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When you sit down for a while and really start thinking about language objectively, you realize that a lot of things don’t really make much sense. There are inconsistencies and irregularities to account for. Not to mention philological decisions that simply sound illogical. But that’s the reality of language—the way it organically evolves isn’t always tidy.

Redditor u/johnnylgarfield started up an intriguing thread about linguistics on r/AskReddit. They asked everyone what, in their opinion, is badly named and what a better name for it would be. For example, why is a group of squid called a ‘shoal’ instead of a ‘squad’? It’s a head-scratcher! Scroll down for some interesting suggestions—both witty and serious—to improve the English language.

Bored Panda got in touch with Lisa McLendon, Ph.D., from the University of Kansas. She shed some light on the challenges that people run into when trying to rename something, as well as the factors that influence how language evolves. We also reached out to the author of the viral discussion, redditor u/johnnylgarfield. Read on for both of our interviews.

#1

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense I'm not the first to say it, but "pick-up artists" and "garbage men" should swap titles.

GGAllinPartridge , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

Lisa McLendon, the William Allen White professor of Journalism and Mass Communications and the coordinator at the Bremner Editing Center, explained to Bored Panda that some of the biggest challenges when renaming something include habits, the reasons behind the change, and practicality.

“People get used to certain names for things, and new names may need quite some time to take hold. A good example of this is when a business buys the naming rights to a stadium but fans keep calling the stadium its old name,” she told Bored Panda in an email.

"Another challenge is whether people see a reason for a change. A lot of formerly acceptable names for groups of people or conditions are mostly gone (in polite company, anyway) because people realized they were offensive or disrespectful and wanted to change them," McLendon said.

#2

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?

xdark_realityx , Andrew Otto/flickr Report

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"A third challenge is simply practical: ALL of the places where the old name exists need to be changed to reflect the new name. An example of this is when a city wants to rename a street to honor someone. People may like the idea, but when it comes to changing addresses everywhere, it takes a lot of time and money."

The professor explained that some of the factors that influence how we change the name of things are actual change, politics, usefulness, respect, and novelty. “In general, ‘top-down’ efforts to change any part of language are a more arduous process than organic changes to language that develop through everyday use.”

It makes sense to change the name of the things when they change themselves. “For example, the USSR broke up, and each one of the countries that (re)gained independence afterward changed its name to drop ‘Soviet Socialist Republic.’ However, this isn’t always enough: Another example is Twitter being renamed X, but everyone still calls the posts 'tweets,'" Mclendon said.

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#4

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.

KYbywayofNY , Keegan Checks/pexels Report

#5

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.

ssssobtaostobs , MART PRODUCTION/pexels Report

#6

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense S’mores flavored Oreos are NOT called “S’moreos.”

I mean, what are they even paying their marketing people for?

FictionVent , greenth1ng/flickr Report

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guarantee that's what the crew working the production line that makes them calls them.

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Meanwhile, it really does matter what we call things. "Politicians use names to try to shape the narrative. Calling a conflict a war, a rebellion, an invasion, or a skirmish influences how people think about it.”

We also have to consider whether a new name is needed or useful. We need to ask ourselves whether a new name clarifies or distinguishes one thing from another. If that sort of change is needed, it's more likely that the public will use the new term.

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Something else to ask ourselves is whether the new term is clever or distinct enough to warrant the change. "A 'squad of squid' is much more interesting than a 'shoal of squid,' so people may like it enough to make that change easily," the professor mused.

She also noted that "changing a name to honor someone or something or to get rid of an outdated or offensive name happens regularly, and usually pretty easily."

#7

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense "Randomized Double Blind Trial" should be "Trick or Treatment".

RealityTimeshare , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

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#9

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Miscarriages. Think about that - it’s essentially accusing the woman for “mis-carrying” the pregnancy. It places the blame on women for something that’s almost always outside of their control, and traumatic to boot. A much better and more descriptive term would be “pregnancy loss”, which is already used widely in many settings.

jollyllama , Karolina Grabowska/pexels Report

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Alewa
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't hear it as accusing the woman, I just hear that the body was not able to support the pregnancy through no fault of its own.

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Meanwhile, Bored Panda also got in touch with the author who created the thread about renaming things in the first place, redditor u/johnnylgarfield. They were kind enough to answer our questions as well. 

We asked them how they would change the English language if they suddenly had the power to do so. The Reddit user told us that they would most likely start by changing "the spelling of a few words." That way, they'd hope to make them easier to pronounce.

#10

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Any bacon alternative that is not named Fācon is an abomination.

RitaPoonismysister , goblinbox_(queen_of_ad_/flickr Report

#11

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Otto Preminger wrote his own biography and failed to title it Otto-Biography. Once in a lifetime pun, and he just threw it away.

hippo717 , ebay Report

#12

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Bee Hotels - lil wooden structure that solitary bees can nest in from time to time.
That's great - support local wildlife etc.

But seriously, who was the marketing genius that decided NOT to call them all "Bee&Bee"s??

L_E_Phantman , storebukkebruse/flickr Report

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English, like most other languages, can be very frustrating to learn for complete newcomers. Bored Panda wanted to get the OP's thoughts on what new learners ought to keep in mind if they find themselves struggling or overwhelmed.

"English is a bit of a complex and intricate language," u/johnnylgarfield shared with us.

"Don't let the little things get to you," they encouraged everyone to keep doing their best.

According to the author of the r/AskReddit thread, they didn't quite expect the amount of attention that their question got on Reddit.

"I always wondered what things aren't named well and should be renamed," they revealed the inspiration behind the thread.

#13

I can't believe I'm the first to say sexual tension should be renamed to Bangxiety.

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#15

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Butterflies should be Flutterbys.

genderlawyer , Pixabay/pexels Report

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JB
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8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In our yard they are called exactly this. We love to watch them and the runny babbits as well

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If we had the power to rename everything and anything, we could have a lot of fun. A snake could become a ‘danger noodle.’ Meanwhile, a hedgehog could proudly call itself an ‘ouch mouse.’ 

However, changing language inorganically is a heck of a task. You would essentially have to convince the majority of English speakers that a thing they’ve been calling one way their entire lives should be called something else.

You would need to provide a compelling reason for everyone to learn to call a thing something else. Not only that, but all of those people then have to get into the habit of calling the thing the name you tried to convince them is more logical. This is going to take a lot of time, resources, and repetition.

#16

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Now You See Me 2.

Should have been Now You Don't.

igenus44 , Summit Entertainment Report

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EP
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ohhhhhhh. They totally missed the mark by not doing that. Good call!!!

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#17

Daylight savings. Should be "pointlessly mess up everyone's sleep cycle".

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#18

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Hedgehog. Should be Needlemouse.

NoMaineKoonsAllowed , Pixabay/pexels Report

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CK
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah, I like things that are named after two things they aren't. My favorite fruit is a pineapple.

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It’s much easier to do this with new concepts, products, and technologies. Just look at how quickly AI spread across the globe and became a household term. In the meantime, for many people, ChatGPT has pretty much become the generic go-to term for most large language model chatbots. How this will change in the future is something we can’t wait to witness.

From our perspective, no language will ever be ‘perfect.’ For one, it would be incredibly difficult to come up with a unified understanding of what a perfect language would even mean. On top of that, it’s all of those linguistic quirks that make learning and using languages so enjoyable.

#19

From a sign outside of a bar:

Why is it called bisexual when ambisextrous is right there?

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#20

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Whoever coined the phrase Dad Bod really missed out on Father Figure.

dizzyeyedalton , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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#21

Shipments go by land, but cargo goes by sea. That s**t needs to be reversed.

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That being said, some aspects frustrate not only your ordinary folks but philology experts as well. Linguist and neuroscience expert Arika Okrentis notes on ‘Aeon’ that “English spelling is ridiculous.”

“Sew and new don’t rhyme. Kernel and colonel do. When you see an ough, you might need to read it out as ‘aw’ (thought), ‘ow’ (drought), ‘uff’ (tough), ‘off’ (cough), ‘oo’ (through), or ‘oh’ (though),” Okrentis points out.

“The ea vowel is usually pronounced ‘ee’ (weak, please, seal, beam) but can also be ‘eh’ (bread, head, wealth, feather). Those two options cover most of it – except for a handful of cases where it’s ‘ay’ (break, steak, great). Oh wait, one more… there’s earth. No wait, there’s also heart,” the expert quips.

#22

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Weather forecast is boring. Weather prophecy is awesome.

dire18 , Chic Bee/flickr Report

#23

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense A group of raccoons is called a "gaze" when the word "heist" is right there.

_Captain_Dinosaur_ , patrice schoefolt/pexels Report

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#24

Narwhals should be renamed tunacorns.

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While millions upon millions of people around the globe have learned these linguistic quirks by heart, for non-native speakers, the process can be very frustrating. However, streamlining a language (if even possible) might remove many of the reasons why we fell in love with it in the first place.

Which of the linguistic changes featured in this post would you immediately embrace, dear Pandas? What things would you rename if you could? We’d really like to hear your thoughts on this, so if you have a moment, scroll down to the comments. (Meanwhile, we still think a group of squid should be called a ‘squad’…)

#25

Cornhole needs to be changed back to Bean Bag Toss.

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never heard the name "Cornhole" until prison. Someone in prison is NOT going to sign up for Cornhole leagues without at least some clarification.

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#26

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.

GWofJ94 , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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CK
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anthocynin in red onions changes color based on the PH. So some red onions appear red, while others are very purple.

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#28

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Hand sanitizer should just be hanitizer. All toddlers say it that way and it’s easier.

JolieOiseau , hajay_suresh/flickr Report

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Aqsa Azam
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a linguistics course last semester and we talked about this phenomena where two words are combined and one syllable in between is left out. That's how "iced cream" became "ice cream"

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#29

My stepdad randomly called the fridge/freezers the oracles of food and it stuck. “Let me ask the oracles of food” sounds way more bad*ss than “let me check what we have in the freezer”.

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#30

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense “Lisp” should be renamed to anything without an S in it.

cornedbeef101 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#31

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Astronomers should be called skyintists.

OreoDad22 , Giuseppe Donatiello/flickr Report

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then what would we call Meteorologists? Why do we call them that anyway, they never study meteors.

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#32

I am giving a serious response.
1. Borderline Personality Disorder is not being on the line between two different things. It is having difficulty regulating emotions.
2. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is not a lack of attention or an overabundance of activity. It is the brain moving too quickly and the body can't keep up. It is needing to structure things differently to be functional. It is being able to see things that others can't.
3. Sexual Desire/Interest/Arousal Disorder is not a disorder at all. It is a different sexual orientation: asexuality.

quixoticshoes Report

#34

My daughter said podcasts should be called Ear TV, which I wholehearted agree with esp as the name podcasts is basically anachronistic now with the demise of iPods She also said bras should be called b**bytraps - she should probably go into advertising.

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KombatBunni
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I once heard a bra described as an over the shoulder boulder holder..

Settled for Infamy
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kmart Australia used to stock a bra brand by the name of "Hestia" I found out later in life it is an acronym for, Holds Every Sized Tít In Australia.

Ellie Ahmed
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my brother was very little, I remember him seeing a woman in her bra on TV one day and saying to me "she's wearing a booby basket!"

My O My
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In german we say BH which is short for Büstenhalter. Booby holder.

censorshipsucks
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I call apple watches iwatches because f**k you if you name ALL your products i-something, you have to name your watches iwatches. So there.

Shaunn Munn
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I could lay laurels at your daughter's feet for her talents, I would heap them! Brilliant!

Puppy Dancing!
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Over the Shoulder Boulderholders. Should be Booby Hammock.

pineapple87
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Finnish word for bra essentially translates into breast vest

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#35

The Great Molasses Flood/Boston Molasses Disaster should have been called The Boston Molassecre.

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Jeremy James
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's been more than 100 years past. I think I can have a little chuckle. Tragedy, though.

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#36

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Almond Milk. Should be called "Nut Juice"!

Troubador222 , Mike Mozart/flickr Report

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Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They legally were until Feb 2023. The FDA officially issued a statement effectively saying "we give up and its not worth the effort anymore. Its not milk but its too hard to stop people from calling it that."

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#37

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense [Breasts] sweat —> humidititties.

SlientK , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

#38

A driveway should be a parkway and a parkway should be a driveway.

scottcmu Report

#39

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Not original but I love the idea of butt dials being booty calls.

freecain , Valeriia Miller/pexels Report

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CK
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've heard this has been a serious area of confusion for non native English speakers.

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#40

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Veterinarian. Should be a dogtor.

Nosfer97 , Tima Miroshnichenko/pexels Report

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CK
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But only veterinarians who treat dogs. It would be weird to take a bird to a "dogtor" who specializes in avians.

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#41

Blowjob doesn't involve blowing and for most people it's not their job.

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#42

Airports should be called plane stations.

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Marcellus II
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. The whole terminology is naval: e.g., both are commanded by a Captain; consequently airports in all languages are air-port or air-harbor. The big difference is that a ship and a plane can go anywhere in the world, and historically both required the same navigation and weather forecasting skills; a train is super fixed in trajectory & disregards weather.

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#43

Uterus Didelphys (double uterus) should be called a “twoterus”.

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#44

American "football"

Should be something more like Armor Rugby , etc.

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Sandy D
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Armor rugby machines more sense. Feet are only a main feature of a few specific situations. Soccer should definitely be football, even here in the US

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#45

Olives should be Greece’s Pieces.

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#46

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense The "snooze" button should be renamed the "five more minutes of denial" button.

Sharp-Culture7107 , Miriam Alonso/pexels Report

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New Everywhere
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Is it worth getting fired button. The I make bad choices button. The Curse you BP but only in the morning button.

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#47

Faux pa > step-dad.

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#48

Scarecrows are no crows. They should be called crowscares.

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CK
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if we call them "crowscares," the crows will know their purpose and will no longer fear them.

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#49

I still don't get how "inflammable" means "flammable.".

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Christian Golden
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Inflammable was first. from "inflame." But people are dumb and thought it meant in-...as in insane, inactive or "incapable of burning." So we now have flammable and non-flammable.

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#50

Fire truck. Should be Water truck.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If firefighters fight fires and crimefighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

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#51

Killer whales should have been named Sea pandas.

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#52

Lasagna, I prefer Pasta Cake.

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#53

Uranus. Yeah it sounds like what it sounds like; but it’s also the only planet not named after a Roman god (in fact it’s not named after a god at all, it’s named after a Titan). It’s named after the Greek deity of the sky, and the father of the first generation of Titans.

It would almost be one thing if it was the last planet or something, but nope. Then we have Neptune, which is named after the Roman god of the sea. This leaves Uranus as the etymological sore-thumb of the Solar System.

The better name would be Caelus, because that’s the Roman equivalent, and it doesn’t sound like an inappropriate body part.

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#54

Fencing (the sport).

“Swashbuckling” has been just *right* there for lo, all these centuries.

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#56

Forks should be called Stabby Grabbies.

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#57

People Suggest New Names For Badly Named Things And These 50 Make So Much More Sense Headphones should be headspeakers.

frank-sarno , Kindel Media/pexels Report

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Head speakers are a thing though. I wear them when I'm riding my bike so I can listen to music but I can still hear traffic around me so I don't go splat.

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#58

Mitch Hedberg nailed it. It's not a cheese grater, it's a sponge ruiner.

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#59

Air Oven > Air Fryer.

It’s a small oven. It doesn’t just fry. .

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#60

Trampoline should be called jumpoline.

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Dee
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was until your mom used it. Ha. Ha. Anybody remember that one?

#61

Beheading should be called deheading. Not sure how that one slipped.

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#62

Answering Machines never really got a f*****g name. They were always just like, some left you a message on The Answering Machine. I always thought it should have been The TeleCorder.

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EP
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sad tale: Person must waits 30 years to be able to finally share product naming idea, yet physical product is obsolete.

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#63

Iceland and Greenland.

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#64

Toothbrush should really be called a teeth brush.

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#65

Glove compartment. It should be extra fast food napkin compartment.

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#66

Abbreviation should be a much shorter word.

ButtMassager:

Abbreve works. Breve's even better.

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#67

Unicorn 🦄 cuz apparently unihorn makes too much sense.

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#68

A stroke should be called a Brain Attack.

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JB
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I prefer the totally clinically correct "cerebrovascular accident". Just has a nice rhythm/cadence

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#69

As a clarinetist, I hate that the fingering chart (little chart that tells you which fingers to use to play certain notes) is called a fingering chart. It’s suggestive to those with dirty minds. I’m not sure what a better name would be, but someone’s got to have one right?

Geminii27:

Pressure Points

Clari-fier

Clari-key

Fairly-on-note

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CK
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fingering is called fingering on every instrument. It's worse on guitar, which is most commonly strung EADGBE and used to play chords major and minor.

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#70

For all intents and purposes Starlink really should have been called Skynet if it wasn’t already taken.

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Greenmantle
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or "April Fool's Alien Invasion"... for the first time you see it

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#71

Starfish and jellyfish, neither are fish.

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#72

Near misses in aviation. Did you nearly miss? Then it’s a crash. Really should be a near hit or something.

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#73

Laundry detergent should be called laundry sauce.

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#74

Pointed feet. At least in Dutch, they’re called “spitz-voeten”, with spitzen being the pointes ballerina’s wear.

My daughter looked at my feet and said “you have Barbie feet”, that’s what I call them now. It also reflects a lot better what my ability to walk is.

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#75

Queue should be que. like why the extra ue? Its dumb.

IdontKnow-DoYouKnow Report

#76

Traction should be called gription.

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#77

Bullfrogs - I'd call 'em chuzwuzzers.

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#78

Broom, it should clearly be called a sweep/sweeper.

cleaningmybrushes Report

#79

Rhode island isn't an island.

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Bookworm
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently the original colony of Rhode Island was, in fact, on an island that's now officially called Aquidneck Island (which is a mangled Native American word.)

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#80

Garage, it’s obviously a car hold!

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#81

Mailman should obviously have been mailmale.

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#83

Cookies, it should be bakes.

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#84

Why is it called chilly when it’s warm?

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#85

Buildings. Should be builtings.

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Jeremy James
Community Member
8 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember hearing about languages that use active verbs or states of being in place of nouns. A building is "building," a being is "being," rain is "raining," dog is "dogging," and so forth. Alan Watts pointed out that the sentence structure that goes, "Subject -> Verb -> Predicate," contains within it the hidden belief that actions are caused by nouns. It's strange to think about how the structures of our languages influence the ways in which we can think.

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