What was the bearded hipster’s least favorite basketball team?

The Los Angeles Clippers.

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Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?

Because of the razor-thin margins.

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Why did the unlucky bearded man shave?

Because fortune favors the shave.

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AVGucky

AVGucky

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2 years ago

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Lmaoooo

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Why did the bearded thief shave before robbing a bank?

Because he wanted to be a smooth criminal.

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Headless Roach

Headless Roach

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2 years ago

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Try not to hear the song now in your head. I dare you.

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Why did the bearded man’s phone not unlock on seeing his face? Because it just wasn’t him anymore!

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Why didn't the barber ask the question about beards?

Because he was shaving it for later!

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Why couldn’t the man with a thick beard figure out the cause of his itchy beard?

Because he couldn’t get to the root of it.

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Why do British not like long beards?

Because they hate the Vikings.

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What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café?

A Goa-tea.

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AVGucky

AVGucky

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2 years ago

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So, are all goats called "hipsters" now because they have beards? I guess they'd say they've been bearded before it was cool 😜

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How many bearded men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to actually do the job, and nine others to compliment each other’s beards.

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Where does a beard stylist buy his grooming products?

At a Shaven Eleven.

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Facial hair that is only located under the lower lip is called a soul patch. Facial hair that only grows in spots on the neck is known as pitiful.

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AVGucky

AVGucky

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No idea why, but I'm crying because of "soul patch" 😂 does anypanda know if it's true and why?

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What hairstyle did the goose get?

A ducktail!

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What did the barber serve at his party?

Barber-que.

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Why was the hipster avoiding his social circle after going to the barber?

Because he was shaving face.

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What happened when my friend kept bragging about his stubble?

I just couldn’t bear-d him anymore!

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Why did the man sue the barber for touching his beard?

He saw it as hairassment.

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What do you say when a barber has a good annual income?

We can say it has been good hair for him!

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What was the catchphrase of the barber’s shop?

“Any time, Anyplace, Any hair!”

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Why was the man annoyed at his friend who was making fun of his facial hair?

Because it was a side-burn.

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What do you call a barber without a beard?

Jobless!

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Why did the man help his friends trim their facial hair?

Because shearing is caring.

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Where does a beard styling enthusiast go for vacations?

Shave-illa.

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What is a beard’s favorite nuts?

Mustachios.

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What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?

Hairy Potter.

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Why did the man with a receding hairline decide to grow his beard?

Because he was trying to plan a head.

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Why did Satan hire a good-willed barber to shave off the facial hair of men going to hell?

Because the road to hell is shaved with good intentions.

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Why did the barber eat nothing but goat meat?

Because mutton chops were his favorite.

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Where are all the old mustaches stored?

Probably in one of the mo-seums.

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What do you call a polite beard?

A beard that is well-groomed!

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What do you call a clean-shaved spy?

Agent 00-Shaven!

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Where do you find the perfect mustache?

Right under the nose!

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Who shaves a rabbit's beard?

A haredresser!

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What did the barber do after accidentally shaving off the man’s beard?

He just let it slide.

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What did the bartender tell the man with the saggy mustache?

“Is that your mustache or have your eyebrows come down for a drink?”

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Who helped grow Obi-Wan's beard?

His name was Darth Braider!

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Why did the teenager get a grooming kit for his birthday?

Because it was his shaventeenth birthday.

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Why don't men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

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Why was the bearded man angry?

Because he kept being mistaken for a hipster.

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Why was the bearded man with low self-esteem happy going out with his nonbearded friends?

Because everyone thought he was the leader!

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What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face?

“I’ve been hair before!”

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Why did the man get beard oil before food?

Because taking care of his beard is part of his hair necessities.

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What did the man say before shaving off his beard?

“Hair goes nothing!”

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Why did the toy airplane land on the bearded man’s face?

Because he had a strip on it.

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What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common?

For them, every hair counts!

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How come Spot would not let go of his beard?

He would Klingon to it!

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What is a bearded hipster’s favorite metal band?

Avenged Shavenfold.

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Which snack has a great mustache?

A pi-stach-io.

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Why are the beard and mustache on bad terms?

Because they can't gel with each other!

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Why did my friend lie about his beard?

Because he's a bald-faced liar.

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What kind of beard did Rocky keep?

He kept a Balbo-a!

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What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?

“All good things must comb to an end.”

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Why did the man named Penny keep on shaving his beard?

Because a Penny shaved is a Penny earned.

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Why are superheroes inspired by barbers?

Because they are always there to shave the day!

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Why did the man grow a mustache even though he always wore a mask in public?

Because he wanted a secret ‘stache.

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Why did the barber get annoyed by his customer?

Because he kept saying 10 times over, “I mustache you a question!”

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What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?

“You ought to shavour every bite!”

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Why did the man grow his beard ridiculously bigger than the last time?

Because he wanted to grow it shavenfold as much.

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Who is the world's most popular bearded wizard?

Of course, it is Gandalf, who else did you think?

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Why was the man’s beard a visual treat?

Because it was plait to perfection.

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Why was the bearded man at the court?

He was waiting for the verdi-ct!

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What do you call a goat with a beard?

A Goatee.

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What happened to the man who was hesitant about growing a beard?

It eventually grew on him.

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Why do men hate to shave off their beards?

Because they’re naturally attached to it.

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Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?

Because it was a fund razor.

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Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?

Because he barber-ed a grudge against him.

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What did the bearded prince marry Rapunzel?

Because he wanted a hairytale ending.

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What happened to the bearded clown after he was kicked out of the circus?

He lost his stubble mode of income.

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Knock Knock!
Who is there?
May 'stache.
May 'stache who?
May 'stache keeps growing on you.

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What comes after Movember?

Decembeard.

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What did the barber say to the man who wanted a spherical Afro?

“Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.”

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Where are bearded prisoners sent?

They sent them to the Gillette-ine.

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Why was the man’s self-care product line taking off?

Because of all the shave reviews!

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Why did the barber win at the race?

Because he took a short cut.

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Why did the man ignore the two hipsters tailing him and kept grooming his own beard?

Because a beard in the hand is worth two in the bush.

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What is a bearded man’s favorite headphone brand?

Bearddynamic.

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What is an old and wise dragon?

A bearded dragon!

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Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?

Because they don’t want raze-a-barn.

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Why did the man maintain his beard to perfection?

Because if he didn’t, things would get a bit hairy.

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What’s the difference between an ex-wife and a beard?

The beard eventually comes back.

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Why did the man get intentionally kicked in the face by a horse?

Because he wanted a horseshoe mustache.

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Why was the bearded man appointed as the sheriff in the town?

Because he had a gunslinger beard!

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When do hipsters shave their facial hair to match their cool personality?

During Daylight Shavings time.

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What was the pirate’s favorite kind of facial hair?

A boatee.

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What did the man say to the tiny grey hair growing on his mustache?

All this time, you were growing right under my nose.

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What did the mustache ask his elder brother?

I see you looking at me like that, what's growing on?

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Why did the man buy a new razor?

Because the old one failed to make the cut!

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What happened to long beards?

They have become a dying beard!

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What do you call a person who shaves 20 times a day and still ends the day with a beard?

A barber.

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Why was the bearded man the host?

He had a natural anchor in him!

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Why don't hipsters try to copy curly beard styles?

Because they don't go with the wave.

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What did hipster Darth Vader say to his clean-shaven henchman?

“I find your lack of beard disturbing!”

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My friend and I are in a beard-growing contest. It's neck and neck right now.

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Why did the man have the priest don a fake beard and mustache?

Because he wanted the baptism to be a blessing in disguise!

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Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space?

Because he wanted spacial hair.

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Why do women like men with beards?

Because they immediately see something that they can change!

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Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?

Because then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.

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Why did the bearded man go to the barber?

Because the barber provided intensive hair.

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Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber?

Because the barber was the hairbinger of doom for him!

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Why did the man keep growing his beard?

Because he thought he looked beardy handsome!

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Why do men develop confidence after growing their beards?

Because it’s the beard that grows them!

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Why was Ivan Pavlov’s beard so soft, smooth, and well-maintained?

Because he conditioned it.

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What did the man do when someone insulted his attempt at growing a beard?

He just brushed it off.

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Why did the man shave his mustache before participating in a dangerous stunt?

He said better shave than sorry.

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