He sounds GREAT!

so true (coughs) Donald trump...

true story

Cracked me up so hard i got in trouble in class for laughing to loud and was getting a number of looks. This is so funny but so smart at the same time!

Squirted coffee on my monitor from laughing

I believe this must be pounds, and then it would be 135 kgs to 81 kgs. Does not sound bad!

That's a paid vacation!

Nothing could be more true then this. Just do it if you are alone and want friends, true friends.

Way to take one for the team!

The world in 2018 with poverty, wars, no actions against pollution, etc. etc., i.e. mankind having all the means but not the will to enable everyone, in particularly future generations, in having a good life.

Dreadpool

Oh, that's mean!

Wow! :D Where do you people find time to think about this!

From a man to ladies: you might think the hints you give are very obvious, but they are not! And if you like a man, make the first step yourself. Don't get upset if a man doesn't get your "obvious" hints.

What a horrible thought, and what a waste for that room. I would turn it into a cozy area to play video games that I do not have time for, read the books I always wanted to read, and spend time with loved-ones when days are too stressful.

An experiment was recently completed that shows that particles can change upon observation, so this may not be so far fetched after all.

UMM dont worry im sure thats normal

I'd get really mad at myself for not having the apartment clean. And also have to resist the urge to kiss him.

But if it's obbligatory, make that test be free of charge, or at least, discounted.

Tomatoes, I suspect.

This is happening right now!!!!

Julia Roberts would be perfect the Hollywood adaption of this story.

When logic is both a winner and a loser!

I was 16 and my summer vacation had just begun. I walked by a hotel, stopped, and on a whim I went in and said I had heard that they would hire (which I had not). Turned out they were desperately searching for a substitute for an employee who wanted to go on vacation. It was a snall village in Germany and nobody had answered their ads. They would hire anyone at that point, even a student with no experience. This is how I got my first job and started supporting my family and earning for my own living.

husband dropped phone in sink with water. put it in rice overnight- didn't work. Took phone apart, put it back in the rice, and popped it in the toaster oven. Phone worked!

It's pretty obvious, all the 1's had slipped down on one side and you had an imbalance. /s

The roller brush on my vacuum stopped working. Googled the make and model, with "broken roller brush". Got a laugh out of several posts advising to switch from the "carpet" to the "bare floor" settings five times, then to lay the vacuum on its side before turning it on. Everything else I found said it would have to go in for professional service. I knew it was absolutely ridiculous, but I was broke and there's no service center near my small town......."Holy s**t, that worked!"

A similar thing happened with my laptop, but the thing that holds the screen snapped off. I later snapped it back on and it worked like normal.

My phone doesn’t work but I somehow figured out that if I can touch the fingerprint sensor just right it turns on anyway

This in fact happen to me but with an iPhone

The first bump knocked the hard drive out of it's plug - the second one put it back. :D

We will never fully understand computers.

... um ok

it's the geek talking here: in a D&D game i roll a 1d100 (2x 10 side dice) for hit a enemy with my fist. i got a critical and i just crushed his skull with my fist!

R.I.P.

I once asked someone (A non-drinker), what would you possibly do, if you are way to much drunk, Response: I won't remember a thing I guess. Friends for life.

This is 100% true

Female orgasm

stop stop no really seriously wait my god

Columbus, every time the Flat Earthers open their mouths.

Well done!

Start reading the instruction manuals

I feel like I'm in a foreign culture where everybody knows the customs, the language and how to interact but me, and I'm just here terrified I'm going to try to say something nice but end up calling someone's mother a whore.

Snort coke.

Zimbabwean Dollars. 10 billion is surely going to require more than a briefcase in most other dollar currencies!

Wow...that could have gone really wrong.

Matches: Might Light

Birthday bl...what?

I do this with my daughter. I have successfully stopped 'dabbing' and 'flossing' in my house. I hope to progress to stopping her wearing inappropriate clothing when she is a teenager using the same techniques.

LMAO!!!!!

My favourite is (translated by me to English so sorry that it might sound like it): A man walks into the surgical ward in a hospital saying: "Hello, I think I'm a moth." A nurse replies: "I'm sorry, this is the surgical ward, psychiatry is on the third floor." "I know but you had the lights on."

A fellow Croatian passenger approached me in English in the plane last time and I answered back in English because I couldn't know either. Until the moment he spoke to the flight attendant

awwww

I think it would be fun to read all the answers first and the question only at the end.

Paper cut?

Hahahaa.. omg.. that would definitely fck someone's head if you just started living with them.

My sister's cat suddenly seemed to get fatter overnight. We thought it was doing the above until one day we found it fighting with another cat - which looked exactly like it, but thinner. Things went 'click' and we realized we had been feeding an impostor who kept chasing my sister's actual cat off when he tried to come home. Smartest thing I've ever seen an animal do.