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If you’ve ever been job hunting, you should be familiar with the pain of creating and/or updating your resume. Making yourself seem appealing by summarizing your work life and educational achievements can be quite a chore, especially for those of us that don’t enjoy boasting. The task can weigh on people so much, it’s often tempting to just send a quick message to the recruiter saying, “I can do this job, give me this job.” However, like many things in this modern world, we do need to go through the whole song and dance about it, with formatting, designing, and peppering it with personality (not too much, though!).

Bored Panda had a chat with Greg Langstaff (TikTokInstagramYouTube), a career coach and job search expert, on the do’s and don’ts of the resumes. This professional with over 620,000 followers on TikTok and 230,000 on Instagram had quite a few hot tips for any job hunter out there, so scroll down to get them.

If you’re in the middle of creating your resume right now and need some tips for what not to do, the collection of posts below will show you what will not get you hired. If you already have a resume and feel unsure about it, the list might help you realize that your efforts are, in fact, quite acceptable. And if you already have a job, scrolling down might make you feel like you should hold on to it as the job market is insane.

#1

Someone Sent Me A Picture Of This Resume. Hire This Man Now

Someone Sent Me A Picture Of This Resume. Hire This Man Now

s0n- Report

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Craftsman 64
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had me with his professionalism up until he didn't know how to spell Taupe

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When asked about the most common mistakes job seekers make, Greg Langstaff emphasised that it's not including specific details related to your personal accomplishments. "The last thing you want is a resume that looks like it just has a bunch of job descriptions on it. That only shows the employer "what we did" whereas by adding results and accomplishments, we show them that we're very good at the things they need us to do. The people who do add those accomplishments are the ones getting the interviews."

Another big mistake is jumping straight into the work experience, without any introduction. "Because recruiters and hiring managers take so little time to initially scan our resumes, we need to include "Professional Branding" at the top of our resume which could come in the form of giving ourselves a title (such as "Digital Marketing Expert"), a Professional Summary, an Areas of Expertise Section, or some Career Highlights."

Many employers these days also use resume parsing tools that scan every single application looking for specific keywords, skills, or timelines. They sort the resumes even before a real person has a chance to look through it. This means that if your resume is not easy to parse, it might get weeded out even if you suit all the requirements. So, gather all the keywords that are prominent in your field and make sure to put it in your application

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#2

Read This On An Applicant’s Resume

Read This On An Applicant’s Resume

mmutk Report

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RAM31280
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Successfully trained wild husband to perform 1/2 household duties? This woman is a saint, hire her immediately.

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When your resume finally reaches a recruiter, there are ways to make a good impression. For example, make sure that the language you’re using is not too boastful. According to a study published in 2016, recruiters prefer moderate self-promotion. That means stating that you’re good at something and you have relevant experience would do better than saying you’re excellent, the best they can find, and an ideal candidate. In fact, bragging too much can hurt your chances of getting a job, so keep your ego in check.

A tip that follows in a similar vein is tailoring your resume to the specific job you’re applying for. This might mean omitting irrelevant experience and highlighting achievements that bolster your chances to shine. You should also alter your title so it suits the job you’re applying. Addressing some of the specific requirements mentioned in the job posting can also be useful as well as updating your summary to fit the role better.

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When it comes to the visual presentation of your resume, Langstaff has a few more tips. "Think about the visual presentation of your resume like you would with a major presentation you were delivering. The information that you're sharing is by far the most important part; however, if you don't make an effort to deliver that in a clear and professional format, people are going to struggle to take the information seriously. Great resume formatting can't get you a job, but bad formatting can cause you to miss out on one."

#4

Meirl

Meirl

OreoSnorty69 Report

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Johnathan Wilkinson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, to be honest, this just proves that the company you are applying to are a) completely disorganized, b) Have no clue how to use modern software, c) have no idea of how to reduce their staff’s workload, and d) they don’t give a damn how much extra work their staff have to do as a result of their complete incompetence! Simply do not apply! They will never care about you, your work-life balance, etc.

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Depending on where you live, including a picture in your resume might be a must or a big no-no. In countries such as the US and the UK, including pictures goes against the strict anti-discrimination laws that aim to make hiring processes free from race, age, and gender profiling. The biases that come with presenting a picture were proven back in 1986 when a study concluded that people favor attractive candidates to the less attractive ones. That seemed to be the rule for any job, yet the pattern was especially prevalent when looking at customer-facing positions. 

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#7

Someone Sent A Resume With Their Duolingo Streak Under "Languages"

Someone Sent A Resume With Their Duolingo Streak Under "Languages"

SamuraiCorb1517 Report

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aubergine10003
Community Member
Premium
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not for nothing, but that is close to two years of daily Duolingo lessons. They are probably conversant at the very least.

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Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not mad at it. They've spent nearly 2 years consistently working to improve a skill. IDK how great their Japanese is, but dedication to putting in the effort a little bit each day is an admirable trait.

roddy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a Duolingo fan, I know that if you've been working on a language for 671 days with them, you would be passably fluent. Maybe they could have phrased it differently, but I would not sneer at this.

The Original Bruno
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm confused, since I don't use Duolingo. Doesn't that indicate successful acquisition throughout 671 days of training?

Evan not Hansen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It means they've been learning Japanese for 671 days, which probably means they could have a decent casual conversation, and also know a couple phrases that they will never need to use in real life (at least based on my experience with Italian lol).

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Wim Cossement
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have over 400 days of about 30 minutes of Spanish on Duolingo when I'm on my hometrainer, it's a perfect thing to do then. So I'd say it's worth something, that guy will know some Japanese and is curious, both are good charactyeristics. But you can get a day on Duolingo by doing just a 3 minute exercise, the XP you have is a better indicator.

Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for him! That shows dedication and intelligence. Hire him!

---
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know a private 'university' that requires candidates to know English, and they check them with a Duolingo test. So this resume might actually impress someone

Isaac Harvey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A real phrase I had to translate in the Korean course: 어느 공이 큽니다? “Which ball is big?”

SCP 4666
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so what? I have a 30 day Klingon streak. Qapla’ !

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#9

There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

JoeBaggoDonuts Report

However, one cannot erase discrimination simply by omitting a candidate’s picture; the subconscious biases rear their heads anyway. Take ageism as an example. British Sociological Association states that older applicants are three times less likely to get an interview than younger ones. Yet, surely if you omit the picture and the birth date, you’re back on the leveled playing field, right? Wrong. Two Belgian researchers analyzed the effects of subtle age cues when assessing resumes. They found that people with older-sounding names and dated hobbies were disadvantages during candidate reviews. 

#10

Resume That Was Dropped Today And Impressed My Manager So He Decided To Call Him For An Interview

Resume That Was Dropped Today And Impressed My Manager So He Decided To Call Him For An Interview

je-suis-pauvre Report

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#11

Received An Application Today. Here Is The “Resume” That Was With It

Received An Application Today. Here Is The “Resume” That Was With It

Blakedigital Report

#12

Some Guy Dropped This Resume Off At My Family's Restaurant Today

Some Guy Dropped This Resume Off At My Family's Restaurant Today

DrSpy Report

Subtle cues of race are also present in candidate applications. An article published by Harvard Business School pointed out real-life cases of students “whitening” their resumes and having better outcomes. Black students, for example, omitted their race when talking about organizations they belong to. One student even decided not to mention a prestigious scholarship they got because it could reveal their race. Asian students admitted to changing their names to Americanized nicknames which led to a better response rate. They also changed their hobbies to those more common in white western culture.

#13

Maybe The Worst Resume I Have Received

Maybe The Worst Resume I Have Received

FilecakeAbroad Report

#14

A Resume My Wife Received This Week

A Resume My Wife Received This Week

"Faith, m
Resume- was working at a trucking company, just got fired for insubordination: not true. looking for upright employer."

Firmteacher Report

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Lemme get the lemons
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know this isn't what they mean but when they said upright employer, they just wanted a two legged boss

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#15

Someone Dropped Off Their Resume Where I Work, I Feel Like I Should Call Them And Let Them Know

Someone Dropped Off Their Resume Where I Work, I Feel Like I Should Call Them And Let Them Know

dropper54 Report

With all these biases at play, blind or anonymous recruitment is becoming a more and more popular option. With this type of candidate screening, all the information that a recruiter could be biased about—age, gender, name, sometimes also personal interests and education—is taken out of the resume. This can be done with the help of a software or a dedicated recruiter that later passes it on to the screener. In this way, the information presented is a neat collection of only job-relevant information. This should increase the chances of marginalized candidates. However, this doesn’t mean that biases will not come into play in the later stage of the hiring process.

#16

My Dad Asked For Help Sending His Resume Online And Handed Me This

My Dad Asked For Help Sending His Resume Online And Handed Me This

Felch97 Report

#18

Wife’s Employer Received This Resume For A Position. He Got An Interview Because The Manager Couldn’t Stop Laughing

Wife’s Employer Received This Resume For A Position. He Got An Interview Because The Manager Couldn’t Stop Laughing

CompasslessPigeon Report

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When it comes to writing a good resume, Langstaff, who's written over 1,200 resumes, offers his own strategy that lands his clients jobs. "We read the job postings they're targeting and make a list of the skills mentioned in that job posting. Then we have a discussion to identify when my client has used those skills in their career successfully. Then we fill the resume with bullet points that tell those stories and we mention the skills again in their professional branding. That approach has led to countless people getting promotions, changing careers, escaping toxic workplaces, and landing their dream jobs."

#19

I Dunno If This Guy Was Trolling, But We Received This Resume A While Ago

I Dunno If This Guy Was Trolling, But We Received This Resume A While Ago

supermarketgangbang Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody wants to hear about your hard wood on a CV unless you are applying for the adult film industry. /S Homeless, blows with the wind. +5 points for at least being born on this planet.

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#20

One Of My Recruiters Just Received This Resume This Morning

One Of My Recruiters Just Received This Resume This Morning

joeswo214 Report

#21

Why Am I Getting Such An Influx Of People That Act Like This Is Not A Professional Job? Yes, You Need A Resume, And Sorry We Don’t “Hold Dogs Down”

Why Am I Getting Such An Influx Of People That Act Like This Is Not A Professional Job? Yes, You Need A Resume, And Sorry We Don’t “Hold Dogs Down”

houndhandler3 Report

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HungryPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't hold dogs down, motivate them! Show them their carrier options, how to plan the future, and be the best canines they can be.

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All in all, resumes are quite a big deal. They can help us forge our path forward but also put us in unfair and unfortunate situations. They make you think whether simple pieces of paper should have such significance in determining our lives. After all, sometimes they are the only thing that another person will ever know about us. Either way, keeping that in mind is important and might prevent you from making the regrettable yet hilarious mistakes people made when creating resumes posted in this list. To witness more similar accidents, check out our posts here and here.

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#22

A CV That Was Handed To Me In Work Recently That I Had To Get A Picture Of Before I Passed It On To The Manager

A CV That Was Handed To Me In Work Recently That I Had To Get A Picture Of Before I Passed It On To The Manager

Tex_ Report

#23

After Spending The Past Two Weeks Handing Out Resumes, I Just Noticed It Says Excessive Masturbation Under My Hobbies

After Spending The Past Two Weeks Handing Out Resumes, I Just Noticed It Says Excessive Masturbation Under My Hobbies

Luklaus Report

#24

A CV Emailed To The Recruitment Agency I Work For. This Is The Entire Resume And The Blue Is Where His Name Was

A CV Emailed To The Recruitment Agency I Work For. This Is The Entire Resume And The Blue Is Where His Name Was

Nightwingvyse Report

#25

Well, It Definitely Makes An Impression

Well, It Definitely Makes An Impression

CityCalling Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't even need to read it, you have an interview and I will MAKE a position for you if I have to

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#26

I Had A Question About Your Resume, Miss

I Had A Question About Your Resume, Miss

starwarsnerdguy Report

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Ample Aardvark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nevermind the WordArt graphics, all the quotation marks are bothering me far more

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#27

I Once Received This Resume, And I'm Still Uncertain Whether The Person Intended It As A Joke

I Once Received This Resume, And I'm Still Uncertain Whether The Person Intended It As A Joke

Luap2ll2 Report

#29

Give Hulk Job

Give Hulk Job

Funny way to get your name out there. I gotta give this animator some props for guts.

VisualNoiz Report

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Cain Hargreaves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I felt like doing this the last time I was job-hunting. It's frustrating after a while, my dudes.

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#30

My Company Is Hiring. This Was By Far My Favorite Resume. I Mean, Really?

My Company Is Hiring. This Was By Far My Favorite Resume. I Mean, Really?

TheUnbeliever Report

#31

There Was An Attempt To Showcase Language Skills On The CV

There Was An Attempt To Showcase Language Skills On The CV

_whatevs_ Report

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HungryPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

French - Fluent, Spanish - Fluent, Manadrin - Beginner, English - Questionable

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#34

A Job Recruiter Actually Received This Resume. This Should Go Without Saying, But Don't Do This

A Job Recruiter Actually Received This Resume. This Should Go Without Saying, But Don't Do This

LEGResumeService Report

#35

Just Saw This Resume. I Don't Think They Know What A Reference Is

Just Saw This Resume. I Don't Think They Know What A Reference Is

ZincHead Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to google "6.5 bands in ielts" but seeing that means they are moderately proficient at English (but not awesome) that makes misunderstanding the reference part more understandable.

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#36

Presenting My 2004 Resume. "They'll Hire Me For Sure". They Didn't

Presenting My 2004 Resume. "They'll Hire Me For Sure". They Didn't

zaddawadda Report

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Lydsylou
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The actual resume (if we ignore the spelling) isn't horrendous but that picture😬

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#37

Our Company Received This Resume From An Applicant Today

Our Company Received This Resume From An Applicant Today

BoydSchidt Report

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#38

This Kid Tried Applying At My Store The Other Day. He Used Tupac As The Background Of His Resume

This Kid Tried Applying At My Store The Other Day. He Used Tupac As The Background Of His Resume

iamthebeefeater Report

#39

This Is An Actual Resume That I Received Today

This Is An Actual Resume That I Received Today

bhoomeme Report

#40

Probably Best Not To Include That On Your Resume

Probably Best Not To Include That On Your Resume

pacificcoasthighway Report

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Jaya
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In some clubs, when you're hired as a dancer, then standing in high places (like on tables/piano) so the audience can see you dance, is exactly what you're supposed to do. Out of context it sounds like someone who is just wild/drunk, but their job description above says 'dancer', so it's silly to assume something different.

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#41

Local Company Received This Resume. I Bet They Hired Him On The Spot

Local Company Received This Resume. I Bet They Hired Him On The Spot

gravehost42 Report

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Hazel Sage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who finds this creepy? Admittedly, though, that last line made me laugh!

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#42

The Third Language In This Resume

The Third Language In This Resume

alliwantforxmasisyou Report

#43

The Skills Section On My Friend's Resume

The Skills Section On My Friend's Resume

DelisionalMeatball Report

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Random Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A new and exciting mistake instead of making the same mistake twice? This sounds painfully like me.

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#44

The Manager Showed Me This Resume To Fill In Our Bookkeeper Position

The Manager Showed Me This Resume To Fill In Our Bookkeeper Position

aLostPetRock Report

#45

This Bar Graph In A Resume I Received Today. I Don't Even Know What To Say. He Should Have Included "Honesty" And Scored That Highly Too

This Bar Graph In A Resume I Received Today. I Don't Even Know What To Say. He Should Have Included "Honesty" And Scored That Highly Too

BrushGoodDar Report

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#46

Resume Writing 101

Resume Writing 101

Player896 Report

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Hippopotamuses
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doubtless completely true. But this type of ‘gilding of the lily’ is what potential employers have come to expect.

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#47

Resume Worthy

Resume Worthy

aak47 Report

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#48

A Friend Of A Friend Is A Recruiter In Los Angeles And Received This Resume Today. Are We Really Coming To The Place Where People Think This Is Okay Now?

A Friend Of A Friend Is A Recruiter In Los Angeles And Received This Resume Today. Are We Really Coming To The Place Where People Think This Is Okay Now?

NODROGLS Report

#49

The Cover Letter To Her 6-Page Resume. Of Course She Included Height/Weight. I Give Loans

The Cover Letter To Her 6-Page Resume. Of Course She Included Height/Weight. I Give Loans

NikkiLou Report

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Chris D'Asta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is so applying for a Realtor job in Orlando. Tell me I'm wrong.

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#50

Reading Between The Lines On This Resume Tells Me That This Applicant Drives A Subaru

Reading Between The Lines On This Resume Tells Me That This Applicant Drives A Subaru

custermustache Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how the skills all have an end date like people's lives on tomb stones. Obviously confusing skills with experience but still amusing to me.

#51

10/10 Resume

10/10 Resume

sierraleone11 Report

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Ace
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Cosmetooist". Edit: sounds like some sort of Cosmic Tattooist.

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#52

My Coworker Got A CV From A Girl A Few Days Ago, And Her Information Is Interesting

My Coworker Got A CV From A Girl A Few Days Ago, And Her Information Is Interesting

Chiibss Report

#53

List Of Skills On A Resume That Was Sent To Me

List Of Skills On A Resume That Was Sent To Me

quintonlochlanj Report

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#54

Not Often You Come Across A Potenial Hire Who Has Experience Not Only Climbing Stairs But Also Decending Them. I Expect Resume Padding, But This Is Another Level

Not Often You Come Across A Potenial Hire Who Has Experience Not Only Climbing Stairs But Also Decending Them. I Expect Resume Padding, But This Is Another Level

Ghostbunny8082 Report

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️Crystal️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, with POTS, I am unable to climb stairs without blacking out so that's an accomplishment in my eyes😂

#56

A Friend Of Mine Works In HR And Had This Resume Submitted To Their Company Today

A Friend Of Mine Works In HR And Had This Resume Submitted To Their Company Today

LusciousLettuce Report

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#57

A Real, Complete Resume Submitted For A Hospital Admin Job

A Real, Complete Resume Submitted For A Hospital Admin Job

GameAndHike Report

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#58

I Am Currently Reading Resumes And I Have A Feeling That This Person Is Not Telling Me The Truth

I Am Currently Reading Resumes And I Have A Feeling That This Person Is Not Telling Me The Truth

Jordo32 Report

#59

My Words On Draft Resume I Made In Grade 8. I Have No Idea Why I Said Dark Matter Amused Me Or Liking Quantum Stuff Since I Knew Nothing Of It

My Words On Draft Resume I Made In Grade 8. I Have No Idea Why I Said Dark Matter Amused Me Or Liking Quantum Stuff Since I Knew Nothing Of It

Akdrew_p Report

#60

Resume Skills Metrics

Resume Skills Metrics

lashuel Report

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Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are the circles filled in randomly and not according to the percentages written within them??????? This is painful to look at.

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#61

Sad Because No Job, Cringe Because This Resume

Sad Because No Job, Cringe Because This Resume

z4ce Report

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#62

This Resume Got Submitted At My Work. I Think We Should Hire Him

This Resume Got Submitted At My Work. I Think We Should Hire Him

Bbyxdoll Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear John, We were impressed by your Dos Equis man back pat but unfortunately right now we are looking for people who have been pranked by thoughtless Youtube influencers. Should our needs change in the future we have your resume on file.

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#63

Resume: This Person Is At Least 20 Years Old

Resume: This Person Is At Least 20 Years Old

N3WDay Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I too performed 'academically' in grades 8, 9 and 11. Some would even go so far as to say I performed academically in every grade in school.

#65

My Workplace Received This CV Today

My Workplace Received This CV Today

Zubzer0 Report

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Andy Frobig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was really starting to look like a good fit until I got to the misaligned bullets

#66

There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume

aciddlollipops Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm guessing this resume was electronically submitted and the software used to view it didn't like the format it was submitted in.

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#67

This Is A Paragraph Included In A Resume That A Kid Dropped Off To Me At My Store. The Spelling And Punctuation Mistakes Are The Best

This Is A Paragraph Included In A Resume That A Kid Dropped Off To Me At My Store. The Spelling And Punctuation Mistakes Are The Best

nebele Report

#69

A Mate Of Mine Made His CV And Claims To Know Obscure Code Languages And have Experience In Sales

A Mate Of Mine Made His CV And Claims To Know Obscure Code Languages And have Experience In Sales

Yes, that is the guy's profile picture on the CV. Yes, he photoshopped those glasses on to look smarter. Also, I don't think he knows what the red squiggly line means. As you can probably tell, most of the key skills and hardware/networking knowledge are just fillers. For example: "Hardware ordering" means he knows how to go online and buy a new RAM stick.

Ozplod Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't need to read that wall of text. Just the fact he thought that photo was a good idea for a resume tells me all I need to know.

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#70

A Funny Resume I Received Today. Kids From Different "Bag Grounds"

A Funny Resume I Received Today. Kids From Different "Bag Grounds"

MeshuggahMe Report

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#71

I Received A CV This Morning With An Interesting Choice Of Hobby Listed

I Received A CV This Morning With An Interesting Choice Of Hobby Listed

mondo_generator Report

#72

Just Received This Beauty Of A Resume

Just Received This Beauty Of A Resume

ThatWMD Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's blank because you are not cool enough to know what my k HIST y is. Ask me again at my one year review and I'll consider it.

#74

Just Submitted My Resume, Then Noticed This

Just Submitted My Resume, Then Noticed This

Dinersore Report

#75

Roommate Didn't Pay Rent For April And Left Our House. Found This Resume In A Box Of Old Crap He Left

Roommate Didn't Pay Rent For April And Left Our House. Found This Resume In A Box Of Old Crap He Left

Deadlift420 Report

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#76

Currently Taking Applications At Work, Received This Minimalist Resume Today

Currently Taking Applications At Work, Received This Minimalist Resume Today

lovelyb1ch66 Report

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#77

As Someone Who Screens Resumes All The Time, This Makes Me Laugh And Then Makes Me Sad

As Someone Who Screens Resumes All The Time, This Makes Me Laugh And Then Makes Me Sad

glassjazz Report

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#78

This Resume

This Resume

azizdopleganger Report

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#79

I Once Received This As Someone’s Entire Resume

I Once Received This As Someone’s Entire Resume

SydneyAnn143 Report

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Fire Singer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair I hate resumes, sometimes just a few sentences like this is really all you need.

#80

This Is A Resume Someone Sent In. In Its Entirety. I Wish I Was Kidding

This Is A Resume Someone Sent In. In Its Entirety. I Wish I Was Kidding

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#81

Some Girl Just Dropped This Resume Off

Some Girl Just Dropped This Resume Off

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want to hire you. But I'd sort of like to sit in a cafe at a table next to yours and listen to you talk to your friend about the kind of stuff a person like you might talk about while I sip some coffee or iced tea. I'm guessing that would be entertaining.

#82

This CV

This CV

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BP protecting my sweet summer child brain from the shock of someone talking about six in a bathroom. Decent people know there should NEVER be more than five in a bathroom. /S but meanwhile feel free to potentially trigger some folks by talking about sexual assault in bathrooms. BP censoring is its own bit of humor.

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#83

Received This Resume In Response To A Dispatching Position, Advertised For An Extremely Detailed Person

Received This Resume In Response To A Dispatching Position, Advertised For An Extremely Detailed Person

Motherplumber Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TRANSLATION: Everything: My relatives had a business and my dad made me help. Office Manger: My boss was long suffering and tried for almost four months to find a job in his company I was competant at but was unsuccessful. He finally reduced my hours until I quit so he didn't have to pay unemployment. Everything The job I had before the office where I also only lasted four months as they tried me in different positions. Education: Yes or no? Forms are hard! Skills You wish!

#84

Received This Resume Today. Do I Send Back "Mid 1v1 For Job"?

Received This Resume Today. Do I Send Back "Mid 1v1 For Job"?

Tryxt141 Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. Weird Flex. 2. It's a real thing. In 2020 a team from SK Gaming won the championship.

#85

I Decided To Post My Candidate's Comic Sans CV

I Decided To Post My Candidate's Comic Sans CV

WhenTimeFalls Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus. Older than me and the only thing they have to say is they attended school before fuel injected engines and anti-lock brakes.

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#86

CV Review Response

CV Review Response

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Soooo...... strong candidate for the customer service counter then?

#87

I Was Late For An Interview After Working An 8-Hour Shift And Didn't Realize I Printed A Mini Resume Until It Was To Late

I Was Late For An Interview After Working An 8-Hour Shift And Didn't Realize I Printed A Mini Resume Until It Was To Late

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HungryPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always bring a magnifying glass or a monocle if you really want to make an impression.

#88

My Buddy Gets Awesome Resumes All The Time

My Buddy Gets Awesome Resumes All The Time

jesuschin Report

#89

Placed An Ad For A Job Opening Online - This Is A "Resume" I Received In Response. Not Sure If I'll Interview This Guy

Placed An Ad For A Job Opening Online - This Is A "Resume" I Received In Response. Not Sure If I'll Interview This Guy

bill422 Report

#90

Somebody Dropped This Resume At My Job Today. It’s A Cellphone Company

Somebody Dropped This Resume At My Job Today. It’s A Cellphone Company

ArthurMCardoso Report

#91

The Best BOH Resume You've Ever Seen. Pure Sauce

The Best BOH Resume You've Ever Seen. Pure Sauce

MessnWitSnatchCrotch Report

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#92

Found My Old CV After Leaving School And I Now Realise Why I Never Got A Job With It

Found My Old CV After Leaving School And I Now Realise Why I Never Got A Job With It

lodge28 Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

8 AM: "You're just what this company needs kid! Your hired! 12:45 PM: "Sorry kid, you're fired! Market trends. I'm sure you understand."

#93

Resume: Page 5 Of 6

Resume: Page 5 Of 6

wiener_cleaner Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here is a list of buzz words and phrases employers like to see. See how many of these you can work into your CV.

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#94

This Resume Is "Beyond" Very Smart And Amazing And Creative And Very Smart

This Resume Is "Beyond" Very Smart And Amazing And Creative And Very Smart

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HungryPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have decided/chosen to conclude/end the recruitment/hiring process despite your vast/excellent/vast ability/skill to waste our time. Beyond.

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#95

So A Guy Dropped Off This Resume Today. He Was Very Serious Too

So A Guy Dropped Off This Resume Today. He Was Very Serious Too

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#96

In His 30s, Wearing A Sweet Lightning Bolt T-Shirt, He Handed Me This Resume

In His 30s, Wearing A Sweet Lightning Bolt T-Shirt, He Handed Me This Resume

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was reading this and picturing a teen / first time job kind of thing. Then I reread the title about being 30.

#97

This Is My Friend's Boyfriend's Cover Letter For His Resume. He Has No Idea Why He Never Gets Called Back

This Is My Friend's Boyfriend's Cover Letter For His Resume. He Has No Idea Why He Never Gets Called Back

DownExtreme Report

#98

Received This "Resume" In Response To A Sous Chef Job I Posted

Received This "Resume" In Response To A Sous Chef Job I Posted

"Hey, I have had lots of jobs, I have worked in a few commercial kitchens, a boy scout camp, and a donut shop we had to deal with allergy's and picky kids and stuff. When I was 16 until I was 18 I had a job at the feed store in Umatilla Florida, That was hard work. We loaded semi's and box trucks full with feed and hay and dropped them off at customers houses. 500lb bales of alfalfa and hay and feed, It ws the biggest distributer in the Ocala area. When I turned 18 I moved out here to s-f to go to cooking school. That didn't work out because le cordon bleu wanted me to get a co-signer and my mom does not have money so I had to do something, when I turned 19. I had a job at cook sf as doesn't cook then. I'm 20 Now I'm looking into other things I've done some modeling/acting and still will hopefully have time to fit my schedule. I am a very active person I and a hard worker and know about customer service, I'm very smart and I'm a fast learner. I have been cooking since I was 12.
I just typed this up so you can get an Idea thanks,"

sarcastro74 Report

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Terry Tobias
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For some reason this makes me incredibly sad. Alot of these do. So many people that try so hard but don't have a clue on how to present themselves professionally. Why can't schools teach kids how to apply for a job?

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#99

Going Through Resumes This Week

Going Through Resumes This Week

grunge_girl Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Night time stalker. It's all trash but that bit is gold.

#100

This Intellectual Told Me Recruiters Love His Resume But Couldn't Figure Out Why No One Would Hire Him

This Intellectual Told Me Recruiters Love His Resume But Couldn't Figure Out Why No One Would Hire Him

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#101

My Colleague Sent This Resume Over For My Review Before We Interview A Candidate

My Colleague Sent This Resume Over For My Review Before We Interview A Candidate

Catezero Report

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#102

"Left And Right Brained Engineer" And "Optimizer" Sends Our Office 3 Pages Of The Most Unnecessarily Ink-Wasting Resume Ever

"Left And Right Brained Engineer" And "Optimizer" Sends Our Office 3 Pages Of The Most Unnecessarily Ink-Wasting Resume Ever

wjofjpejfopej Report

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want my resume to stand out. I want it to look so different visually that even after it is shredded you can tell which pieces in the shredder hopper used to be my resume.

#103

So... Got This Resume Sent In To My Job Today. This Can't Be Real

So... Got This Resume Sent In To My Job Today. This Can't Be Real

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#104

Skill To Put On Your Resume

Skill To Put On Your Resume

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David
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't see where this one is that mock worthy. They are a real non-profit that offers various training on the brain. I know nothing about them except a quick google but anyone who has worked retail or any customer service position can appreciate a need for the ability to reason with unreasonable people. Alternative course title- "Coping with Karens"

#105

We Recently Received This Resume

We Recently Received This Resume

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#106

If You Want A Good Laugh, Please Read This Resume A Guy Dropped Off At My Work

If You Want A Good Laugh, Please Read This Resume A Guy Dropped Off At My Work

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