isn't an issue and it feels nice to stretch.

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#301

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heysuess Report

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Henry Cheves
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think you should use such language talking to a 6-year-old.

#304

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commanderlestat Report

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Christopher Gerlach
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember working Night shift at a hotel. 48 hour work weeks. I would have happily worked 2x 24 shifts to get the rest of the week off. Now my work week is 37.5 hours. I'd be happy working two 19 hour days and getting it over with. Would have a lot more time to do stuff I enjoy.

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#306

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IamDoneMakingNewAcco Report

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Sol Connor
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Much less awkward I could think, without having to figure out small talk.

#307

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Seminolesoldier2620 Report

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chaotic legal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

congrats red eyed traveler you have made the list . . . Imma go get some popcorn rn

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#308

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