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If you’ve ever been job hunting, you should be familiar with the pain of creating and/or updating your resume. Making yourself seem appealing by summarizing your work life and educational achievements can be quite a chore, especially for those of us that don’t enjoy boasting. The task can weigh on people so much, it’s often tempting to just send a quick message to the recruiter saying, “I can do this job, give me this job.” However, like many things in this modern world, we do need to go through the whole song and dance about it, with formatting, designing, and peppering it with personality (not too much, though!).
Bored Panda had a chat with Greg Langstaff (TikTok, Instagram, YouTube), a career coach and job search expert, on the do’s and don’ts of the resumes. This professional with over 620,000 followers on TikTok and 230,000 on Instagram had quite a few hot tips for any job hunter out there, so scroll down to get them.
If you’re in the middle of creating your resume right now and need some tips for what not to do, the collection of posts below will show you what will not get you hired. If you already have a resume and feel unsure about it, the list might help you realize that your efforts are, in fact, quite acceptable. And if you already have a job, scrolling down might make you feel like you should hold on to it as the job market is insane.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Someone Sent Me A Picture Of This Resume. Hire This Man Now
Craftsman 64 2 years ago
He had me with his professionalism up until he didn't know how to spell Taupe
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
How did you not dismiss him when he showed his poor communications skills by saying he's the son "of a librarian and a capricorn"? Is one of his parents both a librarian and a capricorn? Is one parent a capricorn and the other a librarian? Or is one parent a librarian and he's the capricorn?
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David 2 years ago (edited)
THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE. Also - "What does your mom do for a living?" "She is a librarian". "Nice. And what does your father do?" "He is a Capricorn" "Um, I see." EDIT: Alternate thought - if not a total joke post - Applicant is on unemployment and wants to stay there but unemployment office requires them to submit job applications.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I could imagine another possibility. Their best friend is the hiring manager and has told them the job is a lock "just send me an email and you got the job" type deal. So they've sent them that in response. At which point the friend does an eye roll, laughs and says "maybe a little more professional than that".
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When asked about the most common mistakes job seekers make, Greg Langstaff emphasised that it's not including specific details related to your personal accomplishments. "The last thing you want is a resume that looks like it just has a bunch of job descriptions on it. That only shows the employer "what we did" whereas by adding results and accomplishments, we show them that we're very good at the things they need us to do. The people who do add those accomplishments are the ones getting the interviews."
Another big mistake is jumping straight into the work experience, without any introduction. "Because recruiters and hiring managers take so little time to initially scan our resumes, we need to include "Professional Branding" at the top of our resume which could come in the form of giving ourselves a title (such as "Digital Marketing Expert"), a Professional Summary, an Areas of Expertise Section, or some Career Highlights."
Many employers these days also use resume parsing tools that scan every single application looking for specific keywords, skills, or timelines. They sort the resumes even before a real person has a chance to look through it. This means that if your resume is not easy to parse, it might get weeded out even if you suit all the requirements. So, gather all the keywords that are prominent in your field and make sure to put it in your application
RELATED:
#2
Read This On An Applicant’s Resume
Pheebs 2 years ago
Eh, I would laugh at finding this on a resume - sounds like excellent team management. While not explicitly listed on the resume, my portfolio website lists “Able to fold a fitted sheet without a YouTube tutorial” as one of my special skills. It proves I like solving puzzles.
Lemme get the lemons 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah, it's a bit useless in accounting I imagine
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Scarlett O'Hara's Ghost 2 years ago
To everyone laughing: what else is a housewife returning to work after raising her family supposed to write? Running a household, especially with kids, takes a highly organized person. Someone who'd be great at any number of jobs!
Mylittlecorgi 2 years ago
Plus: she's organizing volunteers for the school bake sale, keeping track of her children's health and education records, maybe she even volunteers 1 day a week at church, doing the books. All of this carries over to realistic job skills. You just have to spin it a bit!
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Robin Roper 2 years ago
This person needed help in translating the skills necessary to run a home into the parallel skills needed in the business/work world.
#3
This Resume Was Almost Perfect Until
April Pickett 2 years ago
Not using spell check. Spell check saves me a lot of embarrassment and looking stupid. I used to pride myself on my spelling, etc. in English. I don't anymore. I'm in my 70s and my spelling is definitely much worse. I've accepted it (sob) and rely on spell check to keep my spelling accurate.
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Terri Rimmer 2 years ago
Yes, always make sure if you're applying for a proofreading job that you triple check your work.
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
My senior award mentioned “shear determination.” My first AAA card indicated my name was- and I quote- “IAFAC HARVEY.”
._. 2 years ago
My family has Shear determination! (It's my mom's maiden name lol)
Load More Replies...When your resume finally reaches a recruiter, there are ways to make a good impression. For example, make sure that the language you’re using is not too boastful. According to a study published in 2016, recruiters prefer moderate self-promotion. That means stating that you’re good at something and you have relevant experience would do better than saying you’re excellent, the best they can find, and an ideal candidate. In fact, bragging too much can hurt your chances of getting a job, so keep your ego in check.
A tip that follows in a similar vein is tailoring your resume to the specific job you’re applying for. This might mean omitting irrelevant experience and highlighting achievements that bolster your chances to shine. You should also alter your title so it suits the job you’re applying. Addressing some of the specific requirements mentioned in the job posting can also be useful as well as updating your summary to fit the role better.
When it comes to the visual presentation of your resume, Langstaff has a few more tips. "Think about the visual presentation of your resume like you would with a major presentation you were delivering. The information that you're sharing is by far the most important part; however, if you don't make an effort to deliver that in a clear and professional format, people are going to struggle to take the information seriously. Great resume formatting can't get you a job, but bad formatting can cause you to miss out on one."
#4
Meirl
Johnathan Wilkinson 2 years ago
Well, to be honest, this just proves that the company you are applying to are a) completely disorganized, b) Have no clue how to use modern software, c) have no idea of how to reduce their staff’s workload, and d) they don’t give a damn how much extra work their staff have to do as a result of their complete incompetence! Simply do not apply! They will never care about you, your work-life balance, etc.
Christian Baaijens 2 years ago
Or use a bot/AI/filter to quickly discard bad fits based on the filled in data
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Pink kitty 2 years ago
This is annoying. A few jobs I've applied for have this. I've answered the questions but wanted to write what this person has written!
Upstaged75 2 years ago
They all do this! It's so stupid. I usually just put "see resume" when they ask for you to fill it out. Although a lot of the systems will now grab info from your resume and automatically fill it in for you. I don't think it's necessarily the company - it's more likely the job application system they're using.
Wednesday 1 year ago
Yeah - This - If you ask me to upload a resume, just look at it. The company, presumably has people in HR capable of TYPING, so why do they want me to do their work for them before I am being paid to do so? Also, Recruiters who tell you that your resume needs to be optimized by a special service in order to qualify for jobs... What? You will be paid 20 to 30% of my salary for a year if you land me a job. You think I'm a viable candidate - you optimize my resume. Obviously, many people who are qualified cannot pay for this service as they are looking for a job. Realtors don't say, "Hey, in order to sell your house I need you to have a professional photographer take pictures and a graphic designer make up a brochure - that is their job to do and it comes with the exorbitant listing fee.. .and if they did expect that of their clients who are paying them, I, personally, would sell my house my self...
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 2 years ago
I was trying to move my mouse, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't moving, when it's right there in front of me...
#5
Receiving Resumes During A Pandemic
#6
I'll Do Anything For Work, But I Won't Do That
Eric Lafleur 2 years ago
I read the title with the voice of Meatloaf: I would do anything for work, but I won't do that.
glowworm2 2 years ago
No, zgillet, Mayonnaise is not an instrument. Horseradish is not an instrument either.
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Debrina Blackmoon 2 years ago
Then don't work in that type of place or suck it up if nothing else is available. Chill the fûck out.
Christopher Gerlach 2 years ago
No joke, I had a boss with a Mayonnaise phobia. She told a story about when she worked at a restaurant, and everyone knew she didn't handle mayo. One day there was a new guy, and when they told her about the Mayo thing he thought they were either trolling him or it wasn't a big deal. As a joke, he smeared Mayo on my boss's face. She freezes, "What's on my face right now" He laughs "Mayonnaise" Then she proceeded to projectile vomit all over the kitchen.
Depending on where you live, including a picture in your resume might be a must or a big no-no. In countries such as the US and the UK, including pictures goes against the strict anti-discrimination laws that aim to make hiring processes free from race, age, and gender profiling. The biases that come with presenting a picture were proven back in 1986 when a study concluded that people favor attractive candidates to the less attractive ones. That seemed to be the rule for any job, yet the pattern was especially prevalent when looking at customer-facing positions.
#7
Someone Sent A Resume With Their Duolingo Streak Under "Languages"
aubergine10003 2 years ago
Not for nothing, but that is close to two years of daily Duolingo lessons. They are probably conversant at the very least.
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Aisling Raye 2 years ago
I'm not mad at it. They've spent nearly 2 years consistently working to improve a skill. IDK how great their Japanese is, but dedication to putting in the effort a little bit each day is an admirable trait.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
I'm confused, since I don't use Duolingo. Doesn't that indicate successful acquisition throughout 671 days of training?
Evan not Hansen 2 years ago
It means they've been learning Japanese for 671 days, which probably means they could have a decent casual conversation, and also know a couple phrases that they will never need to use in real life (at least based on my experience with Italian lol).
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Wim Cossement 2 years ago
I have over 400 days of about 30 minutes of Spanish on Duolingo when I'm on my hometrainer, it's a perfect thing to do then. So I'd say it's worth something, that guy will know some Japanese and is curious, both are good charactyeristics. But you can get a day on Duolingo by doing just a 3 minute exercise, the XP you have is a better indicator.
#8
Someone Sent Their Resume And...
Skywitness 2 years ago
I received dozens of resumes for a metrology position. The applicants ranged from an individual with very limited English skills who did assembly to an Alaskan fisherman. Even those were more qualified than the person above.
#9
There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume
David Martin 2 years ago
I read wrong and genuinely thought they had misspelled "running the company" as "ruining the company" and thought I would give them props for honesty at least
However, one cannot erase discrimination simply by omitting a candidate’s picture; the subconscious biases rear their heads anyway. Take ageism as an example. British Sociological Association states that older applicants are three times less likely to get an interview than younger ones. Yet, surely if you omit the picture and the birth date, you’re back on the leveled playing field, right? Wrong. Two Belgian researchers analyzed the effects of subtle age cues when assessing resumes. They found that people with older-sounding names and dated hobbies were disadvantages during candidate reviews.
#10
Resume That Was Dropped Today And Impressed My Manager So He Decided To Call Him For An Interview
Christina B 2 years ago
Awe, this is kinda sweet. For those saying having not 'worked' until they were 21 is a 'red flag' - if you read their 'skills' sounds like they helped out a lot at home with siblings/parents and are now trying to find their way on their own. Kudos for trying to better themselves and being honest!
Penelope Orange 2 years ago
Dude. He's FIVE-NINE! Hire him. :) :) :) Also, I don't see anything wrong with being 21 without a job yet. You don't know what was going on in his life. He wants to start. I love that he's asking for a chance to prove himself.
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
This should be more than enough for the millions of jobs claiming it's an entry level position.
NightFox 2 years ago
21 and never worked? Well, can't say anything bad about that. Maybe he comes from a family with money and didn't have to work.
Lorraine 2 years ago
I don't come from a family with money and I had my first job at 21 a few months before graduating university. I had to do social service in my school in exchange of my scholarship and didn't have time to work. If you think family support only happens when they have money you will get a surprise.
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Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Only thing I would question here is including his height on a resume
Wallace Anderson 2 years ago
so a maid who can type and is willing (but unable due to finances i bet) relocate? omg such skillz much power lmao i am so impressed at how unimpressed by this resume i am
Shannon Hawks 2 years ago
this one doesn't belong here. honestly should be enough to give them a chance
#11
Received An Application Today. Here Is The “Resume” That Was With It
Wintermute 2 years ago
At first I thought this was a clever way to make a resume, but it's a straight up character sheet. Certainly has potential tho.
glowworm2 2 years ago
Same. I was going to say "Brilliant" but I think this was sent in by accident and they brought their resume to D&D night.
Load More Replies... Demosthenes 2 years ago
It would have been cool if his character sheet detailed his work abilities. This is just a straight dnd toon.
Adam Belaire 2 years ago
He's a Paladin, therefore he is good and must be hired. Also, I suspect Dragonborn with the breath weapon.
MinDHertz 2 years ago
I have to admit, I love this. I'm thinking of making a duplicate of my resume as a D&D character sheet. It's fitting for the IT profession.
Cassie 2 years ago
I dunno, man. It's risky if the potential employer is a "big number in the big box" type.
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#12
Some Guy Dropped This Resume Off At My Family's Restaurant Today
Peppy 2 years ago (edited)
He knows when to hold’em and when to fold’em, I think this company should walk away, no , they should run.
Bruce Scheiman 2 years ago
29 years old but graduated in 1999? Pretty impressive, he was four or five when he graduated. I see nothing wrong with this, hire him! 🤔😄
Subtle cues of race are also present in candidate applications. An article published by Harvard Business School pointed out real-life cases of students “whitening” their resumes and having better outcomes. Black students, for example, omitted their race when talking about organizations they belong to. One student even decided not to mention a prestigious scholarship they got because it could reveal their race. Asian students admitted to changing their names to Americanized nicknames which led to a better response rate. They also changed their hobbies to those more common in white western culture.
#13
Maybe The Worst Resume I Have Received
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
When you've absolutely had it with customizing your cover letter and resume to each specific position that you're applying for.
Juliette Deroulede 2 years ago
Funny because I know a guy named Aaron who will never use two words if one will do. Extremely quiet person... This reminds me of him...
#14
A Resume My Wife Received This Week
"Faith, m
Resume- was working at a trucking company, just got fired for insubordination: not true. looking for upright employer."
Lemme get the lemons 2 years ago
I know this isn't what they mean but when they said upright employer, they just wanted a two legged boss
Leekier 2 years ago
You made me think of Pete and Dud; https://youtu.be/lbnkY1tBvMU
Load More Replies... glowworm2 2 years ago
I didn’t even see the words at first.I just thought the applicant sent in a blank piece of paper with a blue pushpin in the middle of it.
Cooking Panda 2 years ago
Go easy on him.. trucking company employee might not be the best at writing sophisticated resume
#15
Someone Dropped Off Their Resume Where I Work, I Feel Like I Should Call Them And Let Them Know
Jaya 2 years ago
Why the "Should not be allowed outside"? They're still a student so presumably quite young, so it's actually a good idea to not write a resume yourself from scratch but instead use a resume template and fill that in with your own information. They just simply sent the unfinished version instead of the finished one, and yes it is a really stupid mistake to not double-check which version you're about to send, but it's not that horrible.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
What's with so many of these listing an 'objective'. Surely everyone's objective is to get a job?
Wendy Emlinger (ManyTotems) 2 years ago
Another one whose mom is threatening to toss them out unless they get a job. Painful lack of any experience.
With all these biases at play, blind or anonymous recruitment is becoming a more and more popular option. With this type of candidate screening, all the information that a recruiter could be biased about—age, gender, name, sometimes also personal interests and education—is taken out of the resume. This can be done with the help of a software or a dedicated recruiter that later passes it on to the screener. In this way, the information presented is a neat collection of only job-relevant information. This should increase the chances of marginalized candidates. However, this doesn’t mean that biases will not come into play in the later stage of the hiring process.
#16
My Dad Asked For Help Sending His Resume Online And Handed Me This
Mark Trombley 2 years ago
I thought the first item was "coven page" and the last "defences". That version would be much more interesting.
tl gmc 2 years ago
Was probably at the same job until now. May have even retired and is now looking for a small part time job
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Attached This Instead Of A Resume
glowworm2 2 years ago
Reminds me of the student who accidentally sent his professor a photo of a cat instead of his assignment.
#18
Wife’s Employer Received This Resume For A Position. He Got An Interview Because The Manager Couldn’t Stop Laughing
Little king trash mouth 2 years ago
It seems as if the boss was laughing at this person, not with them. Not very nice. I don't think the person intended to be funny
When it comes to writing a good resume, Langstaff, who's written over 1,200 resumes, offers his own strategy that lands his clients jobs. "We read the job postings they're targeting and make a list of the skills mentioned in that job posting. Then we have a discussion to identify when my client has used those skills in their career successfully. Then we fill the resume with bullet points that tell those stories and we mention the skills again in their professional branding. That approach has led to countless people getting promotions, changing careers, escaping toxic workplaces, and landing their dream jobs."
#19
I Dunno If This Guy Was Trolling, But We Received This Resume A While Ago
David 2 years ago
Nobody wants to hear about your hard wood on a CV unless you are applying for the adult film industry. /S Homeless, blows with the wind. +5 points for at least being born on this planet.
Terry Rex 1 year ago (edited)
Lmao 🤣😂 you kill me . I gave you an upvote for that
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#20
One Of My Recruiters Just Received This Resume This Morning
bob cameron 2 years ago
I would interview this guy. Work ethic can be inspired with proper management but you can't teach a sense of humour and a work place without humor is just a job.
Load More Replies... Eric Lafleur 2 years ago
(Phone rings) Me: "Elaf manufacturing, How can I help you?" Caller: "Hi, this is Employment Canada, I am calling to verify that M. Lazy A**e jr. Is actively seeking employment as required to get un-employment benefits. He gave us your name as proof..." Me interrupting: "Let me send you the resumé he gave us, you will see how actively motivated he really is about getting off of free money".
#21
Why Am I Getting Such An Influx Of People That Act Like This Is Not A Professional Job? Yes, You Need A Resume, And Sorry We Don’t “Hold Dogs Down”
HungryPanda 2 years ago
Don't hold dogs down, motivate them! Show them their carrier options, how to plan the future, and be the best canines they can be.
Ben 2 years ago
At first I was wondering what the hell you were talking about. Then it made sense. LOL
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Let’s Be Kind 2 years ago
Never too many exclamation marks! It’s the best way! To communicate! Don’t! You! Think! Banish all other punctuation! He forgot the exclamation after !Sent from my iPhone! !
Load More Replies... NightFox 2 years ago
1 1/2 what? Hours? Days? Weeks? WHAT? Of course they would need a resume. D'oh!
I just work here 2 years ago
That's the beauty. Let the employer decide. Sure, it was 1 1/2 days, but let the employer read it as 1 1/2 years..
Load More Replies... karen Young 2 years ago
No cats? Not enough experience. They also did not mention sticking thermometers up a dogs behind. So needs more training. DENIED
New Everywhere 2 years ago (edited)
1. This had to be your Dad's practice that you "worked" at and he let you "work" to keep an eye on you 2. Stop applying to jobs on coke Edit: !
Fiddlediddle2.0 2 years ago
As someone who hires for these positions, I would get this person in to let her homeowners exactly what a RVT's profession entails and they is no where close to one.
All in all, resumes are quite a big deal. They can help us forge our path forward but also put us in unfair and unfortunate situations. They make you think whether simple pieces of paper should have such significance in determining our lives. After all, sometimes they are the only thing that another person will ever know about us. Either way, keeping that in mind is important and might prevent you from making the regrettable yet hilarious mistakes people made when creating resumes posted in this list. To witness more similar accidents, check out our posts here and here.
#22
A CV That Was Handed To Me In Work Recently That I Had To Get A Picture Of Before I Passed It On To The Manager
#23
After Spending The Past Two Weeks Handing Out Resumes, I Just Noticed It Says Excessive Masturbation Under My Hobbies
Todd Campbell 2 years ago
I had a college room mate add to the middle of a term paper “had wild butt sex with a goat” while I was away from the computer. Thank god I proof read it one more time.
Richienotsorich 2 years ago
"You need to stop wanking Mr Smith". "Why?" "Because this is an interview!"
Soton_Sherpa 2 years ago
I love it that they have "hand and till work" under Work Experience! 😏
Maggie Mae 2 years ago (edited)
Why to Always READ very Carefully before Printing your Resume out to Distribute to Posible Work Sites!!!
#24
A CV Emailed To The Recruitment Agency I Work For. This Is The Entire Resume And The Blue Is Where His Name Was
#25
Well, It Definitely Makes An Impression
Donkey boi 2 years ago
I don't even need to read it, you have an interview and I will MAKE a position for you if I have to
Erica Ventura 2 years ago
Am I an old stick in the mud because this annoys me? Maybe, but I feel like I've read one too many resumes and dealt with one too many phone screenings to want to bother with anything cute anymore. Eh, feel free to ignore me. And get off my lawn!
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
For any sort of normal job I'm with you. The only way I could see this working would be if it was for a job working on My Little Pony IP.
Load More Replies... CORGI QUEEN 2 years ago
the cutie marks were turned into company logos so it is there to protect the location of OP
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Greg Baughman 2 years ago
Total Bronie. I like it. I mean, I wouldn't hire him, but I like it. :D
#26
I Had A Question About Your Resume, Miss
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
I "hate" when "people" use quotation "marks" where they "don't" need to. It "makes" the "whole" thing seem "ridiculous" in "my opinion.
Chris D'Asta 2 years ago
On that note, I believe everyone knows my distaste of the common usage of asterisks where they do not belong. One asterisk at the end of a sentence denotes you should see below for a reference point substantiating the statements' veracity.
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Binky Melnik 2 years ago
She can make “delicious” meals for the vegetable people? Surely they’ve “hired” her by now!
Rostit . 2 years ago
I wonder if she can make delicious meals out of Vegetable people?
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#27
I Once Received This Resume, And I'm Still Uncertain Whether The Person Intended It As A Joke
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
As the last word on the page, it’s too obvious not to have been a joke.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
Now, I worked with Detai back when I was in the post room. To be fair, she had my attention most of the time.
#28
Guy Came Into Work With This Resume
Fire Singer 2 years ago
I feel kinda bad about this one actually, maybe this is the best this guy can do and he just needs work.
#29
Give Hulk Job
Funny way to get your name out there. I gotta give this animator some props for guts.
#30
My Company Is Hiring. This Was By Far My Favorite Resume. I Mean, Really?
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
If the CV was for a job in graphic design. This person has nailed it.
Heffalump 2 years ago
I have to say, once I got past the fact that it's ...unusual, it's genuinely useful. You probably wouldn't want to work for someone who couldn't get past that. The work experience is presented reasonably conventionally, and the rest is clear, without the recruiter having to wade through a bunch of verbiage intended to make the document seem more substantial. If you've got a short resume, this isn't a bad way to go
#31
There Was An Attempt To Showcase Language Skills On The CV
HungryPanda 2 years ago
French - Fluent, Spanish - Fluent, Manadrin - Beginner, English - Questionable
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
You don’t fail the English language. It fails you.
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#32
We Have Seen A Bad Resume Or Two, But This One Is Quite Special
I just work here 2 years ago
I'm 100% convinced these people are on unemployment and don't want a job...
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
You'd have to understand Bremerton-- this marks a high achiever there.
David 2 years ago
The future is bulletproof The aftermath is secondary It's time to do it now and do it loud Killjoys, make some noise Na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na Na, na-na, na-na, na-na Na, na-na, na-na, na-na Na-na, na-na, na-na
Daggie_style 2 years ago
I have to wonder if some of these people are just submitting junk to satisfy some unemployment or parole requirement. Otherwise, they can't really be that out of touch with how this works.
I just work here 2 years ago
I just commented the same. I can think of no other reason someone would do this.
Load More Replies... #33
Diabetes Is An Activity Now?
Shelby Moonheart 2 years ago
Diabetes is more than an activity, it's a full-time job. Especially Type One. It takes lots of management skills.
Arenite 2 years ago
Type 1 diabetes is incredibly challenging. I’ve had it for 47 years and it’s not easy. It is very much something that should be on a resume, because it shows this is a organized, responsible person who understands the smallest variation can have huge cinsequences. Hire him!
#34
A Job Recruiter Actually Received This Resume. This Should Go Without Saying, But Don't Do This
#35
Just Saw This Resume. I Don't Think They Know What A Reference Is
David 2 years ago
I had to google "6.5 bands in ielts" but seeing that means they are moderately proficient at English (but not awesome) that makes misunderstanding the reference part more understandable.
Mark Trombley 2 years ago
My only language is English and I have no idea what it means. Don't really want to know either so don't tell me.
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#36
Presenting My 2004 Resume. "They'll Hire Me For Sure". They Didn't
Lydsylou 2 years ago
The actual resume (if we ignore the spelling) isn't horrendous but that picture😬
#37
Our Company Received This Resume From An Applicant Today
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
People get desperate for a job sometimes. I get it. I've been there.
#38
This Kid Tried Applying At My Store The Other Day. He Used Tupac As The Background Of His Resume
xczechr 2 years ago
You always was committed; a poor single mother on welfare, tell me how you did it. There's no way I can pay you back, but the plan is to show you that I understand. You are appreciated.
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Jill Bussey 2 years ago
Also the hiring company doesn't know how to use apostrophes. Resumes. Of course, there should also be an accent over the second 'E', but I am just being pedantic.
#39
This Is An Actual Resume That I Received Today
Richienotsorich 2 years ago
In proper English, licence is a noun, license is a verb.
Load More Replies... #40
Probably Best Not To Include That On Your Resume
Jaya 2 years ago
In some clubs, when you're hired as a dancer, then standing in high places (like on tables/piano) so the audience can see you dance, is exactly what you're supposed to do. Out of context it sounds like someone who is just wild/drunk, but their job description above says 'dancer', so it's silly to assume something different.
Terry Rex 1 year ago (edited)
I think the selling laughing gas balloon is the real issue. Plus she did overkill the amount of stuff she listed.
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Anne Jones 2 years ago
That is legal in some places. Or at least it was in the UK until recently.
#41
Local Company Received This Resume. I Bet They Hired Him On The Spot
Hazel Sage 2 years ago
Am I the only one who finds this creepy? Admittedly, though, that last line made me laugh!
Pickles, Pennies, & Ponies 2 years ago (edited)
Yes, it does. Dahmer vibes. Idk, something about a 30yr old ball boy. Probably lives in his mother's basement.
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I just work here 2 years ago
Disregard females? 'cause I'm sure you don't have a problem with them flocking to you..
#43
The Skills Section On My Friend's Resume
Random Panda 2 years ago
A new and exciting mistake instead of making the same mistake twice? This sounds painfully like me.
#44
The Manager Showed Me This Resume To Fill In Our Bookkeeper Position
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
100% chance she asks to speak to a manager during the interview, lol.
#45
This Bar Graph In A Resume I Received Today. I Don't Even Know What To Say. He Should Have Included "Honesty" And Scored That Highly Too
#46
Resume Writing 101
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
Doubtless completely true. But this type of ‘gilding of the lily’ is what potential employers have come to expect.
Chris D'Asta 2 years ago
Gilding the lily is too polite. Let's call it what it is, polishing a turd.
Load More Replies... Andy Frobig 2 years ago
I almost wish I were looking for a job so I could say I facilitated synergistic paradigms
#48
A Friend Of A Friend Is A Recruiter In Los Angeles And Received This Resume Today. Are We Really Coming To The Place Where People Think This Is Okay Now?
️Crystal️ 2 years ago
Reminds me of when a woman came up on a dating app and she devoted her entire bio to emphasizing how she will NOT date anyone who's had the COVID vax, like a huge paragraph saying how disgusted she is by anyone who made their body impure by taking it. She didn't write a single thing about who she is or what she's looking for in a relationship, besides vax status. 👀 I'm immunocompromised, but this was a big scary nope for sooo many reasons beyond that. I respect a person's choice to not get vaccinated but I expect them to take extra precautions and be respectful of those who DO want the vaccine. I wonder if if she ever got any matches?
#49
The Cover Letter To Her 6-Page Resume. Of Course She Included Height/Weight. I Give Loans
Sylvia Schmitz 2 years ago
Looks like she's applying for a room with the Golden Girls. Though Blanche wouldn't like her, too much competition.
Birgit Sommer 2 years ago
Until you can't look away from the earrings blending into the background and making it look like she has no ears lol
Load More Replies... #50
Reading Between The Lines On This Resume Tells Me That This Applicant Drives A Subaru
#51
10/10 Resume
Fire Singer 2 years ago
I have a lot more sympathy for people who can't spell than I used to after seeing how poorly my husband spells despite being a very intelligent person. Plus english may not be their first language.
#52
My Coworker Got A CV From A Girl A Few Days Ago, And Her Information Is Interesting
David 2 years ago
I can't say I've ever seen homosexual and necromancer on the same resume. Perhaps the necromancy comes in handy when dealing with the widows. Also - I don't care about someone's (legal) sexual preferences. It just seems weird to refer to it multiple times on your resume.
Cain Hargreaves 2 years ago
I think it has to do with her interest in necromancy.
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Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 years ago
I thought that she was listing something for every letter of the alphabet until I got to the letter E, shortly after that it took a dark turn….
#53
List Of Skills On A Resume That Was Sent To Me
#54
Not Often You Come Across A Potenial Hire Who Has Experience Not Only Climbing Stairs But Also Decending Them. I Expect Resume Padding, But This Is Another Level
#55
If Your Resume Says "Detail Oriented" Make Sure You Are
#56
A Friend Of Mine Works In HR And Had This Resume Submitted To Their Company Today
#58
I Am Currently Reading Resumes And I Have A Feeling That This Person Is Not Telling Me The Truth
#59
My Words On Draft Resume I Made In Grade 8. I Have No Idea Why I Said Dark Matter Amused Me Or Liking Quantum Stuff Since I Knew Nothing Of It
#60
Resume Skills Metrics
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
Why are the circles filled in randomly and not according to the percentages written within them??????? This is painful to look at.
LavenderHippoInAJar 2 years ago
What are these charts? They don't represent the data in any way that I can see
#61
Sad Because No Job, Cringe Because This Resume
#62
This Resume Got Submitted At My Work. I Think We Should Hire Him
#63
Resume: This Person Is At Least 20 Years Old
#64
This Stellar Resume, My Friend Received At Work Today
Fire Singer 2 years ago
My 14 year old nephew plays baseball, I show him this to add to future resumes. ;)
#65
My Workplace Received This CV Today
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
Was really starting to look like a good fit until I got to the misaligned bullets
#66
There Was An Attempt To Write A Resume
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
I’m guessing her only problem is her inability to use a work processing programme.
Hazel Sage 2 years ago
Microsoft Word strikes again! But why on earth would you send it out in this state?!
#67
This Is A Paragraph Included In A Resume That A Kid Dropped Off To Me At My Store. The Spelling And Punctuation Mistakes Are The Best
Fire Singer 2 years ago
I'd be more willing to forgive the mistakes if they didn't emphasize their "competent understanding" while calling others out.
#68
Received This Resume Today
David 2 years ago
Between macking at breakfast time and flexible shits I'm starting to get quite a kink vibe. /S Serious answer though - someone can be p**s poor at written English skills and still be good at a job. I know a Mexican man who in the 70s was illiterate in English but had his own contracting company building houses And other contractors said he built good houses. He was legal then and now. Now a US citizen and retired, but he and his family came from Mexico. This person's mistake was not getting a fluent English person to proofread it for them. But they might be a great employee if the job is not dependent on writing English.
#69
A Mate Of Mine Made His CV And Claims To Know Obscure Code Languages And have Experience In Sales
Yes, that is the guy's profile picture on the CV. Yes, he photoshopped those glasses on to look smarter. Also, I don't think he knows what the red squiggly line means. As you can probably tell, most of the key skills and hardware/networking knowledge are just fillers. For example: "Hardware ordering" means he knows how to go online and buy a new RAM stick.
Fire Singer 2 years ago
I couldn't even read this. If I received this as an application I'm sorry but I'd have to just throw it away and email the person saying, thanks for your interest but we are not interested in an interview.
#71
I Received A CV This Morning With An Interesting Choice Of Hobby Listed
Fire Singer 2 years ago
I'm not gonna dog anyone for their vices, I certainly have my own, but I don't think I'd add "eating chocolate until I'm sick" on my resume.
#72
Just Received This Beauty Of A Resume
#73
The Skills On This Resume
#75
Roommate Didn't Pay Rent For April And Left Our House. Found This Resume In A Box Of Old Crap He Left
#77
As Someone Who Screens Resumes All The Time, This Makes Me Laugh And Then Makes Me Sad
#79
I Once Received This As Someone’s Entire Resume
Fire Singer 2 years ago
To be fair I hate resumes, sometimes just a few sentences like this is really all you need.
#80
This Is A Resume Someone Sent In. In Its Entirety. I Wish I Was Kidding
#81
Some Girl Just Dropped This Resume Off
#82
This CV
David 2 years ago
BP protecting my sweet summer child brain from the shock of someone talking about six in a bathroom. Decent people know there should NEVER be more than five in a bathroom. /S but meanwhile feel free to potentially trigger some folks by talking about sexual assault in bathrooms. BP censoring is its own bit of humor.
aubergine10003 2 years ago (edited)
Eugene Mirman is a comedian. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_Mirman
Chris D'Asta 2 years ago
He is one of the funniest people on the planet and for decades at that.
#83
Received This Resume In Response To A Dispatching Position, Advertised For An Extremely Detailed Person
David 2 years ago
TRANSLATION: Everything: My relatives had a business and my dad made me help. Office Manger: My boss was long suffering and tried for almost four months to find a job in his company I was competant at but was unsuccessful. He finally reduced my hours until I quit so he didn't have to pay unemployment. Everything The job I had before the office where I also only lasted four months as they tried me in different positions. Education: Yes or no? Forms are hard! Skills You wish!
#84
Received This Resume Today. Do I Send Back "Mid 1v1 For Job"?
#85
I Decided To Post My Candidate's Comic Sans CV
#86
CV Review Response
#87
I Was Late For An Interview After Working An 8-Hour Shift And Didn't Realize I Printed A Mini Resume Until It Was To Late
HungryPanda 2 years ago
Always bring a magnifying glass or a monocle if you really want to make an impression.
#89
Placed An Ad For A Job Opening Online - This Is A "Resume" I Received In Response. Not Sure If I'll Interview This Guy
#90
Somebody Dropped This Resume At My Job Today. It’s A Cellphone Company
Chris D'Asta 2 years ago (edited)
Just delusional. They won't hire if they believe you're just gonna f**k off after you can afford some pro audio gear.
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#92
Found My Old CV After Leaving School And I Now Realise Why I Never Got A Job With It
#93
Resume: Page 5 Of 6
#94
This Resume Is "Beyond" Very Smart And Amazing And Creative And Very Smart
HungryPanda 2 years ago
We have decided/chosen to conclude/end the recruitment/hiring process despite your vast/excellent/vast ability/skill to waste our time. Beyond.
#95
So A Guy Dropped Off This Resume Today. He Was Very Serious Too
#96
In His 30s, Wearing A Sweet Lightning Bolt T-Shirt, He Handed Me This Resume
#97
This Is My Friend's Boyfriend's Cover Letter For His Resume. He Has No Idea Why He Never Gets Called Back
#98
Received This "Resume" In Response To A Sous Chef Job I Posted
"Hey, I have had lots of jobs, I have worked in a few commercial kitchens, a boy scout camp, and a donut shop we had to deal with allergy's and picky kids and stuff. When I was 16 until I was 18 I had a job at the feed store in Umatilla Florida, That was hard work. We loaded semi's and box trucks full with feed and hay and dropped them off at customers houses. 500lb bales of alfalfa and hay and feed, It ws the biggest distributer in the Ocala area. When I turned 18 I moved out here to s-f to go to cooking school. That didn't work out because le cordon bleu wanted me to get a co-signer and my mom does not have money so I had to do something, when I turned 19. I had a job at cook sf as doesn't cook then. I'm 20 Now I'm looking into other things I've done some modeling/acting and still will hopefully have time to fit my schedule. I am a very active person I and a hard worker and know about customer service, I'm very smart and I'm a fast learner. I have been cooking since I was 12.
I just typed this up so you can get an Idea thanks,"
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
For some reason this makes me incredibly sad. Alot of these do. So many people that try so hard but don't have a clue on how to present themselves professionally. Why can't schools teach kids how to apply for a job?
Btsquestrian 2 years ago
Moving bales of prickly, scratchy hay and 50-pound bags of feed in heat and humidity is exhausting, hard work. He might be a good fit for the military.
#99
Going Through Resumes This Week
#100
This Intellectual Told Me Recruiters Love His Resume But Couldn't Figure Out Why No One Would Hire Him
#102
"Left And Right Brained Engineer" And "Optimizer" Sends Our Office 3 Pages Of The Most Unnecessarily Ink-Wasting Resume Ever
#103
So... Got This Resume Sent In To My Job Today. This Can't Be Real
#104
Skill To Put On Your Resume
David 2 years ago
I don't see where this one is that mock worthy. They are a real non-profit that offers various training on the brain. I know nothing about them except a quick google but anyone who has worked retail or any customer service position can appreciate a need for the ability to reason with unreasonable people. Alternative course title- "Coping with Karens"
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What do you think ?
Colin Matthews 2 years ago
Once had a resume come in to me with a photo of the guy in a lurid yellow spandex top skin tight. Described himself as “ socially active b-boy who likes to keep it real “
Mora Chilis 2 years ago
:( Some of these are sad. Making fun of people who come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and educational opportunities is not cool. Also many of these are people who need to apply for jobs, hoping they won't be interviewed so they can continue to collect unemployment.
Rick Seiden 2 years ago
I work with a product called ServiceNow. One word, capital S, capital N. Not Service Now, not Servicenow, not Service-Now. ServiceNow. If I'm asked to review a resume, and they spell it wrong, I immediately reject it. If they spell it two or more different ways, that's even worse, and yes, I've seen that. (You might say that they may have a learning disability, or that they can use the product without knowing how to spell its name. First, I have a learning disability and spelling and typing are a challenge for me. I'd never spell it wrong on a resume. Second, I'm a consultant, so people are paying a lot of money to my company for my time. A lot of money. If you're attention to detail is so poor that you can't spell the name of the product you're supposed to be a subject matter expert in, then I'm not going to be able to trust your work to hand over to the client.)
Molly M 2 years ago
As someone who hires people and reviews resumes.. these don't surprise me. High schools need to teach resume writing. I am so tired of getting high school aged kids resumes that list grades, classes, and a million "special projects", club participation, "research", and non profits they have "founded"
Cat Chat 2 years ago
What...so you automatically disqualify high school students for highlighting their only experience at that point, which for many is just, well high school. You're a clas act, indeed, pun intended.
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accidentalearthling 2 years ago
I find these funny, some quite creative. Resumes generally suck - the process sucks. I spent hours composing, editing, customizing for specific positions. As recruiters & companies migrated to key word filters, did that too. Did resumes work? A couple times in 45 years of working, but only to get a call or interview. Doesn't get you the position. There must be a better way.
Colin Matthews 2 years ago
Once had a resume come in to me with a photo of the guy in a lurid yellow spandex top skin tight. Described himself as “ socially active b-boy who likes to keep it real “
Mora Chilis 2 years ago
:( Some of these are sad. Making fun of people who come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and educational opportunities is not cool. Also many of these are people who need to apply for jobs, hoping they won't be interviewed so they can continue to collect unemployment.
Rick Seiden 2 years ago
I work with a product called ServiceNow. One word, capital S, capital N. Not Service Now, not Servicenow, not Service-Now. ServiceNow. If I'm asked to review a resume, and they spell it wrong, I immediately reject it. If they spell it two or more different ways, that's even worse, and yes, I've seen that. (You might say that they may have a learning disability, or that they can use the product without knowing how to spell its name. First, I have a learning disability and spelling and typing are a challenge for me. I'd never spell it wrong on a resume. Second, I'm a consultant, so people are paying a lot of money to my company for my time. A lot of money. If you're attention to detail is so poor that you can't spell the name of the product you're supposed to be a subject matter expert in, then I'm not going to be able to trust your work to hand over to the client.)
Molly M 2 years ago
As someone who hires people and reviews resumes.. these don't surprise me. High schools need to teach resume writing. I am so tired of getting high school aged kids resumes that list grades, classes, and a million "special projects", club participation, "research", and non profits they have "founded"
Cat Chat 2 years ago
What...so you automatically disqualify high school students for highlighting their only experience at that point, which for many is just, well high school. You're a clas act, indeed, pun intended.
Load More Replies... accidentalearthling 2 years ago
I find these funny, some quite creative. Resumes generally suck - the process sucks. I spent hours composing, editing, customizing for specific positions. As recruiters & companies migrated to key word filters, did that too. Did resumes work? A couple times in 45 years of working, but only to get a call or interview. Doesn't get you the position. There must be a better way.
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