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When you sit down for a while and really start thinking about language objectively, you realize that a lot of things don’t really make much sense. There are inconsistencies and irregularities to account for. Not to mention philological decisions that simply sound illogical. But that’s the reality of language—the way it organically evolves isn’t always tidy.

Redditor u/johnnylgarfield started up an intriguing thread about linguistics on r/AskReddit. They asked everyone what, in their opinion, is badly named and what a better name for it would be. For example, why is a group of squid called a ‘shoal’ instead of a ‘squad’? It’s a head-scratcher! Scroll down for some interesting suggestions—both witty and serious—to improve the English language.

Bored Panda got in touch with Lisa McLendon, Ph.D., from the University of Kansas. She shed some light on the challenges that people run into when trying to rename something, as well as the factors that influence how language evolves. We also reached out to the author of the viral discussion, redditor u/johnnylgarfield. Read on for both of our interviews.

#1

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense I'm not the first to say it, but "pick-up artists" and "garbage men" should swap titles.

GGAllinPartridge , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

Lisa McLendon, the William Allen White professor of Journalism and Mass Communications and the coordinator at the Bremner Editing Center, explained to Bored Panda that some of the biggest challenges when renaming something include habits, the reasons behind the change, and practicality.

“People get used to certain names for things, and new names may need quite some time to take hold. A good example of this is when a business buys the naming rights to a stadium but fans keep calling the stadium its old name,” she told Bored Panda in an email.

"Another challenge is whether people see a reason for a change. A lot of formerly acceptable names for groups of people or conditions are mostly gone (in polite company, anyway) because people realized they were offensive or disrespectful and wanted to change them," McLendon said.

#2

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?

xdark_realityx , Andrew Otto/flickr Report

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#3

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Dentures. Should be Substitooths.

donkeyknuckles , Karolina Grabowska/pexels Report

"A third challenge is simply practical: ALL of the places where the old name exists need to be changed to reflect the new name. An example of this is when a city wants to rename a street to honor someone. People may like the idea, but when it comes to changing addresses everywhere, it takes a lot of time and money."

The professor explained that some of the factors that influence how we change the name of things are actual change, politics, usefulness, respect, and novelty. “In general, ‘top-down’ efforts to change any part of language are a more arduous process than organic changes to language that develop through everyday use.”

It makes sense to change the name of the things when they change themselves. “For example, the USSR broke up, and each one of the countries that (re)gained independence afterward changed its name to drop ‘Soviet Socialist Republic.’ However, this isn’t always enough: Another example is Twitter being renamed X, but everyone still calls the posts 'tweets,'" Mclendon said.

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#4

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.

KYbywayofNY , Keegan Checks/pexels Report

#5

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.

ssssobtaostobs , MART PRODUCTION/pexels Report

#6

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense S’mores flavored Oreos are NOT called “S’moreos.”

I mean, what are they even paying their marketing people for?

FictionVent , greenth1ng/flickr Report

Meanwhile, it really does matter what we call things. "Politicians use names to try to shape the narrative. Calling a conflict a war, a rebellion, an invasion, or a skirmish influences how people think about it.”

We also have to consider whether a new name is needed or useful. We need to ask ourselves whether a new name clarifies or distinguishes one thing from another. If that sort of change is needed, it's more likely that the public will use the new term.

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Something else to ask ourselves is whether the new term is clever or distinct enough to warrant the change. "A 'squad of squid' is much more interesting than a 'shoal of squid,' so people may like it enough to make that change easily," the professor mused.

She also noted that "changing a name to honor someone or something or to get rid of an outdated or offensive name happens regularly, and usually pretty easily."

#7

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense "Randomized Double Blind Trial" should be "Trick or Treatment".

RealityTimeshare , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

#8

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Emotional baggage should be called grief-case.

Ragetaco3000 , Timur Weber/pexels Report

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#9

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Miscarriages. Think about that - it’s essentially accusing the woman for “mis-carrying” the pregnancy. It places the blame on women for something that’s almost always outside of their control, and traumatic to boot. A much better and more descriptive term would be “pregnancy loss”, which is already used widely in many settings.

jollyllama , Karolina Grabowska/pexels Report

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Meanwhile, Bored Panda also got in touch with the author who created the thread about renaming things in the first place, redditor u/johnnylgarfield. They were kind enough to answer our questions as well. 

We asked them how they would change the English language if they suddenly had the power to do so. The Reddit user told us that they would most likely start by changing "the spelling of a few words." That way, they'd hope to make them easier to pronounce.

#10

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Any bacon alternative that is not named Fācon is an abomination.

RitaPoonismysister , goblinbox_(queen_of_ad_/flickr Report

#11

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Otto Preminger wrote his own biography and failed to title it Otto-Biography. Once in a lifetime pun, and he just threw it away.

hippo717 , ebay Report

#12

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Bee Hotels - lil wooden structure that solitary bees can nest in from time to time.
That's great - support local wildlife etc.

But seriously, who was the marketing genius that decided NOT to call them all "Bee&Bee"s??

L_E_Phantman , storebukkebruse/flickr Report

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English, like most other languages, can be very frustrating to learn for complete newcomers. Bored Panda wanted to get the OP's thoughts on what new learners ought to keep in mind if they find themselves struggling or overwhelmed.

"English is a bit of a complex and intricate language," u/johnnylgarfield shared with us.

"Don't let the little things get to you," they encouraged everyone to keep doing their best.

According to the author of the r/AskReddit thread, they didn't quite expect the amount of attention that their question got on Reddit.

"I always wondered what things aren't named well and should be renamed," they revealed the inspiration behind the thread.

#13

I can't believe I'm the first to say sexual tension should be renamed to Bangxiety.

tsavong117 Report

#14

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Hot water heater. It's really a cold water heater.

GuliblGuy , Алексей Вечерин/pexels Report

#15

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Butterflies should be Flutterbys.

genderlawyer , Pixabay/pexels Report

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If we had the power to rename everything and anything, we could have a lot of fun. A snake could become a ‘danger noodle.’ Meanwhile, a hedgehog could proudly call itself an ‘ouch mouse.’ 

However, changing language inorganically is a heck of a task. You would essentially have to convince the majority of English speakers that a thing they’ve been calling one way their entire lives should be called something else.

You would need to provide a compelling reason for everyone to learn to call a thing something else. Not only that, but all of those people then have to get into the habit of calling the thing the name you tried to convince them is more logical. This is going to take a lot of time, resources, and repetition.

#16

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Now You See Me 2.

Should have been Now You Don't.

igenus44 , Summit Entertainment Report

#17

Daylight savings. Should be "pointlessly mess up everyone's sleep cycle".

HoleyerThanThou Report

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#18

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Hedgehog. Should be Needlemouse.

NoMaineKoonsAllowed , Pixabay/pexels Report

It’s much easier to do this with new concepts, products, and technologies. Just look at how quickly AI spread across the globe and became a household term. In the meantime, for many people, ChatGPT has pretty much become the generic go-to term for most large language model chatbots. How this will change in the future is something we can’t wait to witness.

From our perspective, no language will ever be ‘perfect.’ For one, it would be incredibly difficult to come up with a unified understanding of what a perfect language would even mean. On top of that, it’s all of those linguistic quirks that make learning and using languages so enjoyable.

#19

From a sign outside of a bar:

Why is it called bisexual when ambisextrous is right there?

Deep_Delivery2465 Report

#20

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Whoever coined the phrase Dad Bod really missed out on Father Figure.

dizzyeyedalton , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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#21

Shipments go by land, but cargo goes by sea. That s**t needs to be reversed.

SpareRam Report

That being said, some aspects frustrate not only your ordinary folks but philology experts as well. Linguist and neuroscience expert Arika Okrentis notes on ‘Aeon’ that “English spelling is ridiculous.”

“Sew and new don’t rhyme. Kernel and colonel do. When you see an ough, you might need to read it out as ‘aw’ (thought), ‘ow’ (drought), ‘uff’ (tough), ‘off’ (cough), ‘oo’ (through), or ‘oh’ (though),” Okrentis points out.

“The ea vowel is usually pronounced ‘ee’ (weak, please, seal, beam) but can also be ‘eh’ (bread, head, wealth, feather). Those two options cover most of it – except for a handful of cases where it’s ‘ay’ (break, steak, great). Oh wait, one more… there’s earth. No wait, there’s also heart,” the expert quips.

#22

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Weather forecast is boring. Weather prophecy is awesome.

dire18 , Chic Bee/flickr Report

#23

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense A group of raccoons is called a "gaze" when the word "heist" is right there.

_Captain_Dinosaur_ , patrice schoefolt/pexels Report

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#24

Narwhals should be renamed tunacorns.

alieninhumanskin10 Report

While millions upon millions of people around the globe have learned these linguistic quirks by heart, for non-native speakers, the process can be very frustrating. However, streamlining a language (if even possible) might remove many of the reasons why we fell in love with it in the first place.

Which of the linguistic changes featured in this post would you immediately embrace, dear Pandas? What things would you rename if you could? We’d really like to hear your thoughts on this, so if you have a moment, scroll down to the comments. (Meanwhile, we still think a group of squid should be called a ‘squad’…)

#25

Cornhole needs to be changed back to Bean Bag Toss.

4stargas Report

#26

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.

GWofJ94 , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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#27

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Hemorrhoids should be asteroids obv.

UncleDuude , John Campbell/flickr Report

#28

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Hand sanitizer should just be hanitizer. All toddlers say it that way and it’s easier.

JolieOiseau , hajay_suresh/flickr Report

#29

My stepdad randomly called the fridge/freezers the oracles of food and it stuck. “Let me ask the oracles of food” sounds way more bad*ss than “let me check what we have in the freezer”.

gogogadgetdumbass Report

#30

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense “Lisp” should be renamed to anything without an S in it.

cornedbeef101 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#31

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Astronomers should be called skyintists.

OreoDad22 , Giuseppe Donatiello/flickr Report

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#32

I am giving a serious response.
1. Borderline Personality Disorder is not being on the line between two different things. It is having difficulty regulating emotions.
2. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is not a lack of attention or an overabundance of activity. It is the brain moving too quickly and the body can't keep up. It is needing to structure things differently to be functional. It is being able to see things that others can't.
3. Sexual Desire/Interest/Arousal Disorder is not a disorder at all. It is a different sexual orientation: asexuality.

quixoticshoes Report

#33

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Mini corn dogs should be called corn puppies!!!

mikelybarger , alchen_x/flickr Report

#34

My daughter said podcasts should be called Ear TV, which I wholehearted agree with esp as the name podcasts is basically anachronistic now with the demise of iPods She also said bras should be called b**bytraps - she should probably go into advertising.

RosieFudge Report

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#35

The Great Molasses Flood/Boston Molasses Disaster should have been called The Boston Molassecre.

Key_Veterinarian_723 Report

#36

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Almond Milk. Should be called "Nut Juice"!

Troubador222 , Mike Mozart/flickr Report

#37

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense [Breasts] sweat —> humidititties.

SlientK , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#38

A driveway should be a parkway and a parkway should be a driveway.

scottcmu Report

#39

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Not original but I love the idea of butt dials being booty calls.

freecain , Valeriia Miller/pexels Report

#40

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Veterinarian. Should be a dogtor.

Nosfer97 , Tima Miroshnichenko/pexels Report

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#41

Blowjob doesn't involve blowing and for most people it's not their job.

Weekly_Sir911 Report

#42

Airports should be called plane stations.

nocolon Report

#43

Uterus Didelphys (double uterus) should be called a “twoterus”.

WorryOk1870 Report

#44

American "football"

Should be something more like Armor Rugby , etc.

diegoplus Report

#45

Olives should be Greece’s Pieces.

rmg18555 Report

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#46

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense The "snooze" button should be renamed the "five more minutes of denial" button.

Sharp-Culture7107 , Miriam Alonso/pexels Report

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#47

Faux pa > step-dad.

MaximumHemidrive Report

#48

Scarecrows are no crows. They should be called crowscares.

24benson Report

#49

I still don't get how "inflammable" means "flammable.".

OxytocinDeficiency Report

#50

Fire truck. Should be Water truck.

LizardKing-6 Report

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#51

Killer whales should have been named Sea pandas.

FlickySnow Report

#52

Lasagna, I prefer Pasta Cake.

draiman Report

#53

Uranus. Yeah it sounds like what it sounds like; but it’s also the only planet not named after a Roman god (in fact it’s not named after a god at all, it’s named after a Titan). It’s named after the Greek deity of the sky, and the father of the first generation of Titans.

It would almost be one thing if it was the last planet or something, but nope. Then we have Neptune, which is named after the Roman god of the sea. This leaves Uranus as the etymological sore-thumb of the Solar System.

The better name would be Caelus, because that’s the Roman equivalent, and it doesn’t sound like an inappropriate body part.

PhilosophusFuturum Report

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#54

Fencing (the sport).

“Swashbuckling” has been just *right* there for lo, all these centuries.

Outrageous_Lettuce44 Report

#55

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Gonorrhea should be an anti-diarrhea medication.

Anonymous_oneee , Polina Tankilevitch/pexels Report

#56

Forks should be called Stabby Grabbies.

Big-Routine222 Report

#57

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Headphones should be headspeakers.

frank-sarno , Kindel Media/pexels Report

#58

Mitch Hedberg nailed it. It's not a cheese grater, it's a sponge ruiner.

delusion_magnet Report

#59

Air Oven > Air Fryer.

It’s a small oven. It doesn’t just fry. .

BarryJGleed Report

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#60

Trampoline should be called jumpoline.

Morethanyoucan Report

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#61

Beheading should be called deheading. Not sure how that one slipped.

rainb0gummybear Report

#62

Answering Machines never really got a f*****g name. They were always just like, some left you a message on The Answering Machine. I always thought it should have been The TeleCorder.

saylr Report

#63

Iceland and Greenland.

Agitated_Campaign253 Report

#64

Toothbrush should really be called a teeth brush.

ollieballz Report

#65

Glove compartment. It should be extra fast food napkin compartment.

northeast_liquid Report

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#66

Abbreviation should be a much shorter word.

ButtMassager:

Abbreve works. Breve's even better.

Masked_Daisy Report

#67

Unicorn 🦄 cuz apparently unihorn makes too much sense.

ProfessionalSound644 Report

#68

A stroke should be called a Brain Attack.

caliburri2 Report

#69

As a clarinetist, I hate that the fingering chart (little chart that tells you which fingers to use to play certain notes) is called a fingering chart. It’s suggestive to those with dirty minds. I’m not sure what a better name would be, but someone’s got to have one right?

Geminii27:

Pressure Points

Clari-fier

Clari-key

Fairly-on-note

Sudden_Ad_6921 Report

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#70

For all intents and purposes Starlink really should have been called Skynet if it wasn’t already taken.

MonParapluie Report

#71

Starfish and jellyfish, neither are fish.

DizzyMink Report

#72

Near misses in aviation. Did you nearly miss? Then it’s a crash. Really should be a near hit or something.

TruckFoodWater Report

#73

Laundry detergent should be called laundry sauce.

TR1V1UM Report

#74

Pointed feet. At least in Dutch, they’re called “spitz-voeten”, with spitzen being the pointes ballerina’s wear.

My daughter looked at my feet and said “you have Barbie feet”, that’s what I call them now. It also reflects a lot better what my ability to walk is.

InternalPurple7694 Report

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#75

Queue should be que. like why the extra ue? Its dumb.

IdontKnow-DoYouKnow Report

#76

Traction should be called gription.

phantomagna Report

#77

Bullfrogs - I'd call 'em chuzwuzzers.

TheLeathal13 Report

#78

Broom, it should clearly be called a sweep/sweeper.

cleaningmybrushes Report

#79

Rhode island isn't an island.

FireyToots Report

#80

Garage, it’s obviously a car hold!

Zenfudo Report

#81

Mailman should obviously have been mailmale.

gucknbuck Report

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#82

Birth Control should be called Pregnancy Preventer.

Human_Cranberry_2805 Report

#83

Cookies, it should be bakes.

KTIKNA Report

#84

Why is it called chilly when it’s warm?

ThinCrust312 Report

#85

Buildings. Should be builtings.

Koreangonebad Report