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Funny 98 Bald Jokes That Will Make Your Day

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Baldness is a modern problem in our society. It’s a common issue mostly for men than women. The Czech Republic (42.79%), Spain (42.6%), and Germany (41%) are the top three countries with bald people in which men have either lost their hair or are currently losing their hair. Asian men have the luckiest genes in this aspect. In China, the number of bald people is incredibly low. Therefore, bald guy memes are not really a thing in Asia.

The reasons for going bald can make a long list. Still, it’s impossible to solve this physically (unless you’re willing to go to Turkey for a hair transplant), and there is no vaccine against a receding hairline. But we have 98 bald people jokes to morally support yourself or your loved one. That is the power of bald jokes and bald man memes.

When you accept your problem, you cannot be offended. Larry David is the perfect example. Not only is he a balding person, but he has quite the arsenal of funny bald head jokes, is able to make fun of himself, and soon turn it around towards the listener. That’s the problem with jokes about bald heads — they can reflect off of them.

If you are looking for a way to help your bald friend, look no further than the list below. If a joke raises some hairs on your head — be sure to upvote it and comment down below about the reaction you got after telling one of them.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

"Mommy, why is daddy bald?"

"It's because he thinks a lot sweetheart."

The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked:

"Is that why you have a lot of hair?"

20points

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#2

Bald joke about being tall and bald "The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch is that people think you're just tall."

19points

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#3

"I first noticed I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face."

18points

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#4

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there is your diamond in the rough.

18points

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The Rising of Shiny Bald Head Men - Hairless People in the History

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We’ve all seen wigs being a fashion trend in late 16th to 18th century Europe and America. Important leaders and people in high positions, such as lords, judges, and even kings like Louis XIV of France, used wigs to conceal their hair loss. Ever since, we’ve all noticed that bald leaders and historical figures were generally known to have hair loss. We’ve grouped the first famous bald figures and world leaders for you.

1. Famous Bald Figures

Some well-known bald personalities from various fields include William Shakespeare, Charles Darwin, Napoleon, Aristotle, Mahatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill, and Hippocrates.

2. Bald World Political Leaders

Several powerful world leaders have embraced their baldness throughout history. Mikhail Gorbachev, Vladimir Lenin, Vladimir Putin, Nikita Khrushchev, Benito Mussolini, Winston Churchill, and Mao Zedong openly showed their hair loss.

3. First Bald American Presidents

Defining “bald” varies, but early American presidents like George Washington and John Quincy Adams had varying degrees of hair loss. Several other presidents, including Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, and James K. Polk also experienced significant hair loss.

#5

"I can't tell if I'm going bald... or if it's all in my head."

16points

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#6

When do you know you’re going bald?

When you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

16points

#7

Bald joke about head being brighter than future "His head is brighter than my future."

16points

#8

"I'm not saying you are going bald, but you'll find Waldo before you find your hairline."

15points

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#9

"I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair. But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about."

13points

#10

"My friend's been losing his hair and is really insecure about it, so I suggested he should get a transplant. He didn't go for it though - he thought he'd look stupid with a kidney on his head."

12points

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Is it Rare to Be Bald?

First things first, it’s not rare to be bald. In fact, it’s quite common, especially among men. According to Health Direct, 1 in 5 men in their 20s, and nearly 1 in every 2 men in their 40s go bald.

Reasons for Male Baldness (temporarily & permanently):

Chemotherapy
Tight hairstyles
High Stress Levels
Androgenetic Alopecia
Age-Related Hair Thinning
Genetic Factors like family history
Autoimmune conditions & infections
Hormone imbalances - Thyroid disorders
Malnutrition, like severe deficiencies in iron, zinc, and biotin

#11

Bald joke about hairdresser "I wouldn't say I was going bald, but... When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, 'Which one?'"

11points

#12

What happened between a bald person and their hair?

They had a falling out.

10points

#13

What’s the difference between a bald man and an egg?

Eggs get laid.

10points

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#14

What do you call a balding web developer?

A 404-head.

10points

#15

"Beauty is only skin deep... I guess that's why you have hair."

10points

#16

Bald joke about turning bald What did the intelligent man say when he saw that he was turning bald in patches? He said that as he was a brainiac, his brain needed more space to expand!

10points

#17

What is the best way to irritate a guy with a receding hairline who also has a thick beard? Simply ask him, "Why is your hair cut upside down?"

10points

#18

"I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head because from a distance, they looked like hares."

9points

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#19

"My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude."

9points

What Are Some Sayings About Bald People?

“Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald,” by Evan Esar.

“I love bald men. Just because you've lost your fuzz, it doesn't mean you ain't a peach,” by Dolly Parton.

A man is usually bald four or five years before he knows it,” by Edgar Watson Howe.

“See, I was fine being bald, because I have a good-shaped head,” by Brian Urlacher.

“I bet the reason people are afraid of going bald is because it makes them think of the end of life. I mean, when your hair starts to thin, it must feel as if your life is being worn away ... as if you've taken a giant step in the direction of death, the last Big Consumption,” by Haruki Murakami.

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#20

What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?

An air stylist.

9points

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#21

Bald joke about bald person and a baby "My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends, 'Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head', she said. I said, 'Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby.'"

9points

#22

"My girl is so insecure... Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like 'Who's the bald chick?!'

9points

#23

3 wives want to decide what to wear.
The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress."
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress."
The third wife, on hearing this starts panicking. When asked she tells the other two, "My husband is bald."

9points

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#24

What do you call a bald guy named Gary?

Garibaldi.

9points

#25

Why are so many thieves bald?

They dreadlocks.

9points

Who is a Famous Bald Guy? 10 Famous Bald Celebrities

Baldness is not a choice for most men. Celebrities are humans, too. Regardless of many treatments, some can’t have their hair back. And for others, being bald is stylish and trending.

Gail Porter: “Bald is the new black!”

Telly Savalas: “We’re all born bald, baby.”

Larry David: “Women love a self-confident bald man.”

Gregg Wallace: “I’m the bald fat bloke off ‘MasterChef.”

Bruce Willis: “Hair loss is God’s way of telling me I’m human.”

Richelle E. Goodrich: “Anyone who looks good with a bald head is seriously sexy.”

Mackenzie Astin: “Have you noticed how most directors are either bald or gray-haired?”

Larry David: “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”

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Dwayne Johnson: “I’m not bald because I went bald. I’m bald because my hair is a cross between an afro and hair from a Lama’s ball sac.”

Johnny Vegas: “Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.”

#26

Bald joke about wife leaving her bald husband Why doesn’t the husband mind when his wife is leaving him due to his baldness?

Because it’s hair loss.

9points

#27

Why do bald people always look forward to sunny days?

That’s their time to shine.

9points

#28

"After years of being bare, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad. It's starting to grow on me."

9points

#29

Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?

Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!

9points

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#30

What is the mantra that bald people live by?

"Getting bald has nothing to do with losing hair, but it has a lot about gaining more head."

9points

Why Do Women Find Shaved Head Men Attractive?

Often, men going bald worry about having a future partner because good, healthy hair leads them to think of themselves as handsome young men. If women deem hair loss as a loss of youth, it might be a problem. Still, if women find bald men attractive is more of a matter of personal choice. There’s no set-in-stone answer for this.

Skull Shaver’s research in 2023 surveyed 1,000 women, in which 87.5% find bald men attractive, and the rest (12.5%) responded negatively. Noteworthy statistics from the survey:

46.2% of women prefer a confident man (bald or not, it doesn’t matter)
36.8% recommended growing a nice beard (if you’re bald)
12.7% of women would go for someone with a fit and masculine body
10% of women recommend adding tattoos to rock a bald look
8.8% think a good style will make a bald man look attractive
6.4% of women think bald men are attractive and sexy by just being bald

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To wrap this up, women do not prioritize a man’s hair when deciding to date a bald guy. Your personality, confidence, your personal style, and maybe tattoos will turn the cards in your favor.

#31

Bald joke about group of rabbits What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hairline.

9points

#32

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

8points

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#33

"My luck is like a bald guy... who just won a comb"

8points

#34

A balding, middle-aged man asked his barber, why he charged him the full price for cutting his hair — there's so little of it.
"Well, I actually only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for is my search for it" - said the barber.

8points

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#35

"I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine. I think I'll grow my bald spot out!"

8points

#36

Bald joke about Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin "I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin. 'I don't think so', she laughed, 'You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!' I said, 'I know, Danny DeVito.'"

8points

#37

What kind of bird doesn't need a comb?

A bald eagle.

8points

#38

When people make snarky comments about losing your hair, say, "With a body like this, who needs hair?"

8points

#39

How can you avoid falling hair?

Get out of the way.

8points

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#40

Why were all the lice sad on the head of a bald man?

They look like they are all homeless!

8points

#41

Bald joke about Bob the builder What did my sister tell me when I became bald?

"Jack, you are so bald that even Bob, the builder can't fix it for you."

8points

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#42

What did my wife say when I was going bald?

"Your head is so shiny that I can use it as a mirror."

8points

#43

What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man?

"You are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!"

8points

#44

What do you call a bald porcupine?

Pointless.

7points

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#45

A bald guy slipped in the shower. Fell on his head and slipped again.

7points

#46

Bald joke about bald man and windy day What do you call a bald man on a windy day?

Fortunate.

7points

#47

"Nobody wants to be alone. A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald. I don't like her chances."

7points

#48

What did the lice say to the bald man?

"I'm falling!"

7points

#49

What are bald sea captains afraid of?

Cap sizes.

7points

#50

"Doctor, doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?"

"Yes, here is a paper bag!"

7points

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#51

Bald joke about haircut "I see you don’t cut your hair any longer."
"No sir, I cut it shorter. "

7points

#52

How can you identify a bald eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side.

6points

#53

"I like playing chess with bald people in the park. The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them."

6points

#54

A bald guy killed all the barbers in my town

Boy, that was a hair-raising tragedy.

6points

#55

My friend was going bald.

So I asked him, "Who's your barber, genetics?"

6points

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#56

Bald joke about Harry Potter Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig.

6points

#57

Why is it against the law to hunt bald eagles?

Because it's ill-eagle.

6points

#58

What did the balding thief say in the wig store?

"Toupée or not toupée?"

6points

#59

What do diarrhea and baldness have in common?

They both run in your genes.

6points

#60

What sort of gun is a bald guy’s favorite?

One with a hair trigger.

6points

#61

Bald joke about finding food in your hair "People with hairless heads have problems. You cannot pretend that the hair you find in food is your own."

6points

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#62

Imagine having a head that resembles a brand-new pot!

6points

#63

What did my bald brother say when I gave him a comb as a gift?

"Thanks. I will never ever part with this comb."

6points

#64

Why does a bald man always wake up happy?

Because a man who has an extended forehead looks good!

6points

#65

What special day do bald people celebrate?

They like to celebrate No-Hair Day.

6points

#66

Bald joke about finding food in your hair "I am not saying you're losing your hair, but the lice on your head are starting to picket about deforestation."

6points

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#67

What is one clever reply when someone says you’re balding?

"Wow, you noticed, huh, Sherlock? Thanks for telling me, I had no idea! What other gems of knowledge do you have for us today?"

6points

#68

"Being bald means you went back to your roots."

5points

#69

Did you hear about the bald man's will after he died?

Turns out he didn't have any heirs.

5points

#70

What does a balding magician have in his hat?

Hare.

5points

#71

Bald joke about an airplane full of bald people What do you call an airplane full of bald people?

Receding airlines.

5points

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#72

"I was fed up with people laughing at me for being bald, so I went out and bought a hairpiece. It was a small-price toupee."

5points

#73

A man travels to an island. A person traveling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk - but now look at me." The traveler said, "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?" "I was born here", he answered.

5points

#74

Bald people struggle with improvement. They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.

5points

#75

What is truly pointless?

To tell a bald guy a hair-raising story.

5points

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#76

Bald joke about Prince Harry What will Prince Harry do if he starts going bald?

He'll wear a raspberry toupee.

5points

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#77

A bald actor has the biggest part in a play.

5points

#78

What did René Descartes say when he went bald?

"Cogito hair go sum."

5points

#79

Who has been waiting the longest for Philadelphia's first NFL championship?

Bald eagles.

5points

#80

Why do bald eagles always look mad?

Because they're bald.

5points

#81

Bald joke about bald DJ Who is the most famous bald DJ?

Calvin Hairless.

5points

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#82

Bald men are meant to be more virile. The problem is they never get the chance to prove it.

5points

#83

If the bald guy were a pen, what kind would he be?

A bald point.

5points

#84

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

5points

#85

Why do women trust bald men more than normal men?

Because bald men have nothing to hide!

5points

#86

Bald joke about barber and the bald person What did the barber say to the bald person when he entered the salon?

"Hey, what are you doing hair?"

5points

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#87

Why is it so easy to guess what a bald guy is going to say?

Because you can literally see what's on their mind!

5points

#88

How do you compare a bald man's head to one of the greatest tourist places on earth?

"Your hair has so many valleys and creeks that it looks like the Grand Canyon."

5points

#89

What do you say to an annoying bald person?

"Do you know that hair is dead, so that means your head is basically a corpse?"

5points

#90

How do you define the biggest irony of the world?

When a bald couple names their son Harry!

5points

#91

Bald joke about roasting a bald guy What is the coolest way to roast a guy who is going bald? Simply say, "Hey, if you wear a turtleneck shirt you will most definitely look like a roll on deodorant."

5points

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#92

What do you say to a bald guy if he is always annoying you?

"I am going to need binoculars to look at your hair."

5points

#93

Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?

Because he forgot to toupee.

5points

#94

What not to say in an argument against a bald person?

"Hair me out."

4points

#95

Why are all the dead sinners bald?

Because they have hell toupee.

4points

#96

Bald joke about James Taylor "A friend told me I look like James Taylor. Just after he went bald."

4points

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#97

You're so bald, that the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.

4points

#98

You are so bald, the reflection of your head is blinding people on another side of the world.

4points

Franka Dervishi

Meet Franka, a night-owl Panda! After graduating in Economics, she realized the only numbers she wanted to deal with were rankings on Google. She's been an analytical Copywriter ever since. In her free time, she is probably meditating, drafting a new chapter in her third fiction novel, or watching stand-up comedies.

Meet Franka, a night-owl Panda! After graduating in Economics, she realized the only numbers she wanted to deal with were rankings on Google. She's been an analytical Copywriter ever since. In her free time, she is probably meditating, drafting a new chapter in her third fiction novel, or watching stand-up comedies.

Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė

Hi! I'm the visual editor at Bored Panda, spicing up articles on Gardening, Home & Design. Guess what I daydream about? A future home with a huge garden, filled with all kinds of veggies and flowers. Sounds like the perfect match, doesn't it?

Hi! I'm the visual editor at Bored Panda, spicing up articles on Gardening, Home & Design. Guess what I daydream about? A future home with a huge garden, filled with all kinds of veggies and flowers. Sounds like the perfect match, doesn't it?

Džiugas Ožekauskas

Heyo. I’m Džiugas, a writer for Bored Panda’s Home & Design section. You can guess from my name that I’m a happy person. At least, I try to be happy and full of joy. I’m always down to analyze old and new movies and suggest decor ideas to add some pizazz to your home.

Heyo. I’m Džiugas, a writer for Bored Panda’s Home & Design section. You can guess from my name that I’m a happy person. At least, I try to be happy and full of joy. I’m always down to analyze old and new movies and suggest decor ideas to add some pizazz to your home.

What do you think ?

Headless Roach 1 year ago

When my close friend was losing his battle against cancer, he used to stroke his completely bald head and say "you see? hair does not have to be thick to be pretty". I miss him.

2points

lauralett50 1 year ago

So sorry for your loose, Headless Roach.

1point

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Headless Roach 1 year ago

When my close friend was losing his battle against cancer, he used to stroke his completely bald head and say "you see? hair does not have to be thick to be pretty". I miss him.

2points

lauralett50 1 year ago

So sorry for your loose, Headless Roach.

1point

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