Respect is not learned by being told to "behave" but by being given respect. From day one on.

Yes! This!

This is my uncle in a nutshell.

I am sure I have as many parental failings as anyone else (possibly more) but I've never understood this one, even if a parent does stick to not being angry. I've always said to my kids that if they've wronged someone, by accident or on purpose, then that person has a right to be angry. Of course they also have a responsibility about how they behave, just because you let someone down or scratched their car or whatever doesn't mean they can now hit you or pour personal insults on you. But yes, they have a right to express how they feel and you have to accept that. It doesn't mean you're less of a person, it means you're taking it on the chin as you should. I then talk about how these things will come out somehow and that person will always end up angry at some point, and it's a million times better to be upfront and in control and deal with it as soon as possible, than for them to find out you've lied and hidden it from then. Boy, then they're really going to be furious.

Failure is a great teacher. Frankly so is pain. To a point, if you don’t let them fail, they will freak out when they do, and they will.

OH MY GOD THANK YOU

It's one thing to put a kid in someone else's shoes to show them shaming someone for being different isn't cool. But what this one means is it's toxic to actually cause traumatic humiliation and embarrassment for something like soiling the bed at night, or publicly shaming them just because they did something wrong at home.

It will also lead to children learning very quick how to hide stuff and lie.

EXACTLY. I remember being hit by a boy in kindergarten, and the teacher told him he couldn't hit me because I was a girl. I was FURIOUS. 'I've got a right to be hit! I WANT TO BE HIT!' Long story short, my parents got called in along with the parents of the boy and there was a whole thing about it.

"Stop f*****g crying or I will slap you" one or my dads greatest hits

That said, you have to allow that parents do know their children and they do know when a child 'isn't hungry' because they have a standard main course and can't be bothered, but half an hour later are going to be whining in the kitchen because they're hungry and can they just have some biscuits or crisps. There's a balancing act, this is why parenting is harding than it looks on the surface.

My mom wasn't like this but my step-mom was. She would just harp on us if we didn't finish the heaps of food she shoveled on our plates then wouldn't shut up if I couldn't eat anymore. I hate her so much.

Or forcing kids to eat things they clearly don't like, when they are old enough to articulate the dislike of certain things.

My parents tried to do that. Worked very well. Had Anorexia and bulimia since I was 15 years old ( now it's under control, but I still hate being pressured to eat something I disgust).

Had a big discussion with the headteacher of my sons primary school after he was told he couldn’t have pudding if he didn’t finish his chips! I pointed out that he was never forced to finish the food on his dinner plate if he was full of savoury. But was always allowed to have pudding if he wanted it. I also pointed out that the school dinner lady who was forcing him to finish his chips was morbidly obese whereas neither my son nor I were. This discussion led to a change in the school policy.

Or making a child eat food they don't like. I'm not saying you should let children eat whatever they want, but don't force them to eat things they hate.

All I can say is peas. I had to eat all my peas, and I hated them!!! With my kids, all I would ask, was just try it, if you don't like, you don't have to eat it. Why would anyone be forced to east something that they hate!

Oh, we had so many bad experience with that from school when we were kids... my sister was once forced to eat everything and ended up vomiting it onto the teacher. She was never forced to eat again. I serve my kids everything what we have and they just eat whatever they want from the plate. I just want they at least try it before they reject it completely (how could you know you don't like it, if you never taste it), but if they really don't want, I dont force them.

My step mother force me to eat extra of the stuff I hate and it's more than what she and her two yr old eat together.

Mum did this with me. She would force me and my sister to eat everything on our plates especially the veggies we didn't like. She still continued doing this even when my sister complained about eating sprouts and telling mum she was going to be sick. Mum still forced the veg on her and my sister vomited all over the dining table. Both my sister and I are now morbidly obese partly due to mum drilling into us to eat everything on our plates. There are also mental health issues too.

I agree if this is coupled with teaching them not to get more than they can eat. No wasting food just for convenience. I always had to clean my plate and my only "eating disorder" is that, occasionally, I'll get just one more bite...

I don't have obesity but I do have a food hoarding problem.

Can we add to this "you can only have dessert if you eat all your dinner!"? Talk about incentivizing overeating! Obviously there needs to be some sort of arrangement so your child isn't just eating ice cream, but there also needs to be a lesson that it's ok to eat a little less dinner to have the occasional dessert.

Actually, eating disorders happen both ways; your child can develop one if you don't make them eat everything on their plate. My friend's 5 year old child will claim to be full, then a couple hours later claim to be hungry. She will throw her food away or hide it. He now doesn't give her any snacks if she doesn't finish what she is given. She is eating healthier, and eats less snacks.

when im not hungry anymore my mom saves the food for later (If its dinner, I could have it for lunch the next day, lunch, i could have it for the next day)

If done correctly and realistically, it's an ok thing to do. Don't fill their plate , or try to force feed them something they don't like ... but do give small portions of healthy options . Childhood obesity is still at an all time high. If it's a food they don't like, I don't think they should have to eat it, but they'll have to make themselves something else.

Yes. This. Thank God it's going by the wayside these days.

I can speak to this one. As a member of the 'clean plate club' I have struggled with obesity my entire life.

Making them eat what they really and truly don't like also! I was forced to stay at the table until I ate all my beans & Not green beans which I love, (but, Legumes) I always said when I'm older I will never eat beans! I am 68 years old and have not eaten them yet! Now, I was a child who loved spinach, broccoli, cauliflower etc. Just NOT beans!

i think this depends on your child. if my parents didnt push me i wouldnt eat anything. of course if the child specifically dislikes certain food - mushrooms for example then dont push them. and dont push them to eat it all but at least part of it

If you didn't finish a meal, you didn't get to eat until the next meal. Turning down healthy food and eating cookies in-between meals, is not "good diet." It is an "eating disorder"

Thank t the

Unfortunately, when parents do this, food becomes a weapon. And the child is the one in control. The proper response, when a child refuses to eat is, "OK." And that's it. No dessert, no snacks, just the next meal. And do not "save the food" to make them eat it again. Just ignore it. Do NOT turn it into a control thing. Let them know that there are mealtimes and they do not set the schedule.

I have an acquaintance whose son's answer to being told "no" is "I love you", like that should change the answer to yes.

I refused to be like my brother in school simply for that reason. My parents always used that line on me and I HATED it. Not just because my brother was a huge d**k head and a bully.

Isn’t it crazy how some parents have this mentality? It never even crossed my mind when I had my kids, did everything I was supposed to do, especially the essentials.

Yes! My parents always yell at me together. It's a team job. But it does have the effect of alienating neither of them. And I get my own back when it's my turn to lay the table--I give them sporks instead of forks.

I was chastised because I was teaching my younger brother how to wash clothes and prepare meals after our mom died. He was only twelve, but I was ten years older. I felt like he deserved a boost to be able to fend for himself and clean up after himself.

There is a small step before explaining EVERYTHING about your decisions - sometimes you have to make a decision because otherwise your electricity will be cut off, and telling the truth will unnecessarily cause your child to worry about the household finances when they are much too young to grasp every nuance or be able to do a damn thing about it and becomes one of those people who watches every single penny well into adulthood even though they have a good job and a comfortable life. Sometimes "because" is the right answer to protect a child.

wait what do people even do this??? I was only told to change if I was in PJ's!

Happened in another way to my brother and me too. We inherited from an aunt each 2000 €. Parents never gave even a cent and spent all on debts them had run up. My brother was 15, I was 18.

If a kid doesn't want to hugged by someone they should be able to say "No thank you, I don't want to hug." And the adults can deal with their own offence/embarassment/ discomfort/ rejection. The burden of managing the feelings and reactions of adults should not be placed on the shoulders of a socially anxious ten year old.

My son used to throw huge tantrums when he was little. I always did the same thing: looked into his eyes, told him I loved him very much, stand next to him and let him cry. I never caved. I never yelled at him. I just let him have his feelings and when he was done, we'd do whatever it was we were doing. Worked like a charm.

The worst thing of this type is probably mocking a kid for being forgetful. It's not like someone deliberately chooses to forget things, it's usually beyond our control. Mockery just makes it worse.

THIS. Mental illnesses aren't just 'being sad' and 'being happy' isn't some kind of internal switch you can flick. See a therapist who knows what they're doing and take their advice. Also, eat chocolate. It encourages the production of endorphins. Also chocolate.

You mean like telling them that people working in the fastfood industry do not deserve to earn a livable wage and they are some sort of lower species that doesn't deserve any respect at all.

This should be higher.

Another side to it: the older sibling by 7 years gets her first record player. 5 year old sister gets exact same record player because "you have to be fair".

I feel this. One of my friends has severe depression and at one point she and I were travelling on a bus together. She was crying over her phone because her teacher had given her back an assignment she spent ages on and she'd got a terrible grade. I was comforting her, and this old guy yelled at us 'I don't believe your generation! No one here cares if you broke up with your boyfriend! Quit inflicting your noise on the rest of us!' So I yelled back at him, which only made my friend cry harder. We got off the bus a stop early and walked the rest of the way home.

Downplaying issues and treating them as just a "phase" - oh, what could possibly go wrong?

ikr, like when i was a kid and my parents used to do this a lot, I just never thought of it as a punishment anymore because i knew it wouldnt happen.