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If you’ve ever been job hunting, you should be familiar with the pain of creating and/or updating your resume. Making yourself seem appealing by summarizing your work life and educational achievements can be quite a chore, especially for those of us that don’t enjoy boasting. The task can weigh on people so much, it’s often tempting to just send a quick message to the recruiter saying, “I can do this job, give me this job.” However, like many things in this modern world, we do need to go through the whole song and dance about it, with formatting, designing, and peppering it with personality (not too much, though!).

Bored Panda had a chat with Greg Langstaff (TikTokInstagramYouTube), a career coach and job search expert, on the do’s and don’ts of the resumes. This professional with over 620,000 followers on TikTok and 230,000 on Instagram had quite a few hot tips for any job hunter out there, so scroll down to get them.

If you’re in the middle of creating your resume right now and need some tips for what not to do, the collection of posts below will show you what will not get you hired. If you already have a resume and feel unsure about it, the list might help you realize that your efforts are, in fact, quite acceptable. And if you already have a job, scrolling down might make you feel like you should hold on to it as the job market is insane.

#1

Someone Sent Me A Picture Of This Resume. Hire This Man Now

Someone Sent Me A Picture Of This Resume. Hire This Man Now

s0n- Report

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Craftsman 64
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had me with his professionalism up until he didn't know how to spell Taupe

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When asked about the most common mistakes job seekers make, Greg Langstaff emphasised that it's not including specific details related to your personal accomplishments. "The last thing you want is a resume that looks like it just has a bunch of job descriptions on it. That only shows the employer "what we did" whereas by adding results and accomplishments, we show them that we're very good at the things they need us to do. The people who do add those accomplishments are the ones getting the interviews."

Another big mistake is jumping straight into the work experience, without any introduction. "Because recruiters and hiring managers take so little time to initially scan our resumes, we need to include "Professional Branding" at the top of our resume which could come in the form of giving ourselves a title (such as "Digital Marketing Expert"), a Professional Summary, an Areas of Expertise Section, or some Career Highlights."

Many employers these days also use resume parsing tools that scan every single application looking for specific keywords, skills, or timelines. They sort the resumes even before a real person has a chance to look through it. This means that if your resume is not easy to parse, it might get weeded out even if you suit all the requirements. So, gather all the keywords that are prominent in your field and make sure to put it in your application

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    #2

    Read This On An Applicant’s Resume

    Read This On An Applicant’s Resume

    mmutk Report

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    RAM31280
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Successfully trained wild husband to perform 1/2 household duties? This woman is a saint, hire her immediately.

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    When your resume finally reaches a recruiter, there are ways to make a good impression. For example, make sure that the language you’re using is not too boastful. According to a study published in 2016, recruiters prefer moderate self-promotion. That means stating that you’re good at something and you have relevant experience would do better than saying you’re excellent, the best they can find, and an ideal candidate. In fact, bragging too much can hurt your chances of getting a job, so keep your ego in check.

    A tip that follows in a similar vein is tailoring your resume to the specific job you’re applying for. This might mean omitting irrelevant experience and highlighting achievements that bolster your chances to shine. You should also alter your title so it suits the job you’re applying. Addressing some of the specific requirements mentioned in the job posting can also be useful as well as updating your summary to fit the role better.

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    When it comes to the visual presentation of your resume, Langstaff has a few more tips. "Think about the visual presentation of your resume like you would with a major presentation you were delivering. The information that you're sharing is by far the most important part; however, if you don't make an effort to deliver that in a clear and professional format, people are going to struggle to take the information seriously. Great resume formatting can't get you a job, but bad formatting can cause you to miss out on one."

    #4

    Meirl

    Meirl

    OreoSnorty69 Report

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    Johnathan Wilkinson
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, to be honest, this just proves that the company you are applying to are a) completely disorganized, b) Have no clue how to use modern software, c) have no idea of how to reduce their staff’s workload, and d) they don’t give a damn how much extra work their staff have to do as a result of their complete incompetence! Simply do not apply! They will never care about you, your work-life balance, etc.

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    Depending on where you live, including a picture in your resume might be a must or a big no-no. In countries such as the US and the UK, including pictures goes against the strict anti-discrimination laws that aim to make hiring processes free from race, age, and gender profiling. The biases that come with presenting a picture were proven back in 1986 when a study concluded that people favor attractive candidates to the less attractive ones. That seemed to be the rule for any job, yet the pattern was especially prevalent when looking at customer-facing positions. 

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    #7

    Someone Sent A Resume With Their Duolingo Streak Under "Languages"

    Someone Sent A Resume With Their Duolingo Streak Under "Languages"

    SamuraiCorb1517 Report

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    #9

    There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

    There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

    JoeBaggoDonuts Report

    However, one cannot erase discrimination simply by omitting a candidate’s picture; the subconscious biases rear their heads anyway. Take ageism as an example. British Sociological Association states that older applicants are three times less likely to get an interview than younger ones. Yet, surely if you omit the picture and the birth date, you’re back on the leveled playing field, right? Wrong. Two Belgian researchers analyzed the effects of subtle age cues when assessing resumes. They found that people with older-sounding names and dated hobbies were disadvantages during candidate reviews. 

    #10

    Resume That Was Dropped Today And Impressed My Manager So He Decided To Call Him For An Interview

    Resume That Was Dropped Today And Impressed My Manager So He Decided To Call Him For An Interview

    je-suis-pauvre Report

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    #11

    Received An Application Today. Here Is The “Resume” That Was With It

    Received An Application Today. Here Is The “Resume” That Was With It

    Blakedigital Report

    #12

    Some Guy Dropped This Resume Off At My Family's Restaurant Today

    Some Guy Dropped This Resume Off At My Family's Restaurant Today

    DrSpy Report

    Subtle cues of race are also present in candidate applications. An article published by Harvard Business School pointed out real-life cases of students “whitening” their resumes and having better outcomes. Black students, for example, omitted their race when talking about organizations they belong to. One student even decided not to mention a prestigious scholarship they got because it could reveal their race. Asian students admitted to changing their names to Americanized nicknames which led to a better response rate. They also changed their hobbies to those more common in white western culture.

    #13

    Maybe The Worst Resume I Have Received

    Maybe The Worst Resume I Have Received

    FilecakeAbroad Report

    #14

    A Resume My Wife Received This Week

    A Resume My Wife Received This Week

    "Faith, m
    Resume- was working at a trucking company, just got fired for insubordination: not true. looking for upright employer."

    Firmteacher Report

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    Lemme get the lemons
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know this isn't what they mean but when they said upright employer, they just wanted a two legged boss

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    #15

    Someone Dropped Off Their Resume Where I Work, I Feel Like I Should Call Them And Let Them Know

    Someone Dropped Off Their Resume Where I Work, I Feel Like I Should Call Them And Let Them Know

    dropper54 Report

    With all these biases at play, blind or anonymous recruitment is becoming a more and more popular option. With this type of candidate screening, all the information that a recruiter could be biased about—age, gender, name, sometimes also personal interests and education—is taken out of the resume. This can be done with the help of a software or a dedicated recruiter that later passes it on to the screener. In this way, the information presented is a neat collection of only job-relevant information. This should increase the chances of marginalized candidates. However, this doesn’t mean that biases will not come into play in the later stage of the hiring process.

    #16

    My Dad Asked For Help Sending His Resume Online And Handed Me This

    My Dad Asked For Help Sending His Resume Online And Handed Me This

    Felch97 Report

    #18

    Wife’s Employer Received This Resume For A Position. He Got An Interview Because The Manager Couldn’t Stop Laughing

    Wife’s Employer Received This Resume For A Position. He Got An Interview Because The Manager Couldn’t Stop Laughing

    CompasslessPigeon Report

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    When it comes to writing a good resume, Langstaff, who's written over 1,200 resumes, offers his own strategy that lands his clients jobs. "We read the job postings they're targeting and make a list of the skills mentioned in that job posting. Then we have a discussion to identify when my client has used those skills in their career successfully. Then we fill the resume with bullet points that tell those stories and we mention the skills again in their professional branding. That approach has led to countless people getting promotions, changing careers, escaping toxic workplaces, and landing their dream jobs."

    #19

    I Dunno If This Guy Was Trolling, But We Received This Resume A While Ago

    I Dunno If This Guy Was Trolling, But We Received This Resume A While Ago

    supermarketgangbang Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nobody wants to hear about your hard wood on a CV unless you are applying for the adult film industry. /S Homeless, blows with the wind. +5 points for at least being born on this planet.

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    #20

    One Of My Recruiters Just Received This Resume This Morning

    One Of My Recruiters Just Received This Resume This Morning

    joeswo214 Report

    #21

    Why Am I Getting Such An Influx Of People That Act Like This Is Not A Professional Job? Yes, You Need A Resume, And Sorry We Don’t “Hold Dogs Down”

    Why Am I Getting Such An Influx Of People That Act Like This Is Not A Professional Job? Yes, You Need A Resume, And Sorry We Don’t “Hold Dogs Down”

    houndhandler3 Report

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    HungryPanda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't hold dogs down, motivate them! Show them their carrier options, how to plan the future, and be the best canines they can be.

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    All in all, resumes are quite a big deal. They can help us forge our path forward but also put us in unfair and unfortunate situations. They make you think whether simple pieces of paper should have such significance in determining our lives. After all, sometimes they are the only thing that another person will ever know about us. Either way, keeping that in mind is important and might prevent you from making the regrettable yet hilarious mistakes people made when creating resumes posted in this list. To witness more similar accidents, check out our posts here and here.

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    #22

    A CV That Was Handed To Me In Work Recently That I Had To Get A Picture Of Before I Passed It On To The Manager

    A CV That Was Handed To Me In Work Recently That I Had To Get A Picture Of Before I Passed It On To The Manager

    Tex_ Report

    #23

    After Spending The Past Two Weeks Handing Out Resumes, I Just Noticed It Says Excessive Masturbation Under My Hobbies

    After Spending The Past Two Weeks Handing Out Resumes, I Just Noticed It Says Excessive Masturbation Under My Hobbies

    Luklaus Report

    #24

    A CV Emailed To The Recruitment Agency I Work For. This Is The Entire Resume And The Blue Is Where His Name Was

    A CV Emailed To The Recruitment Agency I Work For. This Is The Entire Resume And The Blue Is Where His Name Was

    Nightwingvyse Report

    #25

    Well, It Definitely Makes An Impression

    Well, It Definitely Makes An Impression

    CityCalling Report

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    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't even need to read it, you have an interview and I will MAKE a position for you if I have to

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    #26

    I Had A Question About Your Resume, Miss

    I Had A Question About Your Resume, Miss

    starwarsnerdguy Report

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    Ample Aardvark
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nevermind the WordArt graphics, all the quotation marks are bothering me far more

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    #27

    I Once Received This Resume, And I'm Still Uncertain Whether The Person Intended It As A Joke

    I Once Received This Resume, And I'm Still Uncertain Whether The Person Intended It As A Joke

    Luap2ll2 Report

    #29

    Give Hulk Job

    Give Hulk Job

    Funny way to get your name out there. I gotta give this animator some props for guts.

    VisualNoiz Report

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    Cain Hargreaves
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I felt like doing this the last time I was job-hunting. It's frustrating after a while, my dudes.

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    #30

    My Company Is Hiring. This Was By Far My Favorite Resume. I Mean, Really?

    My Company Is Hiring. This Was By Far My Favorite Resume. I Mean, Really?

    TheUnbeliever Report

    #31

    There Was An Attempt To Showcase Language Skills On The CV

    There Was An Attempt To Showcase Language Skills On The CV

    _whatevs_ Report

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    HungryPanda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    French - Fluent, Spanish - Fluent, Manadrin - Beginner, English - Questionable

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    #34

    A Job Recruiter Actually Received This Resume. This Should Go Without Saying, But Don't Do This

    A Job Recruiter Actually Received This Resume. This Should Go Without Saying, But Don't Do This

    LEGResumeService Report

    #35

    Just Saw This Resume. I Don't Think They Know What A Reference Is

    Just Saw This Resume. I Don't Think They Know What A Reference Is

    ZincHead Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to google "6.5 bands in ielts" but seeing that means they are moderately proficient at English (but not awesome) that makes misunderstanding the reference part more understandable.

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    #36

    Presenting My 2004 Resume. "They'll Hire Me For Sure". They Didn't

    Presenting My 2004 Resume. "They'll Hire Me For Sure". They Didn't

    zaddawadda Report

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    Lydsylou
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The actual resume (if we ignore the spelling) isn't horrendous but that picture😬

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    #37

    Our Company Received This Resume From An Applicant Today

    Our Company Received This Resume From An Applicant Today

    BoydSchidt Report

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    #38

    This Kid Tried Applying At My Store The Other Day. He Used Tupac As The Background Of His Resume

    This Kid Tried Applying At My Store The Other Day. He Used Tupac As The Background Of His Resume

    iamthebeefeater Report

    #39

    This Is An Actual Resume That I Received Today

    This Is An Actual Resume That I Received Today

    bhoomeme Report

    #40

    Probably Best Not To Include That On Your Resume

    Probably Best Not To Include That On Your Resume

    pacificcoasthighway Report

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    Jaya
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In some clubs, when you're hired as a dancer, then standing in high places (like on tables/piano) so the audience can see you dance, is exactly what you're supposed to do. Out of context it sounds like someone who is just wild/drunk, but their job description above says 'dancer', so it's silly to assume something different.

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    #41

    Local Company Received This Resume. I Bet They Hired Him On The Spot

    Local Company Received This Resume. I Bet They Hired Him On The Spot

    gravehost42 Report

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    Hazel Sage
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am I the only one who finds this creepy? Admittedly, though, that last line made me laugh!

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    #42

    The Third Language In This Resume

    The Third Language In This Resume

    alliwantforxmasisyou Report

    #43

    The Skills Section On My Friend's Resume

    The Skills Section On My Friend's Resume

    DelisionalMeatball Report

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    Random Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A new and exciting mistake instead of making the same mistake twice? This sounds painfully like me.

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    #44

    The Manager Showed Me This Resume To Fill In Our Bookkeeper Position

    The Manager Showed Me This Resume To Fill In Our Bookkeeper Position

    aLostPetRock Report

    #45

    This Bar Graph In A Resume I Received Today. I Don't Even Know What To Say. He Should Have Included "Honesty" And Scored That Highly Too

    This Bar Graph In A Resume I Received Today. I Don't Even Know What To Say. He Should Have Included "Honesty" And Scored That Highly Too

    BrushGoodDar Report

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    #46

    Resume Writing 101

    Resume Writing 101

    Player896 Report

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    Hippopotamuses
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doubtless completely true. But this type of ‘gilding of the lily’ is what potential employers have come to expect.

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    #47

    Resume Worthy

    Resume Worthy

    aak47 Report

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    #48

    A Friend Of A Friend Is A Recruiter In Los Angeles And Received This Resume Today. Are We Really Coming To The Place Where People Think This Is Okay Now?

    A Friend Of A Friend Is A Recruiter In Los Angeles And Received This Resume Today. Are We Really Coming To The Place Where People Think This Is Okay Now?

    NODROGLS Report

    #49

    The Cover Letter To Her 6-Page Resume. Of Course She Included Height/Weight. I Give Loans

    The Cover Letter To Her 6-Page Resume. Of Course She Included Height/Weight. I Give Loans

    NikkiLou Report

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    Chris D'Asta
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is so applying for a Realtor job in Orlando. Tell me I'm wrong.

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    #50

    Reading Between The Lines On This Resume Tells Me That This Applicant Drives A Subaru

    Reading Between The Lines On This Resume Tells Me That This Applicant Drives A Subaru

    custermustache Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love how the skills all have an end date like people's lives on tomb stones. Obviously confusing skills with experience but still amusing to me.

    #51

    10/10 Resume

    10/10 Resume

    sierraleone11 Report

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    Ace
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Cosmetooist". Edit: sounds like some sort of Cosmic Tattooist.

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    #52

    My Coworker Got A CV From A Girl A Few Days Ago, And Her Information Is Interesting

    My Coworker Got A CV From A Girl A Few Days Ago, And Her Information Is Interesting

    Chiibss Report

    #53

    List Of Skills On A Resume That Was Sent To Me

    List Of Skills On A Resume That Was Sent To Me

    quintonlochlanj Report

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    #54

    Not Often You Come Across A Potenial Hire Who Has Experience Not Only Climbing Stairs But Also Decending Them. I Expect Resume Padding, But This Is Another Level

    Not Often You Come Across A Potenial Hire Who Has Experience Not Only Climbing Stairs But Also Decending Them. I Expect Resume Padding, But This Is Another Level

    Ghostbunny8082 Report

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    ️Crystal️
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey, with POTS, I am unable to climb stairs without blacking out so that's an accomplishment in my eyes😂

    #56

    A Friend Of Mine Works In HR And Had This Resume Submitted To Their Company Today

    A Friend Of Mine Works In HR And Had This Resume Submitted To Their Company Today

    LusciousLettuce Report

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    #57

    A Real, Complete Resume Submitted For A Hospital Admin Job

    A Real, Complete Resume Submitted For A Hospital Admin Job

    GameAndHike Report

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    #58

    I Am Currently Reading Resumes And I Have A Feeling That This Person Is Not Telling Me The Truth

    I Am Currently Reading Resumes And I Have A Feeling That This Person Is Not Telling Me The Truth

    Jordo32 Report

    #59

    My Words On Draft Resume I Made In Grade 8. I Have No Idea Why I Said Dark Matter Amused Me Or Liking Quantum Stuff Since I Knew Nothing Of It

    My Words On Draft Resume I Made In Grade 8. I Have No Idea Why I Said Dark Matter Amused Me Or Liking Quantum Stuff Since I Knew Nothing Of It

    Akdrew_p Report

    #60

    Resume Skills Metrics

    Resume Skills Metrics

    lashuel Report

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    Aisling Raye
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why are the circles filled in randomly and not according to the percentages written within them??????? This is painful to look at.

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    #61

    Sad Because No Job, Cringe Because This Resume

    Sad Because No Job, Cringe Because This Resume

    z4ce Report

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    #62

    This Resume Got Submitted At My Work. I Think We Should Hire Him

    This Resume Got Submitted At My Work. I Think We Should Hire Him

    Bbyxdoll Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dear John, We were impressed by your Dos Equis man back pat but unfortunately right now we are looking for people who have been pranked by thoughtless Youtube influencers. Should our needs change in the future we have your resume on file.

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    #63

    Resume: This Person Is At Least 20 Years Old

    Resume: This Person Is At Least 20 Years Old

    N3WDay Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I too performed 'academically' in grades 8, 9 and 11. Some would even go so far as to say I performed academically in every grade in school.

    #65

    My Workplace Received This CV Today

    My Workplace Received This CV Today

    Zubzer0 Report

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    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was really starting to look like a good fit until I got to the misaligned bullets

    #66

    There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

    There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

    aciddlollipops Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm guessing this resume was electronically submitted and the software used to view it didn't like the format it was submitted in.

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    #67

    This Is A Paragraph Included In A Resume That A Kid Dropped Off To Me At My Store. The Spelling And Punctuation Mistakes Are The Best

    This Is A Paragraph Included In A Resume That A Kid Dropped Off To Me At My Store. The Spelling And Punctuation Mistakes Are The Best

    nebele Report

    #69

    A Mate Of Mine Made His CV And Claims To Know Obscure Code Languages And have Experience In Sales

    A Mate Of Mine Made His CV And Claims To Know Obscure Code Languages And have Experience In Sales

    Yes, that is the guy's profile picture on the CV. Yes, he photoshopped those glasses on to look smarter. Also, I don't think he knows what the red squiggly line means. As you can probably tell, most of the key skills and hardware/networking knowledge are just fillers. For example: "Hardware ordering" means he knows how to go online and buy a new RAM stick.

    Ozplod Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't need to read that wall of text. Just the fact he thought that photo was a good idea for a resume tells me all I need to know.

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    #70

    A Funny Resume I Received Today. Kids From Different "Bag Grounds"

    A Funny Resume I Received Today. Kids From Different "Bag Grounds"

    MeshuggahMe Report

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    #71

    I Received A CV This Morning With An Interesting Choice Of Hobby Listed

    I Received A CV This Morning With An Interesting Choice Of Hobby Listed

    mondo_generator Report

    #72

    Just Received This Beauty Of A Resume

    Just Received This Beauty Of A Resume

    ThatWMD Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's blank because you are not cool enough to know what my k HIST y is. Ask me again at my one year review and I'll consider it.

    #74

    Just Submitted My Resume, Then Noticed This

    Just Submitted My Resume, Then Noticed This

    Dinersore Report

    #75

    Roommate Didn't Pay Rent For April And Left Our House. Found This Resume In A Box Of Old Crap He Left

    Roommate Didn't Pay Rent For April And Left Our House. Found This Resume In A Box Of Old Crap He Left

    Deadlift420 Report

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    #76

    Currently Taking Applications At Work, Received This Minimalist Resume Today

    Currently Taking Applications At Work, Received This Minimalist Resume Today

    lovelyb1ch66 Report

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    #77

    As Someone Who Screens Resumes All The Time, This Makes Me Laugh And Then Makes Me Sad

    As Someone Who Screens Resumes All The Time, This Makes Me Laugh And Then Makes Me Sad

    glassjazz Report

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    #78

    This Resume

    This Resume

    azizdopleganger Report

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    #79

    I Once Received This As Someone’s Entire Resume

    I Once Received This As Someone’s Entire Resume

    SydneyAnn143 Report

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    Fire Singer
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair I hate resumes, sometimes just a few sentences like this is really all you need.

    #80

    This Is A Resume Someone Sent In. In Its Entirety. I Wish I Was Kidding

    This Is A Resume Someone Sent In. In Its Entirety. I Wish I Was Kidding

    Eman5805 Report

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    #81

    Some Girl Just Dropped This Resume Off

    Some Girl Just Dropped This Resume Off

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't want to hire you. But I'd sort of like to sit in a cafe at a table next to yours and listen to you talk to your friend about the kind of stuff a person like you might talk about while I sip some coffee or iced tea. I'm guessing that would be entertaining.

    #82

    This CV

    This CV

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    BP protecting my sweet summer child brain from the shock of someone talking about six in a bathroom. Decent people know there should NEVER be more than five in a bathroom. /S but meanwhile feel free to potentially trigger some folks by talking about sexual assault in bathrooms. BP censoring is its own bit of humor.

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    #83

    Received This Resume In Response To A Dispatching Position, Advertised For An Extremely Detailed Person

    Received This Resume In Response To A Dispatching Position, Advertised For An Extremely Detailed Person

    Motherplumber Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    TRANSLATION: Everything: My relatives had a business and my dad made me help. Office Manger: My boss was long suffering and tried for almost four months to find a job in his company I was competant at but was unsuccessful. He finally reduced my hours until I quit so he didn't have to pay unemployment. Everything The job I had before the office where I also only lasted four months as they tried me in different positions. Education: Yes or no? Forms are hard! Skills You wish!

    #84

    Received This Resume Today. Do I Send Back "Mid 1v1 For Job"?

    Received This Resume Today. Do I Send Back "Mid 1v1 For Job"?

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    1. Weird Flex. 2. It's a real thing. In 2020 a team from SK Gaming won the championship.

    #85

    I Decided To Post My Candidate's Comic Sans CV

    I Decided To Post My Candidate's Comic Sans CV

    WhenTimeFalls Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jesus. Older than me and the only thing they have to say is they attended school before fuel injected engines and anti-lock brakes.

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    #86

    CV Review Response

    CV Review Response

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Soooo...... strong candidate for the customer service counter then?

    #87

    I Was Late For An Interview After Working An 8-Hour Shift And Didn't Realize I Printed A Mini Resume Until It Was To Late

    I Was Late For An Interview After Working An 8-Hour Shift And Didn't Realize I Printed A Mini Resume Until It Was To Late

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    HungryPanda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always bring a magnifying glass or a monocle if you really want to make an impression.

    #88

    My Buddy Gets Awesome Resumes All The Time

    My Buddy Gets Awesome Resumes All The Time

    jesuschin Report

    #89

    Placed An Ad For A Job Opening Online - This Is A "Resume" I Received In Response. Not Sure If I'll Interview This Guy

    Placed An Ad For A Job Opening Online - This Is A "Resume" I Received In Response. Not Sure If I'll Interview This Guy

    bill422 Report

    #90

    Somebody Dropped This Resume At My Job Today. It’s A Cellphone Company

    Somebody Dropped This Resume At My Job Today. It’s A Cellphone Company

    ArthurMCardoso Report

    #91

    The Best BOH Resume You've Ever Seen. Pure Sauce

    The Best BOH Resume You've Ever Seen. Pure Sauce

    MessnWitSnatchCrotch Report

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    #92

    Found My Old CV After Leaving School And I Now Realise Why I Never Got A Job With It

    Found My Old CV After Leaving School And I Now Realise Why I Never Got A Job With It

    lodge28 Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    8 AM: "You're just what this company needs kid! Your hired! 12:45 PM: "Sorry kid, you're fired! Market trends. I'm sure you understand."

    #93

    Resume: Page 5 Of 6

    Resume: Page 5 Of 6

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here is a list of buzz words and phrases employers like to see. See how many of these you can work into your CV.

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    #94

    This Resume Is "Beyond" Very Smart And Amazing And Creative And Very Smart

    This Resume Is "Beyond" Very Smart And Amazing And Creative And Very Smart

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    HungryPanda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have decided/chosen to conclude/end the recruitment/hiring process despite your vast/excellent/vast ability/skill to waste our time. Beyond.

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    #95

    So A Guy Dropped Off This Resume Today. He Was Very Serious Too

    So A Guy Dropped Off This Resume Today. He Was Very Serious Too

    Newbasaurusrex Report

    #96

    In His 30s, Wearing A Sweet Lightning Bolt T-Shirt, He Handed Me This Resume

    In His 30s, Wearing A Sweet Lightning Bolt T-Shirt, He Handed Me This Resume

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was reading this and picturing a teen / first time job kind of thing. Then I reread the title about being 30.

    #97

    This Is My Friend's Boyfriend's Cover Letter For His Resume. He Has No Idea Why He Never Gets Called Back

    This Is My Friend's Boyfriend's Cover Letter For His Resume. He Has No Idea Why He Never Gets Called Back

    DownExtreme Report

    #98

    Received This "Resume" In Response To A Sous Chef Job I Posted

    Received This "Resume" In Response To A Sous Chef Job I Posted

    "Hey, I have had lots of jobs, I have worked in a few commercial kitchens, a boy scout camp, and a donut shop we had to deal with allergy's and picky kids and stuff. When I was 16 until I was 18 I had a job at the feed store in Umatilla Florida, That was hard work. We loaded semi's and box trucks full with feed and hay and dropped them off at customers houses. 500lb bales of alfalfa and hay and feed, It ws the biggest distributer in the Ocala area. When I turned 18 I moved out here to s-f to go to cooking school. That didn't work out because le cordon bleu wanted me to get a co-signer and my mom does not have money so I had to do something, when I turned 19. I had a job at cook sf as doesn't cook then. I'm 20 Now I'm looking into other things I've done some modeling/acting and still will hopefully have time to fit my schedule. I am a very active person I and a hard worker and know about customer service, I'm very smart and I'm a fast learner. I have been cooking since I was 12.
    I just typed this up so you can get an Idea thanks,"

    sarcastro74 Report

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    Terry Tobias
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For some reason this makes me incredibly sad. Alot of these do. So many people that try so hard but don't have a clue on how to present themselves professionally. Why can't schools teach kids how to apply for a job?

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    #99

    Going Through Resumes This Week

    Going Through Resumes This Week

    grunge_girl Report

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Night time stalker. It's all trash but that bit is gold.

    #100

    This Intellectual Told Me Recruiters Love His Resume But Couldn't Figure Out Why No One Would Hire Him

    This Intellectual Told Me Recruiters Love His Resume But Couldn't Figure Out Why No One Would Hire Him

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    #101

    My Colleague Sent This Resume Over For My Review Before We Interview A Candidate

    My Colleague Sent This Resume Over For My Review Before We Interview A Candidate

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    #102

    "Left And Right Brained Engineer" And "Optimizer" Sends Our Office 3 Pages Of The Most Unnecessarily Ink-Wasting Resume Ever

    "Left And Right Brained Engineer" And "Optimizer" Sends Our Office 3 Pages Of The Most Unnecessarily Ink-Wasting Resume Ever

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want my resume to stand out. I want it to look so different visually that even after it is shredded you can tell which pieces in the shredder hopper used to be my resume.

    #103

    So... Got This Resume Sent In To My Job Today. This Can't Be Real

    So... Got This Resume Sent In To My Job Today. This Can't Be Real

    kal-el015 Report

    #104

    Skill To Put On Your Resume

    Skill To Put On Your Resume

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    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't see where this one is that mock worthy. They are a real non-profit that offers various training on the brain. I know nothing about them except a quick google but anyone who has worked retail or any customer service position can appreciate a need for the ability to reason with unreasonable people. Alternative course title- "Coping with Karens"

    #105

    We Recently Received This Resume

    We Recently Received This Resume

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    #106

    If You Want A Good Laugh, Please Read This Resume A Guy Dropped Off At My Work

    If You Want A Good Laugh, Please Read This Resume A Guy Dropped Off At My Work

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