ADVERTISEMENT

Parents like to say that they know what’s best for their child. And who are we to argue? But in some cases, common parenting tactics, even if meant for the best interest of a child, can do more harm than good.

So recently, a thread on r/AskReddit got people weighing in on “normal” parenting tactics that shouldn't be considered normal. Even though discussing parenting with others always verges on the thin line of getting into an argument, some of the responses are truly thoughtful. Think of being protective and overprotective, or comparing a child to their siblings; how much of it is actually toxic?

#1

Refusing to apologize when you’re wrong.
Apologize to your children when you're wrong. Admit you don't know something when asked. Change your mind when your child gives you a valid reason. I grew up in an authoritarian household. ... It only teaches kids they have no voice.

tangowangomango , TXJessi Report

Add photo comments
POST
Hans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Respect is not learned by being told to "behave" but by being given respect. From day one on.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
RELATED:
    #2

    Saying that a kid has a boyfriend/girlfriend any time they are close friends with a child who isn't the same gender. On top of reinforcing the idea that boys and girls can't ever be strictly platonic friends, it's so creepy to project adult ideas of romantic relationships onto kids who are practically still toddlers.

    Renmauzuo Report

    #3

    Telling your kids your personal problems. Like, 'Your dad is horrible; he didn’t even do the dishes. I hate my marriage.' Your kids are not your therapist. Also, they can’t do anything to solve your problem. Instead, address your issues with your spouse and a therapist.

    Desiger_jpg Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #4

    'You can tell me, and I won't be mad' followed by punishing them for whatever they admit. Then they wonder why their kids never talk to them.

    SinkTube Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Roxy Eastland
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am sure I have as many parental failings as anyone else (possibly more) but I've never understood this one, even if a parent does stick to not being angry. I've always said to my kids that if they've wronged someone, by accident or on purpose, then that person has a right to be angry. Of course they also have a responsibility about how they behave, just because you let someone down or scratched their car or whatever doesn't mean they can now hit you or pour personal insults on you. But yes, they have a right to express how they feel and you have to accept that. It doesn't mean you're less of a person, it means you're taking it on the chin as you should. I then talk about how these things will come out somehow and that person will always end up angry at some point, and it's a million times better to be upfront and in control and deal with it as soon as possible, than for them to find out you've lied and hidden it from then. Boy, then they're really going to be furious.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #5

    Being overly protective. If you don't let your kids fail or protect them too much, they'll be less capable of doing so once they've left home. Failure is good; just provide a safety net.

    MyrddinWyllt Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Failure is a great teacher. Frankly so is pain. To a point, if you don’t let them fail, they will freak out when they do, and they will.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #6

    Getting mad for 'disrespect' or 'talking back' when their kids win an argument.

    Turtle_Lurtle37 Report

    #7

    Using humiliation and embarrassment as a punishment.

    SubOptimalGoat Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Leigh C.
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's one thing to put a kid in someone else's shoes to show them shaming someone for being different isn't cool. But what this one means is it's toxic to actually cause traumatic humiliation and embarrassment for something like soiling the bed at night, or publicly shaming them just because they did something wrong at home.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #8

    Taking away their privacy. Unless your kid has a serious drug or self-harm problem, violating their privacy will almost certainly do more harm than good to their mental health, trust, and their relationship to you. It doesn't matter if it's installing spyware on their phones, tracking their movements, or taking away their bedroom door.

    SinkTube Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Eslamala
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It will also lead to children learning very quick how to hide stuff and lie.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    Telling little boys that they cant defend themselves against a girl who is hitting them just because theyre a girl. Thats bs, i was taught to fight back no matter who attacks you. Theres no gender in mutual combat.

    AnimasMaker Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    enby from hell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    EXACTLY. I remember being hit by a boy in kindergarten, and the teacher told him he couldn't hit me because I was a girl. I was FURIOUS. 'I've got a right to be hit! I WANT TO BE HIT!' Long story short, my parents got called in along with the parents of the boy and there was a whole thing about it.

    Nicola Roberts
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Personally I'm of the opinion that no-one should hit anyone, but I know that's naïve.

    Kt
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same. When people say 'men dont hit women' my response always is 'adults shouldnt hit adults, no matter the sex' because when we say men shouldnt hit women, it's like saying women can hit men?

    Load More Replies...
    Vladimíra Matejová
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it shouldnt be " never hit a girl" but " never hit someone weaker than you" that is what i was thought. and of course dont start the fight but you can defend yourself

    Xenia
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think we should teach our childern not to hit anybody.

    Renate Stargardt
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my son was in kindergarten, he was repeatedly attacked by a girl his age. She hit, pushed, kicked, and threw sand in his face ... which, of course, got in his eyes. It was kind of my fault for teaching him that "fighting" wasn't a solution ... and he stuck with it. After he came home with abrasions on his face, I had to explain to him that he has every right to defend himself, if he is attacked ... regardless of who attacked him: girl, boy or even adult. He didn't hit her ... but he pushed her hard enough, that she landet on her bum. Then he helped her up and said: My mom said, I'm allowed to hit back, but since I'm stronger than you, I won't do it ... but don't get me angry!

    Rissie
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I agree that there is no difference between a girl and a boy. F your "mutual combat". There's another option, teach a kid to walk away. Whether it's a boy or a girl picking a fight. Self defence, yes, engaging in a fight just to win. No. Mutual combat.... Tsk.

    Hans
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is just another side of the coin for telling little girls that boys, well, "behave like boys". Everyone is entitled to defend themselves from physical or psychical harassment, and no one is entitled to harass. Gender notwithstanding.

    Holes2Heaven
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's absolutely crazy!! You should be teaching them to go get an adult, not hit girls. This mindset is what produces abuse on woman when they get older. I got the absolute crap beat out of me by a boyfriend when I was younger, just because I wouldn't have sexual with him. I ended up in the hospital with two broken ribs and a broken jaw. I'm guessing his parents taught him like you're referring. Shame on you!!

    Ang.stl
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That has nothing to do with him being able to defend himself, unless you started and continued the fight until the only recourse he had was to “beat the absolute crap out of you”. What the person that did that to you was, was an abuser. Male or female, regardless of age. A bully that gets off on a show of unnecessary force to prove “they’re in charge”, even of your rights to your own body. I’m sorry that happened to you, very sorry, no one deserves it; but he was a bully, pure and simple!! I hope you are in a much safer situation now. Best of luck!

    Load More Replies...
    DarkAngelNic
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YES! Women are never going to be equal if we don't also learn don't hit people unless you are ready to be hit back! I hate with a passion videos when a girl is smacking a guy and people can see it but when the guy hits back people are like "oh my god, he hit a girl!"...well no s**t.

    Dre Mosley
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. Keep your hands to yourself and stop thinking being female gives you a pass to hit a male with zero consequences. And guys, stop white knighting for girls who strike first after he retaliates.

    ChinmayGhule
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, once you start walking on the Martial Path, there's just no going back.

    ChinmayGhule
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mutual combat, or Mortal Combat? Sorry, I couldn't stop myself from comming this.

    Robert Thompson
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gender doesn't give any (dis)advantage until after puberty. By then, a parent should have had ample opportunity to teach not to fight. If not, then there is much more wrong than the gender inequality.

    Jon Butler
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nobody should be fighting, period. I was taught, "2 wrongs don't make a right."

    sam puckett
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Horse s**t. Why do you think girls and boys sparr together? Parents tell their kids not to hit a girl even if they hit you is absolute horseshit.

    AnInconcisivePanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was taught to never put up with anyone bullshit. If they do something, do it back 10x harder.

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I came home after school one with a small cut above my eye, a split lip and bruise on my cheek. My ma asked what happened and I told her about the girl that started hitting me, and she does it to a lot of people because she know that boys can't hit girls. My ma said 'I don't give a s**t if she's a girl. If someone is hitting you, put them on their a**e! Try shoving them over first, but if they carry on, do whatever is necessary to defend yourself.' Turns out I didn't learn the whole 'boys not hitting girls this' at home. Even my dad said 'Should've knocked her out, she wouldn't do it again'.

    Leslie Burleson
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would say it depends on how badly she's "attacking you". If she smacks you once and you hit her back , that's not really cool. Men are bigger and stronger than women. It's like kicking a puppy . You don't want to be a puppy kicker do you? However , if she's repeatedly hitting you, beat that haux a**

    Jaded McQueen
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They should be taught to respect women PERIOD. As far as getting smacked around, if you don't deserve it NOBODY should touch you.

    Maria Ribaulo
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about teaching your punk kid to NOT hit girls OR boys because it's wrong?

    Miguel Denyer
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Telling young boys that they shouldn't hit girls is not about telling them they cannot defend themselves - if someone's hitting you - fight back (regardless of gender) - the point of educating young boys that it is not OK to hit girls is about teaching them not to be abusive to the opposite sex later in life. My parents taught me this way - if I'm attacked physically - I'll give back in spades, but I won't raise a hand to a woman in anger - I'll only ever defend myself as necessary. I was raised to appreciate respect, rules, and ethics, and developed honor and integrity as a result - something that is sorely lacking in the younger generation these days.

    Lillukka79
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So hitting a man in anger is fine? Because I was taught you shouldn't hit anybody unless defending yourself.

    Load More Replies...
    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I ... think this might only apply to little girls that people think are attractive. I got into plenty of fights - I'd be picked on and I'd defend myself - was hit back all the time... and then **I** would get in trouble for "not acting ladylike".

    Kt
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YES! I have male younger cousins and their mum was talking to them about a girl hitting them and she said 'no you dont hit back, just walk away or ignore them'....let me tell you, i hit the roof. Why teach boys to accept abuse from someone because of their sex? Makes me so mad! And people who say 'men don't hit women' have got it wrong. They should be saying 'adults dont hit adults'.

    Chaos&Roses
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because by teaching our young ones to react with violence just perpetuates the cycle. My ex was taught it was acceptable to hit a girl back at a young age, and he became the most horrific abuser. Be careful how you teach young minds that can distort with personal attitudes and environments.

    Load More Replies...
    Imheresometimes
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YES! My friend told me once(when we were in second grade) that his parents told him that was a law. I hated that

    Chaos&Roses
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But wait....the next article will be " dad is an asshole cause he told his son to hit back a girl"..... And everyone will comment dad's a toxic parent and he doesn't deserve kids.

    RaroaRaroa
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What they should be teaching is it is not OK to hit anyone, regardless of gender. The only exception being, that they assaulted you first and you needed to hit back in self defence.

    Load More Replies...
    Hollysmom
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I'm steadfastly against fighting, protecting or defending yourself or someone else should have nothing to do with gender.

    Tracy Storey
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Truth. Both genders should be taught not to hit people. As in not to be the aggressor, but everyone has a right to defend themselves.

    Curry on...
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dunno, there are a few things a boy can do to stop some girls - like push them away, hold their hands. I would hate for a boy to beat on a girl like he would another boy, because there's often a huge difference in strength and the amount of damage that could be done. However, if a girl is going buck wild violent on him, then whatever he needs to do.

    BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel the same even though I'm a girl. If I ever hit anyone for any reason they should be allowed to defend themselves against me in any way necessary.

    just me
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Telling a kid "if someone guys your, you hit then back." No consideration for context. Over seen kids get punched because they tripped or got pushed into the other kid. Saw kid1 such it his tongue at kid2, kid2 did it back, so kid1 punched him. "My mom said if someone messes with me I should fight back. He messed with me." Kids need that stuff clearly explained. Find out what happened before hitting them. Beating the crap out of someone because they looked you once isn't okay. You can't start something then say they got you so you are hitting back. I tell the kids I work with to hit back to defend themselves. Once you can get away from your attacker you're no longer defending yourself; go find help.

    Dan Steely
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, but in real life as adults, a man defending himself against a raging, abusive wife, is still jailed while she’s left at home “because of the kids.” Same charge against them both, he’s in jail all weekend, she’s laughing about it at home. For now anyway. She’ll face her charges too but she isn’t suffering a holiday weekend in jail like the husband she attacked. True, current story. 🤦‍♂️ Boys are taught not to defend themselves because the law still doesn’t allow them to.

    Llama_flower93
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree but I will add that it should be called self defence, not fighting back necessarily. You can defend yourself without violently attacking the person. If defending yourself includes a punch, so be it, but i wouldn't say "fight back" personally.

    B Hobbit
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course, no one should be hitting anyone but when you teach that boys and men cannot defend themselves you wind up with domestic abuse where the man is the victim. I've seen this with many men and it is impossible for them to get justice. See also Johnny Depp.

    Jazzy Mc. Jaz
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hit a boy and got suspended for 3 days on the bus. I highly doubt I hurt him because hes one of those people you tilt your head all the way back to see.

    Mohammad Ammar
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Yes and no. The thing is when you're an adult the average man is much stronger than the average women, so if u get into a physical fight it's often one sided. If men were raised to see women as physical equals domestic violence would be much worse. Having said that, no one should be hitting anyone regardless of gender and this don't hit girls rule also makes men think that beating the pulp out of other men is ok because they should be able to take it, which is messed up.

    Samantha Becker
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually think that I'd men saw women as physical equals, there'd be less abuse. Men who hit women do so because it makes them feel strong to beat up on someone weaker. Most abusive men won't attack other men, because they might get a beat-down, which they would then return upon their wife and kids at home so they can feel strong again.

    Load More Replies...
    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #10

    Invalidating their kids' emotions, be it ignoring or shutting them down.

    GABBA_GH0UL Report

    #11

    Making a child eat everything on their plate if they say they aren't hungry anymore. Do you want you kid to have an eating disorder? No, then don't because that's how you can cause one.

    thatotherchicka Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Roxy Eastland
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That said, you have to allow that parents do know their children and they do know when a child 'isn't hungry' because they have a standard main course and can't be bothered, but half an hour later are going to be whining in the kitchen because they're hungry and can they just have some biscuits or crisps. There's a balancing act, this is why parenting is harding than it looks on the surface.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #12

    Forced affection.

    This is controversial (especially here in America) but I feel like we say “I love you” way too much to the point it loses its meaning. My dad (who was extremely emotionally abusive) used to force me to say the words “I love you daddy” to him, in private and in front of other people. By nature I have never been an affectionate person, especially in front of others. I don’t like to hug and kiss a lot.

    I also don’t believe in making children hug people. If the child wants to hug them, they will. It shouldn’t be forced.

    killing_carlo Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an acquaintance whose son's answer to being told "no" is "I love you", like that should change the answer to yes.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #13

    Comparing them to their siblings. The good old, 'Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?' does nothing for their self-esteem and really can keep them from becoming their own person. That's all they should be anyway — themselves, not their siblings.

    llcucf80 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Shantelle Stratford
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I refused to be like my brother in school simply for that reason. My parents always used that line on me and I HATED it. Not just because my brother was a huge d**k head and a bully.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #14

    The old “as long as I’m feeding you, clothing you, you’ll do what i say!” Or the “just be grateful i put a roof over your head”.

    Specially If your parents constantly use that sentence to boss you around, disregard your opinions and wants, and belittle you. You didn’t asked to be born. And it’s their obligation to take care of you, not something they should loom over your head as leverage.

    izzypy71c Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vasana Phong
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn’t it crazy how some parents have this mentality? It never even crossed my mind when I had my kids, did everything I was supposed to do, especially the essentials.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #15

    I’m not sure if this is “normal” or just something I see online.. but mums pulling the “just wait till dad gets home” card. Why would you want your kids to be afraid of their dad? And why should the dad have to play bad cop all the time? The last thing I want is my partner coming home from work and yelling at the kids for me.

    mediastoosocial Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    enby from hell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! My parents always yell at me together. It's a team job. But it does have the effect of alienating neither of them. And I get my own back when it's my turn to lay the table--I give them sporks instead of forks.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #16

    Overly accommodating and praising children.
    My sister always excelled in academics and was also an accomplished pianist in high school. My parents didn’t make her do any of the chores I had to in order to 'preserve her hands for piano.' Her excellence at school, in clubs, and with piano also kind of led to her being constantly praised by people around her. Now, in her mid-twenties, she lacks basic life skills (cooking, cleaning, and even self-cleaning) and is unable to take any criticism, no matter how small.

    ribbitfrog290 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Susan Widomski
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was chastised because I was teaching my younger brother how to wash clothes and prepare meals after our mom died. He was only twelve, but I was ten years older. I felt like he deserved a boost to be able to fend for himself and clean up after himself.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #17

    Not explaining their decisions. Like, 'You have to do this because I'm your mom/dad, and I say so. End of discussion!' Instead, you can bring your kids on board with sooo many of the decisions you make for them if you take the time to explain your reasoning to them. Kids understand more than a lot of parents think — just give them a chance.

    Pohjoiset_Revontulet Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    N G
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a small step before explaining EVERYTHING about your decisions - sometimes you have to make a decision because otherwise your electricity will be cut off, and telling the truth will unnecessarily cause your child to worry about the household finances when they are much too young to grasp every nuance or be able to do a damn thing about it and becomes one of those people who watches every single penny well into adulthood even though they have a good job and a comfortable life. Sometimes "because" is the right answer to protect a child.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #18

    Making your female children change clothes when male family members come over.

    No-Scarcity-6157 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    enby from hell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    wait what do people even do this??? I was only told to change if I was in PJ's!

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #19

    Taking away things that the child has earned for themselves. If your kid is old enough to work and use that money to purchase something for themselves than it's thiers and you have no right to take it. I don't care if it's a car or a playstation 5.

    Same thing with the money itself. Just because your kid is old enough to work and bring home a paycheck doesn't mean you're entitled to that money. I personally had to open up a brand new bank account the day I turned 18 because my mother helped herself to over $700 of my money. When I confronted her she basically told me "[screw] you I'm the adult on the account so it's my money too!"

    Lyn1987 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Agamemnon Padar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Happened in another way to my brother and me too. We inherited from an aunt each 2000 €. Parents never gave even a cent and spent all on debts them had run up. My brother was 15, I was 18.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #20

    Forcing your children to give family members that make them uncomfortable, hugs and kisses. Additionally inviting family who actively distress your kid to your house to stay for an extended period and forcing the kid to be nice and interact.

    Killjoy905 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Deborah B
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If a kid doesn't want to hugged by someone they should be able to say "No thank you, I don't want to hug." And the adults can deal with their own offence/embarassment/ discomfort/ rejection. The burden of managing the feelings and reactions of adults should not be placed on the shoulders of a socially anxious ten year old.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #21

    Giving in when your child is being difficult. It teaches them all they have to do to get what they want is throw a fit. You're encouraging more difficult behavior.

    The correct way to handle it is sit in whatever storm they whip up. Stay calm and hold the boundary.

    Morvack Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Eslamala
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son used to throw huge tantrums when he was little. I always did the same thing: looked into his eyes, told him I loved him very much, stand next to him and let him cry. I never caved. I never yelled at him. I just let him have his feelings and when he was done, we'd do whatever it was we were doing. Worked like a charm.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #22

    Invalidating their emotions just bc they're children, Cruel jokes ab their physical appareance or behaviour

    -m4rgo- Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vorknkx
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The worst thing of this type is probably mocking a kid for being forgetful. It's not like someone deliberately chooses to forget things, it's usually beyond our control. Mockery just makes it worse.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #23

    Saying anything along the lines of 'just be happy.' Like thanks, my depression is cured — especially since depression runs in my family on both sides.

    MaizieDy Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    enby from hell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS. Mental illnesses aren't just 'being sad' and 'being happy' isn't some kind of internal switch you can flick. See a therapist who knows what they're doing and take their advice. Also, eat chocolate. It encourages the production of endorphins. Also chocolate.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #24

    Gaslighting their children into believing things that are simply not true in order to defend themselves.

    talkingtothemoon1 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You mean like telling them that people working in the fastfood industry do not deserve to earn a livable wage and they are some sort of lower species that doesn't deserve any respect at all.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #25

    Being overly involved in your childs life. I'm talking about relationships. Your child should have their own relationships without the parent acting like the third wheel, and seeking validation from the friends or partner too. Being involved is a good thing, but when you are so invested in their relationships too it can be damaging to your kid and their future relationships.

    butterstickapple Report

    #26

    Letting one sibling bully another and turning a blind eye, with the philosophy that they should work everything out for themselves. Punishing both siblings equally when one is 3 years older, much larger, much stronger, much more verbally sophisticated and adept at manipulation, and when the younger one complains, shutting them up by saying, "Well, did he put a gun to your head?"

    That's how you teach a kid to be a victim.

    Floomby Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another side to it: the older sibling by 7 years gets her first record player. 5 year old sister gets exact same record player because "you have to be fair".

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #27

    Not necessarily personal experience, but I do think it's absurd how often parents will speak of their own child as "spoiled" for having all kinds of nice possessions like video game systems, cell phones, cars, as if that wasn't entirely the parent's choice. If you don't think your kid should have those things for free, then don't buy them for the kid. Don't shower gifts on your child and then act like the child is a bad person for owning them.

    People have this obnoxious reactionary/conservative tendency to speak automatically about kids as if they're brats who don't appreciate the nice things they have. People look at a place full of 13-year-olds with expensive phones in their pockets and act like it's the downfall of society. It's just assumed, based on nothing, that all those 13-year-olds must be ungrateful and entitled and believe they automatically deserve an expensive phone.

    should-stop-posting Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    enby from hell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel this. One of my friends has severe depression and at one point she and I were travelling on a bus together. She was crying over her phone because her teacher had given her back an assignment she spent ages on and she'd got a terrible grade. I was comforting her, and this old guy yelled at us 'I don't believe your generation! No one here cares if you broke up with your boyfriend! Quit inflicting your noise on the rest of us!' So I yelled back at him, which only made my friend cry harder. We got off the bus a stop early and walked the rest of the way home.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #28

    Listening solely to other parents for advice. My mom listened to my grandmother instead of taking me to a psychiatrist. It wasn’t “a phase” it was autism and OCD. Now I’m in my 20s with trauma from the way my mental health was disregarded and autism leaving me more vulnerable to abuse. I’m left to navigate by myself.

    Salamantis198 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vorknkx
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Downplaying issues and treating them as just a "phase" - oh, what could possibly go wrong?

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #29

    Threatening to take away things and 50% of the time never actually doing it. Leads kids to live in a state of being unsure of what will happen. Take the thing away or don't.

    EarthernPeace Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Aaleyah _ aesthetic
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ikr, like when i was a kid and my parents used to do this a lot, I just never thought of it as a punishment anymore because i knew it wouldnt happen.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #30

    Having kids before you've gone to therapy to address your own childhood trauma, as this just causes undue trauma on the kids

    sargeantsunflower Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Jazzy Mc. Jaz
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have issues with my stepmother and I feel as though I would not pass that down if i had kids knowing this pain that it has caused.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
    Unlimited content
    Ad-free browsing
    Dark mode
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #31

    Lying/making up answers to questions that the adult doesn't think the child should know yet. Personally, I believe if a child asks a question he/she should be given a factual answer. Old enough to wonder about something is old enough to know the truth in my book. If you don't feel comfortable answering the question or don't think you should then say that instead of giving some make believe answer like babies come from storks. I watched a lot of discovery Channel and national geographic as a kid and at one point saw how birds reproduced, but still believed for many years that chickens reproduced by the rooster coming along and sitting on the egg after the hen lays it just because some soccer mom in car pool said that one day when another kid asked.

    PowerfulCheesecake48 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    enby from hell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I found my mum's pads in the bathroom bin when I was little and asked her about it, she gave me a perfectly age-appropriate explanation for periods and I was perfectly happy. No need to make up a ridiculous story or anything. Just be straightforward. Take it from a stranger on the internet with no kids.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #32

    spanking kids

    all it does is teach kids to fear you/getting caught instead of them understanding why what they did is bad. i've seen all sorts of studies suggesting it has an effect similar to abuse.

    like if a kid isn't old enough to understand reasoning, they also won't understand why you're hitting them. if they're old enough to understand reasoning, just use reasoning instead.

    it just seems lazy, and portrays a harmful example of how to resolve conflicts

    throwawayfjabfhw Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    JDH
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly. I started fabricated more lies that made sense and reason and they believed me. I never got caught. But then I realized that the problem wasn't getting caught, it was me doing the lies. So I talked to my dad about it, and he stopped the spanking and now resorts to leaving me to my own device and intervening when things get hectic.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #33

    "I didn't raise you to believe in that/act like that/ etc."

    My mom has this deep rooted belief that anything and everything her grown-ass adult children do is STILL a reflection of her parenting. You can tell she really cares about what other parents think of her own parenting. Cares a little too much. This mentality is bad for both the parent and the kids.

    Far as I am concerned, once I am an adult, any choices I make or new morals I develop are 100% of my own decision making process. They do not reflect my mother's parenting at all. I wish she'd quit beating herself up when me or any of my siblings reveal we did something or believe something that she didn't teach us when we were children. And I wish she'd stop caring about what other people think of her parenting. Mom, all 4 of your kids graduated high school. 2 graduated college, 3 are married (same 3 have kids), and none of them have ever been arrested or abused drugs. You did good, Mom. Relax and enjoy your growing family.

    cabavion92 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh yes. "My Children Are My Mirror" narcissistic parent syndrome. Ugh. My dad was like that. Ugh.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #34

    Less of a parenting tactic and more of a tactic parents use: contriving a video (featuring their kid) to post to social media. It's super common, and I don't understand how so many people are fooled into thinking they're genuine.

    TopScruffy Report

    #35

    Threatening to leave them somewhere if they don't come with you at once. Either you're not going to follow through on it, at which point they learn to not trust your word, or you *do* leave them, and prove to them that your love is conditional and capricious.

    helava Report

    #36

    The classic "Stop being dramatic!" I was told this a lot. It tought me to bottle up my emotions with the other things my parents said like "No one cares how you feel" or "Get over your self!" Idk if this is me specific but my Mom is HELLA emotionally and mentally abusive and constantly manipulates others in my family to defend her when ever she was being called out for her [stuff]. The only reason I haven't taken a bath with a toaster yet is because of one of my brothers who was also heavily abused by her.

    G-moneymann Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    John Juan
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP, please seek out someone safe to talk with about your feelings. The mentioning of self-harm is a clear warning sign that you are in need. Your regard for your brother is admirable but please do the work that will help you view yourself as worthy and necessary on your own account. Best of luck to you.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #37

    I find it weird when people brag about how their parents beat them as a child. They view it as a prestigious thing. I guess I’m too “privileged” to understand.

    Glad-Piano7900 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vorknkx
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Spanking apologetics, i.e. "I was spanked and turned out fine." Or did you?

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #38

    Using the police or the threat there of to controll your child. All that does Is lead to fear of the police and a lack of respect for anyone who can throw you in jail.

    walebrush Report

    #39

    Telling your kids that they should be grateful just because they were brought into the world. It wasn't up to the kid, so you shouldn't hold that over their head.

    Also spanking, it just makes kids more likely to lie to parents and builds resentment.

    liarosegarden Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #40

    In my culture, it has sadly become normal to put people down to achieve what they want. My mom even uses it on me while she didn't do that when I was a child (I think). And I'm 27!

    Unbreakeable Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Roxy Eastland
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not sure what this means. Do you mean putting people down for achieving what they want? Or do you mean trying to make the child achieve what the parent wants?

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu