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People Share 30 Signs That Scream Someone Is Having A Secret Affair
Interview With Author
Honesty. Loyalty. Trust. These are the foundations of any loving and thriving relationship. Everything you’ve built together can come tumbling down when your partner starts being secretive and unfaithful to you. It can start with a bit of ‘harmless’ flirting, but it can soon grow into a full-blown affair.
Redditor u/Kindayoungbutok recently started a very candid thread on r/AskReddit, asking internet users about the “dead giveaways” that your partner is probably cheating on you. Scroll down to read the potential signs and learn what happened in these people’s relationships.
We reached out to the author of the viral thread, and they were happy to answer our questions about cheating and what keeps a relationship rock-solid. Read on for Bored Panda's interview with u/Kindayoungbutok.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
If they cheated on someone to be with you, well.... don't be shocked, is all.
Mad Dragon 2 years ago (edited)
Good advice. If you were ok that they cheated on someone to be with you, don’t be surprised when they cheat on you, too.
Enea 2 years ago
Yeah, but then again I cheated on my former boyfriend, who I was in a very toxic relationship I couldn't get out of with the man who has now been my husband for 12 years. Cheating helped me get out of this co-dependent nightmare. Never once have I felt the urge to cheat on my wonderfulhusband. Things are not black and white and sometimes there are even reasons for cheating.
FantastiKitty 2 years ago
I hear you. Glad you got out of that awful situation.
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Jill Pulcifer 2 years ago
This is generally good advice, however it isn't the blanket rule people like to make it out to be. My partner and I were both married when we met each other, and have been faithfully together for 14 years. For clarity, nothing physical happened until we were out of said marriages.
Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
Cheating to marry with another partner is very romantizised, like 'he sacrificed his current life for me' Stupid
karina carcamo 2 years ago
Happened to me with an ex boyfriend. I didnt knew about this other girl for a while, until he told me he wasnt being totally honest bc there was this thing going on, but it wasnt serious so at first it wasnt important, but now we were going somewhere, he never tought he would feel about someone like he was doing for me, so the other thing was over. He even sent me a capture of a conversation with her telling her all of this.. she told him he was the worst After a while i was the other thing going on that wasnt serious and he tells me its over in a text... I know is stupid, no need for u to tell me.. i was vulnerable, insecure and immature. It felt wrong how he ended things with this other girl for me, but also made me feel important.. yeah i had issues at the time. It was really hard to get over this, i wasnt able to trust anybody. it was like a trauma. But after a lot of therapy, youtube videos, meditation and yoga i got back even better than before, stronger and confident.
Phoenix the Frog 2 years ago
I thought this was basic knowledge. If they are willing to cheat one they will again
RELATED:
#2
I had a cool/odd/crazy/s****y experience. I talk in my sleep and one day (three months before we were to get married) I had a nightmare about my ex cheating on me with a guy I worked with and I actually woke both of us up mumbling some s**t about it. When I told her what my dream was she got cagey, so I checked our cellphone bill and found out that she had been texting that very same guy non stop for weeks. I confronted her and she admitted to cheating on me with him. A dream set me free. What's also funny is that I don't recall having any kind of trust issues with him and her when we hung out, but something inside me apparently did.
Mistiekim 2 years ago (edited)
I was dreaming about a cell phone ringing. At some point I realized there actually WAS a phone ringing - it was my boyfriend’s cell phone and he was too drunk to answer it from being out that night, so I did because it woke me up. Turned out to be some girl he hooked up with that night.
Clown fish 2 years ago
I was dreaming about my kitchen cupboards for about a month and one night I got up and went looking I found 10 sim cards and 2 other phones turns out they were a serial cheater and had a lot of other women on the go either sexsting or meeting up. Safe to say they was out of my house before they could come up with cr#p reasons to why they had so many sim cards and phones
Christina R 2 years ago
Wow, 10 simcards? I'm assuming 10 other women? How can anyone keep all that organized?
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Anne Jones 2 years ago
Your subconscious must have picked up the clues and then put them together.
#3
Your dog vomits another woman’s underwear.
Unknown 2 years ago
I'm a veterinary surgical technician, once did a foreign body removing bright red lacy women's underwear. Not unusual for dogs to eat underwear. Showed it to the owners when they came to pick up, and all the oxygen sucked out of the room when the wife said "Those aren't mine". 😶 All I said after that was, all right we'll see One of you in two weeks for the suture removal! And ran out of the room fast as possible 😬😬😬
Zophra 2 years ago
This could make a good short story! Thank you for sharing it.
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Aria the Dog Lover 2 years ago
Make sure to take the pup to the vet to make sure they're okay!
Sheila Stamey 2 years ago (edited)
When they buy new underwear and they are a guy, who is just a standard dad type guy, had been for years, hadn't bought it for themselves ever in the history of the marriage. And they pick something sort of sporty. In my case it was silk boxers with piano keys. ( He played piano as a hobby) I asked him what the heck were those for? So she could find middle C? ( His name was Craig) it was a ridiculous thing for a middle aged man to do especially since I would gladly have enjoyed picking those out with him. He wasn't doing without, lonely, or any of that other c**p. He liked chasing and catching women. I told him he was catch and release . Before he passed, he was married seven times, three of which he didn't bother divorcing before getting remarried. Thank goodness, I was from his earlier years.
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
I think that is the biggest insult. You have someone there who loves you and is willing and wanting to do all these things with you and you go and do them with a stranger. And then he has the audacity to show them off in front of you like you won't notice??? Hell no!!
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Reenzy Bennington 2 years ago
This is a rom-com kinda thing that I'd watch. Dog spying on the husband and his affair with another woman, bribing said doggo with treats. Doggo gets fed up with being an accomplice and eats the lover's underwear only to "accidentally" throw it up right in front of the wife like "would you look at that, I wonder what that is" and the marriage is ruined, wife gets custody of the dog and they live happily ever after.
Ed Brandon 2 years ago
Very specific. But given what dogs can be like, they could pick those up anywhere really.
Bored Panda had a friendly chat with the author of the viral thread, u/Kindayoungbutok. We were very curious as to why the topic made such a big splash on Reddit, as well as what inspired the OP to ask the question in the first place.
"I feel like most people are very drawn to this topic because, in one way or another, most have had an encounter with infidelity. Whether it be their partners, parents, or themselves," they said why affairs are a topic that gets so much attention.
"I can’t recall why exactly I made this post, but contrary to what you might expect, I wasn’t considering if I were being cheated on or not. I was curious to see what answers other people's experiences led them to," they opened up to us.
#4
When she tells you shes having dinner with her brother... while you're having dinner with her brother
OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
No, no, it’s obvious the brother is just moving so fast he’s in two places at once! She’s definitely not cheating on you!!
Julia Mckinney 2 years ago (edited)
My husband and I are reading this together so of course, I had to tell him I was having dinner with my brother (I only have sisters) and his response? "I thought you were going to say you were having dinner with MY brother" (who's been dead for 30 years). Yes, we both started cracking up.
Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago
I worked with a THOT that had a brother she never mentioned. She quit. Now I work with her brother. Our entire crew was bamboozled.
#5
His phone said 'no caller id' instead of 'No Caller ID
Reinaldo Fuentes 2 years ago (edited)
Language-savvy people will spot this in an instant. I used to moderate a forum a bazillion years ago and the easiest way to spot sock-puppets was just to let them talk their talk. People are amazingly POOR at pretending to be someone else when it comes to their idiolect. So easy to spot.
CatFist 2 years ago
Dee di dee. Dee dee di dee dee dee... (To the tune of "Girl from Ipanema")
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Louisa Johnson 2 years ago
Well you ended up losing a moron by the sounds of it. I hope the pain was not to bad for you and you moved on to someone better xx
CatFist 2 years ago
Evil genius would be getting the capital letters right. What he did here is evil thinks-he's-far-cleverer-than-he-is.
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whatever nevermind 2 years ago
Wouldn't it just be easier to not store the number and just memorise it, so you know when the other person is calling, but any on looker would not see any name come up?
#6
Oddly specific as this is how I knew- the girl he was cheating with was conspicuous in absence. He told me everything about his co-workers except for this one. I thought something was going on and sadly, I was right.
For anyone who’s reading this and either has suspicions or has been cheated on, I need you to know it’s not a reflection on you. It’s not your fault, and you will be okay. <3
OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
Yeah, it’s really not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on the kind of person that cheater is.
Bart 2 years ago
I used to be away mon-fri for work on a research vessel. Always came home to a clean house, fresh made bed and towels, thought it was great. Got home once a good day earlier at 2am (we ran into port early due to bad weather) and decided to surprise my (now)ex only to find a extra pair of shoes in the hallway and the guy in my bed. Got to say that divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. Turned my life around and much better now.
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
Rese/arch vessel? What kind of work did you do and are you still in this field?
Load More Replies... Display_Name 2 years ago
Because the other woman in my case is like a 4 in personality and looks. It has me wonder if I'm a 2 and everyone keeps lying to me.
Wendy Herman 2 years ago
No, we may be strangers, but I'm still sure that's not the case. He cheated b/c of his own broken-ness & lack of self-esteem (acquired long before he ever met you & disguised by charm or other more positive traits). She likely was not his 1st affair, but one of a string of people with whom he was unfaithful, each being less desirable than the last. People can only ignore their conscience (those who have one) for so long, but the unacknowledged guilt just festers. Eventually, their own guilt becomes their undoing. He chose a sub-par human b/c he's one, Too. Deep down, he realized that he deserved no better than someone like himself, and chose accordingly. He certainly never deserved you. Be Kind to yourself, surround yourself w/ people who care, and focus on healing & personal growth. This painful emotional wound will heal with time. Then, the rest of your life will be better than it would have been if you'd remained tied to someone so untrustworthy. Wishing you only blessings. 💙
Load More Replies... Louisa Johnson 2 years ago
This should be number one as OP has gave comforting advice and kindness to others when bitterness and anger towards trusting other people could have manifested from OPs experience instead. This is someone with a good soul.
funkybluegirl 2 years ago
I really appreciate the last paragraph. It's weird to feel shame and embarrassment for something that you didn't have anything to do with, except that the consequences/aftermath affect your life. 🫤
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
That's a definite red flag. Or if he keeps talking about a specific co-worker or acquaintance constantly and then suddenly stops because he likes them and wants to bring them up all the time but then actually gets with them and can't bring them up anymore. So slick a*****e.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
The other way is suspicious too. When your partner talks too much (bad) about some person.
Justin Rogers 2 years ago
Some responsibility needs to be taken for choosing a relationship with the cheating pos. I have never cheated on anyone because I know how that feels. To thine own self be true, if you have an urge then do the right thing and talk about it or leave, not that hard to be decent about honest
Meanwhile, we were interested to get the redditor's opinion on why people cheat and their take on what the secret to a solid and happy romantic relationship is.
"I don’t think there’s a clear-cut answer to why people cheat, but I think a lack of communication is a big factor at play," u/Kindayoungbutok said.
"I believe communication and a real sense of trust are key to a healthy and long-lasting relationship. For me personally as well, I think some personal space could do couples some good. I see people engulf each other in themselves and make their lives synonymous. I don’t think that’s healthy. I think that is a recipe for resentment."
#7
When they accuse you of accusing them of cheating - and that has nothing to do with the conversation. At all.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Yep, that's exactly what it's called. When someone's REALLY insecure or guilty about something so they accuse someone else.
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Chewie Baron 2 years ago
Can you pass me that mop please? HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF CHEATING!!!!! I just want the mop.
Display_Name 2 years ago
Mine was always accusing me of cheating. It cost me some friendships.
Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
That's disgusting. I get cheating on someone, but why also throw rubbish to them? Hope you have new better friends.
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Simple Yaki 2 years ago
I didn't accuse my partner cheating, just disappointed because he contacting his ex crush kinda flirting to the point he ask a video of his ex crush doing a dirty things and he enjoys it. He do it multiple times even after he said he won't contact his ex crush anymore. Every time we discussed about this he always said that I am accuse him cheating, even I already said I'm not and I'm just disappointed to it.
Howl's sleeping castle 2 years ago
My ex did this and the whole story was so far fetched that I started laughing.
#8
When my partner was cheating, he was really oversensitive to any implication that I didn't trust him. I'd text something like 'what are you doing?' and he'd get all defensive when it was really just a straight-up question on my part.
OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
Yeah…I don’t support those BS “trust tests” that people do sometimes, but just a simple question should not be met with defensiveness and hostility.
Gin. No tonic 2 years ago
It depends on who's asking. I have a super controlling family member. Whenever they're asking "what are you doing?", "where are you?", "what's up?", I get so defensive and I never what to answer. Not that I'm doing something bad, but whatever I'm doing, might be turned against me later on.
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Penny Kemper 2 years ago
Liar also give too much info. Like over explain would they normally wouldn't
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
"For god's sakes, Jerry, I asked a simple question - there's no need to become Woody Allen!"
Howl's sleeping castle 2 years ago (edited)
I asked my ex for his phone as mine suddenly stopped working and I wanted to make an important call. He started screaming, talking s**t like how I don't trust him. I didn't say anything then. For next few days, paid attention to his hands whenever he unlocked his phone. Figured the code. Got a chance to unlock it and there it was. The texts and pictures.
#9
Your gut. Always always always trust your gut.
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
My gut feeling never works for me so if I trusted it in this situation, I’d end up falsely blaming any significant other.
Vanessa Panerosa 2 years ago
Then your gut is telling you to go to therapy. ❤️
Load More Replies... OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
Trusting your gut feeling is a roll of the dice for me. Sometimes correct, sometimes couldn’t be more wrong. I’m probably not gonna trust it in an actual relationship.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
I don't automatically trust my gut, but I consult it frequently.
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CalmAndCollected 2 years ago
That same gut that made me sh** my pants last week... Yeah no thanks
Amy E 2 years ago (edited)
There's your gut, but then there is also the disapproval and disbelief of both your families. Then there is also, shouldn't our love and commitment get us through this? Then the fear of your whole life crashing down around you... I kicked him out and found parts of myself I didn't know were still here...
There are four main reasons why people are unfaithful to their partners, according to Lucia F. O'Sullivan Ph.D. The first is sexual dissatisfaction: the person might want more variety or more frequent love-making. That forces them to look for alternatives to their significant other.
Something else that can lead to infidelity is emotional dissatisfaction. For instance, someone starts seeing their partner in a different, less positive light. Meanwhile, they might be putting their trust in someone else—a colleague, friend, or a stranger, to whom they’re opening up and sharing private information with.
Two other common reasons why people are unfaithful include feeling neglected by their partner and angry at their SO, hoping to ‘punish’ them by breaking their heart.
#10
My ex used to get so angry if I walked in the door and went to pee right away. I drive an hour home from work due to traffic. Having to pee is not abnormal. He made it a thing. The bathroom was right inside the door, and he would be at the other end of the house. Apparently going into the bathroom before seeing him was equivalent to me washing off the scent of my lover. Every time he accused me of anything, looking back, that’s exactly what he was guilty of.
Wendy Herman 2 years ago (edited)
Classic Projection. I would often get screamed at for taking too long at the grocery store, on nights when he had no plans & was available to "babysit" his own kids. Other nights, he went to martial arts classes (2-3x/wk). Each class ended at 8pm, but he often didn't come home till after midnight. He was "hanging w/ the dudes" who were at least a decade younger than he was, unmarried & fancy-free. His Dad has passed away at only 42, so it may have been early-onset midlife crisis? I was in such deep denial, b/c we had 2 little kids, and I had no family I could turn to for any support, even just emotional. The divorce turned out to be the Best thing, even as gut-wrenching as it was. Hubby #2 turned out to be my reward, and we've now been married 20+ yrs. I had to get over "kicked puppy syndrome" 1st, tho, before I could open my heart again. Choose the sweet guy, ladies. There's really no such thing as "too nice". We deserve nice, not abuse of any kind.
Zophra 2 years ago
Thank you for writing this out. This is good and I'm glad all is better for you!
Load More Replies... Display_Name 2 years ago
I had sex with someone and that caused my cycle to start. What my ex thought.
N Miller 2 years ago
Here's a funny thing - you know the Golden Rule (the one about treating others how you would want to be treated, not "whoever has the gold makes the rules"). There's a corresponding rule - people recognise in others the behaviour they are trying to hide in themselves. (Also known as "takes one to know one")
Page intentially left blank 2 years ago
Lordy - I have to pee immediately after a long-drive. My partner knows this, and he waits for me to finish before greeting me. My ex-boyfriend from years back would often accuse me of cheating. I worked freelance at home - I rarely left the house. I'm not entirely certain that he was cheating, but I know that he had narcissistic issues. The accusations were a method of control.
PandaPops 2 years ago
I used to do it after school. 1st thing I did was run upstairs and use the toilet. My mum became convinced i was brushing my teeth and washing my hands to hide the fact id been smoking. Nope. Just really needed to wee as soon as I got to the front door. I never did and never have smoked. Funny thing is 25years later and I still need a wee when entering my parents house lol
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
That is SO WEIRD and controlling. Our woman pee doesn't have magical properties that erase man scent. If we are jumping in shower before saying hello then maybe be worried unless working at a restaurant or other gross job you need to wash the scent off.
#11
If they ask you to open up the relationship, they're either already cheating or they have someone in mind and want to do it without the guilt.
Rostit . 2 years ago
. An open relationship is something both people want. Not one of them
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Amy E 2 years ago
Caught my ex multiple times and offered an open relationship. He said no, but also kept cheating on me. Um, what?
Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
I love hearing stories about open relationships when it backfires and the partner ends up having a blast.
Hoax Buster 2 years ago
Not so. Open relationships have to start somewhere. If you want to open up and question their motives, set a rule of “no one we know or in our social circles” to be clear.
Page intentially left blank 2 years ago (edited)
Not necessarily true. I have friends who mutually agreed to open their relationship, and having known them for almost half my life, there was no cheating going on before then. This was a discussion over the course of a few years. Neither did anything until it was mutually agreed. They are both very happy in their marriage.
MP 2 years ago
If the relationship doesn’t start off as open, it never ever works. Even if it starts as open it rarely ever works. People will get defensive but it’s true.
Mim“the Swede”Sorensson 2 years ago
Not universally true, really. I’ve seen a couple of examples that’s worked great. For about a decade, some of them. But I totally agree on the first part, to an extent; it seems a bit rare that a relationship can smoothly go from exclusive to open. If open wasn’t part of the original deal, is what I mean.
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Cyndielouwhoo 2 years ago
There was a couple in our circle of friends who encountered something like this, apparently they discussed an open relationship, they ended up with one on her part anyway until he found out about it. Sure was awkward for all of us being at their house for someone's birthday party when he suddenly found out about his "open marriage" :/
#12
Here’s a fun one courtesy of my dad and his second wife: when the tire tread pattern on the fresh snow in your driveway matches the uncommon tires on your brother-in-law’s new work vehicle.
*Edit: got way more confused replies than I expected on this. My dad’s second wife (not my mother) was having an affair with my uncle (my dad’s sister’s husband, HIS brother-in-law) and my dad figured it out after coming home early from work one night and noticing a distinctive tire width and tread pattern in his driveway that matched my uncle’s work truck, who had no reason for being there that night.*
*He went inside and asked her if
N Miller 2 years ago
I had to get the red string and push pins out to follow that tangled web of relationships.
Nicola Koh 2 years ago (edited)
def thought at first op's siblings husband had hooked up with his stepmother-in-law
Load More Replies... Sonja 2 years ago
In general when you see something that shows someone was there while you were gone but they don't tell you and lie about it if asked. If it was a harmless visit, they'd just tell you. It might slip their mind but if you ask they'll definitely tell you without hesitation. If they make up excuses it can't be that harmless after all.
Parmeisan 2 years ago
Need to be a bit careful on stuff like this, though. What if someone just used your driveway to turn their car around? It happens from time to time.
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You Should Do Nothing with the Fence 2 years ago
Your dad is very, very observant. I would also say that maybe he was already unconsciously suspicious?
However, something else to consider is that the opportunity to cheat can actually lead to cheating! O’Sullivan notes that opportunity is “necessary but not sufficient” for infidelity to take place.
“We should not underestimate the power of opportunity, especially in situations in which we feel less responsible or unlikely to be held accountable. Being intoxicated, at a wild party, or far away from home (where you are feeling anonymous) can lead to infidelity,” she writes.
#13
When you finally get off of work early for once after working doubles and instead of txting your boyfriend that you’re on your way home you stop and get their favorite McDonald’s meal and iced coffee with your last $10 until payday as a sweet surprise I’m home/I love you gesture and you’re greeted in the hallway with them coming towards you with a shocked and angry look saying “you were trying to catch me doing something” as you’re standing there holding the food and drink in your hands like👁👁 👄 🍟🍔☕️ We were together 6 years before I got the guts to leave. It was only a couple weeks after that happened.
Liz Downing 2 years ago
“you were trying to catch me doing something” .... uh, I think I did catch you doing something.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Not sure why this bothers me so much. She did something really sweet and was treated with a kick to the guts. I'd love for somebody to do something nice for me like this (not McDonald's, but you know what, yes, even McDonald's). I may have been this lady a few times.
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
That's the worst. I'm sorry. What a D**K. The b***h was probably headed out the back door while he ambushed you
HangryHangryHippo 2 years ago
Actually, he was cheating on her with another man 😐
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Spittnimage 2 years ago
Makes me LOL he said you were trying to catch me with his woman on the side standing beside him. 🤣
HangryHangryHippo 2 years ago
Actually, he was cheating on her with another man 😐
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Seabeast 2 years ago
If you click on the link at the bottom left hand corner, it explains why. She was clearly in an emotionally abusive relationship and beaten down by it.
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#14
When you find incriminating messages and the first thing she ask you is how far you went back into the message history. She proceeds to get mad at you for violating her trust by looking at her computer even though you asked her several times (calmly and patiently) to be honest about the situation because you felt like you were going crazy. When the divorce process starts and she decide to call you at work and tell you you can't prove anything but I let her know I took phone pics of the conversations. She flips out. When I move out and he (her ex high school bf) moves in right after. The month our divorce became final they get married 3 months after. They have a child shortly after that. Anyhow thank god it happened because while the feelings sucked and felt unsurvivable, I dodged a big a*s bullet and my current gf of several years now is wonderful and I really do feel like everything had to happen for me to end up where I ultimately needed to be.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Second person, technically, as OP starts out using you and ends up using I
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Carol Emory 2 years ago
Uhm.if you had pics proving that she cheated on you, why did you have to move out? She should have been the one to hit the bricks.
Sonja 2 years ago
I don't get people like this one here. Why did she fight the divorce if her affair was willing to marry her and have kids? Why not just get it over with? I've seen it happening. And I never understood. Those people don't love their spouses anymore. They've fallen out of love a long time ago. They don't have an affair per se, they are already in the next relationship. Still they often fight the divorce tooth and nail and don't want to admit its over although they don't even really want it. My SIL was that way, and I even understood her. My brother was an AH and a drunk. Their marriage was loveless and everyone wondered why they wouldn't just divorce. Still she hirt herself by pretending to mend the marriage instead of admitting she'd already been in another relationship for a year. They eventually separated and had other partners but never divorced. I don't get it.
SuperChicken 2 years ago
What an a$$-wipe! I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're having a better life than your ex.
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#15
their “co-worker” sends a “goodnight babe. I love you” text in the middle of the night..
RagDollLali 2 years ago
What?? Since when is texting a coworker "I love you" at 3 am anything other than platonic??? /s
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
A friend of my wife did this to another woman from work who he hates. He had had to call her earlier in the evening, and, unusually, his wife therefore wasn't the most recent number of his phone.
Cheating, according to Psychology Today, is a habit. If you’ve done it once, you’re more likely to do it again… and again, and again. It’s not a guarantee that someone will most definitely have an affair if they’ve had one or more before (aka “once a cheater, always a cheater”), but past actions can be used to at least model some basic behavior trends.
People who are narcissistic, score low on agreeableness, and are interested in having multiple partners are more likely to be unfaithful. However, as O’Sullivan points out, “cheating is so widespread that a handful of personality traits or attitude profiles are not going to effectively capture why people cheat.”
#16
You catch them having sex with someone else. It even worse if they don't stop.
#17
Name dropping. When they bring someone up over and over in even the most tangentially related situations. If they say it's an innocuous friendship or a collegue but their name keeps coming up all the time, chances are you're right to be concerned.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Or they just so happen to be with this person a lot due to being good friends... I talk about my friends a lot
Rostit . 2 years ago
Nah you can tell the difference. It's not as casual. They almost light up when mentioning the person
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M Calad 2 years ago
Oh, yes. Looong time ago when I started working for a company the boss (M, mid 40s, married with kids) was introducing me to the people, procedures, etc. 3-4 times he randomly mentioned this young female colleague in very unrelated situations. Let's say I said sth like: "I am lactose intolerant", he replied " X is too". I said "I did this training in this place", he said "X did too". I found it odd and suspicious, like if he was thinking of her all the time. I brushed it off but then a couple of weeks later I was told by my coworkers they were having an affair. He ended up divorcing and marrying this girl.
ZenChickChristine 2 years ago
This was what clued me in to my ex-husband’s affair. He kept mentioning the particular person and then tried to deflect when I figured it out. My codependent behaviors were still pretty bad then, so it still took a few years for me to finally leave.
Mistiekim 2 years ago
If this was true, I guess I’m having an affair with Timothee Chalamet. I tend to bring him up quite a bit.
parmadillo 2 years ago
Happy for you! My friend and I are having an affair with pizza.
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Matt Hiemstra 2 years ago
So this one directly contradicts Number 3. So if they always bring up their name or never bring up their name they are cheating on you with that person.
Rachel 2 years ago
It doesn't really contradict, there's a middle place between not talking about someone and talking about them all of the time.
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Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
Yep, I remember her coming home from a social group always talking about this one guy in particular. A few months later the bomb got dropped on me. Who they bring up in conversation is who they spend time thinking about. If it's the same person over and over, well that indicates at least an emotional connection.
#18
When you get a STD when you were previously clean.
Mistiekim 2 years ago
“My boyfriend told me I got gonorrhea from sitting on a tractor in my bathing suit.” A Seinfeld classic
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
I had two thoughts when I watched this episode: 1) OK, so who was the tractor sleeping with, and 2) Time for a John Deere letter.
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Lantana Howell 2 years ago
This is not 100% true. A large portion of the population has the Herpes Simples1 and/or 2 virus and don't know because a lot of people don't have outbreaks. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2010/11/herpes-hiding#:~:text=Nationwide%2C%20about%201%20out%20of,transmit%20the%20virus%20to%20others.
Sherri Mantooth Bagwell 2 years ago
Retired urology nurse here. I used to help with STI support groups back in the late 90s. The stars back then were 1 in 4 people had HS 2, and 80% didn't know it. A lot of people contracted HS1 from aunties, grandma's, etc giving them kisses when they had a cold sore (HS1). You can also transfer both HS 1 & 2 to other parts of the body (somebody else's body). Before dentists used gloves all the time they would contract herpes from patients mouths- called Herpes Whitlow. Class is dismissed..
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Sherri Mantooth Bagwell 2 years ago
Retired urology nurse here. If I had a dime for every person who came in & said they got an STI from a toilet seat I'd be a very rich woman. Once, when one of our patients said that in front of one of our Drs he said, " Only way you got that off a toilet seat is if you sat on it while someone else was occupying it!" 😂
Silke 2 years ago
They accuse YOU of giving them an STD out of the blue. I called my doctor before the end of that day and she booked me in immediately for every possible test, including AIDs. He was out on his ear very shortly after and was genuinely shocked. Me: "Don't even". Haven't been on so much as a coffee date in the 10 years since.
Page intentially left blank 2 years ago
Yes, but. I'm not a doctor, but medicine fascinates me. There are a few STDs that have a latent period, sometimes for years. For example, syphilis,and HPV are two that come to mind.
#19
When your wife becomes pregnant and you had a vasectomy 10 years ago.
Shark Lady 2 years ago
It's not unheard of for a vasectomy to fail, so maybe get it checked out with your doctor before pulling the plug on your relationship
Raelene Christie 2 years ago
That's actually true it happen a few times when I was a nurse, it wrecks relationships, and the poor accused person never feels secure again. Always wait for DNA test results.
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fair_weather_rose 2 years ago
I'm pretty sure this was the plot of an episode of midsommer murders.
Ed Brandon 2 years ago
Unless it's the second coming! (of Christ, I mean, you filthy minded lot)
Jovita A 2 years ago
Vasectomies don't have a 100% success rate (though very close). Most people don't know that they should do periodical check-ups to make sure they still shooting blanks. Of course, there is a chance that she indeed cheated, but a paternity test should be in place before calling quits.
wyngerd 2 years ago
Better one, when I had a vasectomy, then a year later my wife gets her tubes cut... Now divorced.
Wendy Herman 2 years ago
It's a scary world in which to be female, though. I know 2 young ladies who made the same choice b/c they Never want to be Forced to carry a Rapist's baby. Horrifically, that's Still a possibility in many places.
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Luna Katka 2 years ago
Some friends of mine had a baby 10 years after he'd had a vasectomy. She thought she was starting menopause. Nope, it was a baby.
#20
Changing passwords to devices after being okay with you having access to them. Lack of intimacy over long stretches of time. No longer wanting to sleep next to you at all, go on dates, or do anything a couple would usually do. And my biggest flag is finding things that you're damn sure aren't yours, but they try to pass the item off like it's always been yours. I'll never have 'solid' proof that I was cheated on, but my instincts were screaming it when our sex life went away, then he wanted to sleep on the couch every single night. Then he started changing his passwords as my paranoia kicked in. First fight happened at this point. Next came him keeping me out of photos on purpose that he would share on his social media accounts, just in case people thought we were dating, which we were. That was when I caught him talking to someone through PS4 and online, she thought he was single. Fight two happened then and I was in denial because he was gaslighting me so much. It escalated to him wanting to be gone every weekend 'to a buddy's house' and I was never allowed to come along and eventually I found makeup in my car after one of those Pal Weekends. I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion, usually, and when I do wear it, it's only around my eyes so I know this didn't belong to me as it was lip gloss. Final fight and we didn't stay together. To everyone out there, it usually starts small and gets bigger over time. Trust yourself to see the signs and leave.
Mim“the Swede”Sorensson 2 years ago (edited)
Can I trust my gut even if they weren’t given to me by any religious deity but rather developed during the time I spent in my mother womb?
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kaycee14 2 years ago
Why didn't he just break it off if he's moving out of her bed and disconnecting her from his life? What would be the point of staying together, for him?
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Maybe they had kids? Or she paid most of the rent, or they lived in a rent controlled apartment. Idk, I'm sure there are many reasons people stay together longer than they should. Sometimes the romance dies, but the partnership remains. And as you get older, things like love and passion can start to feel like luxuries. Perhaps you're unhappy in your marriage, but it's a manageable level of unhappiness, and you find fulfillment in other aspects of your life because you want to be present for your kids on good and bad days too. Because even though you're lonely, the idea of spending nights away from your kids is horrifying. And if that means sleeping on a couch or in another bedroom for the next twelve years, it's worth it to you. Idk, just a random example.
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago (edited)
I change my passwords every three months. I have a password manager for this purpose. The only password I actually know is the password to my password manager, and I rotate that one too. But I'm just a weirdo. That said, my wife has access to our password manager, so she can access our stuff (bank, insurance, etc.).
pudgiegreg 2 years ago
My ex constantly talked to other women, exes and previous sexual partners. It made me so sad and uncomfortable and so many repeated conversations asking him to please cut off contact with all these women. He was always so defensive and wouldn't do it. He also never opened any social media when I was around, he was secretive about his snapshot and instagram and Facebook, and said he didn't look at it because there might he things that would bother me. Well if it would bother me, than maybe re evaluate? He liked his exes boudoir photos and told her how good she looked, and it was a huge fight. To this day he still doesn't see how he did anything wrong. We broke up because there was a huge fight where I caught him in a lie about another girl he carried on for a year. Remember, cheating doesn't start with actions, it starts with sneaky conversations.
Shawna Burt 2 years ago
When this happened in my last relationship it wasn't because I was cheating. I was trying to work out how to leave without potentially triggering him. He wound up bringing it all to a head by pulling a gun on his mom's neighbor, giving me a clear reason for a clean break, but up until then? I just wanted to keep things peaceful until I could leave.
Shawna Burt 2 years ago
And I put this under the wrong list item. No edit function.
Load More Replies... #21
My ex would sleep with her phone under her pillow. I had an idea it was happening and would keep an eye on this guys MySpace. Then he posted one of the questionnaire things that were popular at the time, one of the questions was who did you last kiss? And his answer was my ex.
MySpace Tom had my back.
Edit: a lot of you seem to think that she might have been browsing the internet, this was a time before internet was available on your phone, there was nothing to do on a phone other than call and text.
Most phones also didn’t screen locks with passwords or facial recognition, anyone could get on your phone so the best way to avoid this would be hide it. Or sleep with it under your pillow so if someone does try to get it, they wake you up.
Lizz 2 years ago
Had this happen to me only it was upside down on the coffee table. Got off work early and stopped by a "friend 's" house ( I knew my so was cheating with her) with the thought of catching him there.... I didn't see him but her phone screen starts lighting up every couple of minutes.... And it got awkward and I left. Turns out he was either in the bathroom or her bedroom the whole time....
Kerry Borthwick 2 years ago
I sleep with my phone under my pillow because I don't wake to my alarm otherwise
Little letitia 2 years ago
This was WAYYYYY before audio books my friend! Think early to mid 00's
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Sindy Diaz 2 years ago
happened with my ex, he had her on her top eight as did i, then top two then #1 and me #2 i called him to ask him why and to change it, why didn't i take that and think. i was so innocent, i was 19.
Jenna Stough 2 years ago
Actually I sleep with my phone under my pillow because I put it on do not disturb at night so only 3 people (mom,brother,oldest son) can get through and even then it only vibrates so I put it under my pillow to wake me if it vibrates.
#22
Phone keeps ringing but he won't answer it
Lisa H 2 years ago
Me, too. But the only actual calls I ever get are spam. Once in a great while it will be work, but they mostly text me.
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Guido Pisano 2 years ago
well that's not necessary a sign of cheating. I hate phone calls, and if Iam doing something else is very probable that I will not answer.
OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
I only neglect to answer calls from obvious scam numbers. If someone I know is calling, I don’t see why I shouldn’t answer
Tyke 2 years ago
If I'm in the middle of a conversation, or a task I need to get done, I ignore whoever is calling. I can always ring back. I hate the way some of my friends assume because you have a phone you have to be at it's every demand. I also have a child, and if I'm spending time with him, I rarely answer. He needs to know he's not fighting for attention with technology. I have friends I know if I answer that's an hour+ phone conversation. Sometimes I'm just enjoying me time. There are plenty of reasons why I personally don't answer.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 2 years ago
On this note, my MIL had a suspicion that my Ex SIL was cheating on her husband because her phone would ring and she'd immediately go out in the garage so she could talk to the person sitting in the car. When my little BIL (husbands brother) confronted her, she admitting to having an affair with a man two states away...also explaining all her frequent trips. It backfired on her though. She started the divorce, got my BIL kicked out of his apartment and ran off to be with her lover only to have him say he had no intention of leaving his wife for her. Oopsie!
Doug Parsons 2 years ago
my phone is for my convenience not the convenience of others - I seldom answer it and feel no need to instantly respond to texts or emails either, I respond when it is convenient for me
funkybluegirl 2 years ago
Like most of the other comments, I think that not answering phone calls is, not necessarily a sign of cheating. But, if your partner is acting shady about it (only not answering certain people), it probably is something. Especially if your gut feels something is wrong.
Page intentially left blank 2 years ago
I do this all. the. time. It's because I'm an introvert and sometimes I just don't want to talk on the phone.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
I do this because lots of phone numbers seem to start with 1-866...
#23
When they suddenly start taking extra interest in their appearance and getting in shape by “going for walks” even up to 10 pm by the time they return and they don’t answer your worried calls because “they had music on with headphones”. And when you ask them why they didn’t answer it’s because “they didn’t hear the calls come in” despite you having the exact same phone and know that the incoming calls cut over the music.
Saracynthiasylviasnout 2 years ago
I had a friend who after being in a relationship for almost 10 years tell her bf that she was preparing for a marathon when she was cheating. But she only trained at night and had literally never even exercised before that.
Bobijntje 2 years ago
Mine started walking during Covid. Normal 1-2 hour walks, but since last summer it started to be 5-6 hours. Came back and said with a hypocritical face "it was such a great walk". It turned out that went to a mutual acquaintance who was living 10 minutes away from our house.
#24
When they randomly start arguments for no reason or just start being disrespectful out of the blue.
Clown fish 2 years ago
Work stress is making me a right d#ck head at the min. I keep trying to remember to walk away an not snap because I'm in a p#ssed off mood
Load More Replies... Page intentially left blank 2 years ago
Nah - that's just being a jerk. There are lots of reasons - a bad day at work, depression, bipolar disorder.
#25
If they accuse you of cheating constantly
Kerry Borthwick 2 years ago
Omg u reminded me of my Sims when my Sims husband was caught woohooing with the maid lol
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Anton Swanepoel 2 years ago
I've had that happen to me twice. The first time I was simply too bewildered to respond - I mean, how do you prove a negative? Turns out she was the one cheating. With the second person, I knew as soon as I got accused of being a player (which I have never been) that it was time to get out. I made sure to confirm my suspicions, and left about a week later. It sucked, but I'm glad I didn't stick around to get messed about like I did the first time. Being constantly accused of cheating, when you haven't, is usually the manifestation of your accuser's own guilt.
DrGirlfriend 2 years ago
I did this to my husband because of abuse I suffered in prior relationships. Healing from being destroyed makes you think your never going to be everything to anyone.. I wasn't cheating, I just never felt good enough about myself to understand that he loves me. I stopped being like that after awhile and we have been married 11 years this year. Abuse messes up the brain sometimes you have to rewire it.
Diego 2 years ago
My ex accused me of cheating on him during the pandemic when we lived together and the only time we were apart was when he was out by himself. After telling me to stay home.
Lisa H 2 years ago
Sounds like he was a controlling a$$hole. Glad he's your ex.
Load More Replies... #26
When my husband cheated, it was definitely the phone. He was hiding at night when he’d go to bed. Also, wouldn’t ever let me go to work related get togethers that the other spouses would attend.
Lisa H 2 years ago
Umm, "husband"? Not "ex-husband"? Sorry to sound clichéd, but once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if they physically stop cheating, they can't stop emotionally cheating and that is just as devastating.
Quentin ingulfumble 2 years ago
you know lots of people who really do love each other work on their relationship and get over this kind of thing? turns out people arent quite as one dimensional as you seem to think.
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#27
I guess I kinda allowed this to happen, but it still hurt just the same: It was a couple of months after my Grandpa passed, and I hadn't given her the D at all in that time. Funny thing grief.....it f***s up so many things in the body.......anyway, in my grief ridden stupor, I trusted her when she said she was going for a drive with a friend to cut loose a bit. I was okay with it because i wanted her to have a good time and not be stuck in the house with my depressed a*s. She got home in a good mood and I didn't think anything of it till she went to wash *just* her underwear. I checked her phone that night after she fell asleep, and apparently, she had been talking to this guy for about a month. They had done the deed, and she wanted to make me out as the bad guy when I confronted her about it, with the evidence from her phone, saying I "pushed her to it by not having sex with her." I kicked her out in a hury, and don't really remember much except she was the one yelling and screaming. I was pretty much just numb, and I don't think I really proceeded it till almost 2 weeks later.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
OP didn't "allow" this to happen. OP was honestly grieving the loss of their grandfather, and grief CAN affect libido. If OP's GF was so shallow that a lack of boning was all it took for her to "justify" cheating, she's not a human being worth having a relationship with... unless it's just a relationship of casual boning.
Raelene Christie 2 years ago
Oh you poor soul I hope you're doing well and are in a much better place.
Page intentially left blank 2 years ago
I'm so sorry. I completely understand how a death in the family can send you down into a spiral. Things that you enjoyed in the past are no longer of interest - I see you.
#28
You’re at a party and the lead singer of a band starts singing a song about your girlfriend entitled “Scotty Doesn’t Know”
Conan 2 years ago
so I guess we are just going to put stupid s**t from movies on this list, this is from the movie Euro trip
Raelene Christie 2 years ago
Ok it's from a movie but it's still relevant and quite a break from the awful posts. My ex beat me up every time he cheated which was often, and gaslighted me for years. I appreciated the break in tension thanks.
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Lisa H 2 years ago
🎵🎶🎼Scotty doesn't knowww/that Fiona and me/do it in my vaaan every Sunday🎶🎵(keep it going, Pandas!)
Abi 2 years ago (edited)
she tells him she's in church but she doesnt go still she's on her knees and scotty doesn't know
Load More Replies... #29
They admit to you they still have feelings for a “friend” they had romantic history with and continue to spend alone time with and get upset that you call them an ex 💀 Reality can be whatever they want.
LizzieBoredom 2 years ago
Some of these are not really signs, they're more like roadblocks with flashing lights and police tape warning you there's a sheer cliff drop-off 6 feet ahead.
OwenHasADHD 2 years ago (edited)
Huh???? If my partner is suddenly in a relationship with someone else, I’m obviously going to call them an ex. Makes no sense they would get mad
N Miller 2 years ago
They get mad because denial is a thing. If they are an ex, this suggests the romantic history is in the past. If they are cheating, the past is very much present and the romantic history is decidedly current.
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Shane G 2 years ago
I had an ex I stayed friends with for years and we really were just friends. Unfortunately when her now husband proposed one of the conditions of their marriage was that she couldn't hang out with me anymore. Actually, I think he eventually drove all of her male friends out of her life, even the gay one who never had interest in her that way.
#30
An interesting one I haven't seen in the comments yet:
They start doing more, more small gifts, more help around the house, and simply just more involved in the relationship. This isn't always the reason why there was a sudden shift, but this can be an easily missed sign. The shift can happen because they feel guilty and are trying to make it up to you, it could be them trying to manipulate you into never even considering the idea of them cheating because they're so considerate, or maybe it's them trying to make it up to you without telling you.
This isn't a sign of cheating on its own though, it's just a sign that maybe you need to pay more attention and be alert to the relationship. The reasoning for paying more attention is: maybe they're struggling with depression or stress, or they've realized they've been a bit absent, or maybe you have, or any other number of reasons; Which is why it's a sign To be alert and figure out why there's a shift.
Lizz 2 years ago
Told him I wanted a divorce and all of a sudden he's doing all of the above.... I still want a divorce.
pov 2 years ago
please divorce him!!! you are so much better than he is love ❤️
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Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
I knew something was up when my ex began showering me with presents that had obviously been bought with someone else in mind. He came back from a "conference" in Texas with an enormous box of size 6 rodeo outfits... pearl snaps, fancy braiding and rhinestones on the seams, mostly an iridescent turquoise and hot pink. At the time, I was a size 8 and had never even gone to a rodeo.
Julia Mckinney 2 years ago
I'm helping about the house more because my husband is living at home again. I realized how lazy I'd gotten over the last 10 years when my husband could only come home on the weekends (job was 100 miles away).
#31
When you catch them admitting it over a security camera to their ex while you're out of state...
#32
When they suddenly stop making time for you
#33
when you come home and someone has eaten your jam
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Anyone else think those slices of bread are shaped like d**ks? Or is it just me?
kate h 2 years ago
Have you been dating very badly circumcised men?? I thought mushrooms.
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Busy Panda 2 years ago
... and it couldn't be your significant other because he was on a strict diet for his job. Also couldn't be your children because you know they don't like that jam and they've been with you that weekend...
Spocks's Mom 2 years ago
A mushroom? Toadstool??? What else could you have thought that bread was??🤔
Load More Replies... Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago
How...is this...the thing...that makes someone...think they're being cheated on? Three ideas: 1. It's a dreadful euphemism; 2. They watched an episode of 'House, M.D'; 3. They highly suspect someone they know also likes jam and it is astronomically impossible that their partner in any way enjoys jam.
#34
They tell you in a moment of anger, then try to pull it back.
#35
These days, watch their phone behaviour, for starters.
Do they hide the screen when you walk behind them? Have they added a password or changed the password? (This may be innocent but could be suspicious.) Are they texting into the wee hours of the night while neglecting you? Have they disabled the little notifications that pop up without having to unlock the phone?
Some of these might not be a problem on their own, but you'll often notice other behaviours at the same time, like they ignore and neglect you more, find reasons to be in another room, take their phone to the bathroom all the time, or go for lots of breaks away from you.
You're on the lookout for secretive behaviours, neglect, and distance.
Woundwort42 2 years ago
Disabling the notifications is an important security measure, they can, and have been, used to hack peoples bank accounts when a thief has obtained both a bank card and a phone (often theft from a gym locker). They set up internet banking on a new device and the security code shows up on the phone without needing to be unlocked
Conan 2 years ago
I take my phone into the bathroom all the time but not because I am cheating that's usually when I am on twitter while dropping a duce
Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago
Honestly, I always poop with my phone. I don't have any passwords I would not tell him (and he probably knows), and I've had a weird sleep cycle since I've been out of work for three months now. I get up just as he goes to sleep. I en't doing anything except doomscrolling.
#36
- You call her cell Saturday night, a guy answers tell you he is your wife's boyfriend. - Your spouse has had emergency meetings about work every Saturday night for the past 15 weeks. Can't explain why an Amazon order puller has so many late night emergency work meetings. - You found the video she made on r/gonewild. Her, her best friend and her best friend's husband in a three-way...in the master bedroom of the apartment you just moved into - She has a lot of male cousins who visit. Or men she calls her cousins
#37
when their roommates ask to meet with you privately, and tell you that your gf was having someone over in their room with the music on loud the same thing she'd do when we'd get busy at her place edit: first time ever, RIP my inbox ... more context: this was in 2009, we were almost 4 years into our relationship, I was getting ready to defend my thesis for my Master's and she was applying to PhD programs. I was willing to move with her wherever she went, and even had my mom help me find a nice white gold ring with a sapphire (the ex-g/f hated diamonds) as an engagement ring.
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
I hope you thanked that roommate. I would hate to get married and find out later that my "friends" knew they were cheating on me and still let me get married.
#38
When they become cagey about things they're normally open about.
Have known a couple people who did this. Very open, liked to talk about their entire day, would answer near any question. Then suddenly they'd be out on a night with their friend/s and the details of the night could be summed up in a couple words or there'd be odd gaps in the story while they remember and try to sort through it all.
#39
It's happened to me a few times now, and invariably there is a seismic shift in the relationship. I can remember pinpointing the day something changed, and suddenly you aren't being texted first, they're busy and can't hang out as much, and sex almost always stops or becomes very infrequent. The partner seems colder, further away, and less enthusiastic. It's hard to describe, but you can feel something is off. At least, it's always been that way, in my opinion. What's worse is the times when you confront them about the change in the dynamic, and they tell you nothing's wrong, or nothing's changed, and you feel like you're going crazy because you know something off, but you don't want to push it and be needy or clingy. And you suffer silently until you push it or the truth inevitably comes out.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
I’ve been married 21 years. If your relationship is long term, there will be peaks and valleys of desire. Neither my husband nor I have ever even thought of cheating, but there have been periods when we just weren’t in the mood, followed by periods when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. You can’t live with someone 24/7/365 and have every second be like a fairy tale. People aren’t perfect, and life isn’t perfect like the movies. You’re in a real life relationship with a real person who, if they’re old enough, comes into it with emotional baggage of their own—-just like you.There’s also the phenomenon of still deeply loving someone when you hate their guts—-today. In other words, you’re having a disagreement, or you’re in a mood where everything irritates you, or something that will pass, and your love will still be there when it does. Of course, if this happens in a relatively new relationship where you should still be in the honeymoon phase, then listen to your Spidey sense.
KimTx ️ 2 years ago
This is some true wisdom here! Married 35 years (in June 2023) and there are seasons of "I'm not sure we'll make it" followed by "I am so glad he's mine." Relationships take work, idleness, understanding, patience, care, etc.
Load More Replies... Jay Son 2 years ago (edited)
It can indeed be the little things that make you realize something is off. Especially if you pay attention of the people around you. It happened twice to me, and sadly I was correct both times. Bit of advice: do try to talk about it, don't let it linger around or it'll start gnawing in you.
#40
They’re getting texts from Pizza Hut
Isaac Nemo 2 years ago
Wait, but I get texts from Pizza Hut regularly, it's their marketing c**p. I'm just fat, I swear!
Clown fish 2 years ago
Dam I'm with domino's then they send me about 12 texts or emails a week
freakingbee 2 years ago
same! i get like 2 emails a day from them and i unsubscribed and i still get a bunch
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Kim 2 years ago
Ha! I came to the comment section just to say the same thing 😆
Load More Replies... #41
Glued to their phone and texting a lot more. Also a lot more cancelled plans and excuses for not seeing each other.
#42
I've never been cheated on to my knowledge but I suspected a person I dated recently of cheating. I'm not sure if it was true or my insecurities but the reasoning was. 1. Hung out with former FWB and didn't text me back the entire day while she did 2. Had to ask for info, she said she wouldn't want to know if situations were flipped 3. After I'd accused her of cheating we hooked up and she kept hiding her face and didn't want to kiss. 4. Refusal to show proof on my terms and insisted I needed to trust her blindly 5. Giggled/laughed when I asked if they'd hooked up on this past trip All these were enough for me to have enough doubt that I was or would be cheated on. Either I'm not ready or I got out early enough to avoid real hurt
#43
So, this happened a very long time ago. I had recently filed for divorce from my ex husband and I began to date another guy. I was very naïve about dating since I hadn't dated anyone in 20 years. This guy showered me with roses, dinners, jewelry and he liked to drink. I didn't understand anything about binge drinking. As time went on I started to see that it was going to be a problem. When he drank, he became a different person and one day he came home with a new cellphone for me and he help me set everything up. I didn't know at the time, he bought it so he could keep tabs on me. One day I was in the shower getting ready for work and he came to my house and stormed in the bathroom and ripped the shower curtain back while I was bathing and he started yelling at me about not answering the cell phone. Then he started accusing me of cheating with my male coworkers. He terrorized me one night, drunk and out of his mind with a gun. That was it. I did a midnight move and I was gone. I found out that he started cheating on me when he felt he couldn't control me anymore. I should have known better.
#44
They answer "It wasn't me!" No matter what evidence there is. I mean, picture this: They were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor. And they try to gaslight you, and say it wasn't them. You're listening to their story, it makes no sense at all.
#45
When your driving by a mutual acquaintance house, see her car, go to the front door and see her and mutual acquaintance half naked making out on the couch through the front window. You knock on the door and without looking to see who it was, acquaintance flips you off and waves you away. You, out of anger, punch and break acquaintance's front window. Since acquaintance doesn't know who it is he grabs a bat and runs out the door...but you are already at your car driving away. You drive a very recognizable car so he knows and calls the cops. You get lucky and the female cop feels very bad for you and let's you off with a warning because you offer to pay for the window. Turns out it's a 110 year old house and the window is $700. So now your out $700 and a girl friend of 4 years.
#46
When they suddenly start keeping their phone to themselves when previously you had an open phone policy.
#47
They stop being intimate with you and also guarding and sleeping with their phone under the pillow
Shark Lady 2 years ago
All these people hiding phones under their pillows are very fortunate that they haven't set their bed on fire.
ADDee 2 years ago
The lesson here: don’t get Samsung Note 7 if you are planning to cheat.
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#48
They're "working late" but their paychecks aren't changing.
Helen Bennett 2 years ago
Sadly this doesn't necessarily mean any bad boundaries other than with your work time.
#49
When your stomach feels distance and disconnect it’s time to dig and hope your gut instinct was wrong this time. Mine wasn’t and found out all I needed to know to end my marriage.
#50
You come home exhausted from work and your partner accuses you of cheating.
Display_Name 2 years ago
I got accused of having sex while I was working at a daycare. WTF am I having sex with?!
#51
They have a burner phone or burner social media account that either you don't know about or they won't friend you on
#52
You’re no longer a priority
#53
Phone suddenly facedown during meals, tv time, etc. I know some people do this out of politeness, but if they suddenly start doing it when they never did before, that’s a pretty big giveaway they don’t want you to see notifications.
#55
That smell. You know the one I mean, too.
Clown fish 2 years ago
Ewwww I think they are going for after sex smell but really that's just f#cking nasty
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#57
They’re on their phone all the time and they take great pains in keeping you from it. If you knew their password and they’ve changed it and won’t tell you. Also they’ll start complaining that you don’t try them and they have no privacy. Even if this never bothered them in the past.
#58
When your SO micromanages your schedule
#59
If your wife is playing "Second Life" and flirting with other guys on that platform.
#60
Has two phones that belong to them under his or her expense which both have service. Another is one makes a lot of money but most of it disappears in a week end while partner pays all bills thus why always short on money
#61
She's having migraines all the time and John Redcorn, a spiritual healer, has not been able to correct them with 3 to 5 weekly sessions over 12 years.
What do you think ?
Enuya 2 years ago (edited)
Unpopular opinion: Cheating sucks, that's for sure. BUT it would happen far less often if ending unhappy marriages/relationships as an adult would be less criticized. Nobody bats an eye when a teenager changes partners every few months or even years. Adults do mistakes when it comes to relationships too AND they should be able to end it (yes, even when there are children in the picture, it's better to have happy, divorced parents than miserable married ones) without being treated like a villain. Not every love is for life and even when it is, sometimes people change and are better without each other.
Amanda Lalonde 2 years ago
My marriage ended because I had cheated, I'm not proud of myself and our relationship had no intimacy for approximately 6-7 before the cheating, but I avoided spending any time with my ex. I had grown to hate being around him because it was always the same, video games, drinking,and bitching
Lisa H 2 years ago
With all due respect, that doesn't justify cheating. Sorry if you already know this, but you should have broken up with him first. You took the easy way out instead of the right way.
Load More Replies... Lisa H 2 years ago (edited)
I got one: when their best friend flat-out tells you they're cheating on you. I remained friends with the best friend and he was no longer the ex's best friend. Still friends, but not as close anymore. He probably resented his friend for putting him in that position. The ex's excuse? We hadn't talked in a while so he just assumed it was over. The reason we hadn't talked in a while? I was across the country in Marine Corps Recruit Training and he KNEW when I was going. What's more is he was also a Marine and knew better than anyone that I couldn't exactly walk up to the Drill Instructors and ask to use the phone to call my boyfriend. I call bullshît on this pathetic excuse, especially since I wrote him letters while I was in. Never once heard back, though...
Kevin J. Henning 2 years ago
I've never understood why people think getting married is going to correct a bad situation. If someone is cheating, lying, drinking, shooting up or whatever before a marriage they are going to continue to do so. The ring and the license don't mean anything. Same with having children to save a relationship. All it does is make more misery for everybody including the little ones.
Lizz 2 years ago
This subject sure opened up some old scabs.... I've been cheated on so many times ( and you only realize it afterwards... ) I cheated twice, myself.... Being in a marriage that made me feel worthless got me vulnerable to the attention of some friends who pitied me and saw my worth.... So OK, who am I to judge. We got over it ( cost me a broken nose and a lot of name-calling ) but he just kept on cheating... and cheating..... Up to the point where a friend felt bad for what she did ( drunk 3-way with my so and her sister ) and confessed. Her I could forgive. I was so numbed at the time.... I didn't even care anymore. SO swore it was over. Until he started an affair with another one of my "friends". Almost drove me to suicide. After 2 years of this
Lizz 2 years ago
I "manned up" and told him to chose. He chose me. But the verbal and emotional abuse continued. I was so afraid of losing my kid that I didn't take action ( his family had money, I was practically broke ) I met someone I like a lot about 2 years ago and asked for a divorce last year. Now he's all "you're the only one for me..... blabla " I don't want to cheat on him with this guy but the so's avoiding any kind of communication involving a divorce. I don't know if I can hide my feelings for the other guy any longer and frankly, I don't give a sh*t about how my so would feel if he knew I was cheating. I've felt mentally divorced for so long now.... and I just long for someone to sincerely love me after all the bullsh*t I've been through. Sorry for the rant but I had to get this omy chest
Load More Replies... Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
I have one to add I didn't see on this list: they delete their texts, especially if they delete texts from one person in particular.
Joyce Blodgett 2 years ago
I was married way back before cell phones, or even computers, were a thing. BUT, it was still easy to know when husband (divorced from it for over 40 years now) was cheating. He would bring home flowers after each sex encounter; the larger and more elaborate the bouquet, the more involved he'd been. When he got to number six---AT LEAST six different women over nine years---he started getting me kitchenware, which was my passion. But when woman #6 called one night looking for him, and told me I must be "the dumbest thing on the planet for not knowing," I took our son and left. Never want another man in my life (nor women--I'm straight), and our son hated him until the day of his (son's) death.
pudgiegreg 2 years ago
I think a red flag that indicates cheating, or actions leading up to, is when your partner is very private and secretive about their phone and social media. That is what my ex did to me. I never asked to or tried to go through his phone, but he NEVER would have social media or his texts open when I was around. He followed many girls and many were his exs/previous sexual partners that he still kept in contact with and it really bothered me. Including like their boudoir photos on instagram. He never cut off those relationships and I felt like he had these women as a back up plan for if things didn't work out and he was lonely and needed an ego boost. This went on for 2 years, with me crying and begging to please stop talking to other women. If they don't have an openness about who they are talking to, or can't feel comfortable scrolling through this social media accounts or snapshot with you around, something is wrong. We broke up because of a fight, where I found out he was lying to me about another girl (an ex I was very insecure about) for a year.
pudgiegreg 2 years ago
Remember, cheating doesn't start with actions, it starts with sneaky conversations.
Load More Replies... Bobijntje 2 years ago
When he/she start to do new hobbies although it does not dit their personality. Or goes alone on a city trip to city you won't be find dead in, and than you find out thief colleague is from that city. Having a new "friend" with whom he is going to concerts from bands he never liked before etc...
Enuya 2 years ago (edited)
Unpopular opinion: Cheating sucks, that's for sure. BUT it would happen far less often if ending unhappy marriages/relationships as an adult would be less criticized. Nobody bats an eye when a teenager changes partners every few months or even years. Adults do mistakes when it comes to relationships too AND they should be able to end it (yes, even when there are children in the picture, it's better to have happy, divorced parents than miserable married ones) without being treated like a villain. Not every love is for life and even when it is, sometimes people change and are better without each other.
Amanda Lalonde 2 years ago
My marriage ended because I had cheated, I'm not proud of myself and our relationship had no intimacy for approximately 6-7 before the cheating, but I avoided spending any time with my ex. I had grown to hate being around him because it was always the same, video games, drinking,and bitching
Lisa H 2 years ago
With all due respect, that doesn't justify cheating. Sorry if you already know this, but you should have broken up with him first. You took the easy way out instead of the right way.
Load More Replies... Lisa H 2 years ago (edited)
I got one: when their best friend flat-out tells you they're cheating on you. I remained friends with the best friend and he was no longer the ex's best friend. Still friends, but not as close anymore. He probably resented his friend for putting him in that position. The ex's excuse? We hadn't talked in a while so he just assumed it was over. The reason we hadn't talked in a while? I was across the country in Marine Corps Recruit Training and he KNEW when I was going. What's more is he was also a Marine and knew better than anyone that I couldn't exactly walk up to the Drill Instructors and ask to use the phone to call my boyfriend. I call bullshît on this pathetic excuse, especially since I wrote him letters while I was in. Never once heard back, though...
Kevin J. Henning 2 years ago
I've never understood why people think getting married is going to correct a bad situation. If someone is cheating, lying, drinking, shooting up or whatever before a marriage they are going to continue to do so. The ring and the license don't mean anything. Same with having children to save a relationship. All it does is make more misery for everybody including the little ones.
Lizz 2 years ago
This subject sure opened up some old scabs.... I've been cheated on so many times ( and you only realize it afterwards... ) I cheated twice, myself.... Being in a marriage that made me feel worthless got me vulnerable to the attention of some friends who pitied me and saw my worth.... So OK, who am I to judge. We got over it ( cost me a broken nose and a lot of name-calling ) but he just kept on cheating... and cheating..... Up to the point where a friend felt bad for what she did ( drunk 3-way with my so and her sister ) and confessed. Her I could forgive. I was so numbed at the time.... I didn't even care anymore. SO swore it was over. Until he started an affair with another one of my "friends". Almost drove me to suicide. After 2 years of this
Lizz 2 years ago
I "manned up" and told him to chose. He chose me. But the verbal and emotional abuse continued. I was so afraid of losing my kid that I didn't take action ( his family had money, I was practically broke ) I met someone I like a lot about 2 years ago and asked for a divorce last year. Now he's all "you're the only one for me..... blabla " I don't want to cheat on him with this guy but the so's avoiding any kind of communication involving a divorce. I don't know if I can hide my feelings for the other guy any longer and frankly, I don't give a sh*t about how my so would feel if he knew I was cheating. I've felt mentally divorced for so long now.... and I just long for someone to sincerely love me after all the bullsh*t I've been through. Sorry for the rant but I had to get this omy chest
Load More Replies... Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
I have one to add I didn't see on this list: they delete their texts, especially if they delete texts from one person in particular.
Joyce Blodgett 2 years ago
I was married way back before cell phones, or even computers, were a thing. BUT, it was still easy to know when husband (divorced from it for over 40 years now) was cheating. He would bring home flowers after each sex encounter; the larger and more elaborate the bouquet, the more involved he'd been. When he got to number six---AT LEAST six different women over nine years---he started getting me kitchenware, which was my passion. But when woman #6 called one night looking for him, and told me I must be "the dumbest thing on the planet for not knowing," I took our son and left. Never want another man in my life (nor women--I'm straight), and our son hated him until the day of his (son's) death.
pudgiegreg 2 years ago
I think a red flag that indicates cheating, or actions leading up to, is when your partner is very private and secretive about their phone and social media. That is what my ex did to me. I never asked to or tried to go through his phone, but he NEVER would have social media or his texts open when I was around. He followed many girls and many were his exs/previous sexual partners that he still kept in contact with and it really bothered me. Including like their boudoir photos on instagram. He never cut off those relationships and I felt like he had these women as a back up plan for if things didn't work out and he was lonely and needed an ego boost. This went on for 2 years, with me crying and begging to please stop talking to other women. If they don't have an openness about who they are talking to, or can't feel comfortable scrolling through this social media accounts or snapshot with you around, something is wrong. We broke up because of a fight, where I found out he was lying to me about another girl (an ex I was very insecure about) for a year.
pudgiegreg 2 years ago
Remember, cheating doesn't start with actions, it starts with sneaky conversations.
Load More Replies... Bobijntje 2 years ago
When he/she start to do new hobbies although it does not dit their personality. Or goes alone on a city trip to city you won't be find dead in, and than you find out thief colleague is from that city. Having a new "friend" with whom he is going to concerts from bands he never liked before etc...
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